Strong Badia the Free Cave Girl Squad

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Revision as of 06:57, 27 September 2008

The girls take a trip through pre-history in their eternal quest to attract boys.

Cast: Cheerleader, So and So, What's Her Face, The Ugly One, Ogg Ogg-er-son, Mammoths, Sabertooth Tiger, Thomas, Anubis, Dinosaur, Lizard Cheerleader, Lizard So and So, Lizard What's Her Face, Lizard The Ugly One, Charles Darwin

Transcript (Scene 1)

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: Cave Girl Squad! Cheerleader! So and So! What's Her Face! The Ugg-ly One!

CHEERLEADER: Challah, cavegirls! Today's the big mammoth hunt, and you know what that means!

SO AND SO: An in-depth study of the indigenous megafauna?

WHAT'S HER FACE: Some kinda weird CG-filled cable special? {"weird" is not written in the speech bubble}

THE UGG-LY ONE: More parasites for my --

CHEERLEADER: IT'S BOYS, ALRIGHT! It's ALWAYS boys!! And I gotta look my best for my date with the captain of the mammoth huntin' team, Ogg... Ogg-er-son!

{At this point, the player is allowed to give two items to any of the girls, each of which has different effects (see below).}

Transcript (Scene 2)

GIRL 1: The Flood Plain Mall is open for buisness! Let's hang out in the food court for the next epoch!

GIRL 2: Word.

GIRL 1: WRITTEN word.

{At this point, the player is allowed to give another two items to any of the girls.}

Transcript (Scene 3)

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: One hundre... milli... thousa... a long time later!

GIRL: I got me a cute summa job to save up for a cute burial shroud!

EGYPTIAN: Get back to work, or no drop of water for you this week!!! (The Egyptian whips the girl. Narrator Strong Bad says the Krr-ACK!)

{At this point, the player is allowed to give three items to any of the girls before the game ends, unless the player activates Scene 4 {see Dinosaur Egg and Charles Darwin below}.}

Transcript (Scene 4)

LIZARD CHEERLEADER: And that's how come all the mammals got all exctint.

LIZARD SO-AND-SO: Weird.

LIZARD WHAT'S-HER-FACE: Weird.

LIZARD THE UGLY ONE: Weird.

{At this point, the player is allowed to give Charles Darwin to any girl. Any other item will be shown on a pestdal that says "Bad Idea". Strong Bad grunts in disaproval if this happens.}

Item Transcript

Minor Death Transcript

Ribbon

GIRL: Ooh! A new ribbon! I want jamaican braids like I got on Spring Break!

During Scene 3:

(The ribbon warps around the girl and turns her into a mummy)

EGYPTIAN 2: Is that a m-m-m-mummy?

EGYPTIAN 1 (With New York Accent): Marty, We've been embalming pharaohs for thoity years. You gonna freak out every time?

(The Egyptians take the Mummy on thier hands over thier heads)

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: BRAIN OUT OF NOSE WITH A HOOK!

MUMMY: My sinuses are SO CLEAR!

Mammoth Skin

During Scenes 2 or 3:

GIRL: Check out my new vintage mammoth skin coat!

CAVE PAINTING HUNTER: I'm only (2000 if scene 2, 80,000 if scene 3) years late for the mammoth hunt! Ohh, a sickly one's been left behind!

(The Hunter throws a spear through the girl.)

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: SPEARROWED!!!

During Scene 1

GIRL: Check out my fresh new fur coat, guys!

(A mammoth rapidly approaches the girl.)

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: Stampede!

(The mammoth impales the girl on it's tusk)

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: GORE'D!!!

Machine Gun

• The machine gun is given to a backround character, Ogg in scene 1, a shopper in scene 2, and an Egyptian slave worker in scene 3.

During scene 1:

Ogg shoots the mammoths.

OGG OGG-ERSON: Eat hot lead, mammoths!

GIRL: Ogg's a pretty good shot, I thought he'd accedently shoot one of us. Kinda wish he didn't hunt our food into extinction, though.

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: ENVIRONMENTAL MESSAGE!

During scene 2:

The shopper (the one not holding corn) aims the gun at the storekeeper (the other man).

GIRL: Whoa, take it easy there, big fella! We're all in the same tribe, here.

SHOPPER: Where's the rest of the corn, snooky? You holdin' out on me?

STOREKEEPER: C'mon, T-Bone, I'm beggin ya! I got mouths to feed, angry gods to appease!

SHOPPER: Apease this!

The shopper fires the gun. He blows the storekeeper's arm (with the corn) off, and shoots the girl.

