haircut

From Homestar Runner Wiki

Revision as of 23:05, 11 October 2004

Screenshot

Summary

Strong Bad Email #103

Strong Bad gives advice to a Deutschlander on cool "haircuts".

Features: Strong Bad, Marzipan, The Poopsmith, The King of Town, Homestar Runner, Strong Mad, Strong Sad (Easter Egg), Gary from Limozeen (Easter Egg)

Transcript

STRONG BAD: Man, if I had a nickel for every email I get, I would throw them at people in the food court. From that railing, like up above.

{Starts reading with "Da da da--"}

Dear Strong Bad,
Dude, who cuts your hair? It's
sooo coull. I can't decide what to
do with mine, any suggestions?

Harry Earlemacherg
Düsseldorf

{Strong Bad pronounces "coull" just like it is spelled, and in place of "Earlemacherg", he says "ergonomics"}

{typing} I got no hair, Düsseldörke, so I'm gonna have to reach on this one. Now who's got hair around here?

{Cut to Strong Bad and Marzipan by the gazebo. Strong bad is holding scissors.}

MARZIPAN: You've got to be kidding me.

{Cut to Strong Bad and The Poopsmith in the field. The Poopsmith points to one of his hairs.}

STRONG BAD: Uh... never mind.

{Cut to Strong Bad and Marzipan by the gazebo again.}

MARZIPAN: I'm growing it out for charity.

{Cut to Strong Bad and The King of Town by the castle.}

THE KING OF TOWN: Nobody touches the 'stache.

{Cut to close up of Homestar. He's got an angry look on his face.}

HOMESTAR: N O spells no.

{Fade back to show that Homestar is off by himself, talking to no one, while Strong Bad and the King of Town are in the background.}

STRONG BAD: I didn't even ask you, Baldy!

{Homestar looks shocked. Cut to Strong Bad and Marzipan by the gazebo again.}

MARZIPAN: This is a weave.

{Cut back to Strong bad at the Compy.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Sorry Ger-man. Looks like I can't practice my barber wizardry, or barbzerdry as I call it, on anybody around here. So, I guess you're on your own. I ghe

{Widen to show Strong Mad standing next to Strong Bad. Strong Mad has a box.}

STRONG MAD: MAKE IT DANCE! MAKE IT PRANCE!!!

STRONG BAD: Uh, I'll make that cardboard box dance and prance later, big guy. I'm in the middle of...

{Zoom in on Strong Mad's eye brows.}

Ah ha! Pay dirt!

{A camera flash goes off and the screen goes white. Fade back to Strong Bad at the Compy. An instant camera type photo of Strong Mad is taped to Compy. It develops as Strong Bad talks.}

Okay, now that I have Strong Mad's image... um... scanned in to the computer, I'll use my cutting art, state of the edge technology to simulate different hairstyles. On his eyebrows. I'll just get out my "LIGHT PEN" here.

{Strong Bad's hand comes up. He has a marker and starts to draw on the picture.}

First, for the Strong Mad who's out on the prowl, no woman can resist the distinguished grace of what I like to call: The "Gentleman Caller".

{Draws Gentleman like eyebrows. "Gentleman Caller" flashes on the screen.}

Or,

{Wipes picture clean. We zoom in a bit on the picture.}

Experience the lightning brows of "Jagged Metal".

{Draws lightning type eyebrows. "Jagged Metal" flashes on the screen.}

Oh, and he's definitely going to need a guitar.

{Draws a guitar. It ends up in the middle of Strong Mad's face.}

STRONG MAD: I DON'T WANT TO EAT A GUITAR!

STRONG BAD: You're not eating it... you're shredding some hot lixxs... with your teeth.

{Strong Bad makes a guitar noise as he draws a whammy bar on the guitar. He then wipes the picture clean.}

Or experience the urban flavor of: "Hammer Pants".

{He draws some funky eyebrows with a fade and adds a comic balloon pointing to Strong Mad's mouth that says "proper!". He then wipes the picture clean.}

And for the Strong Mad who's not so concerned with attracting ladies: "Big Ol' Eyebrows".

{He draws some big ol' eyebrows.}

I should probably go ahead and give him some missing teeth...

{Blackens Strong Mad's upper-right central incisor and upper-left cuspid.}

Acne...

{Draws spots on Strong Mad's face.}

One of them butt chins.

{Draws a butt chin.}

There we go. One hundred and ten percent lady-proof.

