Dangeresque 3: The Criminal Projective Responses (Smoky Office)

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"The only gun that never runs out of ammo!"

Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People has many responses when you talk to various characters and interact with various objects. These are the responses from the Smoky Office in Dangeresque 3: The Criminal Projective.

On these pages, A → B (right arrow) means that the response happens when object A is used on thing B, or in the case of talking to other characters, the indicated sequence of chat topic icons are chosen.

A short horizontal line between two or more responses, such as the one above, means only one of the responses is heard at a time, and that the action results in a different response each time it occurs.


[edit] Game Introduction

{The camera slowly fades in on a dark room (resembling the Smoky Office) in an apartment high-rise, with the skyline of a nighttime city outside. Thunder can be heard faintly. Cut to an overhead shot of a nunchuck-gun (a pair of nunchucks taped to a revolver) sitting on a desk, with an overhead lamp shining on it. A boxing glove-clad hand reaches out and takes it. Cut to a shot of the room's front door from the inside, the camera slowly panning in to it. The door slowly creaks open}

DANGERESQUE: {offscreen} I always knew it would come to this.

{Cut to an extreme close-up of Dangeresque's mouth}

DANGERESQUE: Did you think I wouldn't find out?

{Cut to a further-away shot of Dangeresque holding the nunchuck-gun and wearing shades}

DANGERESQUE: Did you really believe that I would never—

{Cut to an even-further-away shot of Dangeresque standing behind the desk}

DANGERESQUE: —discover the true face of my greatest enemy?

{A silhouetted Dangeresque Too walks in and obscures part of the foreground}

DANGERESQUE TOO: That's right. But it doesn't matter now because I have the diamond!
DANGERESQUE: You mean...

{Dangeresque holds up a diamond}


{Thunder crashes}


{Cut to black. The title sequence for the game is shown, with the credits being shown amid silhouettes of Strong Bad as Dangeresque, Homestar as Dangeresque Too and Coach Z as Renaldo, and while an instrumental of the music of the "Dangeresque II: This time, it's not Dangeresque 1" theme plays. After the credits, fade in on Strong Bad dozing on his computer room desk in front of the Lappy 486. He suddenly awakens with a start.}

STRONG BAD: Wha-hwoa? Oh, yeah, right. Reply to all...

{Cut to Strong Bad's perspective of the Lappy, as he starts typing on the keyboard with his boxing gloves on}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Dear, {slightly quickly} all the annoying morons that have been bugging me about it for four and a half years... {normal} Yes, I finally finished Dangeresque 3: {sultry voice} The Criminal Projective, {normal voice} so you can all EAT IT! {clears the screen} The critics are stark raving, "A dastardly masterly masterwork of cinemagic wonder."... "More special effects than a Jessica Tandy joint!"... "They may give you the whole tub of popcorn, but you'll only need the edge!" {again clears the screen} Tickets are selling for like $100 a piece! Everybody who's anybody that gives me a hundred bucks is going to be there!

{Cut to a different perspective of the computer desk}

STRONG BAD: Oh, crap! I'm late for the premiere!

{Cut to a shot of a VHS tape on the desk, which Strong Bad picks up as he leaves the computer room. Cut to the basement, where Bubs, Coach Z, Homestar and Marzipan all are waiting impatiently. Strong Bad enters the room}

MARZIPAN: Where have you been?
COACH Z: Hey, we've been waiting here for hours!
BUBS: {overlapping} Finally, let's start the movie!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {overlapping} Is that him? I think that's him!
STRONG BAD: {jumping on top of the VCR atop the Telebision} Okay, peoples, here is the moment you have all been waiting for! The long awaited premiere of... DANGERESQUE... THREE! {imitates echoing} Three... three... three...

{Strong Bad gets down from on top of the TV and puts the tape in the VCR. Cut to a front shot of the TV, with the camera zooming in on it, until it fills up the screen. The screen fades in on static and The Cheat's flipper-like hand holding up a crude title card reading the movie title, backed by the Smoky Office. The Cheat then removes the card as Strong Bad as Dangeresque says the following line:}

DANGERESQUE: {talking on the phone} Yeah, well, I don't care what the FBI, CIA, RGB and XFL say! I already returned the priceless paintings that were evidence!

{Dangeresque hangs up the phone and faces the camera}

DANGERESQUE: Dangeresque plays by his own rules!

