Crime and Punishment

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"Who's gonna steal a pair of half-eaten choco-pants?"

Despite its very low population, Free Country, USA has a high rate of petty crime, and few officials to enforce punishment.

Contents

[edit] Crime

[edit] Strong Bad

While not a proper villain anymore, Strong Bad has committed more crimes than the rest of the characters put together.

See main article: Crimes committed by Strong Bad

[edit] Homestar Runner

"Garbage. Garbage. Rubbish. Umm... Murder weapon?"

Whether due to Strong Bad's influence or his own stupidity, Homestar has had a few brushes with the law.

[edit] The Cheat

True to his name, The Cheat has helped Strong Bad and several other characters to cheat at various sports and activities. He has also assisted with various, more heinous crimes.

See main article: Cheating

[edit] Assisting Strong Bad

  • The Luau — The Cheat helps Strong Bad's theft of wood from Marzipan.
  • Arcade Game — Strong Bad, The Cheat and Strong Mad all collect $500 per month each from Homestar in protection money.
  • Email caper — The Cheat breaks into Homestar's house alongside Strong Bad.
  • Strong Bad is in Jail Cartoon — The Cheat assists Strong Bad in his various crimes througout the toon.
  • Email garage sale — The Cheat robs houses (and inadvertently kidnaps Homestar) so Strong Bad can sell the spoils at his garage sale.
  • Email portrait — The Cheat vandalizes the Deutsch Master painting.
  • Strong Badia the Free — Strong Bad and The Cheat staple a grilled cheese sandwich to Homestar's face.
  • Best Caper Ever — The Cheat and Strong Bad somehow strand Homestar in the Arctic, a process that started with The Cheat peeing in Homestar's Melonade.
  • Front Facing — The Cheat aids Strong Bad in his initial scheme to trick people into buying snowballs to the face.

[edit] Other

[edit] Strong Sad

"Hey Coach Z! Hey Coach Z! Whaddya got for me?"

While usually very passive and accepting of his life, Strong Sad has lashed out on occasion.

  • Email caffeine — While high on caffeine Strong Sad repeatedly slaps Coach Z and takes his hat.
  • Email rough copy — Strong Sad pelts Strong Bad and The Cheat with snowballs that he put in the freezer when he was eight years old.
  • DNA Evidence — Strong Sad conspired to steal his DNA evidence while under the guise of investigating it to keep anyone from knowing if he's part elephant or hippo.
  • Record Store Day — Strong Sad freely admits to "creeping" sloshy albums out of the band members' girlfriends' trash.
  • Front Facing — Strong Sad ends up part of Strong Bad and Homestar's snowball reselling MLM scheme.

[edit] Strong Mad

"That's not really the conventional way to roll a house."
  • A Jumping Jack Contest — Strong Mad helps Strong Bad to cheat at the jumping jack contest.
  • The Luau — Strong Mad helps Strong Bad's theft of wood from Marzipan.
  • Arcade Game — Strong Bad, The Cheat and Strong Mad all collect $500 per month each from Homestar in protection money.
  • Strong Bad is in Jail Cartoon — Strong Mad "breaks" Strong Bad and The Cheat out of jail and attempted to smuggle a jackhammer in a cake.
  • 3 Times Halloween Funjob — Strong Mad toilet papers The Stick and later attempts to TP Marzipan's house by punching a hole in her wall with a roll of toilet paper.
  • Fall Float Parade — Strong Mad uproots and steals Bubs' Concession Stand.
  • Email origins — Strong Mad tries to vandalize Marzipan with cooking spray and then assists Strong Bad in gluing her to Homsar and leaving them for dead.
  • Email isp — Strong Mad literally sucks up bandwidth from Bubs.

[edit] Marzipan

"I'm pretty sure there's no cake in here. It's been about three weeks now, and you'd think I would have found it."

Despite being, as Strong Bad puts it, "a dirty hippie, without the dirt", Marzipan has resorted to less-than-peaceful ways of making her opinion heard.

  • Email coloring — Marzipan openly admits to Strong Bad that L.U.R.N. is a "pretty standard" cult.
  • Quality Time with Cardboard Homestar — Marzipan locks Homestar in her closet for 3 weeks after she told him there was a cake in there.
  • Email bike thief — Marzipan steals Homestar's bike from Strong Bad using the same clipboard method he did.
  • Baddest of the Bands — Marzipan hits Strong Bad with her guitar when he says he does not think she is hot, and Strong Bad later recalls her "protesting [him] into next week" by hitting him into the pond. She also publicly slanders Limozeen with an anti-Limozeen anthem after falsely believing that they are cruel to women and wildlife, and continues to bash them while ignoring her now protesting audience telling her to stop, even going so far as to beat any future gig offers away with a stick so she can keep singing her anthem to any anti-Limozeen audiences she can find.
  • Dangeresque 3: The Criminal Projective — Marzipan stabs Strong Bad with a pencil off-camera in retribution for him endangering Credenza for the shot.
  • Career Day — When Homestar asks if a social worker is coming to L.U.R.N. that day, Marzipan dismisses it and says "That's all taken care of. The charges were dropped."
  • hremail 3184 — Marzipan steals Gardenboy's garden tools to help Strong Bad assault Homestar.
  • Haunted Photo Booth — Marzipan has Homestar steal a photo booth from a wedding for her Halloween party.

