Dangeresque 3: The Criminal Projective Responses (Smoky Office)
From Homestar Runner Wiki
Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People has many responses when you talk to various characters and interact with various objects. These are the responses from the Smoky Office in Dangeresque 3: The Criminal Projective.
On these pages, A → B (right arrow) means that the response happens when object A is used on thing B, or in the case of talking to other characters, the indicated sequence of chat topic icons are chosen.
A short horizontal line between two or more responses, such as the one above, means only one of the responses is heard at a time, and that the action results in a different response each time it occurs.
Contents |
Game Introduction
{The camera slowly fades in on a dark room in an apartment high-rise, with the skyline of a nighttime city outside. Thunder can be heard faintly. Cut to an overhead shot of a nunchuck-gun (a pair of nunchucks taped to a revolver) sitting on a desk, with an overhead lamp shining on it. A boxing glove-clad hand reaches out and takes them. Cut to a shot of the room's front door from the inside, the camera slowly panning in to it. The door slowly creaks open. Cut to pitch blackness}
- STRONG BAD: {offscreen} I always knew it would come to this.
{Cut to an extreme close-up of Strong Bad's mouth}
- STRONG BAD: Did you think I wouldn't find out?
{Cut to a further-away shot of Strong Bad holding the nunchuk-gun and wearing shades}
- STRONG BAD: Did you really believe that I would never—
{Cut to an even-further-away shot of Strong Bad standing behind the desk}
- STRONG BAD: —discover the true face of my greatest enemy?
{A silhouetted Homestar Runner walks in and obscures part of the foreground}
- HOMESTAR RUNNER: That's right. But it doesn't matter now because I have the diamond!
- STRONG BAD: You mean...
{Strong Bad holds up a diamond}
- STRONG BAD: THIS DIAMOND!?
{Thunder crashes}
- HOMESTAR RUNNER: GASP!
{Cut to black. The title sequence for the game is shown, with the credits being shown amid silhouettes of Strong Bad as Dangeresque, Homestar as Dangeresque Too and Coach Z as Renaldo, and while an instrumental of the music of the "Dangeresque II: This time, it's not Dangeresque 1" theme plays. After the credits, fade in on Strong Bad dozing on his computer room desk in front of the Lappy 486. He suddenly awakens with a start.}
- STRONG BAD: Wha-hwoa? Oh yeah, right. Reply to all...
{Cut to Strong Bad's perspective of the Lappy, as he starts typing on the keyboard with his boxing gloves on}
- STRONG BAD: {typing} Dear, {slightly quickly} all the annoying morons that have been bugging me about it for the last four and a half years... {normal} Yes, I finally finished Dangeresque 3: {sultry voice} The Criminal Projective, {normal voice} so you can all EAT IT! {clears the screen} The critics are stark raving, "A dastardly masterly masterwork of cinemagic wonder."... "More special effects than a Jessica Tandy joint!"... "They may give you the whole tub of popcorn, but you'll only need the edge!" {again clears the screen} Tickets are selling for like $100 a piece! Everybody who's anybody that gives me a hundred bucks is going to be there!
{Cut to a different perspective of the computer desk}
- STRONG BAD: Oh crap! I'm late for the premiere!
{Cut to a shot of a VHS tape on the desk, which Strong Bad picks up, and then leaves the computer room. Cut to the basement, where Bubs, Coach Z, Homestar and Marzipan all are, all looking impatient. Strong Bad enters the room}
- MARZIPAN: Where have you been?
- COACH Z: Hey, we've been waiting for hours!
- BUBS: Finally, let's start the movie!
- HOMESTAR RUNNER: Is that him? I think that's him!
- STRONG BAD: {jumping on top of the VCR atop the Telebision} Ok peoples, here is the moment you have all been waiting for! The long awaited premiere of ...DANGERESQUE... THREE! {imitates echoing} Three... three... three...
{Strong Bad gets down from on top of the TV and puts the tape in the VCR. Cut a front shot of the TV, with the camera zooming in on it, until it fills up the screen. The screen fades in on static and The Cheat's flipper-like hand holding up a crude title card reading the movie title, backed by the Smokey Office. The Cheat then removes the card as Strong Bad as Dangeresque says the following line:}
- STRONG BAD: {talking on the phone} Yeah, well I don't care what the FBI, CIA, RGB and XFL say! I already returned the priceless paintings that were evidence!
