specially marked

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Transcript

STRONG BAD: {singing} If everybody in the world checked their email, the internet would probably break.

{Strong Bad reads 'cerial' as 'keh-ree-al'.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Ooh, I'm glad you asked, Problem Brian. I've been wanting to give specially marked boxes of cereal a specially marked piece of my mind for some time now.

{A dotted-line circle appears near the top of Strong Bad's head. Two lines appear, going from the circle to a new circle, this time larger and in front of Strong Bad's head. In the bigger circle, there is a picture of Strong Bad's brain.}

STRONG BAD: I pick...this one.

{An arrow points to a spot on the left side of Strong Bad's brain. He clears the screen, and the circles dissapear.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Well before you get the toys inside, you first have to navigate the treacherous, jaggedy rock filled class 5 rapids of specially marked cereal box fake outs! Luckily, I'm a lame sandal wearing hippie with a ponytail hat's been down these rapids with groups of tourists many times!

{Cuts to Strong Badia, where Strong Bad and The Cheat, wearing a ponytail and a helmet, respectively, are in the 'Riverquest Safariventure' box, with a hose running in front of it.}

STRONG BAD: Ok, gang, now im gonna need everyone to lean hard to the right! (Strong Bad pulls out some sort of microphone and makes a click noise}

{Cut to Marzipan's kitchen. Strong Bad walks in from the right.}

STRONG BAD: One of the hazards you have to watch out for is cereals with anything grown in Iowa in the name. You know...

{As Strong Bad says the items, boxes of Corn Flakes, Wheat Chaff, Oh T'meel, Crispy Hog Crunchies, and Fundament-o's appear, in that order.}

STRONG BAD: ...corn, wheat, oats, hogs, fundamentally-sound college basketball players. Please, do stay away from these. Those cereals only put fitness-related crap in specially marked boxes.

{A picture of a step counter appears against a blue background. In flashing letters on the bottom, it says 'One Free TakesteppaTM Step Take Monitor!}

STRONG BAD: {Voiceover} Oh, great! I can count how many steps I took today!

{A picture of a defibrillator appears on-screen. At the top of the screen, it reads 'Clear?! One FreeTM Defib Kit Inside!}

STRONG BAD: {Voiceover} Fantastic! I can restart my heart if it stops!

{Cut back to Marzipan's kitchen, where Strong Bad's face is on a box of 'Hypothetic-O's'.}

STRONG BAD: What you do want to look for are cereals with sound effects in the name.

{The box flies off-screen. When Strong Bad names the sound effects, boxes for Fruit Smacks, Chocolate Breakfast Candy Bar Pops, Soundy Puffs, Blue Laser Blasts, and Sugar Rittled Gunshots in a Crowded Mall.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Smacks, pops, puffs, blasts, and, um, gunshots in a crowded mall.

{Cut to Strong Bad standing in the kitchen.}

STRONG BAD: You know, the kind with the squarey, sugared pieces of styrofoam that they claim are marshmallows. These are guaranteed to have a nice, big—

{Cut to a dirty Strong Bad hand reaching in the box of Cheat Commandos O's}

STRONG BAD: —reach-your-nasty-unwashed-hand-straight-to-the-bottom-of-the-box toy in it.

{Cut to Strong Bad standing in the kitchen.}

STRONG BAD: Next up are the three most useless letters in the specially marked alphabet.

{Zoom to Strong Bad's mouth}

STRONG BAD: U...P...C.

{Cut back to Strong Bad standing.}

STRONG BAD: If you spot these wastes of seriff on a cereal box,

{Cut to a bar code}

STRONG BAD: turn and run as fast as you can.

{Cut back to Strong Bad standing.}

STRONG BAD: This means not only are they going to make you buy several more boxes that you have to cut the bar codes off of,

{cut to a cereal box}

STRONG BAD: but you're also going to have to involve your mom to write a check for the shipping and handling if she's back from Vegas!

{Cut back to Strong Bad standing, talking angrily} The nerve of those cereals!

STRONG BAD: You leave my mom out of this!

{Screen changes, there is now a box of cereal on the desk.}

STRONG BAD: Some cereals can't even be bothered with a toy at all.

{Cut to box}

STRONG BAD: They try and pass off the back of the box—

{Box flips, revealing a cutout of Crack Stuntman's head, with holes at the side so that it can be made into a mask.}

STRONG BAD: —as some kind of prize. That dotted line you expect me to cut along is like a toyless slap in my face! Masks,

{The image of Crack's face becomes a maze. Gunhaver appears in the bottom left at the maze's entrance.}

STRONG BAD: mazes,

{The top part of the maze becomes a word search. Most of the word search consists of uncommon letters like Q, while the words "BUY MORE CEREAL" appear in bold.}

STRONG BAD: word searches, PAH!

{Throws box, cut back to Strong Bad standing}

STRONG BAD: I know the kind of kids that enjoyed these funtivities on the backs of cereal boxes, and let me tell you, they were real easy to beat up.

{Homestar Runner walks in wearing a Crack Stuntman mask.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Blah, Strong Bad, Blah! I'm a crappy Stuntman!

STRONG BAD: You know what kind of toys I'd put in specially marked boxes?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yes.

{Zoom in on Strong Bad}

STRONG BAD: The kind that are {Reaches into a cereal box} heavy and pointy enough {Zoom in on box} to do lasting damage to the face.

{Strong Bad takes out a chainsaw-car and throws it at Homestar.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Strong Bad, while I'm down here, can you help me solve this word search? I can't find 'dextrose-flavornoids'.

{New Paper comes down}

Easter Eggs

Fun Facts

Explanations

  • Class 5 rapids have rocks, waves and possibly a steep drop, requiring advanced rafting experience. It is the second highest of the six whitewater classifications.

Goofs

  • The Problem Brian Easter egg is still clickable when hidden by the closeup of Strong Bad's brain.
  • The Email Strong Bad and Back buttons at the end of the email are still clickable when hidden by the Crack Stuntman mask's background in the Easter egg.
  • UPC codes and the numbers beneath them are actually sans-serif.

Inside References

  • The chainsaw car is from what I want.
  • Strong Bad's ponytail was first seen in bike thief as part of his college student persona.
  • The walking man on the step counter is from 50K Racewalker.
  • Corn Crunch was previously seen in death metal, where it contained a full-size alto saxophone (contradicting Strong Bad's claims in this email).
  • The "riverquest safariventure" ride was first seen in theme park. The running hose next to it, as well as the mic/speaker PA, are also from said email.
Strong Bad's brain!

Real World References

External Links

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