Dangeresque Puppet Squad: The Hot Jones Hijack

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Toon Category: Puppet Stuff
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Toon Category: Holiday Toon
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Dangeresque is invited to the Cheat Commandos Bring-Your-Own-Hot-Jones Decemberween Party... but someone stole all the Hot Jones!

Cast (in order of appearance):

Places: Dangeresque's office, the streets, Price Style, Shady's Grocery Mart, Hot Jones factory, a cliff, Cheat Commandos Headquarters Playset

Date: Saturday, December 23, 2017

Running Time: 7:30 official, 7:22 actual

Page Title: (if accessed from Holiday Toons menu) Dangeresque Puppet Squad: The Hot Jones Hijack

Page Title: (if accessed from Puppet Stuff menu) Decemberween Dangeresque

Old Page Title: The Hot Jones Hijack!


[edit] Transcript

{Open to a mug on Dangeresque's desk that reads "i ♥ Brainblow City". Soft Dangeresque theme music with added jingle bells plays. Cut to wide shot of the office as Puppet Dangeresque closes the door.}

DANGERESQUE: Oh, I just closed that... door.

{He walks over to his desk and places some envelopes on it}

DANGERESQUE: What dangerous mail did we get today?

{Close-up of the mail in Dangeresque's boxing gloves. The envelope on top reads "BILLS!!".}

DANGERESQUE: What do we got, some bills...

{Tosses the first envelope aside; the next reads "SUMMONS"}

DANGERESQUE: {overpronouncing the "ons"} Summons...

{Tosses it aside; the next reads "come on's" with red hearts around it}

DANGERESQUE: Come on's...

{Tosses it aside; the last piece of mail is a picture of Gunhaver in the Cheat Command-snowbile wearing a Santa hat, outside the Arctic playset. It reads, "You're invited! B.Y.O.H.J!"}

DANGERESQUE: {gasps; cut to front view} I'm invited to the Cheat Commandos Bring-Your-Own-Hot-Jones Decemberween party?! {looks at camera} I gotta get some Hot Jones!

{Dangeresque leaps in the air with a "hup!" and brings his glove back down on the desk, opening the drawer, which contains a copy of strongbad_email.exe Disc Four and his nunchuck gun, which he grabs}

DANGERESQUE: Chucked and loaded!

{Cut to outside. Dangeresque (in figurine form) gets into his car, turns the ignition, and steps on the gas. The car screeches down the street as music plays. As it rounds a corner, the shot freezes and the title appears.}

VOICEOVER: Dangeresque: Puppet Squad! The Hot Jones Hi-jack!

{The car resumes driving and soon parks at Price Style. Cut to inside, where some "Towel Papes", "Canned Item", and a box of Cheat Commandos-O's are displayed. "Hot Jones" is all out. Dangeresque walks in, then feels the empty shelf where the Hot Jones should be with questioning grunts.}

DANGERESQUE: What?! No Hot Jones?! It's always right here, between the paper towels and the black beans! {rubs chin while ominous music plays} Something's fishy...

{Cut back outside, where Dangeresque drives off and soon arrives at Shady's Grocery Mart. Inside, a sign proclaims "Sold outta Hot Jones!!"}

DANGERESQUE: Huh? Sold out again?! What's going on?

{Puppet The Cheat as Firebert enters from the right}

FIREBERT: {The Cheat noises}

DANGERESQUE: Firebert from the Cheat Commandos, whose playsets and toys are on sale everywhere this Decemberween?

FIREBERT: {affirming The Cheat noises} {the Cheat Commandos and Cheap as Free logos appear with a "ding"}

DANGERESQUE: What are you doing here?

FIREBERT: {The Cheat noises}

DANGERESQUE: Ohhh, can't find Hot Jones either, huh? Maybe we should team up!

FIREBERT: {agreeing The Cheat noises}

DANGERESQUE: Let's go straight to the source!

{Dangeresque and Firebert run toward the camera— and Dangeresque hits it with an "oof". Cut back outside, where Dangeresque and Firebert drive off. Music plays as the car roars down the road, eventually arriving at a large building with a Hot Jones logo. A tanker truck is also parked outside. Cut to inside the factory.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {off-screen, quietly} Action.

DANGERESQUE: Whoa! The Hot Jones factory! I hear they keep the secret recipe inside a security Turducken! That's a twelve-year-old's diary, inside a hotel safe, inside my seventh grade locker! {each of these things appears; a locked book titled "Secret Thoughts About a Greg", an "Econo 'Lock'" safe, and a locker with Limozeen and "Dragon Man!!" graffiti} I could never get that thing open!

