haircut
From Homestar Runner Wiki
Strong Bad Email #103
Strong Bad gives advice to a Deutschlander on cool "haircuts".
Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, Marzipan, The Poopsmith, The King of Town, Homestar Runner, Strong Mad, Prime Time, Strong Sad (easter egg), Strong Badman (easter egg), Larry Palaroncini (easter egg)
Places: Computer Room, Marzipan's Gazebo, The Field, King of Town's Castle, Strong Bad's Basement (Easter egg), Strong Sad's Room (Easter egg)
Date: May 3, 2004
Running Time: 2:57
Contents |
Transcript
STRONG BAD: Man, if I had a nickel for every email I get, I would throw them at people in the food court. From that railing, like up above.
{Starts reading with "Da da da—"}
Dear Strong Bad, Dude, who cuts your hair? It's sooo coull. I can't decide what to do with mine, any suggestions? Harry Earlenmacherg Düsseldorf
{Strong Bad pronounces "coull" just like it is spelled, and in place of "Earlenmacherg", he says "ergonomics"}
{typing} I got no hair, Düsseldörke, so I'm gonna have to reach on this one. Now who's got hair around here?
{Cut to Strong Bad and Marzipan by the gazebo. Strong Bad is holding scissors.}
MARZIPAN: {angrily} You gotta be kidding me.
{Cut to Strong Bad and The Poopsmith in the field. The Poopsmith points to one of his hairs.}
STRONG BAD: Uh... never mind.
{Cut to Strong Bad and Marzipan by the gazebo again.}
MARZIPAN: I'm growing it out for charity.
{Cut to Strong Bad and The King of Town by the castle.}
THE KING OF TOWN: Nobody touches the 'stache!
{Cut to close up of Homestar. He's got an angry look on his face.}
HOMESTAR: N O spells no!
{Fade back to show that Homestar is off by himself, talking to no one, while Strong Bad and the King of Town are in the background.}
STRONG BAD: I didn't even ask you, baldy!
{Homestar looks shocked. Cut to Strong Bad and Marzipan by the gazebo again.}
MARZIPAN: This is a weave.
{Cut back to Strong bad at the Compy.}
STRONG BAD: {typing} Sorry Ger-man. Looks like I can't practice my barber wizardry, or barbzerdry as I call it, on anybody around here. So, I guess you're on your own. I ghe
{Widen to show Strong Mad standing next to Strong Bad. Strong Mad has a box that says GLUTEMATES (BOX OF 6) very faintly.}
STRONG MAD: MAKE IT DANCE! MAKE IT PRANCE!!!
STRONG BAD: Uh, I'll make that cardboard box dance and prance later, big guy. I'm in the middle of...
{Zoom in on Strong Mad's eye brows.}
Ah ha! Pay dirt!
{A camera flash goes off and the screen goes white. Fade back to Strong Bad at the Compy. An instant camera type photo of Strong Mad is taped to Compy. It develops as Strong Bad talks.}
Okay, now that I have Strong Mad's image... um... scanned in to the computer, I'll use my cutting art, state of the edge technology to simulate different hairstyles. On his eyebrows. I'll just get out my "LIGHT PEN" here.
{Strong Bad's hand comes up. He has a marker and starts to draw on the picture.}
First, for the Strong Mad who's out on the prowl, no woman can resist the distinguished grace of what I like to call: The "Gentleman Caller".
{Draws Gentleman like eyebrows. "Gentleman Caller" flashes on the screen.}
Or,
{Wipes picture clean. We zoom in a bit on the picture.}
Experience the lightning brows of "Jagged Metal".
{Draws lightning type eyebrows. "Jagged Metal" flashes on the screen.}
Oh, and he's definitely going to need a guitar.
{Draws a guitar. It ends up in the middle of Strong Mad's face.}
STRONG MAD: I DON'T WANT TO EAT A GUITAR!
STRONG BAD: You're not eating it... you're shredding some hot lixx... with your teeth.
{Strong Bad makes a guitar noise as he draws a whammy bar on the guitar. He then wipes the picture clean.}
Or experience the urban flavor of: "Hammer Pants".
{He draws some funky eyebrows with a fade and adds a comic balloon pointing to Strong Mad's mouth that says "proper!". He then wipes the picture clean.}
And for the Strong Mad who's not so concerned with attracting ladies: "Big Ol' Eyebrows".
{He draws some big ol' eyebrows.}
I should probably go ahead and give him some missing teeth...
{Blackens Strong Mad's upper-right central incisor and upper-left cuspid.}
Acne...
{Draws spots on Strong Mad's face.}
One of them butt chins.
{Draws a butt chin.}
There we go. One hundred and ten percent lady-proof.
{He wipes the picture clean. He then draws a dog and a cat for eyebrows.}
"A Dog and Also a Cat Shaped Eyebrows."
{"A Dog and Also a Cat Shaped Eyebrows" flashes on the screen.}
And a couple of muskrats.
{He adds two muskrats. He then wipes the picture clean.}
And don't forget: the "Ready for Primetime".
