User:Thesmokingmonkey

subject: Let's Trace! Let's Trace Some Drawings!

Dear Two-Bit Wrestleman,

Whatever happened to the King of Town's servants?
And for that matter, where can I get me some Grumblecakes?
And why is your mouth pink? That's not normal.

With much crap,
Dave (yeah that's my real name), DC

The Smoking Monkey

For one reason or another, you have come to the user page of the person calling himself The Smoking Monkey. Welcome! Feel free to read some of the rambling crap I've written here, or look at the funny picture of the monkey! Either way, you win, and you win big! I may not have been raised by a cup of coffee, but I'm certainly saving the best for last. In conclusion: LOOK LIVELY!

The Real Monkey (When Primates Stop Being Nice...And Start Being Real!)

Hello, fellow HRWikiers! My name is Dave. I'm 28, an Army combat veteran of Operation Iraqi Freedom, and I've been a huge H*R fan since stumbling across it surfing the "web" after I got back from Iraq in late 2003. I liked it immediately, but it wasn't until crazy cartoon (when I laughed so hard I nearly killed myself when the lemonade I was drinking almost went into my lungs) that I knew I had fallen in love with the quirky web cartoon. When not working, I dabble in fiction and non-fiction writing, making music, video gamin', and yes, the occasional beer or two or three. For those that would care, I quit smoking months ago, although I still slip up every now and again.

Monkey the Enforcer (Are You a Good Editor or a Bad Editor?)

Here at the Wiki, I've become a law-and-order type, maybe like the Mel Gibson character in Lethal Weapon, though I'm not suicidal, or teamed with a cagey old veteran cop nearing retirement, or short, or Australian****. Come to think of it, I'm nothing at all like the Mel Gibson character in Lethal Weapon. I'm a member of the Recent Changes Patrol, and focus most of my energy making sure every edit is a good edit. To date, I've caught five trolls and hope to catch many more; perhaps one day I can live up to the wiki-defending anti-troll standard set by BazookaJoe! Well, at least I can help the community by being vigilant for bad and malicious edits.

One day long ago, I had my first battle with a Willy on Wheels style vandal, eventually beating them back with the help of Venusy and bkmlb. And, as part of the battle, I'm proud to say my own user and talk pages were vandalized! After the damage was repaired, the question arose: what would a smoking monkey on wheels look like? Venusy came up with this delightful image. Motorists, be warned: the smoking monkey on wheels often makes triple lane changes without signaling and will cut you off just for the thrill of it!

Monkey the Creator!?!? (There's No Intelligent Design Here)

I'm constantly amazed at the dedication and professionalism of the major (and minor!) contributors to this site. Recently, I've taken a more active role in creation and editing instead of just keeping the peace. Here are some of the things I'm most proud of:

Free Country, USA

I was shocked to see the community noticed my work on Free Country, USA and made it a featured article! It came about oddly - some anonymous user added some info, and I reverted it. Then someone re-reverted it: "it was good", they said. Then I reverted it again. Then It's dot com stepped in and reminded me just because an edit is anonymous, it's not automatically bad. Then, I started looking closely at the article, and before long, I got a wee bit obsessive adding things, sorting other things out, and generally trying to flesh out what Free Country was. It's interesting to note how similarly the article now resembles actual Wikipedia articles about real countries - coincidence or fact?!

geddup noise

Sitting bleary eyed in front of my terminal at 6:30 one morning, I was amazed - a new sbmail, geddup noise! And, before I even thought twice, I checked the wiki to see the completed article. Lo and behold, the transcript was 10% done! I nearly started jumping up and down in impish glee - finally, a chance to smash out a rough transcript. With my friend Microsoft Word and the "play" button of Flash player, I slogged through the sbmail twice before I came up with this busted masterpiece. A dozen edits later, it was up to this (along with the work of a half-dozen others during that feverish time!), and I got that warm feeling of self-satisfaction I always suspected I'd get if I ever got a chance to do a transcript.

Random Refreshings

My main creative drive here can be summed up in this concept: Random Refreshings. Using the HRWiki's "Random Page" button, I surf around looking for articles to freshen up. Sometimes, I'll find articles with piecemeal content - there's nothing wrong with the article, but perhaps with a little more structure, some tweaking, and a dash of encyclopedic-sounding jargon, an article can get closer to that "academic" feel that's absolutely necessary for a knowledge base about a cartoon that stars an armless guy with no pants(?), a two-bit wrestleman and his little yellow dog.

Some of the illustrious articles to receive my Random Refreshings include:

• Balding Man
• On Point Kings
• Tire
• Cheerleader, So and So, What's Her Face, The Ugly One (not really random, but if you edit one, you need to edit them all!)
• Old-Timey Marzipan, Sickly Sam
• Double Deuce
• Nibbles
• Homestar Jr.

