record book

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Biggest Waste of Dump.

Strong Bad Email #134

Strong Bad gathers records for Count Longardeaux's Book of Party Tricks, Redneck Jokes, and Worldly Records.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, Coach Z, Lil' Strong Bad, Strong Sad, The King of Town, Homestar Runner, Homsar, Strong Mad, Bubs, The Cheat

Places: Computer Room, Strong Sad's Room, King of Town's Castle, The Field

Computer: Lappy 486

Date: July 25, 2005

Running Time: 3:49



STRONG BAD: {singing} Drape it over your aaaaaaarms, step out in styyyyyle, Strong Bad Emaaaaaaail... {starts reading}

{Strong Bad says "tx" as "Tee-Ex" (that is, as the individual letters).}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Oooh, the Nathan TX! That has, like, way four more cylinders than the standard Nathan. Better Blue Book value, too. I can't remember if I'm in the record book or not. Seems like I should be. Let's take a look. A book-look! {pronounced like "buuk luke"}

{Cut to a table. Strong Bad places "THE RECORD BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS The Book!" on the table.}

STRONG BAD: All right, let's see what we got in here.

{He opens the book to page 42. The page shows a picture of a really dirty Coach Z with an afro and moustache, and reads "Chapter 4 - Records of Smell, Longest Showerless Streak 65 Days, 3 Hours, 42 Minutes: COACH Z."}

STRONG BAD: Sixty-five days?! That's way outdated! I'm pretty sure he's surpassed that one by several fortnights at this point.

{Turns to page 116. This page shows young Strong Bad in a diaper and reads "Chapter 4 - Records of Smell, Dirtiest Diapey, Very, Very Dirty: LIL' STRONG BAD."}

STRONG BAD: Dirtiest Diape— Whoa! {throws coffee, eggs and bacon on the page and makes coughing noises} Coffee, eggs, bacon! Oh, too bad, I accidentally made breakfast all over whatever that record was for.

{Cut back to the Lappy}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Clearly, this book is in serious need of an update. Let's begin with the title. How about: Count Longardeaux's Book of Party Tricks, Redneck Jokes, and Worldly Records. {The book appears} Now that sounds like a book worthy of every toilet-side magazine basket. Now let's go see about updating some o' them records.

{He gets up. We now see Strong Sad, holding a magnifying glass and humming softly, writing on a grain of rice. His face is magnified. Strong Bad walks up.}

STRONG BAD: 'Sup, double-bottom? How much you weigh?

STRONG SAD: What do you wanna know that for?

STRONG BAD: Count Longardeaux has me out gathering new records {holds up a clipboard, which has a paper on it that reads "who the fattest?"} for his record book.

STRONG SAD: Oh! Well then this should interest you! I've transcribed Paradise Lost onto this single grain of basmati rice! {Cut to a view of the rice grain through the magnifying glass.} In four languages!

STRONG BAD: Oh, yeah! That definitely deserves a record!

{A buzzer is heard and a page of the book is shown. It reads "Chapter 7 - Records of Loneliness, Biggest Waste of Dump: Strong "The Biggest Waste of Dump" Sad." The picture shows Strong Sad looking through his magnifying glass at the camera.}

{Cut to the King of Town's castle. The King of Town is seen with a giant pile of salt in front of him. Strong Bad walks up.}

STRONG BAD: All right, King o' Town, I need some disgusting eating records. Why don't you just, uh, have lunch, and I'm sure you'll set several without even trying.

THE KING OF TOWN: Ooh! I like eating lunch! Today I'm having a giant pile of salt!

{The camera pans over, and we can now see the entire pile. We can also see a salt shaker labeled with the number "7" sitting near the pile.}

THE KING OF TOWN: Vwoooooooooooooooooo-foop!

{The King sucks it all in in one gulp, like a vacuum cleaner, including the salt shaker.}

STRONG BAD: Whoa! Nice woik!

{The King seems to hiccup three times.}

STRONG BAD: What, you got-a some hiccups?

{The King "hiccups" again.}

THE KING OF TOWN: Nope. Those, my friend, are heart attacks!

{Another buzzer, another page that reads "Chapter 3 - Disgusting Eating/Old Person Records, Least Healthiest (Man?): The King of Town." The King "hiccups" again.}

{Cut to Homestar Runner in The Field on his soapbox, which now reads "THIRTEEN, Y'ALL."}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: What do you call a redneck, with no teeth, that watches stock car racing all day? Ba-ha-ha-haaa! Man, they do not wear shirts!

{Cut to Strong Bad and Coach Z, also in The Field.}

STRONG BAD: So, Coach Z, what kind of wonderment do you have in store for us? That's not shower-related?

COACH Z: Well, I'm gonna set the world record for puttin' nine pieces {starts putting chewed gum on his face} of chewed gum up on my face and singin' the "I'm Just Me" song and hoppin' around on one foot! {He starts hopping on one foot.}

STRONG BAD: Coach...

COACH Z: {singing} I'm just me! {Strong Bad shakes his head.} Can't you see? {Strong Bad starts hitting himself.} I'm just a silly little bumblebee!

STRONG BAD: Oh, please stop! {Coach Z stops hopping and singing, but remains on one foot.} Look, you can't just make up some random crap that no one else will ever do and call that a "record." {Cut to Homsar, hopping on one foot with nine pieces of chewed gum on his face. Music starts.} Count Longardeaux would not stand for it!

HOMSAR: I'm just me! Can't you see? I'm just a silly little bumblebee!

