Coach Z

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Character: Coach Z
watch Coach Z's character video Marzipan Bubs
He has more than two problems.
This article is about the main character. For the Teen Girl Squad character, see Olympic Man and Coach.

Contents

[edit] Biography

Coach Z is the "coach" of the residents of Free Country, USA, though it is unclear exactly which sports he coaches. He has a strong accent, based on an Upper Midwestern accent (though it is also sometimes simply nonsensical) which is sometimes difficult for other characters to understand. While occasionally tiresome, he is always ready to offer encouragement and is rarely critical of anyone. When giving advice, he tends to start with the phrase "You can't just rush into the score zone", which has lost its meaning through time.

Coach Z wears a blue and purple baseball cap and a large gold Z emblem around his waist. Nobody knows for sure whether his bright green color is his skin or a body suit. However, baby Coach Z seems to be wearing footy pajamas in the email highschool, and on more than one occasion, Coach Z has mentioned his pants. In shapeshifter, Coach Z referred to his outfit as his "sweaty sweat-sweats", which was seen to have at least one pocket. His head is a white sphere with light gray circles for eyes. Coach Z lacks a visible nose and mouth, but is able to talk, eat, and spit with ease. He has long arms and large feet, but very short legs.

An unshaven Coach Z talking about his butt.

As Coach Z himself is not afraid to admit, he's got more than two problems. Despite being a coach, he doesn't know what a basketball is, as indicated in secret recipes. It has been strongly implied that he has a crush on Marzipan, and he has occasionally made inappropriate comments about her; one occasion on her answering machine when he was drunk, and another during the commercial break of the 4Tst annual Fall Float Parade. In diorama, Coach Z even refers to Marzipan as his "gorgeous girlfriend". He also has difficulty pronouncing certain words, such as "job" (as shown in the "A Jorb Well Done" cartoon), instead pronouncing it as "jorb", "jaerb", or "jorearb". In addition to his frequent mispronunciations, Coach Z also seems to have mental and gender confusion problems, as evidenced by the time he spent "talking to his parents" on a disconnected telephone, and claiming to be a mother in garage sale. He has even stated on one occasion that he sometimes "forgets what's real, and what's just in [his] head". He has an apparent fixation with butts, and he seems to have a habit of butt-patting. He also has a slight obsession with ointments and body creams, like using 'Blue Star Ointment' to scare people in Halloween Fairstival. Many characters see him as a nuisance. Even Homestar treated Coach Z with contempt in Decemberween Short Shorts, quickly refusing to allow Coach Z to come to his house for Decemberween.

When not working as a coach, Coach Z works with Homestar Runner and Bubs as the apparent local law enforcement in Free Country, USA. Coach Z is also the janitor at the office where Homestar and Strong Bad work. He is paid on hourly wage and is clearly jealous that Strong Bad is paid on salary. He has also spent time dressed as the Blubb-O's Drive-Thru Whale mascot. Coach Z owns four Tony awards, suggesting that he may have a background in theatre. Despite his numerous jobs, Coach Z has trouble managing his money, causing his electricity to be shut off each year.

The craptain of the foortball torm!

Coach Z is a fan of hip-hop and rap music, particularly the Wu-Tang Clan. He fancies himself a rapper as well: He released the single "These Peoples Try to Fade Me," which appeared on Strong Bad Sings and Other Type Hits, his solo album, entitled "The Z Is All Up Ins", features the smash hit "Hip Hop Dance", and his own rap song, "Rap Song" (featuring Peacey P and Tenerence Love). Although his usual rapping prowess consists mainly of "count[ing] to two over and over again," as explained in nightlife, he once had a very successful career during his days in the Two-o Duo.

"Hey, watch where y'er pointin' that 3D!"

Coach Z's age is ambiguous, as he appears to be grown up when Strong Bad was a kid in the email stand-up, while they both appeared to be babies in the email highschool (although this may simply be a product of Strong Bad's "doodle memory"). He is likely to be one of the older characters, since in caffeine, Strong Sad's slaps provoke him to cry out "I'm just an old man!"; in slumber party, Strong Bad refers to him, Bubs, and The King of Town as "older kids"; and while narrating an interaction between Coach Z and Bubs in narrator, Strong Bad labels them both as "weird old men".

Coach Z and Bubs had a falling out at one point, as Fall Float Parade shows us; Bubs makes a "Coach Z, you jerk!" float for the parade, and Coach Z retaliates by saying "Serves him right, then" when Strong Mad steals his concession stand. In the email narrator, it was shown that they had made-up and returned to having boring conversations about Bubs's napkins. However, in Most In The Graveyard, when it is implied that Coach Z fancies Bubs' sister, Bubs beats him up. In the same toon, it is also revealed that Coach Z and Bubs may actually be very distant cousins, although Bubs finds this hard to believe.


