the facts
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Summary
Strong Bad tells Jess G. why Strong Mad can't have his own cartoon.
Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, Strong Mad, Homestar Runner
Transcript
STRONG BAD: {singing} I'm checkin' e-mail, I'm checkin' e-mail. Hey, hey, I'm checkin' e-mail, I'm checkin' e-mail.. {Strong Bad reads the email out loud}
Dear Strong Bad, I was just wondering, why doesn't Strong Mad have his own cartoon. Your fan, Jess G. OH
{He pronounces "Dear Strong Bad" as "Dah Sto Bo" and "Jess G. OH" as "Jess... Goh!!"}
STRONG BAD: {typing} Well, Jess, as much as I cherish brother Graw Mad, let's look at the facts:
{A grid appears on the screen and lines "scan" across from top to bottom and then left to right, revealing an image of Strong Mad next to which it says "Fact 1:"}
STRONG BAD: Fact one: The guy's got a pretty tenuous grasp on the English language. {"Tenuous grasp of the English language" appears on the screen.} For exampleh:
{Cut to Strong Bad at his desk. He turns on his stool and calls off screen.}
STRONG BAD: Hey, Strong Mad! What, uh.. what's my favorite movie?
STRONG MAD: {from off-screen} GARBLEDINA!
{Cut back to the screen where it says "Fact 2:"}
STRONG BAD: Fact two: "Garbledina". {'Garbledina' appears on the screen and the illustrated Strong Mad's eyebrows raise. Strong bad strikes a key and "Fact 3" appears.} Fact three: he's like a big square, this guy. {"Like a big square" appears and a box encloses the image of Strong Mad, which looks around nervously. The left and bottom edges are labeled "88 in."} I don't really know if that has anything to do with why he doesn't have his own cartoon. But it's just weird, is all. {"Just weird is all" appears on the screen} Un.. settling. {"Unsettling" appears}
{Cut to a landscape filled with blue and pink cubes and a yellow sky. Strong Mad appears with a loud "thud".}
STRONG BAD: I guess if he lived in Cubeland it might work, but.. Cubeland {A "Cubeland" logo flies in from the right and comes to rest in the upper-left corner.} is a place I just made up, so.. on to fact four.
{Cut back to Strong Bad's screen which now reads "Fact 4".}
STRONG BAD: Zero volume control. {"No volume control" appears on the screen.} Once again, obsoyve. {The Strong Sad image glances at the text.}
{Cut to Strong Mad sitting behind a table with a small orange clay dinosaur and yellow and green clay upright cylinders. Strong Bad enters from the left.}
STRONG BAD: {whispering} Hey biggest bro. Mom says to keep it down 'cause baby Strong Sad's sleeping.
STRONG MAD: I CAN BE THE QUIETEST MOUSE! {holds up his right hand, index finger and thumb together to demonstrate something very small, like a mouse} I LIVE IN THE QUIETEST HOUSE! {holds up his other hand in the same position}
{Cut back to the screen. "Fact 5" is on the screen.}
STRONG BAD: Fact five: Directorial inexperience. {"Directorial inexperience" appears on the screen.}
{Pull out to Strong Bad typing the e-mail.}
STRONG BAD: {typing} Considering the only movie Strong Mad's ever made is 'Doug the Dino,' I doubt he'd be able to handle an entire cartoon on his own.
{Cut to the television. After some static, a grainy video appears. A title made out of clay which says "DOUG THE DiNO" (the "O" in Dino is in the shape of an egg) appears.}
STRONG MAD: {narrating} DINOSAUR! {Cut to the two clay cylinders. The clay dinosaur enters. Strong Mad makes various noises to go along with the action. Doug the Dino roars. The green cylinder flips over like a Slinky and a smiling face appears on it. Suddenly, Doug the Dino attacks it and it spills clay blood. While Doug is eating the green cylinder, a tape dispenser can be seen for a few frames. The yellow cylinder appears to flee as Doug licks his lips. A clay toilet enters and Doug presses the flush lever. The seat lifts and a red appendage appears out of the toilet, grasps Doug by the face, and pulls him in. The green cylinder "sits up" and smiles and Strong Mad's hand can be seen leaning on the table for a few frames.}
{Cut back to Compy 386.}
STRONG BAD: {typing} Y'see? Misguided direction, no comedic timing, and the script is riddled with gaping plot holes. {not typing} And finally, {typing} Fact 6: Have you seen his computer?!?