Pasta Salad

To date, this is the only article I created out of whole cloth, as it were. And what a doozy! I seemed to have sparked off a minor firestorm in the community over the article, because the subject matter was so minor. But I made the article because it was one of the funniest things I have yet encountered at H*R. If you haven't seen the clip, watch old comics and check for easter eggs at the end!

What's the Deal With the Monkey Name, Anyway?

I know someone out there has wondered, "why is this yahoo calling himself 'the smoking monkey'? Is he obsessed with monkeys? Does he think he's being ever-so-clever by hinting at some kind of laissez-faire slacker lifestyle? The answer to these important questions are: I'm not exactly sure, not really, and no. Some months ago, mass media was running this human interest story - er, a chimpanzee interest story - about a chimp in the Johannesburg Zoo that had picked up smoking. Much like the idiots one sees at the zoo throwing junk food to endangered species*, South African idiots had been throwing lit cigarettes at the chimps. And, wouldn't you know it, one chimp aped his distant genetic relatives and started smoking them on a regular basis.

Now, if there couldn't possibly be any more idiocy crammed into this story, the talking heads relating the story said marvelously insightful things after rolling the clips like, "I don't think that's setting a very good example for children!" and "Monkey see, monkey do, right? Ha, ha, ha." In short, the story was such a mixture of the mundane, the ridiculous, and even the tragic, I identified with that chain-smoking chimp, and felt he needed to be honored somehow. And so a name, such as it is, was born.

The Monkey's Gallery of Some of His H*R Favorites!

Gonna have a real good good good good time tonite!	Still at large	Excardon me, ma'am	Totally not getting teen pregnant **
Liquid and leather - in equal measure!	He also fights the crime, but not as much	I can't tell you how happy I am for you to be with me	(Not) Doing the hully-gully on the Panama Canal
What more do they WANT?!?!	They tell him not to!	A different kind of tiny, tiny dance	What exactly does Haddi-man know, anyway?

Monkey Shout-Outs! Certain Users Get Prizes!

Slowly but surely, I'm getting to know more of the members here. And, when I discover how awesome you are, I'll honor you here!

• It's dot com - The consummate H*R sage. His no-nonsense, yet fair, attitude (not to mention his expansive contributions to the HRWiki) are some of the reasons he was recently made a sysop. If you have important HRWiki questions or need help figuring something out, he's your man. And, if you mess around, he's the guy who's gonna drop the hammer on you!
• E.L. Cool - Based in Israel, E.L. gives the HRWiki a little international flair. Good-natured and possessing of the sense of humor one would expect from a fan of H*R, E.L. always up to something positive. Plus, he can translate your name into Hebrew! Very, er, cool.
• Rogue Leader - Unlike some of the more rambunctuous (and sometimes destructive) youngsters around here, young Rogue truly has his act together. He contributes, he regulates, he has two small dogs. Plus, he digs Star Wars, so he's aces in my book.
• notstrongorbad - This guy is all up ons H*R knowledge, providing an introspective look at everyone's favorite web cartoon. He's done a lot more since this and this, but anyone who can run up the word count on H*R and still make good sense is an asset to the community!

The Smoking Monkey Pledge (i.e., the small print)

If I revert your edit and you feel slighted, feel free to bring it to my talk page (or if you just want to say "what up, my dog", you can always do that, too). I do make mistakes, like the time I let a looter go and then arrested him again an hour later for trying to steal the same fish he was trying to steal when I arrested him in the first place. Also, I don't claim any special authority here at the Wiki - I simply try to enforce established rules and make sure that this Wiki stays the outstanding Homestar Runner resource that it is! - THE SMOKING MONKEY

Wha?!? Footnotes!?! Yes, Sadly, Footnotes. You Will Be Tested On This.

* Seriously, if you do this, stop. Gorillas do not need Twinkees to survive any more than a chimp needs a Marlboro.

**The discussion (backlash!?) regarding the infamous "teen pregnant" line is one of the strangest things I've seen at the HRWiki. It's gonna be hggghaghl righhhht, folks.

***This is not meant to reflect my own thoughts, but rather the thoughts of the monkey depicted in the picture. Kinda like the picture is meant to be me, but isn't? Got it? Good. Let the MONKEYQUOTE begin! FYI, when I downloaded the picture, apparently the little dude's name was "Consul." What in the heck kind of name is that for a monkey? If I had a monkey, I'd name him "Lord Algernon Hawthorne Shropshire Witherpenny of Northumbria."