{Strong Bad turns his head to his right (the viewer's left) as he hears the door knocking.}

[edit] Daytime Office

[edit] On arrival after obtaining the Formula

{Dangeresque and Renaldo arrive through the door.}
DANGERESQUE: Well, Dollface, it was a dangerous and difficult mission, but after narrowly dodging herds of bullets, hoards of henchmen, and hards of punches, I was able to recover your formula, and I didn't even break it and was forced to recreate it in a scientific lab even once!
{Camera switches to Coach Z, standing there in silence.}
STRONG BAD: {impatiently} Ahem...
COACH Z: Oh! Oh, sorry...
{Coach Z gets back into character}
RENALDO: Oh my gosh! SHE'S GONE!!!
DANGERESQUE: Yes, but where did she go?
RENALDO: You don't think-
DANGERESQUE: No time for that now! Cutesy Buttons is in trouble! {The camera changes perspective, showing that Dangeresque is standing near a TV and VCR.} There's got to be a clue somewhere in this office!

[edit] In extended play

ON-SCREEN CAPTION: Bloopers: Dangeresque's Office
{Fade in on Strong Bad and Marzipan talking to each other. They see the camera. Marzipan smiles and walks away, while Strong Bad turns to face it.}
STRONG BAD: Making a summer action blockbuster like this is serious business, but it's not without a few laughs! Especially when things don't always go exactly as planned. Check out some of these bluppers... uh, bloopers.

[edit] Blinds

DANGERESQUE: Whoa, there's an outside of this office? Man, these blinds have been blinding me from seeing the city at large.

[edit] Cake

DANGERESQUE: {Sniffs the cake. Unsteady voice} What is in this cake?
RENALDO: My favorites, baloney and olives! My mother still makes me one every year for my birthday!
DANGERESQUE: And yet, you lived long enough to retire.

DANGERESQUE: I think I better stay away from that thing. And probably classify it as a biological hazard. {Backs away}

[edit] Chair

DANGERESQUE: In the event of an emergency landing, this chair can also be used as a flotation device.
In extended play
STRONG BAD: Ooh, comfy chair! {Sits in it} I guess I could take a little nap. {Puts his head down and immediately falls asleep and starts snoring. Scene changes to the nighttime office}

[edit] Cutesy Buttons

At intervals while watching Credenza in the shark pond
MARZIPAN: Kick your feet! Swim to the edge!

MARZIPAN: Hang in there, little one!

MARZIPAN: Good thing he's an excellent swimmer!

MARZIPAN: Hang on, Credenza!

MARZIPAN: You're doing great, Credenza, just hang on to the side!
If talked to while Credenza is in the shark pond
DANGERESQUE: Hey, Cutesy Buttons...
MARZIPAN: Not now, Strong Bad, I have to keep an eye on poor Credenza!

[edit] Cutesy Buttons → Cutesy Buttons → Angel

DANGERESQUE: Cutesy Buttons. That's a fitting name for you.
CUTESY BUTTONS: Thanks, Dangeresque. You think I'm cute?
DANGERESQUE: No, I think you smell like old buttons.
CUTESY BUTTONS: Oh. Are those supposed to smell bad, or something?

[edit] Cutesy Buttons → Cutesy Buttons → Devil

DANGERESQUE: Who cares about your stupid rainforest? The only thing the rainforest ever did for me was give me wet splinters.
CUTESY BUTTONS: The rainforest provides us with oxygen so you and I can breathe. It's like our planet's lungs.
DANGERESQUE: Well, those lungs had better start smoking if they want to be as cool as Dangeresque.

[edit] Cutesy Buttons → Renaldo

DANGERESQUE: Have you met my partner Renaldo? He's my partner. Well, until he retires in two weeks.
RENALDO: Yep! And I'm totally not going to be shot, whacked in the head, shoved off buildings or blown up in any way before then.
CUTESY BUTTONS: It's very nice to meet you, Renaldo. {Sniffs} Does something smell like old cold cuts?
RENALDO: Aww, you're too kind.