{They suddenly hear Homestar's voice and turn around to see Puppet Homestar; he's wearing a wig with Christmas lights in it, and a Canadian maple leaf has been taped over his star}

STINGY RELENQUE: {fake, exaggerated French accent} Who needs a secret recipe when you can steal all ze Hot Jones wiz a tanker truck? {outside view, where the tanker truck is still parked}

DANGERESQUE: Stingy Relenque, the French Canadian smuggler and Decemberween-themed bad guy!

FIREBERT: {angry growl}

STINGY RELENQUE: C'est correct, Dangeresque! {as his accent is increasingly exaggerated, his next line is subtitled} I'm going to steal so much Hot Jones, I may need subtitles!

{Wide shot as Dangeresque brandishes his nunchuck gun}

DANGERESQUE: Hold it right there!

STINGY RELENQUE: {close-up on him again} I think it is you who will hold it right zere, Dangeresque!

{Dangeresque and Firebert start toward him}

STINGY RELENQUE: {heavy French phonetics} Décoration!

{Christmas lights snag around Dangeresque's feet like a trap, and suddenly he and Firebert are hanging upside-down, ensnared in Christmas lights}


STINGY RELENQUE: Hon hon hon hon!

DANGERESQUE: You know we'll just cut ourselves down from here in no time, right?

STINGY RELENQUE: Not before you are cut down by my robotic Santam'n!

{Cut to an innocent-looking plush Santaman whose internal music box is playing}

FIREBERT: {The Cheat noises to the same effect}

{The Santaman suddenly gains sharp knives in his gloves, then an evil scowl. Music sting.}

FIREBERT: {frightened The Cheat noises}

{Cut back to the Santaman, who has started mechanically dancing and spinning. The lyrics to his music box song can now be heard.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {from the music box, accompanied by background singers} Oh, Santam'n is a blade man! He's comin' for you! To chop you in two!

{Cut back to Stingy Relenque}

STINGY RELENQUE: Au revoir, Dangeresque and {heavy French phonetics} Firebert! {leaves}

DANGERESQUE: {offscreen} Who's Fa-bear?

{Cut outside. The tanker truck drives off. Cut back to the robotic Santaman, who is still evilly dancing to his tune}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {music box} Santam'n is a blade man...

{Cut to Dangeresque and Firebert, still hanging by the Christmas lights}

FIREBERT: {The Cheat noises}

DANGERESQUE: Can I reach into your pocket? Lemme see...

{He reaches with difficulty into Firebert's pocket and withdraws a metal grater and a nutmeg}

DANGERESQUE: Nutmeg and a nutmeg grater? How are these things gonna help us out of here?

FIREBERT: {singsong The Cheat noises}

{Cut to the tanker truck zooming down the road. Inside view of the truck shows Stingy Relenque in the driver's seat (although the view out of his window is stationary, and tree limbs move by outside to create the illusion of movement)}

STINGY RELENQUE: Hon hon hon! I have all ze Hot Jones! I have so much Jones!

{Outside view again as Dangeresque's car drives up alongside the truck, with Dangeresque at the wheel. The car slams twice into the side of the truck.}

STINGY RELENQUE: Ah! What is happening?

{The car hits the truck again}


STINGY RELENQUE: Dangeresque! How did you escape?

DANGERESQUE: Turns out limited-edition Firebert'll eat anything with nutmeg on it! {an action figure package of Decemberween Limited Edition Firebert appears}

{Close-up on Firebert as he sucks up the last strand of Christmas lights. Pan down to reveal colored lights showing through his outfit.}

FIREBERT: {satisfied The Cheat noises}

STINGY RELENQUE: But how did you thwart my robotic Santaman?

DANGERESQUE: Um... he wasn't much of a problem.

{The robotic Santaman is shown face-down on the floor of the factory, still dancing, his music box and movement mechanisms malfunctioning}

STINGY RELENQUE: {briefly lacking his accent} Yeah, that's true. That guy sucked.

{Background music resumes. Stingy Relenque presses several controls on his dashboard seemingly with his head, and "Auto Pilot" flashes on the screen.}

STINGY RELENQUE: Boop boop boop! {with his French accent again} Auto pilot!

{He leaps in figurine form onto the top of the truck with a "hwah!"}

STINGY RELENQUE: Let's finish this!

DANGERESQUE: Firebert, take the wheel!

{Firebert gets into the driver's seat as Dangeresque climbs out onto the hood of his car}

DANGERESQUE: Ready... now!

{Firebert presses a red button inside the car, which pops open the hood, sending Dangeresque flying onto the tanker truck}

DANGERESQUE: Whoa! Oof! {faces Stingy Relenque} Come on!

