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"Please don't dig up the grave."

Strong Bad Email #105
Cast: Strong Bad, The Cheat, Strong Sad, Strong Mad, Bubs, Coach Z, Homestar Runner, Marzipan, Homsar
Places: Computer Room, The Field, Basement of the Brothers Strong, Marzipan's House, The Stage
Computer: Compy 386
Date: June 8, 2004
Length: 3:22
Page title: Compy 386!!
DVD: strongbad_email.exe Disc Four
Strong Bad Email Chronology
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Strong Bad looks for a replacement for when he retires from answering emails.


[edit] Transcript

STRONG BAD: Our next show, is a family show. email.


STRONG BAD: {typing} You've got a good point there, Jeffy. I suppose I can't keep checking these e-mails forever. I never really thought about finding an heir to my throne before. Come to think of it, what ever happened to my throne?

{Strong Bad stops typing, picks up a phone, and talks into it, making a sound like a loudspeaker in a supermarket}

STRONG BAD: Attention The Cheat. Customer needs assistance in e-mail. Customer needs assistance in e-mail.

{Strong Bad puts down the phone, which is not attached to anything. The Cheat arrives in a blue employee's vest with his name on it}

STRONG BAD: The Cheat, didn't I use to have a throne of some kind?

THE CHEAT: {points at the stool and makes The Cheat noises.}

STRONG BAD: No, no, no, this is my stool. I'm talking about a throne. You know, it had, nuggets on it, and...a hundred cup holders...some of them velvety know, a throne. And I think I had a motorcycle, too. See if you can find those.

THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises}

STRONG BAD: {typing} I guess the best way to find a replacement is to subject a bunch of applicants to the same rigorous screening process that I subjected myself to {begins to sound unsure of what he is saying} when I started checking these emails?

{Cut to Strong Bad and Homestar standing in the Field.}

STRONG BAD: I'm gonna hold up a last name, and you make fun of it. {holds up a cue card with the word "Gargleman" written on it} Gargleman.


STRONG BAD: {holds up a cue card that reads "Dumweiner"} Dumweiner.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Uhhhh, crapface.

STRONG BAD: {changes cue card to "Butkus"} Butkus.


STRONG BAD: {changes cue card to "Crambert"} Crambert.


STRONG BAD: {changes cue card to "Desterhoft"} Desterhoft.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Let me think about it; {without hesitation} Crapface.

STRONG BAD: Whoa! Perfect score!

{Cut to the computer room with Strong Bad and Coach Z in front of the Compy.}

STRONG BAD: Let's hear your best "deleted."

{He presses a button on the keyboard and the Compy displays DELETED on a blue background, making the standard DELETED sound.}


{Compy flashes DELORTED on a yellow background and makes a distorted version of the DELETED sound. Strong Bad looks surprised.}

{Cut to the basement with Strong Bad and Bubs and a cardboard box with Strong Sad drawn on it sitting on the couch.}

STRONG BAD: Strong Sad's on the couch, watching TV. What do you do?

BUBS: Kick him in the teeth!

STRONG BAD: That's good, that's good, even though he might not have any teeth. What else?

BUBS: Kick him in the grill!

STRONG BAD: Yeah, yeah! Keep going!

BUBS: {turns to face Strong Bad} Kick you in the grill!

{Bubs starts to approach Strong Bad, waving his arms and yelling menacingly}

STRONG BAD: {nervously} No, no, Bubs, calm down, this is only a drill!

{Cut to Marzipan's house with Strong Bad and Marzipan holding Carol.}

STRONG BAD: Let's hear your best "scroll buttons" song.

MARZIPAN: {singing and playing the guitar} And that's why I like to scroll, with scroll buttons!

STRONG BAD: {sarcastically} Oh, right, right, the worst song I ever heard. Play another one!

MARZIPAN: {singing and playing the guitar} Scroll buttons are good, they move you up and down, they take you to...

{Strong Bad groans. Cut to the basement, with Strong Bad, Strong Sad, and the same cardboard box with Strong Sad on it.}

STRONG BAD: Okay, Strong Sad, Strong Sad's on the couch, watching TV. What do you do?

