property of ones
From Homestar Runner Wiki
Strong Bad Email #39
Strong Bad talks about Cold Ones, with a few tweaks at standard algebra.
Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad
Places: Computer Room
Computer: Tandy 400
Date: August 5, 2002
Running Time: 1:17
Page Title: Tandy 400: Still Bloke
Contents |
Transcript
STRONG BAD: {singing} Gimme some of this and gimme some of thiiiiis... Gimme some of this. {stops singing}
Hey Strong Bad,
How's it hanging? Last weekend I almost drank a one
that was not cold. Has this ever happened to you?
Dan Waters
Dallas, TX
{Strong Bad pronounces TX as "Tejas"}
STRONG BAD: {typing} Aw, Dan, you dodged a bullet, man. Because lemme tell you... a One that is not cold, is scarcely a One at all. Allow me to demonstrate with one of my bogus mathematical theorems. {stops typing} I call it {resumes typing} "The Property of Ones." {stops typing} It goes like this: {resumes typing} The ONEitude is directly proportional to the Colditude of the ONE. So you got that, Dan? The colder it is, the more of a one it is. Because you don't want to end up with a Cold None. I wouldn't wish that on anybody. But now in foreign lands, they've been known to drink {stops typing} Not So Cold Ones {a bottle of "Not So Cold One" appears}, Room Temperature Ones {a bottle of "Room Temp-A-Ture One" appears}, and even Warm Ones {a bottle of "Wärm Öne" appears}. Whoah! {clears screen, resumes typing} But where I come from, it's CUH-HOLD ONES. Though I have to admit, on certain evenings in late spring, a Cool One can be very refreshing. {stops typing} Ooh... That's good one.
{A needlepoint picture of three "Cold One" bottles with the caption "A One That Isn't Cold, Is Scarcely A One At All" appears on the screen. The Paper comes down.}
Fun Facts
Trivia
- This is one of the few emails where Strong Bad does not include the word "email" in the introduction to the email.
- This is the last email that has no Easter Eggs until email #133, "bottom 10"
Inside References
- Strong Bad refers to the Property of Ones as "one of [his] bogus mathematical theorems" — the first was the Transitive Butt property in butt IQ.
Real-World References
- In the introduction of this email, Strong Bad may be singing to the tune of "Paradise City" by Guns N' Roses.
- The page title, "Still bloke" may be a reference to the Japanese language pronouncing "l" and "r" the same. When switched, it's "broke," which fits contextually.
Fast Forward
- The Brothers Chaps later created a strange needlepoint animation using the same corkboard and wall background seen at the end of this toon. It can only be accessed by going here.
