Dangeresque 3: The Criminal Projective Responses (Old Club)

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Revision as of 21:36, 24 December 2017

"PERDUCCI!!"

Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People has many responses when you talk to various characters and interact with various objects. These are the responses from the Old Club in Dangeresque 3: The Criminal Projective.

On these pages, A → B (right arrow) means that the response happens when object A is used on thing B, or in the case of talking to other characters, the indicated sequence of chat topic icons are chosen.

Old Club

On first arrival

{Dangeresque and Renaldo are seen at the entrance to the club when the scene begins.}

DANGERESQUE: {angered, waving his fist} PERDUCCI!!!

{The camera swings to the other side of the club, where Perducci and Killingyouguy are waiting behind a card table.}

PERDUCCI: Well, well, well. If it isn't Dangeresque and his little green sidekick, Renaldo! We've been expecting you, haven't we, Killingyouguy?

KILLINGYOUGUY: I'M THE HENCHMAN!

PERDUCCI: I understand that I have something you want... the plans to the kidnapper's secret hideout!

{Killingyouguy holds up the plans.}

DANGERESQUE: {walks over to Perducci} So just hand it over and nobody has to get hurt! ...Except everybody that's not me.

PERDUCCI: Not so fast! I'm willing to turn over these important architectural documents to you IF you can best me in a gentleman's game of cards.

DANGERESQUE: Fine, what's your game, Pure-dookie? Five card? Hold'em? Fifty-two pick up?

PERDUCCI: Rock, Paper, Baccarat!

DANGERESQUE: {confused} Uhh... of course. Being a sophisticated worldly traveler, I am intimately familiar with the game of Rocks, Papers and Burt Bacharach. {Camera pans up to Renaldo's face} But Renaldo here is an uncouth roustabout... {Camera pans back to Dangeresque} ...so you'd better explain the rules... for him.

PERDUCCI: The rules are simple, each player is dealt 2 cards. You first, then me. Choose your best card and play it on the table. The player with the best card wins! Oh, and nothing beats Rock... except Paper. I'll give you a minute do decide if you wanna chicken out. If not, let me know when you're ready!

In extended play

ON-SCREEN CAPTION: Cast interview: King of Town as Perducci

STRONG BAD: We shut down this entire trendy pwarty cloughb in order to transform it into the abandoned warehouse set for the movie. Hundreds of innocent pwarty people lost their social lives, so that we could achieve cinematic greatness. {Close-up of the King of Town} The King of Town has reprised his role as Dangeresque's arch-nemesis, Perducci! {Pan to Strong Bad} The nice thing about working with the K.O.T. is that he works for peanuts. Literally.

THE KING OF TOWN: {Pans back as he starts speaking} I've already blown through my cashew salary for the movie! Can you advance me some macadamias for my royalties on the merch sales??

Bottles

DANGERESQUE: These "Ones" are all old and warm. {turns towards the camera} And all have light bulbs stuffed inside them apparently.

Rock → Bottles

{First time only. Dangeresque throws the rock, breaking a bottle}

DANGERESQUE: Hey, I win! {Finds a Dangeresque figurine} Why look! It's a well-crafted miniature version of me! I'd buy one of these for $29.97 plus tax from your local retail establishment any day!

Fedora

STRONG BAD: {Jumps and grabs the hat} Another costume missing from the photo booth. Er, wardrobe trailer. I'll go ahead and put it in there.

Killingyouguy

DANGERESQUE: Killingyouguy, is it? Why don't you go ahead and just give me the plans?

KILLINGYOUGUY: {struggling to remember his line} Uhhh... I'M THE HENCHMAN!

DANGERESQUE: {understandingly} Right. I didn't think you'd do this the easy way.

Nunchuk Gun → Killingyouguy

DANGERESQUE: {points the gun at Strong Mad and imitates gunfire} Pchew! Pchew! Pchow! Pchew!

KILLINGYOUGUY: I'M BULLET PROOF!!

DANGERESQUE: Bullet proof?! That's hardly fair! {puts the gun away}

Painting

DANGERESQUE: Whoa! That's an awesome painting! Where'd ya get it?

PERDUCCI: None of your beeswax! And keep your grubby mitts offa my stuff!