STRONG SAD: Go make him some hummus!

STRONG BAD: Hummus?! No, try something else.

STRONG SAD: Uh... Give him a foot massage!

STRONG BAD: {looks at Strong Sad's feet} Those are not feet!

{Cut to the field with Homestar, Strong Bad and The Cheat. The Cheat is wearing a cardboard box that has a drawing of himself on it.}

STRONG BAD: Now I want you to pretend this is The Cheat, and give him a good, swift, kick in The Cheat!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {bends one of his legs back, then pauses} Umm... Crapface. {puts his leg back down}

{Cut to Strong Bad in front of his computer}

STRONG BAD: Ugh. {typing} This screening process is neither processing nor screening very well. I suppose I should cut to the chase and haul out the big guns...DANCE CONTEST!

{Cut to a stage. Music is playing. We see the top part of Strong Bad's head watching each contestant. The first contestant is Marzipan, who spins her ponytail around while moving her head left and right. Cut to Coach Z, who taps his right foot while waving his arms. Cut to Strong Sad simply twitching his fingers. Cut to Bubs shaking his arms while jumping up and down. Cut to Strong Mad, who simply stands in place and yells.}


{Cut to Homsar, who shuffles his feet all along the stage. The camera then cuts to and zooms in on Homestar, who is lit by a spotlight. The music changes to the ending of a slow, dramatic song.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {singing} And then I put it on my faaaaace...

{Cut to Strong Bad at his computer.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Uh, this dance contest is neither contesting nor dancing very well. Looks like I'm gonna be checking e-mails and kicking Cheats 'til the day I die. {stops typing} Whoa, that'd make an awesome tattoo! Or an even better epitaph!

{Cut to the field at night. A blank tombstone is on the foreground, and as we hear Strong Bad's voice, his words are carved on the slab.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Here lies Strong Bad

{underneath, in slightly smaller letters}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} "Checking e-mails and kicking Cheats in the hereafter"


STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Buried with his hundred girlfriends


STRONG BAD: {voiceover} And like, a jillion dollars

{underneath, in even smaller letters}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Please don't dig up the grave.

{The Paper comes down}

[edit] Easter Eggs

  • At the end, click on the word "Cheats" to see another exchange between Strong Bad and The Cheat:
{Cut to The Cheat near his light switch, still wearing his uniform.}
STRONG BAD: {offscreen, into speakerphone} A-ttention The Cheat!
THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises}
STRONG BAD: Have you found that motorcycle yet? {slight pause} Maybe check in our...stock room.
THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises}
STRONG BAD: And Dana needs more quarters on register three.

[edit] Fun Facts

[edit] Explanations

  • Hummus is a paste of pureed chickpeas usually mixed with sesame oil or sesame paste and eaten as a dip or sandwich spread.

[edit] Trivia

[edit] Remarks

  • Strong Bad uses a disconnected telephone.
  • Strong Bad's epitaph reads "kicking Cheats in the hereafter", a rare use of The Cheat's name without an integral article.
  • Strong Bad doesn't interview Strong Mad or Homsar, yet they still take part in the dance contest; he also doesn't interview The Cheat.
  • The text on the Compy during the interview with Coach Z is the same text that he finished writing before the first interview with Homestar, which may mean that he deleted the e-mail that he was replying to.

[edit] Goofs

  • The visible "DELET" part of the DELETED text is the same size as the "DELOR" part of Coach Z's "DELORTED". At that size, the final D wouldn't fit on the screen.
  • The sign above Marzipan normally reads "Thank You". In this email, it appears to be blank due to a positioning error in the Flash file.
  • The first quotation mark on Strong Bad's gravestone is backwards.

[edit] Inside References

[edit] Real-World References

  • The Cheat is wearing a blue uniform, typical of Wal-Mart employees, but Strong Bad uses a red phone, typical of Target stores.
  • The name "Butkus" refers to Chicago Bears Hall-Of-Fame linebacker Dick Butkus.
  • A Grill most likely refers to the dental object people (most prominently rappers) wear on their teeth, but can also mean the mouth/teeth themselves.

