Teen Girl Squad Issue 5

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Revision as of 14:08, 15 December 2004

So and So ruins her chances of getting to first base

Cheerleader, So-And-So, and The Ugly One go on Spring Break (they forgot to call What's Her Face) and try to hang out with some college boys (or "Olda Boys," as Cheerleader says).

Page Title: Spring Type Break!

Cast (in order of appearance): Cheerleader, So and So, What's Her Face, The Ugly One, Thomas, Olda Boys, The Man with the Huge Mouth, George Washington, Abe Lincoln, Henry Rollins

Transcript

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: Teen Girl Squad!! Cheerleader (two piece!)! So and So (one piece!)! What's Her Face (same clothes!)! The Ugly One (three piece?!!)!

{Open scene to WHAT'S HER FACE standing by her mailbox.}

WHAT'S HER FACE: I got a postcard!

{Cut to the postcard as WHAT'S HER FACE reads.}

WHAT'S HER FACE (reading): Dear the one with baggy pants: WE'RE ON SPRING BREAK! We tried to call you but we forgot. We are having WAY too much fun and we'll try to remember to bring you a shell or some sand.

{Cut back to WHAT'S HER FACE and the mailbox.}

WHAT'S HER FACE (turning the card over): This side has birds on it.

{The mailbox chomps the card, WHAT'S HER FACE jumps back.}

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: CHOMP!

{Cut to the beach, with CHEERLEADER, SO AND SO, and THE UGLY ONE in their bathing suits.}

ALL THREE: WE'RE ON VACATION!

SO AND SO: It's like the fun never ends!

CHEERLEADER: Let's go put our stuff down by them olda boys.

{Cut to a scene of two OLDA BOYS lying on towels. A nearby cooler reads "College Drinks".}

OLDA BOY 1: I miss video games.

OLDA BOY 2: I miss my mom.

{Cut back to the girls. CHEERLEADER is already off-screen, SO AND SO is on her way.}

SO AND SO: I bet they play sports!

{SO AND SO exits to the left.}

THE UGLY ONE: Ooh... I'm too NERVOUS!

{THE UGLY ONE sticks her head in the sand. A fat bird perches on her.}

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: PERCH!

THE UGLY ONE:My lungs are filling up with sand. And cigarrette butts.

{Cut back to the OLDA BOYS. CHEERLEADER and SO AND SO have arrived.}

CHEERLEADER: Hiya boys! Is this spot taken?

CHEERLEADER: We're in college!

SO AND SO: {Overlapping} We're in 8th grade!

{CHEERLEADER turns and frowns at SO AND SO.}

OLDA BOYS: Hahahahahahaha!

{CHEERLEADER punts SO AND SO off-screen.}

'NARRATOR STRONG BAD: PUNT!

SO AND SO: Ow! My hopes of reaching 1st base!

CHEERLEADER: {turns back to the OLDA BOYS} Oh, that's just my little sister who's at least 5 years younger than me. She's never kissed a boy.

OLDA BOY 1: You look the same age.

CHEERLEADER: {raises arms and shouts at the OLDA BOYS} I'M 5 YEARS OLDER AND IN COLLEGE!!!

{Cut to THE MAN WITH THE HUGE MOUTH wearing a captain's hat, piloting the S.S. INEVITABLE. The boat breaks CHEERLEADER in half.}

THE MAN WITH THE HUGE MOUTH: SAILING MISHAP!!

{Cut back to the OLDA BOYS.}

OLDA BOY 2: I'm gonna miss her.

OLDA BOY 1: I'm gonna miss video games.

{Cut to THE UGLY ONE, whose head is still perched in the sand.}

THE UGLY ONE: I hope nobody cool or famous is staring at me.

{GEORGE WASHINGTON, ABRAHAM LINCOLN, and HENRY ROLLINS enter from the left.}

GEORGE WASHINGTON: Look, look at that girl.

{SO AND SO enters from the right.}

SO AND SO: She's my friend, but not my best. Now who wants to tandem parasail with me?

GEORGE WASHINGTON: Woot!

ABE LINCOLN: Woot!

HENRY ROLLINS: Woot.

{Cut to a title card that reads "IT'S ALMOST OVER". The music cuts out for a second while NARRATOR STRONG BAD reads...}

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: IT'S ALMOST OVER!

{The music starts back up as the scene cuts to a skateboarding half-pipe. WHAT'S HER FACE is watching THOMAS skateboard.}

WHAT'S HER FACE: Do an indy nosebone.

{SO AND SO and THE PRESIDENTS parasail by. THOMAS is shocked and forgets to do an indy nosebone.}

SO AND SO: Sooooo goooood...!

WHAT'S HER FACE: I think my friend and some presidents just flew by.

{THOMAS rolls back down the ramp and performs a 360.}

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: LATE 360 SHOVE-IT TO BONELESS!!!!! {Pause} ...'d!

WHAT'S HER FACE: Sweet moves, Thomas!

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: NOW IT'S OVER!

Easter Eggs

At the end, click the "O" in "Now" for a conversation between the "olda boys."

(Set to the Teen Girl Squad theme song)

OLDA BOY #1: "I miss video games."

OLDA BOY #2: "I miss my mom."

OLDA BOY #1: "I miss video games."

OLDA BOY #2: "I-I-I miss my mom."

OLDA BOY #1: "I miss video games."

OLDA BOY #2: "I miss my mom."

OLDA BOY #1: "I miss video games."

OLDA BOY #2: "I-I-I miss my mom."

Fun Facts

• The muscular guy who shows up with the Presidents is musician Henry Rollins (formerly of the punk band Black Flag). A photo of Hank can be found here.
• Henry Rollins has tattoos of the Black Flag and Einsturzende Neubauten logos.
• "Cigarrette" is misspelled.
• The boat that hit cheerleader is named S.S. Inevitable.
• The mailbox has "W. Herface" on it.
• The stamp on the postcard has an outline of Abe Lincoln.
• It's possible Henry Rollins is with the Presidents because his real name is Henry Garfield, similar to President James A. Garfield.
• It is impossible to do a late three sixty shove it to boneless. A boneless is a variation of an ollie, and therefore would have to come first.
• This Teen Girl Squad issue subtley implements the "birds getting killed" tradition by the mailbox eating the postcard with birds on it.
• This is the only issue where What's Her Face doesn't get hurt. Unless you count her feelings...

External Links

• watch "Teen Girl Squad Issue 5"
• view the flash file for "Teen Girl Squad Issue 5"