Talk:Cold One

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Ding! Cold One is a featured article, which means it showcases an important part of the Homestar Runner body of work and/or highlights the fine work of this wiki. We also might just think it's cool. If you see a way this page can be updated or improved without compromising previous work, feel free to contribute.


[edit] Aren't beer

Jesus crist! Cold ones aren't beer!

Okay... the page throughly explains the nature of the beverage. I'm curious to hear what your theory is. -- Tom 09:12, 19 Dec 2004 (MST)

That Cold Ones are soda. HR is a site for all ages!

It may be a site for all ages, but there have been many implications that Cold Ones (and Soy Sauce) are intoxicants.

Please stop deleting all references to alcohol on this Wiki. -- FortyTwo

H*R clearly references alcohol in Decemberween Kids' Book. And in for kids, Kerrek doesn't accpet Strong Bad's offer of a Cold One because he's teetotal, which proves it's alcohol. --[[User:Upsilon|Upsilon]]
I'm sure a couple of guys fresh out of college would make sure to not something so offensive like vague allusions to alcohol corrupt children's minds. I'm sure children have NEVER heard of alcohol before now. And as Upsilon and the article states states, if it isn't incredibly obvious as is that a "cold one" is a reference to beer, it's confirmed that when the Kerrek doesn't take the "cold one" because he is a teetolater. — (Talk | contribs) 08:46, 8 July 2007 (UTC) (left unsigned)

[edit] My Conclusion

Personally, I don't believe Cold Ones are beer. I think Strong Beer is a reference to Root Beer. Also Cold One is a slang word for soda English people use. The martinis in Decemberween Kids' Book are not negetivly references because no one is drinking it. And in the Everybody to the limit and the email montage when Strongbad is holding a glass of wine, he really isn't because The Cheat just made a poorly drawn flash movie and Strong Bad was imagining him in love with the wagon fulla pancakes.

I always took the use of the word "alcoholic" on the label to mean it was beer. Seems pretty straight forward to me. And did you read the part about the Kerrek refusing a Cold One because he is a teetotaller? -- Tom 13:09, 24 Dec 2004 (MST)

That's not even the real Cold One bottle label.

Mmm hmm. But have you read the whole thing? See for yourself: Homestar Runner and Strong Bad Screensaver. -- Tom 20:16, 27 Dec 2004 (MST)

I understand the initial hesitation to declare Cold Ones as Beer, but the evidence is sufficient for us to drop the pretence. "Cold One" is a euphemism for beer, and was used by TBC to keep the site "a site for all ages". In my grade-6 class someone had written a western short story to be put on the wall before parent teacher night. In this story he used the word "beer", and the teacher was concerned that the parents may wonder what sort of class he was running, so he suggested that the guy change it to "Cold One". - Dr Haggis - Talk 20:56, 3 Jan 2005 (MST)

This must be an American thing... in Australia, "beer" isn't some kind of terrible taboo. Cold Ones are clearly beer. The business about warm or room temperature Cold Ones is directly mirrored by beer in the real world. Oven warmed soda?!... Get over it already; Cold Ones = Beer. Real Beer. Geez! - SoulSkorpion (soulskorpionATiinetDOTnetDOTau).

I'm pretty sure The Cheat made the boat scene in montage. Yeah... not at all. →[[User:FireBird|FireBird]]

Right, because TBC would never refer to something like alcohol on the site. Oh wait... Seriously, that's been on the site for years, it's even older than super powers, and it's much less "family friendly" compared to the casual references to "cold ones" on the site, yet it gets none of the controversy of "Why would TBC refer to alcohol?"... what is with you people? --phlip TC 15:45, 28 Sep 2005 (UTC)

I'm seriously considering certain cold ones not to be beer. Seeing as Homestar Runner and Strong Bad are STILL IN SCHOOL, I don't think TBC would encourage such behavior. Going back to the screensaver reference: it could be that make is an alcoholic make of cold ones. One more factor that sways me toward cold ones not being alcoholic is that in personal favorites, Strong Bad got drunk off of soy sauce (which does have alcohol). If he gets that drunk that easily, why would he have the power to open up his worst enemy? 23:22, 30 January 2006 (UTC) SNAP! That was me! SparkPlug 05:20, 6 February 2006 (UTC)

The TBC don't seem to be too concerned about influencing children with this website. In Dangeresque, you can clearly see a discarded cigarette on Dangeresque's desk, still smoking, implying that he had earlier been smoking. In addition, there have been multiple references to The Cheat's nicotine addiction. If they can talk about smoking, why not talk about alcohol too? Lord Karkon 16:44, 5 January 2007 (UTC)

I agree with Phlip and Tom. I think that you (meaning those that disagree) need to spend less time thinking about what you think TBC wouldn't do (since y'all know them so well) and focus on what they have done. And what they have done is create a blatantly obvious reference to beer. Remeber "Ones that are not cold"? That is reference to the fact that in America we drink our beer ice cold whereas in other parts of world such as Ireland and Germany, it is not uncommon to drink warmer "ones". I R F 16:53, 5 January 2007 (UTC)

A Cold One has to be alcahol. The Kerrek can't drink it because he's teetotal MJN SEIFER 18:32, 11 May 2007 (UTC)

[edit] Cold None?