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: CROSS-FYAH!

GIRL: AHHH! (she starts speaking fast) Remember when we was kids and we used to play on the playground and it didn't matter what tribe we were in or how much corn we ha- (she speaks normally again) aw, nevermind.

During scene 3:

Cat

GIRL:Oh! A baby kitty cat! I'm gonna call you  !

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: Sensing her young is in danger of recieving a lame name, the Sabor Tooth tiger appoaches her target, and closes in...

GIRL: Uh, did I say  ? I meant-

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: SABOR TOOH'D! TIGER... in case that wasn't totally obvious...

Thomas

THOMAS: Gree-tings, hu-mans. We come from space-space to teach you how to build pyramids.

During Scene 1:

GIRL: What's a pyramid?

THOMAS: 'Misson log: Humans still too dumb.'

During Scene 2:

THOMAS: Gree-tings, hu-mans. We come from space-space to teach you how to build pyramids.

{Narrator Strong Bad hums the theme to "2001: A Space Odyssey" and then a monolith falls on the girl.}

During Scene 3:

THOMAS: Gree-tings, hu-mans. We come from space-space to teach you how to build pyramids.

GIRL: Way ahead of you!

THOMAS Whatev's. Guess you don't need this cancer cure, either. Laters!

Tar pit

Major Death Transcript

Tablet/Chisel

If Tablet is used alone:

If Chisel is used alone:

If both items are used together

various symbols appear over the girl's head as she speaks

GIRL: Dear-Ogg,-want-to-go-on-date? (The girl stops writing) Do you spell "Ogg" with two snakes, or a guy with a bear head?

MAN WITH 2 LINES SYMBOL: IT'S TWO SNAKES!!!

the symbol-character throws the two lines at the girl, which then turn into an anaconda, which promptly eats the girl

GIRL: Ow! My iconic representation!!!

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: (In a southern accent) Well, Di-GESTED WHOLE!!! ("Well," isn't in the speach bubble)

Wheel

If used by any girl other then So-And-So:

GIRL: A round stone? I don't see how that could possibly influence me making out with boys in the future.

If used by So-And-So

SO-AND-SO: Pi r squared... carry the 3... Eureaka! I invented the wheel!

If used during scenes 1 or 2:

SO-AND-SO: Now if only Ogg would invent the back seat, we could totally make out!!!

If used during scene 3:

SO-AND-SO: And here comes Ogg!

Ogg Ogg-erson shows up in a Flintstones-like car.

OGG: Check out dope ride!

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: Vrrr... BLAST-OFF!!!

The car blasts into outer space, but is burnt in the atmosphere.

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: THE OPPOSITE OF RE-ENTRY'D!!!

SO-AND-SO: I shoulda made that heat sheild outta bamboo and coconut!!!

Dog

If used during scenes 1 or 2:

If used during scene 3:

ANUBIS: I AM ANUBIS!!!

GIRL: More like A-N00b-Is you!

ANUBIS: I AM THE GOD OF THE DEAD!!!

The girl throws Anubis into a purse-like bag.'

GIRL: Ooh! I can carry you in my purse when I go woven-basket shopping!

ANUBIS: INSOLENCE!!!

Dark clouds surround (and, apparently, kill) the girl.

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: CURSE OF THE GODS! THE NEW ALBUM FROM A-N00B-IS!!!

Dinosaur Egg

GIRL: Oh! A dinosaur egg! I didn't think that dinosaurs were in the same time period as Teen Cave Girls.

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: SHUT UP!!!

GIRL: Oh, well, I'll just keep it safe like a bag of flour with a diaper on it until it hatches.

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: ONE...TWO...THREE... FORESHADOWING...

The egg shakes after each scene ends. If the girl is alive after three shakes, it hatches.

GIRL: Ohh! A baby dinosaur! Me and you are gonna be BFFs forever!

A Meteor crashes down and crashes on the girl.

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: METEOR'D!!!

GIRL: Ow! My

Scene 4 plays upon this death.

Charles Darwin

If used in any scene other than 4

GIRL:

CHARLES DARWIN: You need to grow up some more. You need to E=MC2 some more.

If used in scene 4

LIZARD CHEERLEADER: Who's the old guy?

LIZARD WHATS-HER-FACE: Looks mighty like Chuck D.

CHARLES DARWIN: Check out my new 16-inch woofers, y'all!!!

Charles get out a boombox, apparently which plays horrid enough music to kill off the whole Teen Lizard-Girl Squad.

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: SURVIVAL OF THE PHATTEST!!!