2 Part Episode: Part 1

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Toon Category: Big Toon
watch Kick-A-Ball 2 Part Episode: Part 2
"Who needs the Cheat Commandos anyway?"

Flashfight appears at last, jails Blue Laser, and fires Gunhaver, Crackotage and Silent Rip.

Cast (in order of appearance): Gunhaver, Crackotage, Silent Rip, Ripberger, Firebert, Fightgar, Flashfight, Green Helmets, Blue Laser Commander, Reynold, Reynold's Brother, Strong Bad (Easter Egg), Homestar Runner (Easter Egg), Blue Laser Minions (Easter Egg)

Locations (in order of appearance): Cheat Commandos HQ, Reynold's Office, Jaded Teen Pizza, Kitchen Commandos, Basement of The Brothers Strong (Easter Egg), A Soccer Field (Easter Egg)

Date: Monday, June 1, 2009

Running time: 4:10

Page Title: Sponsored by BEEF

Contents

[edit] Transcript

{Open to a view of the Cheat Commandos base. Firearms are heard going off and the Commandos are laughing offscreen. The title "Two Part Episode: Part One!!" appears, with "Written with a vengeance by A. Chimendez". Cut inside to the Commandos. Fightgar is holding a gun and Gunhaver is wearing a vest with dents in it.}

GUNHAVER: Ha ha ha! That was awesome! {Takes off vest} Here, now someone else put on the bullet-proof vest!

{A klaxon with the tune of Westminster Quarters [a doorbell tune] sounds, and the Cheat Commandos begin to scramble. The screen is shown, with the words "Doorbell alert!"}

GUNHAVER: Doorbell stations! Prepare to pretend we're not here, sign for a package, or receive pizza! {Moves closer to the camera} Let's move, C. C.dos!

SILENT RIP: {confused} "C. C.dos"? Wouldn't just "C.C.s" be shorter, and make more sense?

{Gunhaver grabs Silent Rip by the vest.}

GUNHAVER: Making sense is not part of my mission plan, soldier! I'm sticking with the "do".

{Cut to the front door. It opens, revealing Flashfight.}

ALL: {gasping}

CRACKOTAGE: I can't believe I'm seeing this sight. Why if it isn't Admiral Flashfight!

GUNHAVER: To what do we owe the pleasure, admiral?

FLASHFIGHT: I'm here to clean up your act, Cheat Commandos. The Bureau of Elite Fighting Forces {holds up a "Bureau of Elite Fighting Forces" badge}, or "BEEF", is not impressed with your—

SILENT RIP: {interrupting} Uh, that's "BEFF".

FLASHFIGHT: Alright, the Bureau of Every Elite Fighting Force, is not—

SILENT RIP: {interrupting again} That's "BEEFF". {exaggerates the last F}

FLASHFIGHT: Yes, and what is your name, soldier?

SILENT RIP: {saluting} Silent Rip, sir!

FLASHFIGHT: Thank you, Smiley Drip. You're fired.

ALL: {gasping}

GUNHAVER: {nervously} Uh, good call, sir. That guy was always way too concerned with acronyms. Who else can we fire?

FLASHFIGHT: Well, you, of course.

GUNHAVER: Me? But then {pulls out his gun} who will have gun?

FLASHFIGHT: {taking the gun} I will!

GUNHAVER: {shaking} Buh-buh-buh... {positions his arms into a 'W'} Wuh-wuh-wuh... {positions his arms into a 'Z'} Zuh-zuh-zuh...

FLASHFIGHT: You're allowed to stand there stammering for fifteen more minutes {two Green Helmets walk up beside Gunhaver} and then you will be escorted out by Green Helmets.

GUNHAVER: Have you no dignity? At least let a Cheat Commanding Officer be escorted out by someone who isn't available in a discount three pack!

{Cut to a product shot of a discount three pack of Green Helmet toys. The Cheat Commandos theme plays in the background. Then cut back to the headquarters.}

FLASHFIGHT: My first act as new head of Cheat Commandos will be... to arrest Blue Laser!

ALL: {gasping}

GUNHAVER: Oh, I'd love to see how you're gonna pull that one off.

FLASHFIGHT: Well, it appears you all have invited him over to play televised video games.

{Cut to the Blue Laser Commander, sitting in a beanbag, pressing buttons on a controller. Videogame music plays in the background.}

BLUE LASER COMMANDER: What kind of power-up is "moist beam"?!

{Cut back to the commandos. Fightgar is standing in front of Flashfight, holding a gun.}

FLASHFIGHT: You're under arrest, Blue Laser!

BLUE LASER COMMANDER: I thought we called a time-out!

FLASHFIGHT: {to Fightgar} Throw him in the brig!

FIGHTGAR: Uh, you mean Reynold's office?

{Blue Laser is thrown into a small room, completely empty except for a toilet leaking green sludge. An emaciated Reynold walks in.}

REYNOLD: Well, hello! Are you here to bring me the slightest morsel?

{A prison door shuts in front of both of them. Cut back to the main room.}

CRACKOTAGE: Blue Laser in jail? I can't believe what I'm seein'! It's almost got my pants a-peein'! Hoo hoo! Hah! Hweigh hweigh!

FLASHFIGHT: Oh right, I nearly forgot. You're definitely fired.

{Sad reaction shot from Crackotage. Cut to the outside of the headquarters, as Gunhaver, Silent Rip and Crackotage walk out.}

SILENT RIP: Well, I guess this is it, huh guys?