{Homestar pops up.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: What does a redneck man call a dead possum, lyin' in the middle of the road? Ba-ha-ha-haa! Probably sushi!

{An unseen audience groans.}

{Cut back to the Lappy.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Well, I think we're just about done here. Strong Mad set the record {A page of the book that reads "Chapter 2 - Special Records, Most Macaronis Nailed To A Paper Towel Tube... By Strong Mad (Just One!): Strong Mad." The picture shows Strong Mad holding his tube. It has many holes in it and at the top is one macaroni nailed into it } for Most Macaronis Nailed To A Paper Towel Tube...By Strong Mad. {Another page, "Chapter 11 - Records of Smell/Track and Field, Pole Vault, 20 ft. 1.5 in.: Marzipan" appears. This one has no picture, and instead there is a black box that reads "Suprisingly, No Photo Available."} Marzipan set the World Record for the pole vault. And Bubs won Cutest Couple. {Yet another page, this one reading "Chapter 9 - Superlatives, Cutest Couple: Bubs" with a picture of Bubs (and no one else) trying to look cute.} Oh, wait, I forgot about me. I gots to get in this record book somehow. I'll get the record for...

{Cut back to show The Cheat standing nearby.}

THE CHEAT: {says something}

STRONG BAD: What?! "Most rectangular mouth?!" My mouth can be round!

THE CHEAT: {says something and puts his hands on his hips}

STRONG BAD: What a bunch of bull {making his mouth as round as possible} hOOOOOOOOoooooooOOOOOOOOOO—

{A buzzer is heard, followed by a page appears that reads "Chapter 7 - Saying Words For A Long Time Records, Longest 'Bull Honkey', 13.4 Seconds: The Human Strong Bad." The picture shows Strong Bad in the same position he was just seen in.}

STRONG BAD: —nkey. Bull honkey.

{The Paper comes down. Instead of the normal Back button, Count Longardeaux's image has a speech bubble reading "Back" in its place.}

Easter Eggs

The Nathan TX
  • Near the beginning, click on "standard Nathan" to see a drawing of "Standard Nathan" (some generic man) on notebook paper.
    • As the picture zooms in, it shows "the Nathan TX," which shows a weird smiling car in front of Standard Nathan. It is labelled "built-in smoke" (pointing to smoke from the tires), "3 front wheels" (pointing to its multiple front wheels), and "nathan" (pointing to Nathan).
  • When the King of Town is eating the salt, click on the salt shaker to see a can of "Standard Nathan" Brand salt. (The link continues to work after the King has sucked up the shaker)
  • While Homestar Runner is telling his second redneck joke, click on Homsar in the background to see his record page. It reads "Chapter 81 - Awkwardnesses, The Semi-Annual Mustard Man Award Or Best Offer!: Homsar" and shows Homsar with the gum on his face and his hat over his eyes.

Fun Facts


  • The King of Town has a series of heart attacks after eating the pile of salt because it contains sodium, a chemical element linked to high blood pressure. Persistent high blood pressure is a risk factor for heart attacks.
  • Paradise Lost is a very long poem.


  • As of July 25, 2005, the women's world record for pole vault was 16 ft, 5 in. That record was set on July 22, 2005. Marzipan's world record is just one-quarter inch short of the men's world record of 20 ft, 1.75 in.
  • Though Strong Bad's record says "13.4 seconds", he only says "Bull Honkey" for 10.8 seconds, counting both "Bull" and the silent pause before "key". Just the Hooo– part lasts for 8.1 seconds. However from the time he starts saying "Bull Honkey" to The Paper coming down is 13.4 seconds. The number is more likely to refer to the fact that this is email #134.
  • When Strong Bad was turning to the "Dirtiest Diapey" record, it looked like he was turning two pages, but instead, he turned seventy-four pages. Also, the same chapter (Chapter 4 - Records of Smell) continues 74 pages further.


  • Count Longardeaux's Book apparently has two chapter sevens — one for "Records of Loneliness" and one for "Saying Words For A Long Time Records."

Inside References

  • Coach Z was seen with an afro and mustache in stand-up.
  • The salt shaker the King of Town is seen eating from is also used in Meet Marshie.
  • "You got-a some hiccups?" is the same line Strong Bad used in Halloween Fairstival when The Cheat got the hiccups.
  • The Soapbox Homestar stands on has been seen before in fingers and army, with labels containing "eleven" and "twelve", respectively (in this email it contains "thirteen").
  • The music played while Homsar hops on one foot is from his character video.
  • The buzzer that is played when the pages appear on the screen is that same one that's used for the DELETED screen.
  • The groans heard when Homestar tells his second redneck joke are from Senorial Day.

Real-World References

  • "Blue Book" refers to the Kelley Blue Book, a resource book for people who want to buy or sell used cars. When discussing the price of a used car, people will often check the Blue Book for the car's value.
  • Paradise Lost was an epic blank-verse poem written in 1667 by English poet John Milton.
  • The Standard Nathan Brand Salt container is drawn to resemble the Morton Salt container, manufactured by Morton International, Inc.
  • "Nathan TX" refers to the nomenclature of some less-expensive cars, such as the Honda Accord or Mazda Protege; often, there is a base model, and then a higher end model differentiated by the additional letters. Luxury editions will usually be differentiated by a series containing an "x', such as EX, LX, EXT etc. the 'T' is a turbo designation, (i.e. the Volkswagen Jetta 1.8T) evidenced by Strong Bad's comment of the TX having four more cylinders.

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