DANGERESQUE: Renaldo's gonna be helping out on your case. Anything he should know?
CUTESY BUTTONS: Only that the formula is extremely delicate. You must be very careful not to handle it too rough, or it could be destroyed!
DANGERESQUE: Oh, Renaldo won't be touching it. He's all thumbs.
RENALDO: That's me!
DANGERESQUE: We'll leave the delicate stuff up to these precision instruments. {Holds up his hands.}

[edit] Cutesy Buttons → Formula

Before getting the formula powder from Strong Borneo
DANGERESQUE: This... "formula". Tell me more about it.
CUTESY BUTTONS: In my research, I accidentally discovered an ancient civilization that had accidentally created a formula that had the power to save the rainforest! At the time, the rainforest had no natural enemies, except for giant robot dinosaurs... {breaks character} Wait, are you serious?
DANGERESQUE: Interesting, yes, go on.
CUTESY BUTTONS: {Sighs. Speaks off-handedly} So, the formula was hidden away in a safe but dangerous land. And you were the only one brave enough to get it.
DANGERESQUE: Yes, that IS true. Good thing I bought some hollow-point anti-robosaur rounds for my nunchuck gun!

DANGERESQUE: Where do I find that formula again?
CUTESY BUTTONS: Deep in the tropical jungles of... Strong Borneo?
DANGERESQUE: Strong Borneo, of course! I'll assemble a landing party, and we'll set out within the hour!
After getting the formula powder from Strong Borneo
DANGERESQUE: That special tree-saving formula, there wouldn't happen to be any more somewhere else, would there?
CUTESY BUTTONS: This is the very last sample in existence, that's why it's imperative that nothing happens to it.
DANGERESQUE: Of course! So I'll just go right out and get it for you, then. Sit tight, babe. Dangeresque is on the job!

DANGERESQUE: Just so we're clear, if anything DID happen to that formula... say, Renaldo accidentally dropped it... I mean, he didn't, but if he did, you'd still pay me, right?
CUTESY BUTTONS: Of course not! But that's why I trusted it in your hands and not your partner's.
DANGERESQUE: Right. Well, I'll see you in a few minutes with that formula!

[edit] Cutesy Buttons → Trinket

DANGERESQUE: Hey, Cutesy. Ever seen anything like this before? {Gets out the trinket}
CUTESY BUTTONS: Hmm, my sister and I both have lockets that look kinda like that. They're two halves of-
DANGERESQUE: {Interrupting} It's not a dumb girls' locket! It's some kind of cool guy thing that my father left for me. I bet if you get it wet, it transforms into a cool sports car. With built-in fishing tackle. And batting cages.

[edit] Cutesy Buttons → Hair

Only appears after Dangeresque gets the list of ingredients from Experimento and before Dangeresque gets the hair
DANGERESQUE: Hey, mind if I grab a chunk of your hair?
MARZIPAN: {Angrily} I most certainly do! It's taken me all summer to grow my hair out, and there's certainly no way I'm cutting it off for you!

DANGERESQUE: I think you have some gum in your hair. Let me just cut that out for you.
MARZIPAN: That's impossible. I use a special herbal shampoo that makes my hair naturally resistant to sticky substances.
STRONG BAD: And decent-looking hairstyles, apparently.

STRONG BAD: Come on! Let me have some of your hair!

[edit] Diet Cola → Cutesy Buttons

CUTESY BUTTONS: DIET Brown? Are you trying to tell me something?
DANGERESQUE: Of course not, Dollface. At least, not anything the stitching on that dress hasn't already told you!

[edit] Formula Dust → Cutesy Buttons

DANGERESQUE: I doubt she would pay me for the formula in THIS condition. I should probably fix it first.

[edit] Nunchuck Gun → Cutesy Buttons

DANGERESQUE: {Pulls out the gun} FREEZE!
CUTESY BUTTONS: Hey! Don't point that thing at me!
DANGERESQUE: Lucky thing you're my meal ticket, lady. I'll spare you... this time.

[edit] Plant → Cutesy Buttons

STRONG BAD: I still have your plant.
MARZIPAN: You'd better not do anything to harm Credenza! I'm keeping my eye on him!
STRONG BAD: Yeah. You do that.

[edit] Scissors → Cutesy Buttons

While she is facing forward
DANGERESQUE: {Stalks forward with scissors in hand} Hold still, you've got a little something right on the side there.
MARZIPAN: {Backs away quickly} Ahh! What are you doing, you animal? Stay away from my hair with those things!
STRONG BAD: {Stage whisper} Marzipan, I'm supposed to get some of your hair in this scene!
MARZIPAN: {Stage whisper} I told you, I won't let you cut my hair for this movie!
STRONG BAD: {Still whispering} Come on! You're ruining the shot!
MARZIPAN: {Still whispering} I don't care!
STRONG BAD: {To the camera} Actresses! {Puts the scissors away}

