From Homestar Runner Wiki
- This article is about the creepy mortgage broker and used car salesman. For the blue storybook character, see Señor. For the common misuse of the Spanish word "Señor", see Senor.
Senor Cardgage first appeared in the Strong Bad Email kind of cool. He is apparently the creepy guy that lived down the street from The Brothers Strong when they were little, whose extreme sketchiness gave Strong Sad nightmares. He resembles Strong Bad somewhat, both sharing a red with black markings lucha libre mask for a head, green eyes, pinkish torso, boxing gloves for hands and black pants. However, he's much taller than Strong Bad. He has a round head, wears glasses, a beard, and has a comb-over lock of brownish hair on the top of his head. His comb-over was revealed to be a toupée in the YouTube video Coach Z pukes in dude's toupee. Senor Cardgage also has a flabby belly and much longer arms. His feet are simply black, suggesting they are covered by his pants.
Senor Cardgage is often seen working different jobs, such as his own mortgage business, a used car dealership, a day care, a replacement Bubs, and as an usher. He has also tried to market a lawn mower as an "Intregway" and his own brand of shoes, Air Cardgage. His name is pronounced "Seh-nor", not "Seh-nyor", because his name is spelled with an "N" rather than an "Ñ". He is apparently ambidextrous.
Some of his traits include:
- Suspiciously coming out of bushes and shrubs just as you walk by.
- Pronouncing words incorrectly (for example, he pronounces the word "loans", "lawns").
- Always carrying an old plastic Aldi grocery bag of mysterious contents.
- Loudly eating melty chocolate bars while standing too close to you in lines.
- Smelling like pea soup (according to Homestar Runner).
- Speaking in phrases that are described by Strong Bad as "almost one word and not quite another," such as "excardon me" and "exobably not".
- "Calling at you as if you were a lady," regardless of your gender.
Strong Bad seems to look up to Senor Cardgage as sort of an idol or a father figure. He is constantly heard remarking on how cool he believes Senor Cardgage is and how he wishes to be that cool. In Senorial Day, Strong Bad asks Senor to autograph his football and throw it to him. In alternate universe, he says that his life is complete after going on a fishing trip with Senor Cardgage, and expresses joy at the thought of Senor adopting him. When he sees Senor as an usher in the movies, he tells The Cheat that "someday [he's] going to be the one tearing tickets and telling folks that forty-twone will be on their lest." Senor also played Dadgeresque in Dangeresque 3: The Criminal Projective.
However, none of the other characters seem to like him. In particular, Strong Sad still harbors fear against Senor Cardgage as evidenced in garage sale. Strong Mad also ran away in terror when Senor Cardgage asked him to retrieve his spectacles. Coach Z was adamantly against the casting of Cardgage in Dangeresque 3, referring to him as "creepy with a capital cree", and claims Cardgage has a loose grip on reality, although Coach Z also admits to having this problem. And of course, Homestar seems annoyed with Senor Cardgage for standing too close to him in line while eating melty candy bars, and is put off by his odd catchphrases (as well as thinking he smells like pea soup).
Even though he has a car dealership and his own mortgage company, his residence is unknown. It is suggested in Senorial Day and candy product that he is homeless, as he is shown in an alleyway sleeping in a sleeping bag and using his Aldi bag as a pillow, although in the email kind of cool Strong Bad implied that he lives behind a bush. In A Decemberween Mackerel, the bush is shown to be Cardgage's residence, complete with a doorbell and he invites them in. Strong Sad said that Senor Cardgage lived down the street when they were little, implying he had a house at one point; however, there is no proof of this or of his current residence, if any. Although it is implied that he is poor, he offers to buy Strong Sad a can of peas at Strong Bad's garage sale for $99, and then proceeds to walk away with it, supposedly paying, even though he is never seen to do so. A possible solution to this conflict has been shown in an Easter egg from the email love poems, where it is revealed that Senor Cardgage has written a book called The Homeless Romantic: "verses from the weird shrub and alarming recipes for brunswick stew".
When Strong Bad is asked what he would be like if he was not stylish and buff in the email kind of cool, he describes Senor Cardgage who is, at least to Strong Bad, "so cool, you don't even know [that he is] cool". Strong Bad tries to represent what he would be like if he was an ugly, dumpy guy with a bad comb-over, and it turns out his fictional character actually existed and lived down the street from the Brothers Strong during their youth.
As shown in a commercial in theme song, Senor Cardgage got fourteen degrees in the CGNU Online E-niversity during his lunch "take", including one that lets him "legally prescribe marriages in the state of Kansattica". He also runs a day care called Papa Cardgage's Puddin' Patch.
Senor Cardgage lost a Non-Sequitur Championship to the equally bizarre character Homsar. As the loser of the contest, he had to complete a coherent sentence on The Show (as documented in the short Non-Sequitur Champion). He failed twice, but his third attempt ("Grape Soda Banked") was judged successful by "
celebrity judge" Strong Sad.
In A Decemberween Mackerel, Senor Cardgage tells Marzipan that he's dying. After she and Homestar try to save him, he passes out in the snow. Strong Bad suggests that he was not actually dying, and that it was just another of Senor's bizarre ramblings, but then states that "everybody knows" that the way to save Senor Cardgage is to tear a stack of Motor Sports Magazines in half, and pour gravy on a defibrillator. After this is done, Senor Cardgage rises up and proclaims, "Oh, it truly is a Decemberween mackerel!" (meaning "miracle").
 Quotes of the Week
|Senor Cardgage's Quotes of the Week|