[edit] Character Video Transcript

Main article: Coach Z's Character Video

COACH Z: {looking slightly offscreen} Is that thing on? {turns to the camera lens} Hey there, ho there! I'm the Coach! The Coach Z, I'd guess you'd call me. Or plain old Coach is fine, seein' as I'm the only one around, so, probably no one else would answer to that. You say "Hey Coach!", and I'd say "Yeah?" or..."That's me!" or..."Hoo-hah!" {waves his arms in the air} Any one of those. There's rumors flyin' around that I sleep in one of these lockers {gestures to the lockers behind him}, but uh, that's just not true. I usually crash on this bench here. {gestures to the bench behind him} My back's not in real good condition. {rubs his back} And now, I'd like to perform my hip-hop single, "These peoples try to fade me." {holds up a microphone, begins to sing} A one-two, a one-two—!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {appears in front of camera} Sorry. We're all out of tape.

[edit] Coach Z's Accent

The primary factor in his hilarity, Coach Z's Upper Midwestern accent has made him into a very quotable character.

[edit] Sounds Affected

The most commonly mispronounced sounds are long e (i.e. The Cheat) and the short o (job), which both come out as an "or" or "aer" ("The Chort", "jaerb"), although in a few toons such as 3 Times Halloween Funjob, he's shown to purposely do it.

[edit] List of mispronounced words

Original Word Coach Z's version(s) Appears In
Absolutely Abso-prootley Accent
About Abrat/Abort No Hands On Deck!, Happy Hallow-day, Loading Screens, Doomy Tales of the Macabre
Accent Orccent/Accernt Accent
Action Airkshin Happy Fireworks, Main Page 23
Athlete Airthlete The Homestar Runner Gets Something Stuck in His Craw
Awful Orful Email secret recipes
Balloon b'lloon Fall Float Parade
Bomb Baermb The House That Gave Sucky Treats, These peoples try to fade me
Captain Craptain Email highschool
Charge Chiioooorge Strong Badia the Free
Chips Chorps 3 Times Halloween Funjob
Crap Crop Accent
Credenza Cradernzair 3 Times Halloween Funjob
Crickets Crackets Happy Hallow-day
Cubicle Kyorbicle DNA Evidence
Decemberween Decemberwern The Best Decemberween Ever
DELETED DELORTED Email replacement
Did Doird Dangeresque (karaoke)
Disco Disca Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 9.2
Drop Drap Email your funeral
Duck Dook Sbemail 169 Deleted Scene
Exaggerate Exorggerate Accent
Effigy Orfigy, arfigy, RPG, first-person shooter Strong Badia the Free
Fhqwhgads Forhorglingrads Email sibbie (Easter Egg)
Field Fierld Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 1.0, Coach Z's 110%, Email dictionary
Five Farve A Decemberween Pageant
Flapjacks Florpjacks Accent
Football Team Foortball Torm Email highschool
Forgot to putt Forgort to port, forgat to prat, gorka fa pork Email mini-golf
Forward Frorward Doomy Tales of the Macabre
Gosh Gorsh Email strong badathlon, Dangeresque 3: The Criminal Projective
Gluten and Glutton Glorten Weclome Back
Halloween Halloworn, Hallerwern The Best Decemberween Ever, Jibblies 2
Happy Hallow— Horpy Horlow— Happy Hallow-day
Happy T Horpy Tor Happy T!
Hello Hellor Homestar Presents: Presents
Homestar Hamstray, Hamster, Stramstar, Stairmaster, Homegrown, Ramrod, Humphel A Jorb Well Done
Hoot Hort Happy Hallow-day
I Feel Bad Ir feer borld Email part-time job (commentary)
Idea Idear Happy Hallow-day
Inappropriate Inapprapriate Fall Float Parade
Inoculate Anorculate BHZ Anniversary Message
Jibblie Jorbaly Jibblies 2
Job Jorb, Jaerb, Jarb, Joerghb, Jaeoreorb A Jorb Well Done, Email boring (really), Sbemailiarized!
Jujyfruits Jorjyfruits, Jerjyfrorts, Georgie Frorgie, George Foreman The House That Gave Sucky Treats
Locker Lacker/Lacquer Email part-time job (commentary), Email myths & legends (Easter Egg)
Man Marn Dangeresque (karaoke)
Mike Mork Email part-time job (commentary)
Mother Mudder No Hands On Deck!
Mouthwash Mouthwarsh The Best Decemberween Ever
Musical Myorsical No Hands On Deck!
Not Nat Decemberween Short Shorts, Sbemail 169 Deleted Scene
October Orctober The Best Decemberween Ever
Off Orf Email underlings, Email winter pool
Office Arfice In Search of the Yello Dello
Out Oat A Jorb Well Done
Part Prat Where My Hat Is At? (toon)
Party Pratty Email impression
People Perple 8-Bit is Enough
Pert Plus Port Plus Jibblies 2, hremail3184 (part of actual packaging)
Pom Pom Pam Pam Fall Float Parade
Problem Praeblem In Search of the Yello Dello, On Break
Real Rrrl A Folky Tale
Revealed Revearled Email cliffhangers
Rock bottom Rack battom Decemberween Short Shorts
Solid Salid Accent
Secret Sorcret, "secret sorcret" Email cliffhangers
Situation Sitch'ation A Folky Tale
Speakin' Sporkin' Email love poems
Sports Sprots Email part-time job (commentary)
Stick Stark Dangeresque (karaoke)
Stop Stap Rap Song
Strong Bad Spring Board Accent
Suck Sook Sbemail 169 Deleted Scene
Swedish Fish Swordish Forsh 3 Times Halloween Funjob
Talkin' about Torkin' abort Happy Hallow-day
Terrible Terbirle Email senior prom
The Cheat The Chort see Nicknames
There Dere, dare Email lures & jigs, Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 9.2, Email theme park, Sbemail 169 Deleted Scene
Thousand Trousand Sbemail 169 Deleted Scene
Thug Thorg Halloween Fairstival
Thumb Thermb Some Stupid Turkey
Toilet Terlet Halloween Fairstival, A Folky Tale, Email unnatural
Tomorrow Tomoarow, A Jorb Well Done
Touchdown Torchdown Where My Hat Is At? (toon) (Written)
Trick or Treat Track or Trort 3 Times Halloween Funjob
Undefeated Undeforted Decemberween Short Shorts
Unfortunate Unfarchunate Sbemail 169 Deleted Scene
Up Arp Sbemail 169 Deleted Scene
Volvo Vorlvo Email rated
What Whort Date Nite
Video Videro Coach Z's 110%
Yipe Yorp Email redesign, Homestar Ruiner
Yo Gabba Gabba Yor garble garble Most in the Graveyard
You Say Tomato,
I Say Tomato
You Say Tomater, "I zader matermorts" Fall Float Parade

