Decemberween Short Shorts

From Homestar Runner Wiki

Revision as of 19:27, 18 December 2006

Short Santa shorts

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, The Cheat, Homestar Runner, Strong Sad, Bubs, Pom Pom, Coach Z, The King of Town, Strong Mad, The Homestar Runner, Rumble Red, Old-Timey Marzipan, one of Pom Pom's girls

Places: The Brick Wall, The Stick, Strong Bad's Basement, The Office, The Decemberween Tree, The Old-Timey Field, Coach Z's Locker Room, The Classroom, The Field, Club Technochocolate (dance floor)

Date: December 18, 2006

Running Time: 6:05

Page Title: The Short Shorts are BACK And Holiday Scented!

Transcript

{A pair of red shorts with white fur lining and a gold belt buckle appear, on which is superimposed the title: "DECEMBERWEEN Short Shorts". Snowflakes fall and synthesized music plays.}

{The scene changes to The Brick Wall, on which Strong Bad is writing on a piece of paper. As he writes, the words appear on a note at the top of the screen.}

STRONG BAD: Dear Tube Socks, It's me again. I hope you had a good year. Free of athletes' feet and toe jams.

{Zoom in close on Strong Bad}

STRONG BAD: Lemme cut to the chase. On Decemberween morning, when I open you guys up, you're going to hear...things. Hurtful things. Unforgivable things. Things like,

{Cut to Strong Bad opening tube socks with The Cheat at a decorated The Stick"

STRONG BAD: Uhhh...

{A black transition screen with the word "and" appears}

STRONG BAD: and

{Cut to Strong Bad opening tube socks on The Couch}

STRONG BAD: Oh, man!

{The black transition screen with the word "and" reappears}

STRONG BAD: and

{Cut to Strong Bad opening tube socks in his cubicle with Homestar and a Decemberween tree made out of pushpins and a flyer on the wall that reads, "D'screetret Santa Today!"}

STRONG BAD: This present of tube socks totally sucks and I hate it!

{Cut back to Strong Bad writing his note at The Brick Wall}

STRONG BAD: Don't you believe a word of it, Tube Socks. I love you guys. I don't know what I'd do without my yearly pair.

{Zoom out to a silhouette of the scene}

STRONG BAD: But a guy's gotta keep up appearances, right? if peoples found out I have a soft spot for tube socks, it'd be all over. {a pair of tube socks appears, and the stripes rotate between several colors.} It took me years to live down that Martina Navratilova poster,

{Cut to a poster of Martina Navratilova playing tennis on the wall of The Basement}

STRONG BAD: ...and I will not go down that road again.

{Cut back to Strong Bad writing his note at The Brick Wall.}

STRONG BAD: We can be secret friends. Like that hunchback kid at school. In closing, please disregard any and all negative comments or negative burning you may hear or experience on Decemberween. Stealthily Yours, Strong Bad.

{Strong Bad draws a picture of his head with bat wings, a heart with an apostrophe and the letter "s", and a pair of tube socks.

{Cut to the title screen shot of the Decemberween shorts and accompanying music.}

{The scene changes to a Decemberween tree with ornaments representing the following characters: Strong Sad, Bubs, Homestar Runner, Pom Pom, Strong Bad, Coach Z, and The King of Town.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER ORNAMENT: Ooh, man. I feel de-licious!

{Zoom in on the Homestar Runner ornament}

HOMESTAR RUNNER ORNAMENT: Does anyone here know if it is either illegal or unethical to eat yourself?

{Zoom back out}

KING OF TOWN ORNAMENT: I sure hope not!

STRONG BAD ORNAMENT: Eww — shut up, king... or I'll stuff you full of coal!

{Zoom in on the King of Town ornament.}

KING OF TOWN ORNAMENT: That wouldn't be so bad! A little onion salt,

{A picture of "The King of Town's Last Three Items in the Pantry Special!" descends}

KING OF TOWN ORNAMENT: ...some hot sauce... wouldn't be the first time!

'{Zoom back out to the rest of the ornaments.}

BUBS ORNAMENT: Hey, Coach Z! Don'tcha think it's about time you updated that photograph?

{Zoom in on the Coach Z ornament.}

COACH Z ORNAMENT: Heck no! The 74s was the prime of my dating year! In those days ladies would go out with anything that had a mustache.

'{Zoom back out to the rest of the ornaments.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER ORNAMENT: Hey, Strong Bad, I really like your rhinestone cowboy costume.