{Strong Bad hangs up the phone and faces the camera}
- STRONG BAD: Dangeresque plays by his own rules!
{Strong Bad turns his head to his right (the viewer's left) as he hears the door knocking.}
Inside
Blinds
- STRONG BAD: Whoa, there's an outside of this office? Man, these blinds have been blinding me from seeing the city at large.
Cake
- STRONG BAD: {Sniffs the cake. Unsteady voice} What is in this cake?
- COACH Z: My favorites, baloney and olives! My mother still makes me one every year for my birthday!
- STRONG BAD: And yet, you lived long enough to retire.
- STRONG BAD: I think I better stay away from that thing. And probably classify it as a biological hazard. {Backs away}
Chair
- STRONG BAD: In the event of an emergency landing, this chair can also be used as a flotation device.
- In extended play
Cutesy Buttons
Cutesy Buttons → Cutesy Buttons → Angel
Cutesy Buttons → Cutesy Buttons → Devil
Cutesy Buttons → Renaldo
Cutesy Buttons → Formula
Cutesy Buttons → Trinket
Dangeresque Too
Dangeresque Too → Dangeresque Too → Angel
- STRONG BAD: Hey, you've gotta teach me that killer spin kick move you do!
- HOMESTAR: What are you talking about?
- STRONG BAD: You know, when you kicked Killingyouguy's butt that last time.
- HOMESTAR: No, you must have dreamt that. But yeah, I can probably teach ya.
Dangeresque Too → Dangeresque Too → Devil
- STRONG BAD: You've been screwing up a lot in the past a lot lately. I don't need a loose cannon on this team!
- HOMESTAR: {Angrily} Back off, buddy! I don't wanna be here any more than you do, but I'm the only one you got!
- COACH Z: Hey, hey, hey! Save that kind of banter for the raquetball court, you two!
Dangeresque Too → Renaldo
- STRONG BAD: I can't believe Renaldo is retiring!
- HOMESTAR: I know! He's taken my badge away thirteen times. Good thing I bought a case of 'em.
- STRONG BAD: He only took mine once. But then I just stole yours, since it already says "Dangeresque" on it.
- STRONG BAD: I guess after Renaldo retires, I'll have to start looking for a new regular partner.
- HOMESTAR: What do you think Renaldo's replacement's gonna to be like? Streetwise loose cannon with nothing to lose? Booksmart stuffed shirt with something to prove? Foot-long hot dog in a kaiser roll?
- STRONG BAD: Oh, wait, I forgot. After Renaldo retires, I work alone!
- HOMESTAR: Maybe it'll be me. I'm a trash-talking rebel with—
- STRONG BAD: {Interrupting} It won't be you.
Dangeresque Too → Trinket
- STRONG BAD: {Pulls out the trinket} Check this thing out!
- HOMESTAR: Wow! What is that thing?
- STRONG BAD: Well, what do YOU think it is?
- HOMESTAR: Hmmm... is it animal or mineral?
- STRONG BAD: Mineral.
- HOMESTAR: Heavy or light?
- STRONG BAD: Kinda heavy.
- HOMESTAR: Sweet or salty?
- STRONG BAD: If I were to venture a guess, salty.
- HOMESTAR: Then I have solved your riddle! The doctor is his MOTHER!
- STRONG BAD: {Pause} Never mind. {Puts the trinket away}
Diet Cola
- STRONG BAD: Diet brown. All the fizzy with none of the flabby!
- COACH Z: Yeah! If I'm gonna hit the beaches on my retirement cruise, I'm need to start watching my girlish figure!
- STRONG BAD: It'll work even better if I just take it away! I'm confiscating this. Official corrupt police business. {Takes the can}
Door
- {First time only}
- STRONG BAD: Yeah, I should probably answer that. It's probably a gorgeous dame in desperate need of my help.
- {He opens the door}
- STRONG BAD: {his head inside the doorway} Why, hello beautiful.
- {Coach Z as Renaldo enters the Smokey Office}
- COACH Z: Hello Dangeresque! It's me... Renaldo! Your partner! I'm here with your on-again off-again sometimes other partner with the same name as you, Dangeresque... Too?
- {Homestar Runner as Dangeresque Too enters the office carrying a cake.}
- HOMESTAR: Sup, Big D.
