for kids

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Revision as of 19:42, 16 November 2004

"Okay, kids, we're gonna play Where's The Cheat!"

StrongBadEmail #110

Allison wonders what a Strong Bad television series would be like.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, The Cheat, Homsar, The King of Town

Transcript

{We see Strong Bad at the Compy 386 playing Peasant's Quest. He has a score of -38 and is in the area with Kerrek.}

STRONG BAD: Uh, let's see here... {typing} Make friends with Kerrek. {A message pops up. It reads "The Kerrek says he has enough friends already. And he doesn't like your short, short pants." His score also drops to -40.}

STRONG BAD: What the!? (presses enter} Um... {typing} Buy Kerrek a cold one. {Kerrek smashes him on the head. There is another message. It reads "The Kerrek is a Teetotaller and is offended by your offer. He pounds your head into the ground. You dead." His score also drops to -45.}

STRONG BAD: What? Oh man... Stupid game! {types "quit." a message says "You quitter."} I guess I should do the thing that I do. {pulls up the a> sign and types "strongbad_email.exe"} {Reading}

Coolest guy ever - - - Strong Bad,
I've been wondering if you ever
thought of making your own television
series? Kids everywhere would love
you, and your awesomeness.

Allison , NJ

{instead of saying "- - -", he mumbles "henna" three times. After reading his own name, he stops reading and says, "Whoa! Three hennas! Must be an important one!" Then he continues reading. After the comma, he says "unnecessary comma," and he pronounces "Allison" as "All is on"}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Television?!! Kids?!! Wait, do you people think I'm intended for children? Like, the littlest, tiniest babies? You know, that watch those shows on public television. I don't think I'm cut out for that type of sugarjob.

{Cut to a piece of yellow paper used for teaching Kindergartners writing. Strong Bad is super-imposed on it with a bazooka gun, a monster with horns, a bunny with fangs, and a creature that resembles a man sticking its tongue out are drawn in crayon around him.}

STRONG BAD: {Smiling beatifically} Okay, kids, we're gonna play "Where's The Cheat?". Can you say, "a-The Cheat"?

KIDS: {half incoherent} The Cheat. {one child mumbles} Christopher Columbus.

STRONG BAD: Not good enough. F minus minus. {"F--" appears on the screen. A buzz sound is heard. Cut back to Strong Bad. Behind him are a tree and an open box. A toilet is in front of him.} All right, dumb children. {rubs his hands together} Find The Cheat! {The Cheat comes out from behind the box.}

KIDS: {say things like "There he is," or "Right there." They continue saying this.}

STRONG BAD: Um, no, he's behind the box. {Turns around and points to The Cheat} No, uh, he's not even behind the box, he's barely obscured by the box. {turns around} Look, The Cheat is behind the freaking box!! {Kids stop talking and the music soundtrack screeches to a halt. Strong Bad comes closer to the viewer.} HE'S BEHIND THE BOX! I'LL KILL YOU!! I'LL KILL ALL OF YOUR DOGS!![1] {Cut back to Strong Bad at the Compy 386}

STRONG BAD: So, you can see how that might be less than pleasant. What with all the letter writing and the angry mothers and the subsequent stringing me up in town square for all to see. But you know who's a natural for that sorta thing? None other than America's favorite blue midget Homestar: Homsar!!

{Cut to an all-white scene. Homsar comes through a faraway door. He walks closer to the viewer and stops.}

KIDS: What do you know, Haddi-man?

MAN: {As the words are sung, they are shown one by one at the bottom of the viewer's screen. Homsar rides by in a boat with a flag. The background is green with flowers. His shirt says "if you lived here you'd be home"} We'll have an adventure, and several long trips. We'll make some new friends {Children come out of nowhere behind Homsar} and maybe get a bite to eat!! {An orange with "abc" on it appears behind Homsar. A lot of Homsars now appear and disappear.} All 'cause we say, {A red Homsar with a flag appears. White liquid spills onto the screen. A logo that says "Whaddaya know, Haddi-man? with a Homsar on it appears.}

KIDS: What do you know, Haddi-man?