{He wipes the picture clean. He then draws a dog and a cat for eyebrows.}

"A Dog and Also a Cat Shaped Eyebrows."

{"A Dog and Also a Cat Shaped Eyebrows" flashes on the screen.}

And a couple of muskrats.

{He adds two muskrats. He then wipes the picture clean.}

And don't forget: the "Ready for Primetime".

{Draws a picture he clearly got carried away with. "Ready for Primetime" flashes on the screen.}

Which I admit I got a little carried away with.

STRONG MAD: SWEETIE CAKES! SWEETIE CAKES!!!

STRONG BAD: Sweetie cakes? What are you ta-- O-oh, yeah I guess it does look a little bit like one of them "Sweet Cuppin' Cakes" guys.

{Draws an "Eh! Steve" looking character.}

Eh! Greg.

{Wipes picture clean.}

{Strong Bad takes the picture down and starts typing.}

So that gives you a lot to choose from, Deutschman. I think you could easily apply all my eyebrow style to your {pauses} headbrow style. So good luck witchasself. I have to use my "LIGHT PEN" on napping Strong Sad. Prreeow.

{Strong Bad gets up and The Paper comes down.}

Easter Eggs

• Click on "Barbzerdry" to see a peice of parchment about Barbzerdry.
• Click on "Deutschman" to see a Comic book Cover.
• Click on "eyebrow style" to see Strong Bad make the box dance.
  • Click on the Limozeen poster in the top-right corner to see Limozeen's version of the song.
    • Transcript of "Box Song":

STRONG BAD: Doo dit doo doo! It's tough being a box! But I'm livin' it up! Livin' it up! Do dit do dit! Livin' it up! Do dit do dit do! Box!

STRONG MAD: HOORAY FOR BOX!

• Click on 'napping Strong Sad' to see how Strong Bad used the 'light pen' on Strong Sad.

Fun Facts

• The game(s) in the floppy disk holder are "Tengen Classics" Tengen was a front for Atari, allowing Atari to make games (illegally) for the NES.
• On the "Light Pen" it says "Fine Tip Permanent Marker".
• The Deutschman comic book is published by Cheap as Free. The comic is a reference to superhero name.
  • Both comics have a parody of the old Spiderman head that's in the bottom corner of the old Marvel comics (except that it's Strong Bad's head instead of Spiderman's).
• "Deutsch" is German for "German".
• Strong Bad's "permanent" marker isn't permanent at all.
• When Strong Mad says "Sweety Cakes" Strong Bad calls the little guy "Eh Greg"
• Here's a list of the different eyebrow styles:
  • "Gentleman Caller"
  • "Jagged Metal"
  • "Hammer Pants"
    • Hammer Pants were those pants MC Hammer used to wear and made famous.
  • "Big Ol' Eyebrows"
  • "A Dog And Also A Cat Shaped Eyebrows" (and a couple of muskrats)
  • "Ready For Primetime"
• Strong Bad must have a pretty spiffy keyboard. He can Umlaut (oom-louwt) his "O"s really quickly. Normally you need to change the language on your keyboard or use alt commands (ö).
• The box says "GLUTEMATES (BOX OF 6)". (it's faded)
• A light pen is kind of like the thing that John Madden uses. You know, the "this guy went here, this other guy went WAY around here and BOOM!" thing with the yellow writing on the screen!
• In the "napping Strong Sad" easter egg, Strong Sad is naming off Smurfs in his sleep. Smurf names mentioned by Strong Sad in his sleep:
  • Jokey Smurf
  • Brainy Smurf
  • "That Carpenter Smurf"
    • (probably referring to Handy Smurf but forgetting his name)
• Strong Sad goes on to say "Watch out Julian Sands!" ref. to a British horror film actor.
  • in Julian Sands film, he chops off his girlfriends legs and arms because he wanted to do everything for her, and than the police sneak up on him and bashed him on his head.
• The face that Strong Bad has drawn on Strong Sad in his sleep loosely resembles "Tendafoot," the elephant he drew in crying which he claimed represented Strong Sad.
• If Strong Bad really did have a nickel for every email he has done up through this one, he would have $5.15.
  • Actually, he does receive a quarter for each email address he gives Bubs, as per unused emails.
• Strong Bad says he has no hair, but in theme park he has been working on the theme park as long as he's been "growing his mustache"
  • In gimmicks, the blackened stuff on his head looks like hair.

External Links

• watch "haircut"
• view the flash file for "haircut"