- COACH Z: Are we late for the... uhh... what's my line?
- STRONG BAD: {softly; annoyed} ...Retirement party.
- COACH Z: Oh yeah... Retirement party? You know, because I retire in two weeks and then I'm off to spend my days in the Sidekick Islands where nothing can possibly kill you off {he pronounces "off" as "orf"}!
- HOMESTAR: I brought cake!
- {Strong Bad closes the door}
- {Second time only}
- {Strong Bad stares at the door}
- STRONG BAD: Oh, I'll get—
- {As he reaches for the handle, someone stars knocking. He looks down and sighs}
- STRONG BAD: {Flatly} Oh, I'll get the door.
- {Opens the door, revealing Marzipan as Cutesy Buttons}
- MARZIPAN: Dangeresque?
- STRONG BAD: Cutesy Buttons! Are you here for Renaldo's retirement-in-two-weeks party too?
- MARZIPAN: {Walks in, carrying Credenza} No, I'm here because I need your help to save millions of helpless rainforest trees, like this one! {Holds up Credenza, then puts it down by the desk}
- STRONG BAD: {Stage whisper} Marzipan, I told you not to bring your stupid plant!
- MARZIPAN: {Stage whisper} Credenza's a natural movie star! He deserves to be in this movie! {Normal voice} Anyway, I'm here because I discovered the location of a secret formula that will save the rainforest! But it's located deep in the jungles of Strong Borneo. For me, that's FAR too dangerous.
- STRONG BAD: Not dangerous... Dangeresque! {To Coach Z and Homestar} What do you say, guys? One last case as a team? Just for old this movie's sake?
- COACH Z: You bet, Dangeresque! We'll just grab the formula and come back. What could possibly go wrong?
- HOMESTAR: Sorry, buddy, I can't. I've got uh... something else... I have to keep my eye on today. You guys go on without me! {Leaves}
- STRONG BAD: Hmmm... {Imitating a dramatic riff} Doodily-waw!
Lamp
- STRONG BAD: Keep on doin' your swing thing, lamp.
Lappy 486
When sitting down
- STRONG BAD: I guess I have a minute to spare and check one of these so-called... e-mails. {Without moving his lips} Chi-ka wha!
- STRONG BAD: Lemme just check the Dangereque Database to see if any new important missions have come in.
- STRONG BAD: I know I'm right in the middle of cracking a hard-boiled case, but I think I have time for an e-mail or two.
- STRONG BAD: I guess if I'm ever gonna learn to use this thing, I better start checking my e-mail.
- STRONG BAD: Even thought I fight the law, but I also fight the crime, I still can't fight the urge to check a few e-mails.
When deleting e-mails
- STRONG BAD: Deleted!
- STRONG BAD: Dee! Lee! Ted!
- STRONG BAD: No one must see this. DELETED!
- STRONG BAD: This message will self-delete in... now.
{After each of these, the deleted sound plays, showing a red DELETED! screen which has the Female Lappy with devil horns.}
When undeleting e-mails
- STRONG BAD: Undeleted!
- STRONG BAD: I better keep this one so it doesn't fall into the wrong hands. Undeleted.
{After each of these, the deleted sound plays backwards, showing a cyan UNDELETED! screen.}
E-mail 1: Bullet Catching
Bullet CatchingDear Strong Bad, have you ever caught a bullet with your
teeth, cause that would be awesome?
Just wondering, AAlgar,WA.
- STRONG BAD: {Reads "Strong Bad" and "Dangeresque" and the name as "Al Gar, worthless agent"} Of course I can catch bullets with my... ahem teeth! You learn that on, like, the first day of basic training at Crooked Cop Academy. {Clears screen} You also learn how to mess with your superior officers in hillarious fashion, and make cool noises with your mouth! {Proceeds to make a series of cool noises with his mouth, which sound rather like alien languages and droid noises from Star Wars.} Oh, I can also catch bottle rockets, musket shot, heat-seeking missiles, and rusty pennies that have been thrown off skyscrapers! And I'm currently working on my yellow belt in catching throwing stars with my eyelashes! Wink, wink!
E-mail 2: ??
E-mail 3: ??
Paintings
- STRONG BAD: {sarcastically} Oh, how did those get here? I thought sure I returned these priceless paintings that were evidence. Ha! Suckers!
- STRONG BAD: These paintings really tie the room together.