Say huh-wha?! Where does this come from?-Lord Pikachon

The email. See the transcript. -- Tom 19:22, 14 Jan 2005 (MST)

[edit] Alcohol

Uhmm the screensaver says premium alcholic coldones. Parents drink beer, it can still be a family site

[edit] Not so cold ones

Isn't a not so cold one 90 degrees? if so, you can't hold it without a glove or it will burn your hand, no matter which scale you use, Farenheit, Celsius, or Kelvin won't work.

90 degrees Fahrenheit isn't anywhere near that hot... --Jay (Talk) 17:53, 29 Apr 2005 (UTC)
If that were true, then everyone in Florida would be dead from going out in the 90 degree (Fahrenheit) heat... Aurora the Homestar Coder 17:58, 29 Apr 2005 (UTC)
Especially funny when one considers that average body temperature is 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit... We'd be burning OURSELVES! --Jay (Talk) 18:03, 29 Apr 2005 (UTC)
Okay, I'm not talking out of experience, but have you tried holding a glass that is 30 °C? It's hot.
Actually, Kvb does have a point. The 90°F liquid in the not-so-cold one would warm the glass up to aneven higher temperature, and since touching a hot something physically hurts more than air at the same temperature, the glass would get rather hot to handle. Most hot-chocolate/coffee is actually only 70°F when someone goes to drink it, and feel how hot that drink nwould make a mug. -- Posted by: -erson Talk 18:13, 29 Apr 2005 (UTC)
No, it wouldn't. Convection doesn't work like that - 90°F objects can only heat things up to 90°F (actually less, since the 90°F object would be cooled down in the process.) What's more, try putting your finger inside your mouth. Unless you were JUST drinking something cold or you're very sick, the inside of your mouth is approximately 98.6°F. Does it burn? I sure as heck hope not. Anyway, I have come to understand that coffee is usually made around 120°F (give or take, I'm going from memory here.) --Jay (Talk) 18:20, 29 Apr 2005 (UTC)
Nope, I was wrong. It's not usually served at 120 degrees - it's usually served at 135-140 degrees. --Jay (Talk) 18:27, 29 Apr 2005 (UTC)
I see where I went wrong. I was thinking in Celcius, but saying fahrenheit. Ok, than Kvb is wrong. (I'm going to talk in Celcius since I'm canadian and I work with it more). Say the equivlant of 90°F is 30°C. If you leave a bottle of beer outside during 30°C weather, eventually the beer will warm up to the same temperature (actually, less since beer has a higher density thus will allow less heat to be caught). But, the beer will not burn you're skin if you get in on yourself. Thus, asusming that TBC work with fahrenheit since they are american, the beer would not be scorching. Oh, and coffee is innitally prepared at 100°C, but by the time it is finished being prepared, served (considering iot sat for a bit), and actually drank, the temperature would decrease to about 70°C, and that still burns.-- Posted by: -erson Talk 18:40, 29 Apr 2005 (UTC)
For comparison, the coffee cited as too hot in the McDonald's coffee lawsuit was 180 degrees Fahrenheit. Steamed milk at Starbucks is between 150-170 degrees Fahrenheit. Hot, hot, hot! Aurora the Homestar Coder 18:37, 29 Apr 2005 (UTC)
And that's about how hot it needs to get before burns are feasible. Spas, for instance, revolve around the whole concept of immersing your WHOLE BODY in water that is over 100°F, and nobody is scalded by properly-functioning spas. I think you're hung up on objects that have been sitting in the sun too long - these are MUCH hotter than the surrounding air because of the heat they've absorbed from the sunlight, but they cool down slower than air (something that's been sitting in the shade all day on a hot day will not be all that hot, will it? It may have been heated by the air, but not by sunlight.) And, BTW, isn't this a very silly argument for the H*R Wiki? --Jay (Talk) 18:44, 29 Apr 2005 (UTC)
I'm just going to slip out og this convo as I cannot convert Fahrenheit to Celsius...-- Posted by: -erson Talk 18:40, 29 Apr 2005 (UTC)
For reference:
32°F = 0°C (freezing point of water)
70°F = 21.1°C (no burns - not even THAT hot)
90°F = 32.2°C (no burns)
98.6°F = 37°C (normal body temperature)
100°F = 37.8°C (no burns)
150°F = 65.6°C (burns may be possible, but nothing severe)
180°F = 82.2°C (severe burns possible)
212°F = 100°C (boiling point of water) --Jay (Talk) 18:52, 29 Apr 2005 (UTC)
So, if TBC are talking Fahrenheit, than it wouldn't burn. But it would really scorch if they were speaking in Celsius.-- Posted by: -erson Talk 16:21, 30 Apr 2005 (UTC)
Hehehehe, a silly argument for the H*R Wiki? In my opinion, no place should be safe from nerdery and overanalysis! :) (currently drinking a COLD one... ok, actually a cold iced latte, 'cause beer is yuck!) Aurora the Homestar Coder 19:39, 29 Apr 2005 (UTC)
Anyways, there is no real reason for TBC to be speaking in Celsius, as they come from Georgia, a state in a country where Farenheit is used almost exclusively. -Ariamaki 17:16, 26 Jul 2005 (UTC)

