Dangeresque 3: The Criminal Projective Responses (The Sun)

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"You got what you had coming to you, Toe-fu!"

Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People has many responses when you talk to various characters and interact with various objects. These are the responses from the Sun in Dangeresque 3: The Criminal Projective.

On these pages, A → B (right arrow) means that the response happens when object A is used on thing B, or in the case of talking to other characters, the indicated sequence of chat topic icons are chosen.


A short horizontal line between two or more responses, such as the one above, means only one of the responses is heard at a time, and that the action results in a different response each time it occurs.


Contents

[edit] Hallway

[edit] On arrival

{The scene opens with Strong Bad performing the theme from Dangeresque 1: Dangeresque, Too? as Dangeresque stealthily descends the stairs to the laundry room, modeled as a station hallway. He starts by looking at the room upside down, then jumping down from the middle step with his back turned to the camera, and turns to it while finishing the song with a "chicka-wow".}

DANGERESQUE: Hmmmm, Uzi Bazooka and his little yellow pet have to be around here somewhere!

[edit] After defeating Uzi Bazooka

{The camera zooms in on Craig jumping on Dangeresue Too near the airlocks.}
DANGERESQUE TOO: Oww. Oww. Oww. Oww. Oww. Oww.
CRAIG: {frustratingly} Meh! Meeh! Merh! Meh!
DANGERESQUE TOO: Oww! Oww! Stop it, Craig! Oww!
{Dangeresque walks into the room.}

At intervals while in the scene

DANGERESQUE TOO: Seriously, ouch!

CRAIG: {Triumphant The Cheat noise}

DANGERESQUE TOO: Ow, OW!

DANGERESQUE TOO: Get off!

CRAIG: Meh!

DANGERESQUE TOO: Dangeresque, do something!

[edit] Airlock

DANGERESQUE: This airlock leads straight into the empty blackness of space!

[edit] Tube

DANGERESQUE: Tubes. The staple of every good sci-fi space station.

[edit] Tube → Nunchuck Gun

Only on the tube closest to the airlock
STRONG BAD: {Pulls out his nunchuck gun and looks at the tube for a bit. Suddenly} Ptow! {A pair of underpants falls out. Strong Bad picks them up} Uh, how'd these get out here? I'll just put these away.

[edit] Window

DANGERESQUE: Sure looks hot out there! Good thing this space station cranked the AC!

[edit] Craig

DANGERESQUE: Hey Craig! Why don't you step outside for a little... AIR... lock.
{Through a series of dramatic panned camera shots, Dangeresque kicks Craig into the open airlock, with it closing behind him.}
CRAIG: MEH! MEEHH! MMMEEEEHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhh... {Camera view changes to The Cheat standing with a space background behind him, with the illusion of him floating through space.} Mrrreehhh!
{The perspective changes back to the hallway. Dangeresque Too stands up and puts his glasses back on.}
DANGERESQUE TOO: Thanks. I owe ya one, buddy.
DANGERESQUE: One? You owe me, like, fifty!
{They both then fakely laugh at each other. Then, the camera starts the shake, giving the illusion of the station about to explode.}
DANGERESQUE TOO: {struggling to maintain his balance} Uh oh. What now?
DANGERESQUE: {struggling to maintain his balance} That drill must have damaged the stace spation more than I thought!
DANGERESQUE & DANGERESQUE TOO: {simultaneously} Looks like we're gonna have to jump!
{They both lift one leg in the air and freeze on the spot. The film's credits scroll to Today is Alright 4 2Nite. Partway through it, the screen gets turned off. Transition to the epilogue.}

In extended play

DANGERESQUE: Hey, Craig... get off my partner before I kick you off!
CRAIG: {still jumping on Homestar} Meh.
DANGERESQUE: Hey, you're not so bad after all! Wanna go get a milkshake or somethin'?
CRAIG: Meh.

[edit] Nunchuck Gun → Craig

DANGERESQUE: {Pulling out his nunchuck gun} All right, get offa my partner, you squeaky yellow villain guy!
CRAIG: {Negative The Cheat noises}
DANGERESQUE TOO: He said no! Try something else!