---

DANGERESQUE: The artist who made this must be a master artisan, with really minty breath! {exhales noisily} Ahh, ahh!

PERDUCCI: Back off, buddy!

Perducci

Note that clicking on the card table still brings up the card game options.

Continually, after he uses the rock, but before Dangeresque uses it

PERDUCCI: Mumble mumble mumble, and then HE mumble mumble. Mumble mumble mumble, and THEN mumble mumble. Mumble mumble mumble THAT'S when mumble mumble. Mumble mumble mumble, ooh wait, before that, mumble mumble. Mumble MUMBLE mumble hang on, let me start again, mumble mumble.

If Perducci used the rock in the most recent game

DANGERESQUE: You may think you've won this time, Perducci! But Dangeresque always has the last laugh... and the last danish.

PERDUCCI: No one gets the last danish in my house!!

After Killingyouguy plays the paper

DANGERESQUE: Wanna go one more round, Perduuuucci?

PERDUCCI: I think I've beaten you enough for one day, Loser-esque!

In extended play

STRONG BAD: So, King of Town, you've played the role of Perducci in earlier films. How does it feel to step back into the pinstripèd suit of Dangeresque's perpetual antagonist?

THE KING OF TOWN: Well, Perducci is an interesting and complicated character! He first comes across as hard as a jawbreaker. But then you start to see his softer sweet side. Mmmm. He has many layers, like a cake... {Getting more excited} delicious, moist cake. Ok, that's it, let me at that craft service table!

---

STRONG BAD: So, do you think you and Perducci have anything in common?

THE KING OF TOWN: Let's see... we're both snappy dressers, we both enjoy a good game of cards, and we both illegally traffic stolen goods through an unnamed fence in Cairo!

STRONG BAD: What?

THE KING OF TOWN: Oh, AND we both wear hats.

Perducci → Play Game

DANGERESQUE: OK Percuddi, let's play!

PERDUCCI: Let the games begin!

KILLINGYOUGUY: {imitating a horn} DOO DOO-DOOOOT!

PERDUCCI: {deals the cards} The name of the game is R, P, B! Two for you, and two for me!

---

DANGERESQUE: Perducci! You and me! Let's go!

PERDUCCI: Oh, it's on! {deals the cards} Here we go. Two to the player, two to the dealer!

---

DANGERESQUE: Let's do this thing!

PERDUCCI: May the best player win!

RENALDO: Sweep the leg! Sweep the leg!

PERDUCCI: {deals the cards} Two to you, two to me!

Ace of Spades → Card Table

DANGERESQUE: Ha ha! Chew on that, Perducci! The Ace of Spades!

PERDUCCI: {half-heartedly} Oh no. You beat me. ...Oh, but wait? What's this? {lifts a rock onto the table} BOOYAH! I had a rock! I win again! {turns towards Killingyouguy} Ha! Did you see what I did there? Pretending he won but then playing the rock?

KILLINGYOUGUY: NO!

PERDUCCI: Oh, well let me explain it to you... You see, when... {speaks in light mumbles}

Any other card → Card Table

First round only

DANGERESQUE: {Speaks first time only} Beat this. {puts his card down}

PERDUCCI: Well played, Dangeresque, but see if you can beat this... {puts his card down}

---

{Dangeresque places his card down.}

PERDUCCI: I see. I'll play... this card. {puts his card down}

---

{Dangeresque places his card down.}

PERDUCCI: Hmmm... I'll go with this... {puts his card down}

Second round only

DANGERESQUE: {Speaks first time only} This looks pretty good... {puts his card down}

PERDUCCI: Beat this! {holds up the Ace of Spades}

DANGERESQUE: The Ace of Spades!! That's the best card there is!

PERDUCCI: That's right! I win! Too bad, Danger-dope!

Formula → Card Table

DANGERESQUE: {confused} I guess, I'll play this... {puts the formula on the table}

{Skip to the King of Town's response in either the first or second round}

Nunchuk Gun → Card Table

DANGERESQUE: {puts the gun on the table} Uh-huh...

{Skip to the King of Town's response in either the first or second round}

Safety Scissors → Card Table

PERDUCCI: Scissors?! What the funny reference are you doing? There is no place in a game featuring a rock and paper in the title for scissors! Try again!