[edit] British Preference

As a Brit, I'm don't think the inference that the British prefer beer served at room temperature is correct. It may be derived from the fact that heavy beers were traditionally served retaining the natural warmth accumulated during the brewing process, but I have never seen this observed anywhere today, certainly not in pubs and nor is this convention unique to Britain. Moreover, Guiness, arguably the most famous brand of heavy beer, comes in an 'Extra-cold' variety (I'm not awrae if this is available in other countries). Judging by colour, Cold-Ones appear to be larger-type beer and I should point out that larger has always been served chilled in Britain. As evdence of what I'm disputing, I would refer to the film 'Shaun of the Dead', which is regarded by many as depicting very typical British attitudes. At one point, a character apologises to the protaganist that his beer (which is a heavy beer) may be warm as the power to the coolers has been cut off. At the very least, the article should be edited to point out that this alleged preference is a perceived notion rather than an accurate observation. -Grover Junior

Since no-one seems to be responding to my point either here or on the forum, I've gone ahead and edited the article -Grover Junior
Perfectly fine, GJ. Also, just for accuracies sake, I am going to remiund people that you ment LAGER, not LARGER... Althouh those bottles are pretty darn big. -Ariamaki 17:17, 26 Jul 2005 (UTC)
Strong Bad just doesn't like the English, and he is just makin' fun of them. Rogue Leader / (my talk)

[edit] Cold Ones frist apperance?

Didn't cold ones apper in the "wheres my hat" kids book. And I belive that that was made before the email labor day?User:pieinbubsface/sig 02:05, 3 December 2005 (UTC)

Hey, good find! I missed that one. Go ahead, add it. Has Matt? 03:21, 3 December 2005 (UTC)

The "Appearances" section seemed to be only for the Coldson Lite, which was kinda silly when you think about it. I nixed it. --Jay o'Lantern (Haunt) 03:31, 3 December 2005 (UTC)
Um, I think the Appearances section was for all the Cold Ones. But I'm not really sure. Has Matt? 03:35, 3 December 2005 (UTC)
Nossir. It only listed appearances for the Coldson Lite, of which there were four (until I added two, before realizing what was going on.) Cold Ones have appeared in a lot more than that. --Jay o'Lantern (Haunt) 03:36, 3 December 2005 (UTC)

Why did the appearance section suddenly dissapear? SaltyTalk! 03:37, 3 December 2005 (UTC)

Because, as I just said, it only listed appearances for the Coldson Lite instead of Cold Ones. If you want to re-add it, go ahead, but make sure it lists appearances of Cold Ones in all forms. --Jay o'Lantern (Haunt) 03:38, 3 December 2005 (UTC)
I will not fail you. SaltyTalk! 03:39, 3 December 2005 (UTC)
Salty did not fail you. Nice job Salty. — talk Bubsty edits 17:27, 4 December 2005 (UTC)

[edit] "Slogan"? I don't think so.