[edit] Bubs

"We're gonna need a new Strong Bad in about two seconds!"
See main article: Bubs's Shady Business Practices

[edit] Non-business crimes

[edit] Coach Z

"And now, Thikkaman, at long last..."

On top of his already questionable accent and odors, Coach Z has done quite a few questionable acts.

[edit] The King of Town

"Stop what? I don't do nothing!"

Being the glutton that he is, the King of Town has been known to eat food (and not food) that doesn't belong to him.

[edit] Pseudocharacters

"Let's not do anything inappropriate with that magnet..."

[edit] Teen Girl Squad

[edit] Old-Timey

"A Decemberween tradition."

[edit] Cheat Commandos

Despite their mission of "probably battling evil", the Cheat Commandos' records are not exactly spotless.

[edit] Puppet Stuff

[edit] Dangeresque

[edit] Punishment

The full extent of the law.
"Hey Rubble D, where my smokes at?"

Due to the lack of authority and law enforcement, most crimes are unprosecuted. There have been a few cases of characters receiving some form of formal punishment.

[edit] Occurrences

  • Strong Bad is in Jail Cartoon — Strong Bad and The Cheat get sent to "jail" (a cardboard box with a window cut out of it to resemble bars) twice for trying to break into Bubs' Concession Stand and kidnapping the Poopsmith.
  • Teen Girl Squad Issue 11 — So and So is sent to prison for "life plus whenever [her] step-mom picks [her] up", presumably for shoplifting from the shirt-folding store where she has a summer job.
  • Teen Girl Squad Issue 13 — So and So reacts to the arrival of the police by saying "I can't do another nickel!"
  • Toikey TV — Bubs mentions tear gas and riot police as a scheduled result of Bubs Friday sales.
  • Play Date — Bubs and Coach Z get sent to federal and juvenile prison respectively for unspecified reasons.
  • Blubb-O's Commercial — Strong Sad tells Coach Z it seems like he's trying to go to prison, to which he replies, "Hey, three square meals a day!"
  • Homestar Ruiner — The King of Town places a criminal record on Homestar for public nudity and orders the Poopsmith and Strong Mad to guard it.
  • Strong Badia the Free — The King of Town places Strong Bad under house arrest for not paying the new email tax. Coach Z also mentions that "[he] can't go back to the joint". Strong Sad refuses to help Strong Bad escape, saying "I don't want to get charged with aiding and abetting a criminal again!"
  • Baddest of the BandsBiscuitdoughhandsman is on the FBI most wanted list.
  • Dangeresque 3: The Criminal Projective — Baron Darin Diamonocle is incarcerated in Brainblow City Prison after Dangeresque frames him. The Extended Play also reveals that Bubs' Concession Stand was originally a mini jail with Bubs as the solo inmate.
  • Dangeresque Roomisode 1: Behind the Dangerdesque — Dangeresque is threatened with prison if he doesn't solve a case he put off, and if he fails to fake the evidence in a game over, he will be arrested by a SWAT team and sent to jail.
  • Email other days and A Death Defying Decemberween — Strong Bad mentions that he is on parole and has to do community service.
  • Cheat Commandos: Two Part Episode: Part 1 — After taking over the Cheat Commandos, Flashfight arrests Blue Laser Commander and throws him in the brig (Reynold's office).
  • Punkin Stencils — Homestar recalls getting shut down and fined twice by "the city" for leaving out a pumpkin of the Goblin on the porch until it actually turned green.
  • Fan Costumes '09Crack Stuntman says his work with Pistols for Pandas is court ordered.
  • The House That Gave Sucky Tricks — After Marzipan tells the King of Town to arrest Strong Bad, the King expresses surprise that he has the power to arrest people. It's also shown that the King has the authority to execute people, as is demonstrated with Homsar.
  • Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 17.2 — Coach Z gets tried as a minor for an unspecified crime which got him labelled as a flight risk, and Strong Sad gets arrested for something involving jodhpurs; both are placed in the Free Country USA Penitentiary for their crimes.
  • Later That Night... — While giving out melty candy bars to Strong Bad, The Cheat, and Strong Mad, Senor Cardgage says he'll call the police, greatly confusing Strong Bad.
  • Dangeresque Roomisode 2: The Intersection of Doom & Boom — Dangeresque tricks the unknown bar patron on the Rig Rug machine into activating a "cheat code" that gets him nabbed by "The Feds".

[edit] See Also

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