Coach Z's Problems

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[[Image:2probs.png|thumb|"The Coach Z says, 'I have more than two prablems.'"]]
[[Image:2probs.png|thumb|"The Coach Z says, 'I have more than two prablems.'"]]
As explained in [[Main Page 11]] and [[Who Said What Now?]], [[Coach Z]] has claimed to have '''"more than two problems"'''. An analysis of his behavior shows the following problems:
As explained in [[Main Page 11]] and [[Who Said What Now?]], [[Coach Z]] has claimed to have '''"more than two problems"'''. An analysis of his behavior shows the following problems:
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FR Remember, it's the "real" side that you want.  With the one true alternate reality, as illustrated by the Coach Z Wiki, that's the side that you want.  Don't let the other side tempt you.  If you keep it all subconscious and don't think about it, no damage will be done.  In that reality, the only FR eps you saw in between Erin's birth and the 11/89 airing of #4 were the classic pink and blue tapes, and everything about your life up to that ugly incident was exactly the same.
 
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6 Carmelton siblings, Mark is the fourth, Ben/Blinky/Zoltore flashback in ep 27 and all that Jazz.
 
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==Medical==
 
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*He has "[[rampage|problems with his feet]]", including [[labor day|athlete's foot]], [[Doomy Tales of the Macabre|bunions, corns, and calluses]].
 
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*He has [[Coach Z's Character Video|mentioned]] [[rampage|several times]] that he [[slumber party|has a bad back]].
 
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*When his bathing suit is removed, he [[underlings|leaks a black fluid]].
 
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*He has [[cliffhangers|bad hand-eye coordination]].
 
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*He once had [[A Decemberween Mackerel|chronic athlete's tongue, rub rash, and hot pooey]].
 
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==Psychological==
 
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*He [[garage sale|thinks that he is a mother]].
 
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*He [[Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 8.0|sometimes forgets what's real and what's just in his head]].
 
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*He has an obsession with [[butts]] and [[butt-patting]].
 
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*He seems to [[Date Nite|believe he's in a relationship with]] [[Bubs]].
 
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*He has [[mini-golf|short-term memory loss]].
 
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*He once asked a [[Wormdingler|drawing he made]] to [[Trogday 08#Easter_Eggs|be his bride]].
 
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*He believes that a [[diorama|sketch of a cell phone]] is a real cell phone.
 
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*He asked [[Homestar Runner]] to [[Baddest of the Bands|marry him]].
 
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*He has an [[imaginary|imaginary friend]] named "Real Live Actual Mr. Blangcaster Next Door", and by the look of his outline, is very shady looking.
 
==[[Alcohol]]ism==
==[[Alcohol]]ism==
*He has been drunk multiple times, usually on [[Listerine]].
*He has been drunk multiple times, usually on [[Listerine]].
*He spiked the punch at the [[senior prom]] with Listerine.
*He spiked the punch at the [[senior prom]] with Listerine.
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*He called [[Marzipan]] [[Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 5.0|while being drunk]], along with Bubs.
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*He [[Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 5.0|called]] [[Marzipan]] while drunk, along with [[Bubs]].
==Anti-Social Behavior==
==Anti-Social Behavior==
*He wears a [[underlings|disturbingly small bathing suit]] when swimming, and doesn't realize that it makes others uncomfortable.
*He wears a [[underlings|disturbingly small bathing suit]] when swimming, and doesn't realize that it makes others uncomfortable.
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*It has been implied that he [[Marzipan and Coach Z's Relationship|has a crush on Marzipan]]. He has occasionally made [[Fall Float Parade|"inapprapriate" comments]] about her and has [[Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 9.2|let it slip]] that he snuck into her house. It now seems that he has been [[Baddest of the Bands|given a]] [[Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 16.2|restraining order]] preventing him from coming within 500 feet of [[Marzipan's house]].
+
*It has been implied that he [[Marzipan and Coach Z's Relationship|has a crush on Marzipan]]. He has occasionally made [[Fall Float Parade|"inapprapriate" comments]] about her and has [[Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 9.2|let it slip]] that he snuck into her house. It now seems that he has been [[Baddest of the Bands|given a]] [[Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 16.2|restraining order]] prohibiting him from coming within 500 feet of [[Marzipan's house]].
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*He was sent to [[Play Date|juvenile prison]].
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*He's been arrested twice, the first time being sent to a [[Play Date|juvenile prison]] and the second time being tried as a minor, with his own defense lawyer [[Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 17.2|having trouble believing his innocence]] despite possible evidence exonerating him of his unnamed crime.
 +
*He has been known to respond to "what's up" with information about his [[Big Butts|butt]] or other embarrassing physical problems, according to a [[Decemberween Short Shorts|song about how to be more socially acceptable]], sung by Homestar.
 +
*He [[Homestar Presents: Presents|pretended to get a call from his parents]] during which he lied about having prepared a traditional Decemberween dinner and inviting guests while actually dining alone on Salisbury steak.
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*He had [[Strong Badia the Free|previously answered personal date ads]] sent by [[the King of Town]], despite being warned not to.
 +
*He implies that committing [[I Killed Pom Pom|"premeditated murder in cold blood"]] is a normal mistake someone might make.
 +
*He boasts [[Mr. Poofers Must Die|"nobody can get fatally irresponsible with an animal like Coach Z"]].
 +
 