[edit] Control Room

[edit] On arrival

DANGERESQUE: {walks into the room} Hold it right there, Uzi Bazooka!
{The camera falls over. Jump cut to the other side of the room, where Homestar is standing near RENALDO, pinned onto a prop machine by his wrists.}
RENALDO: Dangeresque!
DANGERESQUE TOO: {turns to Strong Bad nervously} Hang on there, Big D. This is not what it looks like!
DANGERESQUE: Oh, I think this looks exactly what I think this looks like exac...
{One of the windows falls from place, grabbing Strong Bad's attention. Cue jump cut to the next line, with the window back in place.}
DANGERESQUE: You back stabbing traitor! Looks like I caught you red handed!
{From the other side of the room, The Cheat walks in, along with... another Homestar?}
THE CHEAT: Meh mehr meh!
UZI BAZOOKA: I'm afraid you're too late Dangeresque, and Dangeresque Too!
{Cut to the other side of the room where Dangeresque Too and Renaldo are.}
DANGERESQUE: {confused} WHAT?!
DANGERESQUE TOO: That's what I was trying to tell you! I'm not Uzi Bazooka, that guy is an impostor!
DANGERESQUE: How long have you known about this?
DANGERESQUE TOO: Pretty much from the beginning of the movie.
{He walks off-screen. The screen transitions to two separate recordings of Homestar standing near one of the windows and performing as Dangresque Too and Uzi Bazooka respectively, with a not-so-subtle split screen applied.}
LEFT HOMESTAR (UZI BAZOOKA): None of that matters now! Soon, my electro magnetic plasma solar drill will rip through this space station and kill you all, while we get away in our secret escape pods!
RIGHT HOMESTAR (DANGERESQUE TOO): {walks to the left} Oh no, you didn't!
{Change perspective to the right-hand-side Homestar approaching Strong Sad as a stunt double for the left one, wearing a giant Homestar costume.}
DANGERESQUE TOO: Take that! {proceeds to fight and dodge} Ow! Hey! No nails!
STRONG SAD: {proceeds to fight and take beatings, speaks simultaneously with Homestar} Oww. Oww. Hey. Stop! Watch it! Djo! Whut! Hey!
RENALDO: Quick Dangeresque, shoot him!
{Dangeresque withdraws his nunchuk gun and points it at Homestar and Strong Sad.}

At intervals while aiming the gun

RENALDO: You've gotta shoot one of 'em!

RENALDO: Take no chances! Shoot 'em both!

RENALDO: I can't tell which is which!

RENALDO: Hurry, Dangeresque!

RENALDO: Try to hit the bad one!

DANGERESQUE TOO: Come on! Shoot him!

DANGERESQUE TOO: Take the shot!

DANGERESQUE TOO: I can't hold him off much longer!

DANGERESQUE TOO: Shoot now!

STRONG SAD: {Homestar impression} Huwwy! Shoot him!

STRONG SAD: {Homestar impression} Take the shot!

STRONG SAD: {Homestar impression} I can't hold him off much longer!

STRONG SAD: {Homestar impression} Shoot now!

[edit] Nunchuk Gun → Dangeresque Too

{Dangeresque fires the bullet, which is actually a toy bullet being held onto a stick off-camera. When it comes close enough to Dangeresque Too, he kicks it in the direction of Strong Sad, leaving him to crash onto the floor. Skip to 'Nunchuk Gun → either option'.}

[edit] Nunchuk Gun → Uzi Bazooka

{Strong Bad fires the bullet, which is actually a toy bullet being held onto a stick off-camera. When it comes close enough to Strong Sad, he pushes Homestar into the line of fire, knocking him down. Skip to 'Nunchuk Gun → either option'.}

[edit] Nunchuk Gun → either option

UZI BAZOOKA: {Homestar on the floor, acting as Uzi Bazooka regardless of the option picked above} Owwww! You got me!
{Change camera perspective to Homestar as Dangeresque Too, looking down at the floor menacingly.}
DANGERESQUE TOO: You got what you had coming to you, Toe-fu!
UZI BAZOOKA: {pre-recorded voiceover, monotonously} Ha, ha, ha, ha...
{Change camera perspective to Homestar as Uzi Bazooka standing up. He now has a motherboard taped to his chest.}
UZI BAZOOKA: {monotonously} Ha, ha, ha, ha...
RENALDO: {off-screen} What a totally unexpected twist! {The camera focuses on Renaldo.} Uzi Bazooka is a robot {pronounced "ro-bat"}! And he's really working for...
{The camera changes perspective, showing The Cheat at the door.}
CRAIG: Meh!
{Dangeresque looks on, his glasses dipping down. The camera focuses on The Cheat again as he walks into the room.}
CRAIG: {dubbing over with the voice of Powered By The Cheat Homestar Runner} Yes, I am the mastermind behind this whole thing, I am. I am... Craig! {The Cheat raises his right arm.}
{Dangeresque and Dangeresque Too look at each other puzzlingly. The latter shrugs.}
CRAIG: {dubbing over} I have brilliantly orchestrated the demise of the greatest action team in history! {Craig stops directly in front of Dangeresque.} And I don't mean the Channel 5 Action Cool 5 News team! {leaves the room} Now my robot will finish you off as I make my greatest escape!
DANGERESQUE TOO: Not if I can help it! {leaves} You take the big guy!
{A sloppy camera pan is done from the room entrance to Homestar as Uzi Bazooka guarding it. Both he and Dangeresque stare at each other, the latter raising his glasses back up.}

[edit] In Extended Play

ON-SCREEN CAPTION: Deleted Scenes: Space Station Sun
STRONG BAD: Writing the climatic ending to a hugely successful action movie can be tough, and sometimes it takes a few tries to get it right. Here are a few "deleted" {gestured with his hands} scenes that you were never meant to see!