HOMSAR: DaAaAaA! I'm a trendy totebag!

{Cut to a tan scene. Homsar disappears and reappears in random places and makes sounds. When he stops, "g" appears in front of him.}

KIDS: A "G"!

HOMSAR: I'm not gonna lie to you, that's a healthy piece of real estate!

KIDS: A "G"!

{Cut to a purple place with a person playing a guitar on a chair wearing sneakers. As the words are sung, they appear on the screen.}

MAN: Stave it off, 1-2-3, and now you can count to three.

HOMSAR: That's a real popular song! Who wants to hear of it fifty times more?

KIDS: {shouts of approval}

{Cut to a purple place. Now we see two of the guitar playing people, one superimposed over the other. Again, as the words are sung, they appear on the screen.}

MAN: Stave it off, 1-2-3, and now you can count to three.

{One of the guitarists is suddenly upside-down. The song repeats.}

MAN: Stave it off, 1-2-3, and now you can count to three.

{Cut back to the Compy.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Good gravy. I've got two words for the children that are raised on that crap: HELD. BACK. ...REPEATING THE THIRD GRADE. LOW STANDARDIZED TEST SCORES. I GUESS THIS WAS MORE THAN TWO WORDS. THE PAPER, PLEASE TAKE US HOME.

{The paper comes down}

Footnote

[1] There has been ensuing debate over whether Strong Bad says "dogs" or "dolls" at this point. A poll conducted about this seems to point toward "dogs" being most accepted as correct

Easter Eggs

• At the end, click on the words "good gravy" to see the KOT's new food product.
• Also at the end click "crap" to see a CD and hear a sample of All is On's album.

Fun Facts

• Strong Bad was playing Peasant's Quest and was doing poorly.
  • The commands he uses were not originally part of the game but were added (though not in identical form) after this email debuted. It is also impossible to get a negative score in the real game.
  • If you look carefully, you can see that the Kerrek isn't walking around in the "Kerrek tracks" area.
• The fake show hosted by Strong Bad is a spoof of many children's shows; the kids heard shouting the answers to Strong Bad's questions are taken from the show Blue's Clues. Strong Bad's show is actually a curious reversal of Blue's Clues; in Blue's Clues the kids know all the answers but the host is completely clueless.
• One of the crayon drawings in Strong Bad's show looks similar to Dijjery-Doo.
• The drawing in top right corner of Strong Bad's show is the gelatnous monster from kids' book.
• When Homsar talks after the G shows up (complete with various head movements and hat flyings, as per usual), his shadow stands still.
• The Party Mix CD easter egg is a parody of the various "Kidz Bop!" and other 'kid-safe' albums.
• The spine of the Party Mix CD reads "Songs we found on the street"
• The song "All is on" is a reference to Allison, the writer of the email. When Strong Bad reads her name at the beginning he pronounces it "All is on"
• "The Paper please take us home" is probably a reference to Guns n' Roses' song, "Paradise City". Guns n' Roses was also referred to in Peasant's Quest.
• Strong Bad's game of 'Where's The Cheat?' with the children is likely a reference to the cartoon Where's The Cheat?
• The noise Homsar makes when he teleports around is a reference to the PBS show Boobah
• This email has Homsar as a fairly important character. The last email to share this trait was interview, which introduced Kerrek. This e-mail begins with Strong Bad's attempts to foil the Kerrek's plans.
• The positions of the crayon graphics in the first scene (the one with the bazooka, Dijery-Doo, Gelatinous monster, and sick-looking guy) are all rearranged when the scene zooms in on SB's face.
• If the Kerrek is a tee-totaller, then Cold Ones must be alcoholic if that stops him from drinking them? Cold Ones have never before been shown to be alcoholic, although it seems likely.
• Strong Bad refers to hosting a kids' show as a "sugarjob." This is possibly a reference to the e-mail sugarbob.

External Links

• watch "for kids"
• view the flash file for "for kids"
• forum thread re: "for kids"