STRONG BAD ORNAMENT: Uh, you got the wrong 'ween, Homestar. This is Decemberween. Not the Hallow- one.

HOMESTAR RUNNER ORNAMENT: Oh... right, right. Trick-or-treat!

{Zoom in on the Strong Bad ornament.}

STRONG BAD ORNAMENT: Does anybody know where Strong Sad is?

{Pan to the Strong Sad ornamnet.}

STRONG SAD: Uh, hello. I'm right here!

{Zoom back out to the rest of the ornaments.}

STRONG BAD ORNAMENT: Whoa, I can hardly see you! You're like the Predator up there

{Zoom in on the Strong Sad ornament.}

STRONG SAD ORNAMENT: No, I'm like the most expensive ornament on this tree by about forty-five dollars!

{Zoom back out to the rest of the ornaments.}

STRONG BAD ORNAMENT: Oh yeah? Well my four point five cents of plastic sequins and styrofoam are about to bedazzle you right offa this tree! {sparkles and shines while singing}

HOMESTAR RUNNER, COACH Z, AND KING OF TOWN ORNAMENTS: {in amazement} Whoa!

{The Strong Sad ornament shakes, falls, and shatters on the ground. The camera pans down to his broken remains next to a Decemberween present with an "M" on it at the base of the tree.}

STRONG MAD PRESENT: HAPPY DECEMBERWEEN!

{Cut to the title screen shot of the Decemberween shorts and accompanying music.}

{The scene changes to The Homestar Runner in the snow-covered Old-Timey Field, wearing a winter cap and holding a dead rat in front of a decorated pile of other dead rats. Music plays in the background.}

THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: This here's gonna be the biggest Decemberween rat pile in town.

RUMBLE RED: Eh, rumble {superimposed several times upon itself as he appears}

THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: Aw, phooey. And after that, phooey. Not you again.

RUMBLE RED: Earthling, explain to me this pile of rotten rodentia...rumble.

{Zoom in on The Homestar Runner}

THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: It's Decemberween, Rumble Red. {holds up a dead rat} The most sanitary time of year. {Zoom out} When everyone piles up all the dead rats they accumulated {pronounced a-cooma-lated} throughout the year.

{Zoom in on Rumble Red}

RUMBLE RED: We don't have any Decemberweens on my planeeeeet, trumble.

{Zoom in on The Homestar Runner}

THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: Well, whaddaya know? {Zoom out} What do they have on your planet?

RUMBLE RED: Oh, not much. Long lines. Expensive bread. Rumble-doo.

{Marzipan walks in with a bundle of dynamite with a ticking timer.}

MARZIPAN: Happy Decemberween, Rumble Red. {hands him the dynamite}

RUMBLE RED: Cosmic joy! {Zoom in} I think this buffalo has showed me the true meaning of December-rumble-ween!

{The ticking grows quicker, the top of the dynamite pops open, revealing a large pistol, out of which a cement mixer emerges and drops a bear trap around Rumble Red. The bear trap closes and decapitates him. Music plays and his body dances.}

THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: Haw, Haw, Haw.
MARZIPAN: {simultaneously} Hee, Hee, Hee.

{A black screen saying THE END covers everything except for a circle around The Homestar Runner's face}

THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: A Decemberween tradition! {the circle closes to black}

{Cut to the title screen shot of the Decemberween shorts and accompanying music.}

{The scene changes to The Brick Wall, on which Strong Sad is writing on a piece of paper. As he writes, the words appear on a note at the top of the screen.}

STRONG SAD: Dear Argyle Socks,

{Cut to the title screen shot of the Decemberween shorts and accompanying music.}

{Homestar Runner is in the locker room wearing a football helmet. He puts the helmet in an open locker and then puts a rolled up towel around his neck}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Wow {locker slams shut} what a great season Coach Z.

COACH Z: You said it, crumb bum. We was undeforted!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Maybe you were. Well, have a good holiday. You doing anything special?

COACH Z: Aww, totally. I'm havin' all sorts of real people over to my house for a coupla real people parties. Don't you worry about me. I am not a loser.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Well that's great Coach Z, well I... {Coach Z is no longer in sight} Coach Z? Coach Z? Ohh, Coach Zeeee.

{Coach Z is laying upside down in an open locker with empty Listerine bottles and stubble on his face}

COACH Z: I'm at rock bottom.

{Zoom out to Homestar Runner, as music begins to play.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {singing and dancing} A-listen to me now, cheer up Coach Z. It doesn't have to be creepy and depressing all the time.