[edit] Blocker

DANGERESQUE: I should move these things. Someone could trip on 'em.
RENALDO: Would you say they were "dangerous"?
DANGERESQUE: {affirmatively} I would say they are dangerous. Yes. {kicks the blocker to the side wall} That's better.

[edit] Drill

If the Drill is against the blocker
DANGERESQUE: A couple of well placed Taekwon-Judo hits oughta stop this mega solar drill! {attempts to beat it up with little success} WHAT? That thing just took a four-fingered exploding fist of the lotus knuckle and it's still drillin'! Now that's steel-belted tough!

DANGERESQUE: {attempts to beat it up with little success} Still nothin'.
If the Drill is against the back wall
DANGERESQUE: A couple of well placed Taekwon-Judo hits oughta stop this mega solar drill! {attempts to beat it up with little success} Uhh, no.

[edit] Diamond → Drill

If the drill tip is not raised

DANGERESQUE: I'm not risking getting my hand stuck between the floor and that drill! That thing's just not in a safe position right now!

If the drill tip is raised

DANGERESQUE: {gets out the diamond} Okay, let's see how tough this diamond-tipped diamond really is! {places it onto the tip of the drill}

[edit] Orbit Controls

[edit] Orbit Left

If the blocker hasn't been moved and the drill is resting against it
{The camera turns so that it gives the illusion of the room's gravity tilting to the left.}
DANGERESQUE: {struggling to maintain his balance} CooOOooOol!!!
RENALDO: Whoooaa!
If the blocker hasn't been moved and the drill is against the wall
DANGERESQUE: {struggling to maintain his balance} Here we go!
RENALDO: Aaahhhh!
UZI BAZOOKA: {maintaining his balance, speaking monotonously} Recalibrating!
{The drill hits the blocker and the tip angles down. The "gravity" then restores itself back to normal.}

DANGERESQUE: {struggling to maintain his balance} Ahhh!
RENALDO: I'm gettin' dizzy!
UZI BAZOOKA: {maintaining his balance, speaking monotonously} Recalibrating!
{The drill hits the blocker and the tip angles down. The "gravity" then restores itself back to normal.}
If the blocker has been moved but the diamond isn't attached to the drill
{The drill gets pulled down towards Uzi Bazooka, whom still remains standing after the tip hitting him.}
UZI BAZOOKA: {monotonously} Ha ha ha! Plain old solar drill can't penetrate my metallic body!
{The drill rebounds back towards the back wall.}
DANGERESQUE: Man, I really thought that was going to work! I need a tougher drill!
If the blocker has been moved and the diamond is attached to the drill
{The camera turns so that it gives the illusion of the room's gravity tilting to the left.}
DANGERESQUE: {struggling to maintain his balance} Hang on to your butts!!
RENALDO: I'm gonna be sick!
UZI BAZOOKA: {maintaining his balance, speaking monotonously} Maintaining balance.
{The drill gets pulled down towards Homestar. The camera perspective changes to show Strong Sad taking the stunt of having the tip strike his chest.
STRONG SAD: Owwww! {falls over}
{Strong Bad laughs sadistically off-screen. Jump cut to Homestar lying on the floor.}
UZI BAZOOKA: {pretending to malfunction} Bzzt bztt!! Dangeresque, you were the only one... bzzt bzzt... who could destroy me!
DANGERESQUE: And you, Uzi Bazooka, had the coolest name of any robot I ever smashed with a giant solar {pronounced "so-laar"} drill.
UZI BAZOOKA: {pretending to malfunction} Perhaps in another life... bzzt... {powers down when speaking} we could have... been... part... ners... {closes his eyes}
DANGERESQUE: No dice, Bazooka! I work alone.
{Change camera perspective. Homestar is replaced with a Homestar costume lying in his place.}
DANGERESQUE: {turns to the camera} Except when I work with Renaldo. {admittedly} Or Dangeresque Too... or-
CRAIG: {off-screen, The Cheat noises}
{Dangeresque turns towards the entrance}
DANGERESQUE TOO: {off-screen} Dangeresque, help!