{They leap at each other, and Dangeresque punches Stingy Relenque in midair. Dangeresque lands on his feet, while Stingy Relenque crashes on his back.}

STINGY RELENQUE: Oof! {recovering} Ze pipes... zey are broken!

{He jumps at Dangeresque, spin-kicking, and sends him flying}

DANGERESQUE: Whoooa! Argh!

{He narrowly saves himself by grabbing on to the edge of the truck. His feet dangle off the edge.}

DANGERESQUE: {looks down the road} Huh? A cliff!

{Sure enough, the truck is driving straight toward the edge of a cliff}

STINGY RELENQUE: Sorry, Dangeresque, but it looks like it is I who am going to have to zhaump!

{He tries to jump, but he falls over; Christmas lights are wrapped around his ankles}

STINGY RELENQUE: Au revoir, Dangeresque. {speaks in incomprehensible faux-French which is subtitled, "Done in by my own Decemberween theme." He loses his accent again in his next line.} That was totally French.

DANGERESQUE: Looks like I'm gonna have to jump!

{Dangeresque leaps off of the tanker truck in slow-motion as dramatic music plays. The truck, meanwhile, drives off the edge of the cliff in similar slow-motion. Sound effects of metal creaking and Stingy Relenque yelling are added as the truck falls, then crashes to the ground. The Homestar figurine bounces and flies into the air again.}

STINGY RELENQUE: I'm still falliiing! {he hits the ground again and bounces again gently} I can't believe I bounced!

{Dangeresque and Firebert run to the edge of the cliff above and observe the wreckage}

DANGERESQUE: Six-syllable catch phrase! {a vibraslap is heard as he turns to Firebert} Well, Firebert, let's go down there and get that Hot Jones!

{A bad special-effects explosion occurs and the truck catches on fire. Dangeresque and Firebert look at each other.}

FIREBERT: {questioning The Cheat noise}

{Fade-out. Cut to Dangeresque and Firebert with the rest of the Cheat Commandos at headquarters, which contains a bunch of old computers with tinsel and Christmas lights. Everybody has Styrofoam cups with what appears to be Hot Jones.}

CRACKOTAGE: A-hoo-hoo-hwah-ha!

DANGERESQUE: Wow! The Cheat Commandos Headquarters Playset! I'm finally here!

SILENT RIP: {quietly, in the background} I'm not in the shot!

{Cut to Fightgar and Reynold}

FIGHTGAR: I'm surprised to see you drinkin' Hot Jones, Reynolda!

REYNOLD: Oh, this isn't Hot Jones! It's only Warm Jenkins for me!

{Cut to Dangeresque and Firebert}

DANGERESQUE: {clinking cups with Firebert} Cheers, Firebert! We finally got the Hot—

{Record scratch as Gunhaver interrupts them and ominous music plays}

GUNHAVER: Hey! Why does this Hot Jones taste like burnt gasoline?

DANGERESQUE: Oh, uh... this is a trendy new holiday beverage! The Santaman's Chimney!

{A recipe card for Santaman's Chimney appears ("from the crooked kitchen of Dangeresque"); ingredients appear as Dangeresque names them}

DANGERESQUE: It's one part Hot Jones, a shot of your favorite Hard Ones, and some liquid smoke! It's the new punkin spice!

{Miscellaneous "ooh"s from the Cheat Commandos}

CRACKOTAGE: Sounds good to me...

GUNHAVER: That's a satisfying explanation! {the "Hot Jones" falls out of his cup}

{Cheat Commandos background music mixed with jingle bells plays}

DANGERESQUE: Happy Decemberween crossover, Firebert! {clinks cups again, then faces the camera} Or did I? {music sting}

FIREBERT: {dismissive The Cheat noises}


FIREBERT: {The Cheat noise}


FIREBERT: {The Cheat noise}


FIREBERT: {The Cheat noise}


FIREBERT: {"mhm" The Cheat noise}

DANGERESQUE: {faces the camera} Glasses! {music sting}

{"Buy All Our Playsets and Toys!!" screen appears}

SINGER: Buy all our playsets and toys!

"Your call is very unportant to us."

{A fake Autoplay thumbnail appears: "Calling Internet Customer Service with Gunhaver"}

{Fade to a Decemberween-themed background, where Puppet Homestar (dressed normally albeit a Santa hat) and the knife-wielding robotic Santaman are dancing}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {singing with accompaniment} Ohhh, Santam'n is a blade man!
He's comin' for you! To chop you in two!
Santam'n is a blade man!
He's comin' to town to cut your whole family down!