Small Rock → Card Table

DANGERESQUE: Ah HA! I play a rock! {puts the rock on the table} And nothing beats rock!

PERDUCCI: Aw, fishsticks! {realises the Rock rule} Oh wait! Paper! Paper beats rock! Quick, get me some paper!

{Killingyouguy puts the plans down on top of the rock.}

PERDUCCI: Whew! That was a close one! Nice teamwork there, Killingyouguy! {turns back to Dangeresque} Well, I think I have toyed with you long enough, Dangeresque. Clearly you are no match for me! Now get out and don't ever come back!

Perducci → Rules

DANGERESQUE: How do you play again? I'm used to playing "Bangkok bloody knuckles" rules, not baby sister girly rules.

PERDUCCI: Each player is dealt 2 cards. You first, then me. Choose your best card and play it on the table. The player with the best card wins!

Perducci → Shuffle

{First time only}

DANGERESQUE: Shuffle those cards! And I wanna see your hands when you do it!

PERDUCCI: {hesitantly} Uhhh... That's... gonna be a bit of a problem.

DANGERESQUE: Fine, but no funny stuff!

{Perducci shuffles the cards.}

---

{Second time only}

DANGERESQUE: Shuffle those cards again! I don't trust your "ducci" style!

{Perducci shuffles the cards.}

---

{Subsequent times}

{Perducci shuffles the cards in silence.}

Nunchuk Gun → Perducci

DANGERESQUE: {points the gun at Perducci} Just hand over the plans, Perducci!

PERDUCCI: Violence?! How uncouth! If you want the plans, play me for 'em!

Plans

{Dangeresque stealthily peeks at the plans from the height of the card table, before reaching for it. The camera point changes to another perspective, showing Dangeresque standing on a cardboard box against the table.}

DANGERESQUE: {victoriously} I got the plans!

RENALDO: The plans! You got 'em, Dangeresque!

PERDUCCI: {half-heartedly} What?! Oh no, I am bested. Go on, take them. I'm a failure! Boo hoo hoo...

STRONG BAD: {off-screen, giving stage direction, agitated) More emotion!

PERDUCCI: {starts crying} Whaaaaaaaaaa... Go on, Dangeresque, just take it and get out! Boohoohooo... Killingyouguy, get my painting and let's go!

{Killingyouguy picks up the painting and both he and Perducci leave the scene.}

RENALDO: Geez! I had no idea he was such a nancy boy! Ah, suck it up ya big baby!

DANGERESQUE: Take it easy, Renaldo. It's not every day that a guy like that gets beat down so bad by a guy like me. ...I mean, it is every day, but especially today...veryday.

RENALDO: Yeah, who knew Perducci would turn out to be such a wuss! {suddenly becomes confused} Wait, what?

If the plans were recovered after saving the hostage

DANGERESQUE: Well, we've got the plans and Dad's already waiting at the kidnapper's hideout! {walks towards the camera and turns his head towards Renaldo} Bust out your breakin' and enterin' shoes, Renaldo! We've got a paycheck to rescue. {crashes into the camera}

{The player is automatically taken to the Secret Hideout at this point.}

Renaldo

DANGERESQUE: Hey Renaldo.

After Strong Bad gets the plans

DANGERESQUE: I got the plans, Renaldo!

RENALDO: Great! Let's get outta here.

Renaldo → Perducci

DANGERESQUE: Perducci will only give me the plans if I beat him at his own game. What should I do?

RENALDO: I dunno, Dangeresque. If you lose, that could mean-

DANGERESQUE: {hostilely} Wrong answer! The correct answer is "Beat him bad, leave him with nothing! Mop the floor with his puffy white beard!"

RENALDO: {ashamed} Oh. I was gonna say that next.

Renaldo → Plans

DANGERESQUE: Looks like Perducci's henchman has the plans, but I doubt I'll be able to talk him into sharing.

RENALDO: If ya want, I can go kick him in the teeth!

DANGERESQUE: Easy there Renaldo, I just paid for your retirement party. I can't afford your funeral too.

Small Rock

DANGERESQUE: {takes the rock} Never go into a game without a rock up your sleeve.

Table

DANGERESQUE: Knocked over tables. The telltale sign that this place has been abandoned.