STRONG BAD: {Pulls the scissors out} Would you mind turning around for just a sec?
MARZIPAN: Not while you have those scissors in your hand.
STRONG BAD: Ah, forget it, then.
While she is watching Credenza in the shark pond
STRONG BAD: {Pulls out the scissors and snips off some of Marzipan's hair} Got it!
MARZIPAN: {Turning back from the window. Angrily} You go get Credenza right now, or I'll...
STRONG BAD: You'll what?
{Jump cut. Strong Bad, with a yellow pencil embedded in the side of his head, is putting Credenza back by the desk.}
DANGERESQUE: I rescued your plant from those bloodthirsty sharks. Er, leafthirsty.
CUTESY BUTTONS: Thank you, Dangeresque! Now, I think you should keep looking for that formula!
DANGERESQUE: Yeah. It's safer out there with the sharks, anyway. {Pulls the pencil out, with some effort, looks at it, then tosses it away.}

[edit] Stickanee Flower → Cutesy Buttons

{Strong Bad pulls out the flower}

CUTESY BUTTONS: Is that a Stickanee flower for me? How romantic! I thought they were extinct!
DANGERESQUE: Uh, no. This is a... Stink, uh, butt flower. {Puts it away} ... For my mom.

[edit] Dangeresque Too

[edit] Dangeresque Too → Dangeresque Too → Angel

DANGERESQUE: Hey, you've gotta teach me that killer spin kick move you do!
DANGERESQUE TOO: What are you talking about?
DANGERESQUE: You know, when you kicked Killingyouguy's butt that last time.
DANGERESQUE TOO: No, you must have dreamt that. But yeah, I can probably teach ya.

[edit] Dangeresque Too → Dangeresque Too → Devil

DANGERESQUE: You've been screwing up a lot in the past a lot lately. I don't need a loose cannon on this team!
DANGERESQUE TOO: {Angrily} Back off, buddy! I don't wanna be here any more than you do, but I'm the only one you got!
RENALDO: Hey, hey, hey! Save that kind of banter for the racquetball court, you two!

[edit] Dangeresque Too → Renaldo

DANGERESQUE: I can't believe Renaldo is retiring!
DANGERESQUE TOO: I know! He's taken my badge away thirteen times. Good thing I bought a case of 'em.
DANGERESQUE: He only took mine once. But then I just stole yours, since it already says "Dangeresque" on it.

DANGERESQUE: I guess after Renaldo retires, I'll have to start looking for a new regular partner.
DANGERESQUE TOO: What do you think Renaldo's replacement's gonna to be like? Streetwise loose cannon with nothing to lose? Booksmart stuffed shirt with something to prove? Foot-long hot dog in a kaiser roll?
DANGERESQUE: Oh, wait, I forgot. After Renaldo retires, I work alone!
DANGERESQUE TOO: Maybe it'll be me. I'm a trash-talking rebel with—
DANGERESQUE: {Interrupting} It won't be you.

[edit] Dangeresque Too → Trinket

DANGERESQUE: {Pulls out the trinket} Check this thing out!
DANGERESQUE TOO: Wow! What is that thing?
DANGERESQUE: Well, what do YOU think it is?
DANGERESQUE TOO: Hmmm... is it animal or mineral?
DANGERESQUE TOO: Heavy or light?
DANGERESQUE: Kinda heavy.
DANGERESQUE TOO: Sweet or salty?
DANGERESQUE: If I were to venture a guess, salty.
DANGERESQUE TOO: Then I have solved your riddle! The doctor is his MOTHER!
DANGERESQUE: {Pause} Never mind. {Puts the trinket away}

[edit] Nunchuck Gun → Dangeresque Too

DANGERESQUE: {Pulls out his nunchuck gun} FREEZE!
DANGERESQUE TOO: Oh, yeah? You wanna get crazy? Oh, I'll get crazy!
DANGERESQUE: {Putting gun away} Nope, that's too crazy for me.