[edit] Fast Forward

  • Marzipan's first scroll button song was later used on the Strong Bad Email Menu, despite him saying that it was the worst song he ever heard.

[edit] DVD Version

  • The DVD version features hidden creator's commentary. To access it, switch your DVD player's audio language selection while watching.

[edit] Commentary Transcript

(Commentary by: Matt Chapman, Mike Chapman)

MATT: What's he's saying right now is from an old audio recording that I made.

MIKE: Yeah, Matt, before we had a video camera, he and his friend, you know, would just make movies and...

MATT: Radio plays!

MIKE: On, aha, on audio cassette! He had a bad tape recorder.

MATT: And our friend TJ said that, and he could, he was like four or something and couldn't talk very well, or at least couldn't re-memorize lines at the time 'cuz he was so young, and it was called "The Hostess Cake": "Our next show is a family show. It is... The Hostess Cake"... Mike, how did he do that with his voice?! That phone's clearly not plugged in!

MIKE: It's like Coach Z's phone from another cartoon. I dunno. I dunno, Matt. I just make the cartoons.

MATT: That's clearly a Wal-Mart vest that The Cheat is wearing there, I think, Mike.

MIKE: Also, there's "Alone in the Dark" back there. Is that... this is, okay, this is before that horrible "Alone in the Dark" movie that just came out.

MATT: Oh, yeah, did that already come out?

MIKE: Yeah! It was just in the theater for, like, two days.

MATT: Yeah. Bad idea.


MIKE: So, what are we— Which one is this? Replacements?

MATT: Yeah, he's trying to find an heir to the throne!

MATT: Oooooh.

{pause until Strong Bad holds up the "Desterhoft" card}

MIKE: Hey, that's the name of the guy that sent the email!

MATT: That's a funny name.

MIKE: {imitates the "Deleted" buzzer, then again as Strong Bad DELETEs the email}

MATT: {of "DELORTED"} Oof. That brown screen is gross. I like it. Now this is our friend Craig Zobel, who... you all know. His favorite thing ever on our website is right here where Bubs attacks Strong Bad.

MIKE: That's just me being ba— being a lazy animator. It wasn't supposed to be funny.

MATT: {partially over the last line} No, that was you being a genius.

MIKE: It wasn't supposed to be funny.

MATT: It's hilarious.

MIKE: Didn't you record Strong Bad singing one of these scroll buttons songs for the scroll button menu?

MATT: Mm-hmm. I did.

MIKE: We oughta use that.

MATT: Never have. Maybe we should. It's been the same one for a while now.

MIKE: Yeah.

MATT: {of the box with Strong Sad's image} That Strong Sad drawing is pretty great. The Cheat clearly drew that for him. {after Strong Bad's "Those are not feet.} What are they called, Mike?

MIKE: Soolnds?

MATT: Soolnd.


MATT: Um...

MIKE: So we got a dance party coming up where Coach Z is doing our friend Claire's dance.

MATT: Mm-hmm. I remember... that's a good dance.

MIKE: There it is.

MATT: The Claire dance. I don't know if Claire knows that we have Coach Z doing her dance.

MIKE: Does she know we have a name for her dance?

MATT: I don't know if she knows that either. I hope she doesn't get mad.

MIKE: I did all this. That's why the dances are pretty lame.

MATT: Homestar is singing in a dance contest, Mike. He doesn't, he obviously doesn't know what's going on.

MIKE: Even if it was a singing contest, it was a pretty bad song.

MATT: Yeah.

MIKE: I dunno what he's talking about, but I dunno what he just put on his face.

{they laugh}

MATT: It's a great song, I think. It's very interesting. It makes you wonder. What did— and what happened that spawned that?

MIKE: I don't wanna know.

{pause until The Paper}

MIKE: That's it.

MATT: Preeow.

[edit] Fun Facts

  • Hostess is a manufacturer of various snack cakes and pastries, most famously the Twinkie.
  • The critically panned 2005 film Alone in the Dark, a box-office failure, was based on the video game of the same name, which was in the Floppy Disk Container in this email.

[edit] External Links

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