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==Financial==
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*He claims he [[These Peoples Try To Fade Me|has money, but not much]].
 +
*He lives in a [[Coach Z's Locker Room|gymnasium locker room]].
 +
**He has also been seen living in the [[Gremlin]] as though it were an [[sbemail 206|apartment]].
 +
*He frequently has his power shut off because he [[Homestar Presents: Presents|forgets to pay his bills]].
 +
*He has occasionally [[Blubb-O's Commercial|attempted to be sent to prison]], since he would be guaranteed "three square meals a day".
 +
*He [[secret recipes|can't afford "the money cost variety"]] for ice cream.
 +
*He will [[These peoples try to fade me|flow and/or freak for food.]]
==Hygiene==
==Hygiene==
*He holds the [[record book|record]] for the longest time gone without [[showering]].
*He holds the [[record book|record]] for the longest time gone without [[showering]].
*He wears [[shapeshifter|sweaty pants]].
*He wears [[shapeshifter|sweaty pants]].
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*He [[hremail3184|showers with spit]].
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*He [[hremail 3184|showers with spit]].
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==Speech Impediment==
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See [[Coach Z#Coach Z's Accent|Coach Z's Accent]].
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==Lack of Generally Common Knowledge==
==Lack of Generally Common Knowledge==
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*He believes a [[cardboard box]] with a detached microphone is a [[Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 15.2|record studio]].
*He believes a [[cardboard box]] with a detached microphone is a [[Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 15.2|record studio]].
*He thinks [[environment|cooking with hydroelectricity]] means running a hot dog under the shower.
*He thinks [[environment|cooking with hydroelectricity]] means running a hot dog under the shower.
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*He claims that [[parenting|human babies]] smell like plastic and are full of yellow goop.
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==Financial==
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==Medical==
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*He claims he [[These Peoples Try To Fade Me|has money, but not much]].
+
*He has "[[rampage|problems with his feet]]", including [[labor day|athlete's foot]], [[Doomy Tales of the Macabre|bunions, corns, and calluses]].
-
*He lives in a [[Coach Z's Locker Room|gymnasium locker room]].
+
*He has [[Coach Z's Character Video|mentioned]] [[rampage|several times]] that he [[slumber party|has a bad back]].
-
*He frequently has his power shut off because he [[Homestar Presents: Presents|forgets to pay his bills]].
+
*When his bathing suit is removed, he [[underlings|leaks a black fluid]].
-
*He has occasionally [[Blubb-O's Commercial|attempted to be sent to prison]], since he would be guaranteed "three square meals a day".
+
*He has [[cliffhangers|bad hand-eye coordination]].
-
*He [[secret recipes|can't afford "money cost"]] ice cream.
+
*He once had [[A Decemberween Mackerel|chronic athlete's tongue, rub rash, and hot pooey]].
 +
*He makes squishing noises when [[Fan Costumes 2017|removing his "skin tight green job"]].
 +
*He [[Halloween Hijinx|suffers from]] a torn [[Made-Up Body Parts|rubdominal scrimmage]].
 +
 