{Zoom in on Coach Z}

COACH Z: For real?

{Homestar appears in The Classroom in front of a blackboard with the words "NOTE TO SELF:" written on it.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {singing} If you learn to say words right,

{The words "SAY WOUDS WIDE!" are written on the blackboard as Homestar says "say words right".}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {singing} You'll find out people might

{Coach Z appears in the snowy Field sitting on a soapbox with a puke pail and a sign that reads, "CHAT WITH ME ON SPEC!"}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {singing offscreen} ...not throw up so much when they talk to you!

COACH Z: Oh, that'd be nice!

{Homestar Runner appears against a yellow background of Coach Z's logo, wiggling horizontally.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {singing} Now listen to me. It's almost Decemberween,

{Homestar Runner returns to the locker scene, hanging from the top of the screen}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {singing} ...and there's not a single present beneath your tree.

{Pan to a pile of green towels decorated with an ornament, Blue Star ointment, underwear, and a sign reading: "THIS SPACE FOR RENT (ON SPEC!)"}

{Homestar Runner appears in front of "FIGURE 1-A", a diagram of Coach Z and Bubs, with a question mark in a word balloon coming from the latter's head.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {singing} When someone asks you, "What's up?"

{A word balloon with a picture of Coach Z's butt comes from Coach Z's head}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {singing} ...don't tell him about your butt, {a "no" symbol appears on top of Coach Z's word balloon}

{Cut back to the locker room scene}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {singing} or any embarrassing physical problems you might have.

COACH Z: I collect those!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {singing} When you're talking to a pretty girl...

{"FIGURE 1-B" appears, Coach Z standing on a dance floor. One of Pom Pom's girls descends from the top of the screen in front of Coach Z.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {singing} On second thought, don't talk to any pretty girls.

{The girl is yanked offscreen by a cane and Coach Z hangs his head.}

{The scene returns to Homestar in front of the Coach Z background, this time wiggling vertically.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {singing} and you'll find yourself invited,

{Cut to a wanted poster of Coach Z on a brick wall which reads, "FOR CREEPY STYLES AND CREEPIER HABITS"}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {singing} and probably way less indicted. {the poster is torn down the middle}

{Return to the locker room scene, in which Homestar is now standing with the helmet on his head.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {singing} And you won't have to spend Decemberween alone! {Homestar takes off his helmet and shakes it on the last word.}

{Coach Z climbs out of the locker as the Listerine bottles fall to the ground.}

COACH Z: Hey, thanks for the advice, Homestar! I'd love to come to your house for Decemberween!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: What? No, no-ho-ho! No, no, no. No, Coach Z, no. No. No, you can't. {glares}

{The scene ends and a modified title screen appears, with the Demberween shorts, falling snowflakes, music, and the word "End."}

Fun Facts

Explanations

• Argyle is a pattern containing diamonds in a diagonal checkerboard arrangement.

Trivia

• Coach Z's clipboard reads:

plays:
-the runaround
-the picket fence
-the stainislaw
-the local gentry
-cake und pie
-eyeball eyeball

Remarks

• Strong Bad uses uppercase "I"s in his letter, when usually they are lowercase. The Ahnberg Hand font used for Strong Bad's handwriting does not normally have an uppercase "I".

Goofs

• In the locker room short, the ends of Homestar Runner's towel are rolled in contradictory directions.

Inside References

• This collection of Decemberween shorts is based off of Summer Short Shorts.
• The 1974 Coach Z ornament was first used in what i want.
• The Puke Pail next to Coach Z is the same one as in Sick Day, but now says 'PUKE PAIL FOR WHOEV!' instead of 'PUKE PAIL FOR HIM!'.
• The Blue Star Ointment at the top of Coach Z's tree was first seen in Halloween Fairstival.
• Strong Bad was seen modeling for tube socks in the email modeling.
• Coach Z was also seen drinking Listerine in The Best Decemberween Ever.
• This is another appearance of "What are you supposed to be?".
• Coach Z sits on the Soapbox.

Real-World References

• The Navratilova poster refers to tennis player Martina Navratilova.
• The Predator is a fictional alien hunter from the movie series of the same name.
• "D'screetret Santa" is a reference to the Christmas party game "Secret Santa".

External Links

• watch "Decemberween Short Shorts"
• view the Flash file for "Decemberween Short Shorts"
• forum thread re: Decemberween Short Shorts