[edit] Diet Cola

DANGERESQUE: Diet brown. All the fizzy with none of the flabby!
RENALDO: Yeah! If I'm gonna hit the nude beaches on my retirement cruise, I need to start watching my girlish figure!
DANGERESQUE: It'll work even better if I just take it away! I'm confiscating this. Official corrupt police business. {Takes the can}

In extended play
STRONG BAD: Diet brown. All the fizzy with none of the flabby! {takes the can}

[edit] Door

{First time only}
DANGERESQUE: Yeah, I should probably answer that. It's probably a gorgeous dame in desperate need of my help.
{He opens the door}
DANGERESQUE: {his head inside the doorway} Why, hello beautiful.
{Coach Z as Renaldo enters the Smokey Office}
RENALDO: Hello Dangeresque! It's me... Renaldo! Your partner! I'm here with your on-again off-again sometimes other partner with the same name as you, Dangeresque... Too?
{Strong Bad starts to close the door, but Homestar Runner as Dangeresque Too enters the office carrying a cake.}
RENALDO: Are we late for the... uhh...
{Breaking character}
COACH Z: {stage whisper} What's my line?
STRONG BAD: {stage whisper} ...Retirement party.
RENALDO: Oh yeah... Retirement party? You know, because I retire in two weeks, and then I'm off to spend my days in the Sidekick Islands where nothing can possibly kill you off {he pronounces "off" as "orf"}!
DANGERESQUE TOO: I brought cake!
{Dangeresque closes the door}

{Second time, if Dangeresque has the nunchuck gun}
{Dangeresque stares at the door}
DANGERESQUE: Oh, I'll get—
{As he reaches for the handle, someone stars knocking. He looks down and sighs}
DANGERESQUE: {Flatly} Oh, I'll get the door.
{Opens the door, revealing Marzipan as Cutesy Buttons}
CUTESY BUTTONS: Dangeresque?
DANGERESQUE: Cutesy Buttons! Are you here for Renaldo's retirement-in-two-weeks party too?
CUTESY BUTTONS: {Walks in, carrying Credenza} No, I'm here because I need your help to save millions of helpless rainforest trees, like this one! {Holds up Credenza, then puts it down by the desk}
STRONG BAD: {Stage whisper} Marzipan, I told you not to bring your stupid plant!
MARZIPAN: {Stage whisper} Credenza's a natural movie star! He deserves to be in this movie!
{She gets back into character}
CUTESY BUTTONS: Anyway, I'm here because I discovered the location of a secret formula that will save the rainforest! But it's located deep in the jungles of Strong Borneo. For me, that's FAR too dangerous.
DANGERESQUE: Not dangerous... Dangeresque! {To Renaldo and Dangeresque Too} What do you say, guys? One last case as a team? Just for old this movie's sake?
RENALDO: You bet, Dangeresque! We'll just grab the formula and come back. What could possibly go wrong?
DANGERESQUE TOO: Sorry, buddy, I can't. I've got uh... something else... I have to keep my eye on today. You guys go on without me! {Leaves}
DANGERESQUE: Hmmm... {Imitating a dramatic riff} Doodily-waw!

{Before Dangeresque picks up the nunchuck gun}
DANGERESQUE: I'm not going out there without a weapon. This town is dangerous.

{Successive clicks simply open the map}

[edit] Lamp

DANGERESQUE: Keep on doin' your swing thing, lamp.

[edit] Lappy 486

[edit] When sitting down

DANGERESQUE: I guess I have a minute to spare and check one of these so-called... e-mails. {Without moving his lips} Chi-ka wha!

DANGERESQUE: Lemme just check the Dangeresque Database to see if any new important missions have come in.

DANGERESQUE: I know I'm right in the middle of cracking a hard-boiled case, but I think I have time for an e-mail or two.

DANGERESQUE: I guess if I'm ever gonna learn to use this thing, I better start checking my e-mail.

DANGERESQUE: Even though I fight the law, but I also fight the crime, I still can't fight the urge to check a few e-mails.

[edit] When deleting e-mails



DANGERESQUE: No one must see this. DELETED!

DANGERESQUE: This message will self-delete in... now.
{After each of these, the deleted sound plays, showing a red DELETED! screen which has the Female Lappy with fangs.}

[edit] When undeleting e-mails


DANGERESQUE: I better keep this one so it doesn't fall into the wrong hands. Undeleted.
{After each of these, the deleted sound plays backwards, showing a cyan UNDELETED! screen.}

[edit] Email 1: Bullet Catching

Appears at the start of the game
{Strong Bad reads his name as "Dangeresque" and the sender's name as "Al Gar, worthless agent".}
DANGERESQUE: {typing} Of course I can catch bullets with my... ahem teeth! You learn that on, like, the first day of basic training at Crooked Cop Academy. {Clears screen} You also learn how to mess with your superior officers in hillarious fashion, and make cool noises with your mouth! {Proceeds to make a series of cool noises with his mouth, which sound rather like alien languages and droid noises from Star Wars.} Oh, I can also catch bottle rockets, musket shot, heat-seeking missiles, and rusty pennies that have been thrown off skyscrapers! And I'm currently working on my yellow belt in catching throwing stars with my eyelashes! Wink, wink!