 +
==Psychological==
 +
*He [[garage sale|thinks that he is a mother]].
 +
*He [[Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 8.0|sometimes forgets what's real and what's just in his head]].
 +
*He has an obsession with [[butts]] and [[butt-patting]]. He thinks [[1 step ahead|people touching their own butts]] is a good thing, and is, according to Homestar, "re-known" for his [[trading cards|self-butt pats]].
 +
*He seems to [[Date Nite|believe he's in a relationship with]] [[Bubs]].
 +
*He has [[mini-golf|short-term memory loss]].
 +
*He once asked a [[Wormdingler|drawing he made]] to [[Trogday 08#Easter Eggs|be his bride]].
 +
*He believes that a [[diorama|sketch of a cell phone]] is a real cell phone.
 +
*He does not seem to [[Homestar Ruiner|learn things from his past experience]].
 +
*He has an [[imaginary|imaginary friend]] named "Real Live Actual Mr. Blangcaster Next Door", who looks very shady by the shape of his outline.
 +
*He thinks a little eyeball-vomit is [[@StrongBadActual Tweets 2019#1191946722114777092|a natural side effect of try-harding]].
 +
*He has been [[parenting|raising a bag of banana pudding]] as a child since he was Strong Bad and Homestar's age, oblivious to the fact it's long gone rancid.
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==Speech Impediment==
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{{see|Coach Z's Accent}}
==Miscellaneous==
==Miscellaneous==
*He often [[secret recipes|pukes his pants]].
*He often [[secret recipes|pukes his pants]].
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*He carries a bottle of [[Halloween Potion-ma-jig|questionable water]] with him at all times for questionable reasons.
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*He carries a bottle of [[Halloween Potion-ma-jig|questionable water]] with him at all times for [[Questionable Services|questionable reasons]].
*Even when he finds he's eating something awful, he [[secret recipes|still eats it]].
*Even when he finds he's eating something awful, he [[secret recipes|still eats it]].
*He [[Sbemail 169 Deleted Scene|enjoys covering puke in sawdust]], claiming that "Sawdust makes everything delicious".
*He [[Sbemail 169 Deleted Scene|enjoys covering puke in sawdust]], claiming that "Sawdust makes everything delicious".
*He admits he [[theme park|likes a good chafe]].
*He admits he [[theme park|likes a good chafe]].
*He never seems to notice or complain that there is [[Homestar Ruiner|itching powder in his jock strap]].
*He never seems to notice or complain that there is [[Homestar Ruiner|itching powder in his jock strap]].
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*He thinks [[1 step ahead|people touching their own butts]] is a good thing.
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*He thinks [[Fall Float Parade|Strong Sad is yellow]].
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*He is, according to Homestar, "re-known" for his [[trading cards|self-butt pats]].
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*[[Dangeresque (character)|Dangeresque]] remarks that his partner [[Renaldo]] was called "The One-Man Two-Problem" in the Navy.
==See Also==
==See Also==
*[[Crimes Committed by Strong Bad]]
*[[Crimes Committed by Strong Bad]]
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*[[Bubs' Shady Business Practices]]
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*[[Bubs's Shady Business Practices]]
[[Category: Lists]]
[[Category: Lists]]
[[Category:Coach Z]]
[[Category:Coach Z]]
 +
[[Category:Inside Jokes]]

Current revision as of 01:25, 18 January 2024

"The Coach Z says, 'I have more than two prablems.'"

As explained in Main Page 11 and Who Said What Now?, Coach Z has claimed to have "more than two problems". An analysis of his behavior shows the following problems:

Contents

[edit] Alcoholism

[edit] Anti-Social Behavior

[edit] Financial

[edit] Hygiene

[edit] Lack of Generally Common Knowledge

[edit] Medical

[edit] Psychological

[edit] Speech Impediment

See Coach Z's Accent

[edit] Miscellaneous

[edit] See Also

Retrieved from "http://www.hrwiki.org/wiki/Coach_Z%27s_Problems"
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