[edit] Inconsistencies

Evidence has suggested that Coach Z's accent may be bogus:

  • After saying "track or trort" in 3 Times Halloween Funjob, Bubs gets on his case and he says "trick or treat" correctly. If given "Swedish Fish," said as "Swordish Forsh," Bubs gets on his case again and Coach Z says "It's a crowd-pleaser."
  • In boring (really), while Strong Bad is writing his list of three-letter words, Coach Z interrupts him at the word "job", saying that "jorb is a four letters word."
  • Coach Z says "The Cheat" immediately after "The Chort" in mascot, though he speaks as though he's talking about two different people. He also refers to "Cheat kickers" just before suggesting to "kick The Chort" in Baddest of the Bands.
  • In the DVD commentary for part-time job, Mike exploits Coach Z's "accent" by implying that not only does Coach Z add the letter R to words, but now also likes to switch letters around sometimes, and in reply Coach Z partially admits to his accent being bogus.
  • In cliffhangers, in the process of his attempted unmasking of The Thnikkaman, he says "secret sorcret" twice, referring to Thnikkaman's secret being revealed and his shame in having really bad hand-eye coordination.
  • While playing Renaldo in Dangeresque 3: The Criminal Projective, he pronounces "off" both correctly and incorrectly in the same sentence.
  • In Loading Screens, Coach Z's accent is much less pronounced than usual.

[edit] Featured in

[edit] Coach Z's "more than two problems"

Main article: Coach Z's Problems

[edit] Discography

[edit] Fun Facts

  • Coach Z's accent came from a depressing Midwestern voice that Matt and some friends would do in college.
  • It was revealed in issue #21 of Wonkavision magazine that Coach Z is named after Craig Zobel.
  • According to trading cards, Coach Z gave 23 butt pats in 1984 (22 to Homestar, 1 to himself).
  • Coach Z was originally known as "Coach Zee."
  • Strong Bad referred to Coach Z as "Green Bubs" in the email road trip.
  • In Date Nite he is shown without his hat and wearing hair curlers, despite a lack of visible hair.
  • On Coach Z's emblem, the darker blue shine streak under the gold Z makes a backwards Z formation.
  • According to the Old Characters Page, Coach Z wasn't much of a coach at the time, and he just added the title because it sounded "cooler than just Z". He has been seen coaching on numerous occasions since then, though his talent at it is still dubious at best.
  • Coach Z is given a new display of angry eyes, as shown in Kick-A-Ball and hremail3184.

[edit] Relationships

Main article: Character Relationships

[edit] Variations

[edit] Halloween Costumes

In each Homestar Runner Halloween special, Coach Z has dressed up as something hip-hop-related, or in the case of Theo Huxtable, something he believes to be hip-hop related. (The Noid costume was not released.)

[edit] Quotes of the Week

[edit] See Also

[edit] External Links

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