{Music ends, fade to black}

[edit] Fun Facts

[edit] Trivia

A snoogerhole just like yours or mine.
  • This toon is the first official Puppet Stuff since Dangeresque: Puppet Squad in November 2008, more than 9 years prior. This closes the biggest gap in between a type of toon. It is also the first Decemberween toon since A Decemberween Mackerel in 2010, 7 years prior.
  • This marks the new Puppet Strong Bad's first appearance on homestarrunner.com.
  • The Price Style building previously appeared in animated form in the Two More Eggs episode "Trauncles: Opposites".
  • Dangeresque's mug reads "i ♥ Brainblow City" written on masking tape, much like the official mug sold at the store featured a faux masking tape design.
  • The door to Dangeresque's office reads "DANGERESQUE: Private Eye/Crooked Cop" (reflected backwards).
  • The three video tapes on Dangeresque's desk read "shady surveillance", "creepy surveillance", and "Re(y?)naldo surveillance".
  • The brown folder on his desk reads "Killingyouguy".
  • The first letter Dangeresque receives, "BILLS!!", reads:
Radulo Felzdman
IRC n 1st
10 m, PA

with a stamp resembling Homestar dressed as a founding father doodled on it.

  • The second letter, "SUMMONS", reads:
Court types
Legality Row, 207
r-1, PA

with the same Homestar founding father stamp doodled on.

  • The third letter, "COME ON'S", reads:
Zimubu Paten
#38 02-99 AVE
(illegible) BAC

with a third identical Homestar stamp doodle.

That One Little Guy!!
  • Inside Dangeresque's desk drawer is a copy of strongbad_email.exe Disc Four.
  • The second store Dangeresque visits is called Shady's Grocery Mart.
  • The license plate on the tanker truck reads 32519.
  • The 12-year-old's diary reads "Secret Thoughts About A Greg".
  • The safe is called ECONO "LOCK".
  • Limited Edition Firebert's toy package reads "Firebert: Decemberween Limited Edition", "So Very Festive!", and "Includes Nutmeg & Grater!".
  • The recipe reads:
Santaman's Chimney (holly in upper right corner)
-1 Part Hot Jones
-1 shot of your fav Hard Ones
-Dash of liquid smoke
From the crooked kitchen of Dangeresque
  • Stingy Relenque is apparently French-Canadian.
  • The recipe for The Santaman's Chimney is written on an index card.
  • The factory scene was filmed at Wild Heaven Brewery in Georgia, where a Trogday celebration would be held less than a month later.

[edit] Remarks

  • While Firebert is portrayed by the The Cheat puppet, the other commandos appear to be Kick The Cheat dolls, judging by the white glare in their eyes.
  • A glass clink plays when Dangeresque toasts Firebert, despite both holding styrofoam cups.
    • The sound effect also suggests that the cups contain ice, despite Hot Jones ostensibly being a beverage that is served hot.
  • Reynold and Fightgar are drinking live-action Hot Jones, but the other commandos appear to be drinking tissues with red dots drawn on them.
  • The same paper towels and canned foods appear at Price Style and Shady's Grocery Mart. Several canned items are visibly Publix store-brand.
  • Despite the claims that the holiday party would be "Bring-Your-Own-Hot-Jones", Gunhaver complaining about the taste of Dangeresque's Hot Jones implies that he didn't bring his own.

[edit] Inside References

[edit] Real-World References

  • Santa being referred to as a blade-man is a reference to the Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode featuring Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.
  • The interior driving shots for Dangeresque show him driving a Volvo 240 and Homestar driving a Ford F-150.
  • While playing Stingy Relenque, Homestar has a white maple leaf on his shirt, which is found on the Canadian flag (though the colors are switched on the shirt).
  • The fight between Stingy and Dangeresque atop the Hot Jones tanker borrows much of its choreography from the fight scene between Agent Johnson and Morpheus in the 2003 blockbuster movie The Matrix Reloaded.
  • Among the 1980s computers in the Cheat Commandos headquarters is a 4-track TASCAM Portastudio, a piece of audio gear for recording music onto cassette tapes.

[edit] Fast Forward

[edit] YouTube Version

  • The title of this video is "Dangeresque: Puppet Squad - The Hot Jones Hi-Jack" on YouTube.
    • The toon originally entitled "Dangeresque: Puppet Squad" gained the subtitle "The Curly Fried Caper" on YouTube, since they are part of the same series.
  • The YouTube description for this video is "A Dangeresque Puppet Squad Decemberween Special! The titular hero needs to track down his favorite holiday beverage in this festive star-studded romp! Will he have to jump?"

[edit] External Links

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