{Cut to Strong Mad's room, where Strong Mad has decorated a paper bag to look like Tandy 400 (with the word "DISK" on the screen) and an up-turned cardboard box to look like Strong Bad's Floppy Disk Container (which says "disks").}
STRONG MAD: E-COMMERCE! E-BUSINESS!!
{Cut back to Compy 386.}
STRONG BAD: {typing} So let's review. Fact 1: Ehgh--
{Pull out to Homestar Runner sitting on the desk, facing away from Strong Bad.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: I want my own cartoon, Strong Bad.
STRONG BAD: What? I'm over here!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh. {turns to face Strong Bad} I want my own cartoon, Pom Pom.
STRONG BAD: Homestar, a cartoon starring you would be horrible. It'd just be you saying "Seriously" all the time and acting like a moron.. all the time.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: No, no! Not no more! I got a new catchphrase!
STRONG BAD: No.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: You wanna hear it?
STRONG BAD: No!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: I'd be all the time sayin' "That's bupkis!" {whispering} Oh, sorry. "That's bupkis!"
STRONG BAD: What are you whispering for?
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {whispering} Because! Baby Strong Sad is sleeping!
STRONG BAD: Now, you see this disgusting little chit-chat we're having here? This is what your cartoon would be like.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Then it'd be a number one hit! {singing} And that's the end of our show! DONK!
{The Paper comes down.}
STRONG BAD: Hey!
Easter Eggs
- Clicking on "Script" shows the entire script for Strong Mad’s epic film, 'Doug the Dino.'
- Click on Homestar's star at the end to see Homestar's commercial break message.
Fun Facts
- Strong Bad says "Dear Strong Bad" in Strong Mad's voice.
- Strong Bad referring to Strong Mad as 'Graw Mad' may be a reference to the email car where Strong Sad is called 'Gron Sad' by Strong Bad.
- If Strong Bad's measurements are correct, Strong Mad is 88 inches, or 7'4" (2.26 meters) tall and wide. However, The Cheat implied in i she be that Strong Mad was 6 feet tall.
- This is The Brothers Chaps' claymation debut.
- The disk in the Floppy Disk Container is labeled Thexder.
- This is the second time Strong Mad has shown his affection for dinosaurs, the first being his MSPaint drawing of a brontosaurus in lunch special.
- It is the third time we've seen inside Strong Mad's room (the first being in unused emails, the second old comics). Twice, Strong Mad has been doing something artistic (the other time he just ate pasta salad out of his underdrawers drawer).
- Strong Bad saying "Checking my email" sounds a lot like the cartoon character Woody Woodpecker.
- "Doug The Dino" could be a reference to Strong Mad's affinity for the name "Douglas" from the email cheat talk, which after a lot of work, he learned to say.
- The TV set that "Doug The Dino" plays on is the same TV from the old toons menu. Channel 3 was "In search of the Yello Dello."
- The VCR is the same one that appears on the "Characters" menu.
- This is the fourth time Homestar Runner has confused another character with Pom Pom: he confuses Marzipan with Pom Pom in Marzipan's Answering Machine versions 4 and 10.2, and confuses himself with Pom Pom in the email pom pom.
- Strong Bad says that he doesn't think that Strong Mad being shaped like a square has anything to do with him not having his own cartoon. This may be reference to the cartoon character Spongebob Squarepants.
- The email had a glitch in it. If you clicked the eject button on the video recorder during 'Doug the Dino', it would bring you back to the loading screen and freeze there. The glitch has been removed, though. The eject button is now unclickable. - This may be due to the VCR being copied from the "Characters" menu. On that screen, the eject button pops out Homsar's tape.
- The green cylinder in the claymation and Cubeland may be a reference to Gumby.
- Strong Bad's pronounciation of 'Jess, G'oh' is a reference to The Simpson's catchphrase 'D'oh'.
- Cubeland might be a reference to Cubeez.
- Strong Mad is not actually a square. In fact, if he were 88" wide, he would be approximately 95" tall. On the other hand, if he were 88" tall, he would only be about 82" wide. Finally, if he were 6' (72") tall as mentioned above, he would be a mere 67" wide.
- In the picture with measurements, StrongMad is actually about 7.25% taller than he is wide.