I don't think "Cold Ones" Brand has the slogan that the article claims. I think it's Strong Bad's own coinage, and unless he's the director of marketing for Cold Ones brand coldones, I'd have to say there's no evidence to support what the article claims. The framed slogan isn't an ad, it's a homemade piece of folkcraft. 19:53, 2 January 2007 (UTC)

Oh, the "if it's not cold" thingie on the image thumbnail? I think that's just referring to beer in general, and not the actual brand. Bluebry 19:56, 2 January 2007 (UTC)
No, read the first paragraph of the article. It says 'The Cold One motto is "A One that isn't cold, is scarcely a One at all."' This might be Strong Bad's own "motto" or aphorism, but it's wrong to attribute the saying to Cold Ones - there's no evidence that the Cold Ones brand uses that as a motto or slogan. 20:00, 2 January 2007 (UTC)
Okay, changed. Next time, however, just edit the page yourself, and include a short reasoning in the Summary box. Bluebry 20:06, 2 January 2007 (UTC)
Well, I'm an anonymous user. Even if I registered a username right now, this is a featured article. This text is on the homepage right now too. My edits (as a no-name or as a new-name) would probably not stick and likely also trigger some flames. 20:12, 2 January 2007 (UTC)
...Why don't I notice these thing?!?! Bluebry
For now, I'd just say that the Cold One motto is actually used by the brand of Cold Ones, and if not is just mentioning beer cold ones, which somehow goes on this page. I reverted my edit for now, but if we get a lot of people agreeing with the earlier edit, than... Bluebry 20:15, 2 January 2007 (UTC)
'S what I'm saying. There's no evidence for "just say[ing] that the Cold One motto is actually used by the brand of Cold Ones". 20:19, 2 January 2007 (UTC)
I liked the edit you made ("Strong Bad's Cold Ones motto is..."). Another reason I didn't make any edit myself is that I didn't have a good idea of what to change it TO. I just saw the problem with what was there. I thought deleting it altogether wouldn't have been right so I started the talk here. Sure enough, an established member of the community came up with the right solution - attribute it to Strong Bad, not to the producer of Cold Ones. Nice work - why don't you restore it? Thanks 20:24, 2 January 2007 (UTC)
EDIT CONFLICT'd: A motto is actually different from a corporate slogan, and can "describe the general motivation or intention of an entity, social group, or organization." Strong Bad is the entity, and he describes a general motivation/intention... about the drinking of cold ones. I think it needs to be changed to my earlier edit which was so totally reverted by myself. If not, than I also think it should say that cold one is synonymous with beer, and not just a brand.
And on a totally not edit conflict note, thank you, and I think we need a consensus before we change it. Bluebry 20:27, 2 January 2007 (UTC)

[edit] Plural title

I think this article's title should be plural. It just seems odd to me that they are mentioned in singular here. — SamSF%20sig.jpgFisher (Come in, Lambert.) 19:23, 11 March 2007

[edit] Table

Hey. I've decided to be bold and reformat most of this article into a table. I think it works better this way. All I did, though, was to rearrange the information that was already there (and I had to add a couple of pictures). If, now that it's arranged this way, anyone wants to go in and revise some of the descriptions or re-order them or remove anything, by all means, feel free. (I think the whole article could use a little more tidying up anyway) I just wanted to organize it to start things off. LikeAsItself 03:01, 26 March 2008 (UTC)

[edit] Beer Instead of Cold Ones

Should there be a mention on this page about the times the word "beer" is used on For example, Senor Cardgage has a "beer belly" and Homestar says Malinko-flavored Water is "Crystal clear like domestic beer."— Bassbone (TALK Strong Mad Has a Posse CONT) 08:07, 4 June 2008 (UTC)

I think those mentions are already covered by Alcohol. --DorianGray 08:38, 4 June 2008 (UTC)

[edit] Ponk!

Would Ponk be considered a "Cold One?" I know it doesnt have "cold" or "one" in its name, but I think it belongs on this page. cash money tc 21:20, 29 November 2009 (UTC)

It's clearly of the "one" variety. Can't say for sure how cold it is, but i think it deserves a spot here. — DeFender1031*Talk 21:21, 29 November 2009 (UTC)
Anyone else think it's a rference to Bonk from TF2? Guybrush20X6 09:19, 10 January 2011 (UTC)
Boink! Err, nope. It never even crossed my mind. The only possible reason I can think of would be to promote Poker Night at the Inventory, but I doubt that game was even conceived when hremail3184 was released. Soiled Bargains (talk|ctrb) 22:21, 10 January 2011 (UTC)
Oh, and now that I've noticed it, even if it is a play on "Bonk," it would probably be referencing this. Hmm, I wonder, should this be put on the page? Soiled Bargains (talk|ctrb) 18:28, 16 January 2011 (UTC)

[edit] Cold None

"A one that is not cold" and "cold none" aren't real cold ones. They're just things that Strong Bad said to talk about the freshness of a cold one. -- 12:45, 4 May 2010 (UTC)

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