[edit] Email 2: My Hero

{Strong Bad reads his name as "Dangeresque" like in the previous email. He also adds "Yeah, I can see how that would be the case" after the first sentence, reads Homestar's name as "Homeh-star", and reads the sender's name as "Nicolas Beefily, Pathetic Agent".}
DANGERESQUE: {typing} First of all, let's get one thing straight, Beefball. Dangeresque is a serious guy, okay? {forgets to type the word "is"} I don't make people laugh. I make them cry, tremble, and occasionally wet themselves in fear! {clears screen} Secondly of all, who is this "Homestar" {pronounced "Homeh-star" as before} person you speak of? Is he some sort of joke telling global terrorist? Or an international spy/comedian? Sounds like someone whose butt I'd kick across the deck of an evil secret underwater aircraft carrier! And definitely not someone who I would occasionally work together and share the same name with.

[edit] Email 3: Dead Tree

Appears when visiting Brainblow City for the first time after meeting Sultry Buttons at the Secret Lab
{Strong Bad reads his name as "Dangeresque" as before, and emphasizes the incorrect words "thers" and "neighbors".}
DANGERESQUE: {typing} Hmmm... Cutesy Buttons would probably say to carefully dig it up and replant it somewhere where it can re-grow. But I say, go out and get yourself a chainsaw or a machete or something and go hack that sucker down! No sense in mourning dead wood, move on man!

[edit] Paintings

DANGERESQUE: {sarcastically} Oh, how did those get here? I thought sure I returned these priceless paintings that were evidence. Ha! Suckers!

DANGERESQUE: These paintings really tie the room together.

DANGERESQUE: These belong in a museum! But I'm keeping 'em anyway.

In extended play

STRONG BAD: {sarcastically} Oh, how did those get here? I thought sure I returned these pwiceless... Pwiceless? Geez! {Background voices laugh as Strong Bad walks off}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {Appearing from the side, sotto voce} Now I got HIM doing it! {Clapper board passes over the screen, scene returns to normal}

STRONG BAD: {sarcastically} Oh, how did those get here? I thought sure I returned these pwiceless... Argh! I did it again! {Background voices laugh. Clapper board passes over the screen, scene returns to normal}

STRONG BAD: Okay, okay. {sarcastically} Oh, how did those get here? I thought sure I returned these pwiceless- AAARRRGGGHHHH! {Background voices laugh} This is YOUR fault, mushmouth! {Clapper board passes over the screen upside-down, scene returns to normal}

Right-hand painting only, after leaving the phone off the hook in the Nighttime Office in Extended play

STRONG BAD: {Making a sound effect as the painting slides aside} Pshhhh! {Finds the tuxedo} Whoa! I'll be the life of the super spy party in this! {Sultry voice} Oh hello, femme fatale {pronounced "femmy fataly"} won't you accompany me to my car, that turns into a boat, that turns into a rocket, that turns into a... fold-out couch?

[edit] Nunchuck Gun

DANGERESQUE: Ah, my trusty nunchuck gun. The only gun that's never out of ammo.

[edit] Phone

DANGERESQUE: {Picks up the handset} Hello? Commissioner? Do WHAT to a rabbit? You've got the wrong number, pal. I'm not in that business any more. {Hangs up} Stupid telemarketers.

DANGERESQUE: {Picks up the handset, then goes to dial, but pauses} Hello? Hel— Oh, hey! No, it— No, it didn't even ring! ... Yeah, I know! {Camera starts moving around} That's so weird! So, yeah, hey, can I call you back? No, I just... {Turns away from the camera} Yeah. Yeah, I'll call you back. {Camera gets placed on the floor. Dangeresque walks away} I just gotta... yeah. Yeah. Yeah... okay. Yep, I will. Okay. Bye. {Renaldo walks on-screen, if he's in the scene. Dangeresque moves to hang up, then puts the handset back against his ear} What? Oh, okay. Give your mom a hug. Ok, bye. {Hangs up}

In extended play

DANGERESQUE: {Picks up the phone} Hello? You got Dangeresque!
COACH Z: Boop beep boop! The number you have dialed... {Background voices laugh}
STRONG BAD: Where is he? Coach Z! That guy's nuts.