{Draws a weird-looking character over Strong Mad's face. "Ready for Primetime" flashes on the screen.}
Which I admit I got a little carried away with.
STRONG MAD: SWEETIE CAKES! SWEETIE CAKES!!!
STRONG BAD: Sweetie cakes? What are you ta— O-oh, yeah I guess it does look a little bit like one of them "Sweet Cuppin' Cakes" guys.
{Draws an "Eh! Steve"-esque character.}
Eh! Greg.
{Wipes picture clean.}
{Strong Bad takes the picture down and starts typing.}
So that gives you a lot to choose from, Deutschman. I think you could easily apply all my eyebrow style to your {pauses} headbrow style. So good luck witchasself. I have to use my "LIGHT PEN" on napping Strong Sad. Prreeow.
{Strong Bad gets up and The Paper comes down.}
Easter Eggs
- Click on "Barbzerdry" to see a piece of parchment about this obscure trade.
- At the end, click on "Deutschman" to see a Comic book Cover.
Cheap as Free Comics The Total Adventures of STRONG BADMAN Sufferin' Schnitzels It's...DEUTSCHMAN!
- At the end, click on "eyebrow style" to see Strong Bad make the box dance.
- {cut to the basement. Strong Bad is behind the couch, holding up a cardboard box with "GLUTEMATES (box of 6)" printed on it. We can see Strong Mad standing in the foreground watching}
- STRONG BAD: {singing as he moves the box around} Doo dit doo doo! It's tough being a box! But I'm livin' it up! Livin' it up! Do dit do dit! Livin' it up! Do dit do dit do! Box!
- STRONG MAD: HOORAY FOR BOX!
- While Strong Bad is singing, you can click on the Limozeen poster in the top-right corner to hear Limozeen's version of the song.
- At the end, click on 'napping Strong Sad' to see how Strong Bad used the 'light pen' on Strong Sad.
- {cut to Strong Sad's room. Strong Sad is laying in bed asleep. A funny face has been drawn on his with the "light pen"}
- STRONG SAD: {murmuring in his sleep} Jokey Smurf... Brainy... Brainy Smurf... that Carpenter Smurf ... Watch out Julian Sands!
Fun Facts
Remarks
- Strong Bad's "permanent" marker apparently isn't permanent at all, although "permanent" markers frequently rub off smooth surfaces, such as the Polaroid picture of Strong Mad.
- Strong Bad must have a pretty spiffy keyboard. He can Umlaut his "O"s really quickly. Normally you need to change the language on your keyboard or use alt commands (ö).
- The "Light Pen" Strong Bad uses is left-handed. Many right-handed people don't realize this, but almost all pens and pencils are manufactured for right-handed use in that the text printed on them appears right-side-up when used with the right hand, but upside-down when used by the left hand. (This does not affect the way pencils or pens are used; only the orientation of the text printed on them differs.) He still uses his right hand to write with it, however.
- If Strong Bad really did have a nickel for every email he has done up through this one, he would have $5.15.
Inside References
- The Deutschman comic book is published by Cheap as Free. The comic is a reference to superhero name. The Cheat appears on it in a cape and mask—another reference to "superhero name".
Real-World References
- The muskrat-eyebrows are a possible reference to cartoonist Don Asmussen's portrayal of George W. Bush's eyebrows in "Bad Reporter": The Politics Of Hair. In fact, the "Gentleman Caller" style looks just like Bush's muskrats.
- In the "napping Strong Sad" Easter egg, when Strong Sad mentions "that Carpenter Smurf," he is probably referring to Handy Smurf but forgetting his name.
- Julian Sands is a British horror film actor.
- When Strong Bad draws the guitar on "jagged metal" Strong Mad and says that Strong Mad is playing the guitar with his teeth, he is making reference to when Jimi Hendrix gained notoriety playing "Wild Thing" with his teeth at the Woodstock Music Festival in 1969.
- "Ready for Primetime" may refer to "The Not Ready For Primetime Players", the name of the original cast of Saturday Night Live.
- When you zoom in on the comic book Easter egg where there is a picture of The Cheat, the price reads "$1.25". Below that, it reads in a smaller font "$8.00 CAN." This is probably a reference to the difference in value between US and Canadian dollars (though it's not really that severe.)
- Hammer Pants are the nickname given to the balloony pants worn by rapper MC Hammer in the early '90s.
- The barbzerdry parchment references a grade-school rhyme about cutting in line: "No cuts, no butts, no coconuts."
Fast Forward
- The face that Strong Bad has drawn on Strong Sad in his sleep loosely resembles "Tendafoot," the elephant he draws in crying which he claims represents Strong Sad.
- Strong Bad's signoff here, "Preeow," is used in part-time job on the microwave at the end.
- Strong Bad's light-pen is later used in long pants. However, the Light-pen he uses there is white, not black.
- The "Sweetie Cakes" character Strong Bad inadvertently creates in this email, Prime Time, appears later in Decemberween Sweet Cuppin' Cakes.