GUNHAVER: Forget that noise! Who needs the Cheat Commandos anyway? We'll start our own elite fighting force!

{The Cheat Commandos theme plays as the three march off screen. The theme then abruptly stops with a record scratch as we cut to Gunhaver and Silent Rip in a kitchen, wearing white hats with pictures of pizza on them.}

CRACKOTAGE: {leaning in} Drop two more orders of wings for table four!

SILENT RIP: Comin' up!

{Close up on Gunhaver, who is reading the "Commando Obsoiver" newspaper. The headline is "Cheat Commandos Actually Doing Stuff".}

GUNHAVER: {reading angrily} "Cheat Commandos save bus full of hostages". "Air drop relief supplies to refugees". "Build orphanage". What type of crap is that?

{Reynold's brother leans in, wearing a "Mr. Manager" badge, and three pizza hats on various spikes of his hairdo.}

REYNOLD'S BROTHER: Get back to work, Charles.

GUNHAVER: Stupid old man Reynold's younger brother. Who needs him anyway? We'll start our own restaurant!

{Cut to a storefront, with a sign reading "Kitchen Commandos". The Cheat Commandos theme plays again.}

SINGER: Kitchen Commandos, a really bad idea. It closed down after three months!

{Pan down to street level. Signs in the windows of the shop read "we are CLOSED!" and "thank you neighborhood for 3 glorious months!". Gunhaver, Silent Rip and Crackotage are standing sadly on the street.}

CRACKOTAGE: Well, whatta we do now?

GUNHAVER: There's only one thing to do. In order to show the C. C.dos how much they need us, we're going to bust Blue Laser out of jail!

{Suspenseful music sting. Cut to the brig, with Reynold and the Blue Laser Commander.}

REYNOLD: ...and they never let me go on any missions.

BLUE LASER COMMANDER: Ouch, man. I hear that. Ever thought about Blue Lasin' it?

{The Blue Laser Commander pulls out a pamphlet, with the cover "So, They Never Let You Go On Any Missions... BL Can Help!"}

REYNOLD: {thoughtfully} Hmmm...

{Cut back to the street.}

SILENT RIP: Break into the headquarters playset? Impossible!

CRACKOTAGE: Maybe for us, but not for... my evil twin brother, Subtlefuge!

{Suspenseful music sting plays again.}

SILENT RIP: Huh?

GUNHAVER: Eh?

CRACKOTAGE: The leader of the Topplegangers!

{The first part of the suspenseful sting plays. Crickets sound quietly in the background.}

SILENT RIP: Uh...

GUNHAVER: Still nothin'.

CRACKOTAGE: The sometimes-good-guys sometimes-bad-guys whose only loyalty is to the highest bidder?

{Suspenseful sting plays slowly.}

SILENT RIP: Oh!

GUNHAVER: Yeah! And they can help us open a new restaurant!

SILENT RIP: {shrugging} Ehghh...

GUNHAVER: Cheat No-mandos... be continued!

{Cut to black. The words "Buy all our playsets and toys" start to appear.}

SINGER: Buy all our playset—

{The music is cut off and the words disappear, replaced with "To be continued..." and a suspenseful musical sting.}

[edit] Easter Eggs

  • At the end click on the T to see a scene with Strong Bad and Homestar Runner.
{Strong Bad and Homestar Runner are sitting on Strong Bad's couch in the basement.}
STRONG BAD: Boy, that Gunhaver sure knows how to kill a cliffhanger.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: I can't wait to see what kind of restaurant those hamsters open up next!
  • At the end click on the ellipsis (...) to see a scene with the Blue Laser Minions.
{Two Blue Laser minions are standing in the middle of a soccer field next to a soccer ball. They are wearing orange soccer jerseys labeled "THE STINGS" with the numbers 14 and 38 on them. A guitar riff plays.}
BLUE LASER MINION 1: You think Dad just forgot to pick us up?
BLUE LASER MINION 2: You know he doesn't like it when we call him that.

[edit] Fun Facts

[edit] Explanations

  • Gunhaver nicknaming the Cheat Commandos "C. C.dos" is likely a reference to the file name of the Cheat Commandos animations (in this case, ccdo7.swf). Silent Rip's remarks about "C.C.s" being shorter and making more sense applies in the situation of file names as well.

[edit] Trivia

  • This is Flashfight's first speaking role.
  • This is the first two-part cartoon on Homestar Runner since retirement, which is now a one-part cartoon.
  • The guitar riffs that play throughout this and most other Cheat Commandos cartoons are examples of dramatic stings, referenced by the name of the team the Blue Laser Minions play for.

[edit] Remarks

  • Gunhaver is wearing a bullet-proof vest, even though it's implied that Fightgar shoots him with his laser rifle.
  • Kitchen Commando is a real business that claims to help people make healthier food choices.
  • Silent Rip salutes with his left hand, which is generally considered improper (except for amputees).
  • Flashfight's medals switch sides. Silent Rip's Jaded Teen Pizza hat's logo flips as well.
  • When this was first released, if you right clicked and selected play at the end, there was a long period of just a white screen before the Easter egg with Strong Bad and Homestar. This white screen has been removed.

[edit] Inside References

[edit] Real-World References

  • The headquarters playset doorbell is a siren that plays the tune of the Westminster Quarters.
  • The "Mr. Manager" badge may be a reference to an episode of Arrested Development where George Michael calls himself Mr. Manager while running a banana stand.

[edit] Fast Forward

[edit] External Links

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