[edit] Plant

{First time only}
DANGERESQUE: The moody lighting and smoky atmosphere are being brightèned too much by this plant. Maybe I should take it out for some fresh air and water.
CUTESY BUTTONS: Okay, he is looking a little pale in here. Perhaps some sunlight would do him good.
{Dangeresque takes the plant}

{After it has been returned}
DANGERESQUE: Lemme just... {Goes to take the plant}
CUTESY BUTTONS: {Angrily} I think the plant looks just lovely where it is.
DANGERESQUE: {Straightens up} You know, you're right. I'm just gonna leave it there.

STRONG BAD: {In the middle of taking the plant. Straightens up} Oh, right.

[edit] Renaldo

After watching the ransom video
First time only

DANGERESQUE: I can't believe Cutesy Buttons was kidnapped!
RENALDO: But it says so right on page 42 of the script... Oh, I mean... if anyone can save her, it's you, Dangeresque!

DANGERESQUE: I can't believe Cutesy Buttons was kidnapped!
RENALDO: If anyone can save her, it's you, Dangeresque!

[edit] Renaldo → Renaldo → Angel

DANGERESQUE: Now that you're retiring, Old Man, you won't have to make up excuses for being so grossly out of shape.
RENALDO: Yeah, now I can accentuate this little bundle of blubber on the beach by lathering it up with sun block and cocoa butter.
DANGERESQUE: That's an image I didn't need stuck in my brain.

[edit] Renaldo → Renaldo → Devil

DANGERESQUE: So, Renaldo, you're finally retiring. I guess it's a good thing to get out now before your skills degrade as much as your looks have.
RENALDO: Too late for that, Dangeresque. My skills took a turn for the worse long before my looks faded.
DANGERESQUE: Oh, so that's why you don't dance no more.

[edit] Renaldo → Party

DANGERESQUE: How are you enjoying your retirement party?
RENALDO: I can't believe that in just two weeks I'll be leaving this office for the last time.
DANGERESQUE: I can't believe that in just two weeks I'll finally be able to get that baloney smell out here office for good!
RENALDO: What? I thought you LIKED the smell of my deodorant.
DANGERESQUE: Tucking lunch meat under your arms does not deodorant make, Renaldo.

[edit] Renaldo → Trinket

DANGERESQUE: What do you make of this broken half a piece of junk?
{Cut to Dangeresque and Renaldo looking down at the camera}
RENALDO: Boy, it looks real familiar, like something your dad had before he—
DANGERESQUE: {interrupting} Kinda looks like a toe. You think it's a toe?
RENALDO: ...Sure.

[edit] Renaldo → Dangeresque Too

Only appears after Dangeresque Too leaves
DANGERESQUE: Well, Dangeresque Too left the party in quite a hurry. What do you think he's up to?
RENALDO: Ooh, maybe he's planning a surprise party for my retirement!
DANGERESQUE: We just HAD your retirement party.
RENALDO: You did? What a surprise!

[edit] Nunchuck Gun → Renaldo

DANGERESQUE: {leveling his gun at Renaldo} Freeze!
{Renaldo screams}
DANGERESQUE: {laughing as he puts the gun away} I never get tired of that.

[edit] Trinket

DANGERESQUE: Oh, broken half of a paperweight. You were the last thing my father ever gave me before he left, and the only thing I have to remember him. {Takes the trinket} Of course, I might not remember him as such a cheapskate if he bothered to give me something that was whole!

In extended play

DANGERESQUE: Oh, broken half of a paperweight. You were the last thing my father—
{Dangeresque picks up the trinket, but it slips out of his hands and falls on the floor. Background voices laugh.}
STRONG BAD: {breaking character} Aw, crap! All right, who got fried chicken grease all over that thing? {Clapper board passes over the screen, scene returns to normal}

[edit] Trinket → Door

DANGERESQUE: Despite my best efforts, this thing has never really been successful as a door stop sooo... no.