- STRONG BAD: These belong in a museum! But I'm keeping 'em anyway.
- In extended play
Nunchuck Gun
- STRONG BAD: Ah, my trusty nunchuck gun. The only gun that's never out of ammo.
Phone
- STRONG BAD: {Picks up the handset} Hello? Commissioner? Do WHAT to a rabbit? You've got the wrong number, pal. I'm not in that business any more. {Hangs up} Stupid telemarketers.
- STRONG BAD: {Picks up the handset, then goes to dial, but pauses} Hello? Hel— Oh, hey! No, it— No, it didn't even ring! ... Yeah, I know! {Camera starts moving around} That's so weird! So, yeah, hey, can I call you back? No, I just... {Turns away from the camera} Yeah. Yeah, I'll call you back. {Camera gets placed on the floor. Strong Bad walks away} I just gotta... yeah. Yeah. Yeah... okay. Yep, I will. Okay. Bye. {Coach Z walks on-screen, if he's in the scene. Strong Bad moves to hang up, then puts the handset back against his ear} What? Oh, okay. Give your mom a hug. Ok, bye. {Hangs up}
- In extended play
Plant
- {First time only}
- STRONG BAD: The moody lighting and smoky atmosphere are being brightened too much by this plant. Maybe I should take it out for some fresh air and water.
- MARZIPAN: Okay, he is looking a little pale in here. Perhaps some sunlight would do him good.
- {Strong Bad takes the plant}
- {After it has been returned}
Renaldo
Renaldo → Renaldo → Angel
- STRONG BAD: Now that you're retiring, Old Man, you won't have to make up excuses for being so grossly out of shape.
- COACH Z: Yeah, now I can accentuate this little bundle of blubber on the beach by lathering it up with sun block and cocoa butter.
- STRONG BAD: That's an image I didn't need stuck in my brain.
Renaldo → Renaldo → Devil
- STRONG BAD: So, Renaldo, you're finally retiring. I guess it's a good thing to get out now before your skills degrade as much as your looks have.
- COACH Z: Too late for that, Dangeresque. My skills took a turn for the worse long before my looks faded.
- STRONG BAD: Oh, so that's why you don't dance no more.
Renaldo → Party
- STRONG BAD: How are you enjoying your retirement party?
- COACH Z: I can't believe that in just two weeks I'll be leaving this office for the last time.
- STRONG BAD: I can't believe that in just two weeks I'll finally be able to get that baloney smell out here office for good!
- COACH Z: What? I thought you LIKED the smell of my deoderant.
- STRONG BAD: Tucking lunch meat under your arms does not deoderant make, Renaldo.
- COACH Z:
Renaldo → Trinket
- STRONG BAD: What do you make of this broken half a piece of junk?
- {Cut to Strong Bad and Coach Z looking down at the camera}
- COACH Z: Boy, it looks real familiar, like something your dad had before he—
- STRONG BAD: {interrupting} Kinda looks like a toe. You think it's a toe?
- COACH Z: ...Sure.
Trinket
- STRONG BAD: Oh, broken half of a paperweight. You were the last thing my father ever gave me before he left, and the only thing I have to remember him. {Takes the trinket} Of course, I might not remember him as such a cheapskate if he bothered to give me something that was whole!
Window
- When Marzipan is absent
- STRONG BAD: Man, that city is SO at large. {Cut to Strong Bad's viewpoint of the "city" with a view of a kiddie pool labeled "SHARK POND!" on it} And I have a great view of Brainblow City's majestic public shark pond!
- When Marzipan is present, but Credenza is not in the shark pond
- STRONG BAD: Take a look at that city, Cutesy Buttons. So full of... stuff that is interesting to turn around and look at. {Marzipan briefly looks out the window}
- MARZIPAN: Yeah, I don't much like Brainblow City. I can't believe they tore down that mighty oak tree to put in that stupid shark pond!
- STRONG BAD: Whoa, check this out! That shark out there is totally making fun of you!
- MARZIPAN: I don't care. As long as it isn't destroying our precious natural vegetation, it can do whatever it wants.
- STRONG BAD: You ever feel like just staring out the window for hours, and not turning around no matter what people are doing to you?
- MARZIPAN: Not really. I'd rather spend my time tending to the needs of plants whose lives are threatened!
- When Marzipan is present, and Credenza is in the shark pond
- In extended play
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