[edit] Orbit Right

If the drill is against the blocker
{The camera turns so that it gives the illusion of the room's gravity tilting to the right.}
DANGERESQUE: {struggling to maintain his balance} Whoaaa!!!
RENALDO: Hey now!
UZI BAZOOKA: {maintaining his balance, speaking monotonously} Does not compute!
{The drill hits the back wall and the tip raises up. The "gravity" then restores itself back to normal.}

{The camera turns so that it gives the illusion of the room's gravity tilting to the right.}
DANGERESQUE: {struggling to maintain his balance} Whoaaa!!!
RENALDO: Woooo!
{The drill hits the back wall and the tip raises up. The "gravity" then restores itself back to normal.}
If the drill is against the wall
{The camera turns so that it gives the illusion of the room's gravity tilting to the right.}
DANGERESQUE: {struggling to maintain his balance} Yeeaaahh!!!
RENALDO: Wheee!
UZI BAZOOKA: {maintaining his balance, speaking monotonously} Stop doing that!

[edit] Either Orbit Control

After killing Uzi Bazooka
DANGERESQUE: Oh no! Looks like the orbit controls have broken! And just after I defeated Uzi Bazooka. What a coincidence!

[edit] Renaldo

Before Uzi Bazooka has been defeated
DANGERESQUE: We gotta get you out of here, Renaldo!
RENALDO: Don't worry about me! You gotta destroy that robot and take down the Craig!
After Uzi Bazooka has been defeated
DANGERESQUE: We gotta get you out of here, Renaldo!
RENALDO: Don't worry about me! You gotta rescue Dangeresque Too!

In extended play

DANGERESQUE TOO: We gotta get you out of here, Renaldo!
{The camera pans away slowly. Then it focuses on Renaldo letting his arm down with the paper cuff-link still attached to the wrist.}
RENALDO: You did it! I'm rescued!
DANGERESQUE TOO: {walks in} And I beat up and arrested Craig!
RENALDO/DANGERESQUE TOO/DANGERESQUE: {singing out-of-tune simultaneously} Oh, it's a beautiful day to be on the sun...
{Homestar walks off. Coach Z returns to his normal position.}

[edit] Nunchuk Gun → Renaldo

DANGERESQUE: {withdraws the gun and points it towards Coach Z} FREEZE!
RENALDO: {scared} AAhhhgghhh!!
DANGERESQUE: Hahahaha! {puts the gun away} I never get tired of that.

[edit] Uzi Bazooka

Before killing Uzi Bazooka
DANGERESQUE: You better step off, sucka!
UZI BAZOOKA: Oh yeah? Bring it!
DANGERESQUE: {puzzlingly} Bring it? Hmmm... clearly I need to rethink this.
After killing Uzi Bazooka
DANGERESQUE: Uzi Bazooka, now that you are just scrap metal, perhaps someone can make you into an actual uzi bazooka. We can only hope.
In extended play
STRONG BAD: Hey, this thing's hollow... I wonder if... {bends down}
{Homestar stands up in Strong Bad's place.}
STRONG BAD: {dubbing over Homestar, speaking monotonously} Now I am Uzi Bazooka! No... I am Luger Machete! Ultimate crime solving and making machine! Ha ha ha!!!
{Jump cut back to normal.}

[edit] Nunchuk Gun → Uzi Bazooka

DANGERESQUE: Outta my way, Bazooka!
UZI BAZOOKA: {monotonously} I won't let you pass!
DANGERESQUE: Oh yeah? Well, tell it to my friends Nun and Chuck! {withdraws his Nunchuk Gun}
UZI BAZOOKA: {monotonously} Your puny weapons can't harm me.
{Strong Bad puts the gun away.}

[edit] Game Epilogue

{Strong Bad presses stop on the video and looks back at everyone who attended the premiere, all obviously looking disappointed.}
COACH Z: What happened to the part where Dangeresque swoops in, rescuing me from danger and carrying me off into the sunset?
STRONG BAD: Oh yeah... Renaldo dies now.
COACH Z: {shocked} WHAT?! Oh, but I only had two weeks 'till retirement!
MARZIPAN: {bitterly} Yeah, and you fast forwarded through the 8 minutes of educational content I provided!
BUBS: {bitterly} And what happened to my nude scene?!
STRONG SAD: Where is the artistic noir cinematic stylings you promised?
{Everyone edges closer to Strong Bad in retaliation, whom climbs up onto the top of the couch.}
STRONG BAD: Now calm down, people! Every great film has to make some creative editing decisions in order to make me look better. {The outcry doesn't stop.} Uh oh, this is starting to turn into an unruly mob. And not the good kind like I start at Strong Sad's poetry readings. For REAL this time... looks like I'm gonna have to JUMP!
{Strong Bad jumps over the mob, with a real freeze frame of the action being applied over the game's end credits. Again, Today is Alright 4 2Nite can be heard, along with the Dangeresque 3 main theme right after it.}
ON-SCREEN TEXT: {after the credits finish} EXTENDED PLAY UNLOCKED!
{Cue a transition to the preview for 8-Bit Is Enough.}


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