Senor Cardgage

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This article is about the creepy mortgage broker and used car salesman. For the blue storybook character, see Señor. For the common misuse of the Spanish word "Señor", see Senor.
"We'll set up some tents and hot dogs for your... babies. Those like those, right?"

Senor Cardgage first appeared in the Strong Bad Email kind of cool. In this email, Strong Bad is asked what he would be like if he was not stylish and buff. He describes an ugly, dumpy version of himself who is, at least to Strong Bad, "so cool, you don't even know [that he is] cool". It turns out that Strong Bad's fictional character was apparently based on a creepy guy who lived down the street from The Brothers Strong when they were little, whose extreme sketchiness gave Strong Sad nightmares. Senor Cardgage resembles Strong Bad somewhat, both sharing a red with black markings lucha libre mask for a head, green eyes, pinkish torso, boxing gloves for hands and black pants. However, he's much taller than Strong Bad, wears yellow glasses, has a round head, a brown goatee, and a toupee resembling a comb-over. Senor Cardgage also has a flabby belly and much longer arms. His feet are simply black, suggesting they are covered by or are part of his pants.

Senor Cardgage is often seen working different jobs, such as his own mortgage business, a used car dealership, a day care, a replacement Bubs, and as an usher. He has also tried to market a lawn mower as an "Intregway" and his own brand of shoes, Air Cardgage. He has also written a book called The Homeless Romantic: "verses from the weird shrub and alarming recipes for brunswick stew", as shown in love poems. As shown in a commercial in theme song, Senor Cardgage got fourteen degrees in the CGNU Online E-niversity during his lunch "take", including one that lets him "legally prescribe marriages in the state of Kansattica". He is #34 on Team Kneepads, although he wears dead animals instead of kneepads. His name is pronounced "Seh-nor", not "Seh-nyor", because his name is spelled with an "N" rather than an "Ñ" (although in "kind of cool", Strong Sad pronounces it "See-nyor"). He is apparently ambidextrous. He sometimes forgets to wipe honey mustard off his goatee, and gets in the way of other people.

Some of his traits include:

Strong Bad seems to look up to Senor Cardgage as sort of an idol or a father figure. He is constantly heard remarking on how cool he believes Senor Cardgage is and how he wishes to be that cool. In Senorial Day, Strong Bad asks Senor to autograph his football and throw it to him. In alternate universe, he says that his life is complete after going on a fishing trip with Senor Cardgage, and expresses joy at the thought of Senor adopting him. When he sees Senor as an usher in the movies, he tells The Cheat that "someday [he's] going to be the one tearing tickets and telling folks that forty-twone will be on their lest." Senor also unknowingly played Dadgeresque in Dangeresque 3: The Criminal Projective.

"Hey, Brethany. Are you came to fetch the Dodgers?"

However, none of the other characters seem to like him. In particular, Strong Sad still harbors fear against Senor Cardgage as evidenced in garage sale. Strong Mad also ran away in terror when Senor Cardgage asked him to retrieve his spectacles. Coach Z was adamantly against the casting of Cardgage in Dangeresque 3, referring to him as "creepy with a capital cree", and claims Cardgage has a loose grip on reality, although Coach Z also admits to having this problem. And of course, Homestar seems annoyed with Senor Cardgage for standing too close to him in line while eating melty candy bars, and is put off by his odd catchphrases (as well as thinking he smells like pea soup). Even Strong Bad himself has felt unnerved in Cardgage's presence, as in hremail 3184 he admitted that he was "quite scared" as Senor Cardgage walked in place without moving forward, and he was disgusted by his "Family Might/Could" in too cool.

Senor's possible residence

Even though he has a car dealership and his own mortgage company, his residence is unknown. It is suggested in Senorial Day, candy product, and love poems that he is homeless, as he is shown in an alleyway sleeping in a sleeping bag and using his Aldi bag as a pillow. The weird shrub is also shown to be Cardgage's residence, complete with a doorbell and he invites them in. Strong Sad said that Senor Cardgage lived down the street when they were little, implying he had a house at one point; however, there is no proof of this. Although it is implied that he is poor, he offers to buy Strong Sad a can of peas at Strong Bad's garage sale for $99, and then proceeds to walk away with it, supposedly paying, even though he is never seen to do so.

Originally, Senor Cardgage was just strange and creepy, but his strangeness has evolved to break the laws of physics, much like Homsar's. A minor example of this is in hremail 3184, where he walks in place, accompanied by traffic sounds. A more extreme example of this is the email too cool, in which it is revealed that Senor Cardgage's character video was "filmed" using an air freshener. Somehow, a completely different character video showed up in Strong Bad's mailbox the next day, in an outdated video format called "Betaflop-D", complete with a spooky music sting. In this character video, Senor Cardgage introduces "The Family Might/Could", a crudely-drawn green face drawn on an unknown part of Senor Cardgage's vague skin folds. This video curses everyone who watches it with the "Cardgage curse"; whenever they say the word "tertiary", their mouth turns into human lips and they say the word in an echoey sing-song voice.

Senor Cardgage lost a Non-Sequitur Championship to the equally bizarre character Homsar. As the loser of the contest, he had to complete a coherent sentence on The Show (as documented in the short Non-Sequitur Champion). He failed twice, but his third attempt ("Grape Soda Banked") was judged successful by "celebrity judge" Strong Sad.

In A Decemberween Mackerel, Senor Cardgage tells Marzipan that he's dying. After she and Homestar try to save him, he passes out in the snow. Strong Bad suggests that he was not actually dying, and that it was just another of Senor's bizarre ramblings, but then states that "everybody knows" that the way to save Senor Cardgage is to tear a stack of Motor Sports Magazines in half, and pour gravy on a defibrillator. After this is done, Senor Cardgage rises up and proclaims, "Oh, it truly is a Decemberween mackerel!" (meaning "miracle").


[edit] Fun Facts

cardgagefan73 on Tabletop Simulator, meeple bowling during a game of Trogdor!! The Board Game

[edit] Filmography

[edit] Quotes of the Week

[edit] See Also

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