[edit] VCR

First time only
{Dangeresque presses play on the VCR. An image shows up on screen, showing Homestar and The Cheat. Homestar is sitting in a chair while obscured from the neck up, and The Cheat is sitting in his lap.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ok, now? Evil, right? Ok.
{swings his chair around and starts grooming The Cheat while speaking his lines}
DANGERESQUE TOO: Hello, Dangeresque. If you are watching this, then you have no doubt discovered that I have kidnapped Cutesy Buttons! I also know that you have the formula for the rainforest. Well I can't let that happen! So, here is a list of my demands. First, you bring me the formula so I can destroy it! I also want access to the world's weapons stockpile. And I want a million dollars... in quesos!
{He breaks character, speaking cheerfully}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: ...Ooh, and a pony! {The Cheat looks annoyed.} Like, the kind with wings and rainbows... {swings his chair around} ...and, uh, can I get a large melonade? No ice. Thanks The Cheat.
{The video stops playing.}
RENALDO: {half-heartedly} Who was that guy?
DANGERESQUE: I don't know, Renaldo. He seemed awfully familiar...
RENALDO: Oh well, I'll start gathering up his demands. {starts walking off} I think I know where I can get a used pony cheap.
DANGERESQUE: No way, Renaldo! Dangeresque doesn't give in to the demands of terrorists! We're going to get Cutesy Buttons back my way... by finding his hideout and breaking into his hideout! Who do you know that can help us?
RENALDO: Well, there is one person, but you're not gonna like it. It's your former enemy, Baron Darin Diamonocle!
DANGERESQUE: {unsettled} Aww man, I hate that guy! Once he made me eat a whole bag of stale, three month old, moldy, ranch flavored potato chips. RANCH FLAVORED! So I framed him for endangered puppy trafficking and the murder of several presidents. He's serving hard time in Brainblow State Prison now. I wonder if he remembers me?

DANGERESQUE: I've seen enough!

[edit] Window

When Marzipan is absent
DANGERESQUE: Man, that city is SO at large. {Cut to Strong Bad's viewpoint of the "city" with a view of a kiddie pool labeled "SHARK POND!" on it} And I have a great view of Brainblow City's majestic public shark pond!
When Cutesy Buttons is present, but Credenza is not in the shark pond
DANGERESQUE: Take a look at that city, Cutesy Buttons. So full of... stuff that is interesting to turn around and look at. {Marzipan briefly looks out the window}
CUTESY BUTTONS: Yeah, I don't much like Brainblow City. I can't believe they tore down that mighty oak tree to put in that stupid shark pond!

DANGERESQUE: Whoa, check this out! That shark out there is totally making fun of you!
CUTESY BUTTONS: I don't care. As long as it isn't destroying our precious natural vegetation, it can do whatever it wants.

DANGERESQUE: You ever feel like just staring out the window for hours, and not turning around no matter what people are doing to you?
CUTESY BUTTONS: Not really. I'd rather spend my time tending to the needs of plants whose lives are threatened!
When Marzipan is present, and Credenza is in the shark pond
DANGERESQUE: Hey, Cutesy Buttons, why don't you take a look out the window?
CUTESY BUTTONS: Shouldn't you be out getting my formula instead of hanging around the office?
{Strong Bad breaks character}
STRONG BAD: No, seriously, Marzipan, I think you should look out the window.
MARZIPAN: {Looks out and sees Credenza in the shark pond} Aiiieeee! Credenza, what have they done to you? Hang in there, little one!
COACH Z: Aww, that's just mean.
In extended play
STRONG BAD: Ah, Brainblow City's majestic shark pond.
{Shot of Coach Z sitting in the shark pond}
COACH Z: Come on in, the water's great!
STRONG BAD: {Background voices laugh} What the—? Coach Z, get outta there, man! You get out of there! Coach Z...

[edit] Nighttime Office

This scene appears in the game introduction, but is only playable during extended play. It features a more realistic CG version of Strong Bad throughout. Smoke hangs in the air.

[edit] On entry

{Strong Bad's POV as he pushes open the door and walks in}
STRONG BAD: Whoa! I must be dreaming again...

[edit] Chair

STRONG BAD: Check out the detail of this chair! You can even see my butt-print worn into the seat if you get close enough! ... But I wouldn't recommend actually getting your face that close.

[edit] Crack

STRONG BAD: Ah, crack in the wall. I never knew you had so much character! So much texture! So much... cockroach excrement.

[edit] Door

STRONG BAD: Hmm, I wonder where this goes? {Strong Bad goes through the door, then the scene shifts to Strong Bad coming in through the door of the daytime office.}

[edit] Desk

STRONG BAD: This is my Dangerdesque! Perfect for kicking over and ducking behind for cover.

[edit] Lamp

STRONG BAD: The lighting in this room has never been so realistic! It really makes my well-oiled abs stand out!

[edit] Phone

{Strong Bad takes the phone off the hook, and leaves it on the desk.}

{Close-up of Strong Bad's face as he hangs up the phone again.}

[edit] Window

STRONG BAD: Brainblow City has never looked so.... gloomy and dire. It's perfect!
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