Dangeresque Roomisode 3: Keep My Enemies, Loser Responses

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These are all of the responses in Dangeresque Roomisode 3: Keep My Enemies, Loser.

Spoiler warning: Plot or ending details follow.

Intro

{Picking up where Roomisode 2 left off}

{Dangeresque lands face-first in the street.}

DANGERESQUE: Oof!

{Renaldo is lying on his back.}

RENALDO: Hey, look at where we landed!

{Dangeresque looks up. He is lying in front of a restaurant called Perducci's.}

DANGERESQUE: {shouting to the sky} PERDUCCI!!

{Killingyouguy looms menacingly over and grabs him.}

{Cut to inside the restaurant. Perducci is sitting at a table guarded by Killingyouguy. Dangeresque is standing next to them.}

DANGERESQUE: I should have known you were behind all this Perducci! Lemme guess, YOU reminded The Chief about that unsolved case...

PERDUCCI: Yep!

DANGERESQUE: So I'd be distracted and you could plant that bomb in my car...

PERDUCCI: S'right.

DANGERESQUE: But you know I'd defuse it in time and it would lead me right here.

PERDUCCI: True that.

DANGERESQUE: But WHY?!?

PERDUCCI: So I could HIRE YOU!

DANGERESQUE: WHAAAT?!

{Title card for Roomisode 3.}

ANNOUNCER: Roomisode 3: Keep My Enemies, {a bullet shoots out the "c" in "closer", the statue is shocked} Loser!

PERDUCCI: I got an anonymous tip that tonight there will be 4 consecutive attempts on my life. And nobody has thought about more ways to kill me than YOU!

DANGERESQUE: Hey, that's what it says on my business cards!

PERDUCCI: You're gonna make sure these assassins aren't successful.

DANGERESQUE: And if I just let them succeed?

PERDUCCI: Then Killingyouguy is gonna practice his namesake on ya's!

DANGERESQUE: mmmmmmm GULP!!

PERDUCCI: Do a security sweep of the place and gimme the ALL CLEAR once it's safe.

The Restaurant

Cabinet

Look

DANGERESQUE: It's a little cabinay. Slidey door variety.

Talk To

DANGERESQUE: Hey Cabinay! Do you know Filene? Does she ever talk about me?

Get/Use

{Dangeresque opens the cabinet.}

DANGERESQUE: Nothin else I need in there.

Candle

Look

{While lit}

DANGERESQUE: Nothing is more romantic than a flickering candle atop a wine bottle wearing a wicker diaper.

{After being extinguished}

DANGERESQUE: Flame's out.

Talk To

DANGERESQUE: You trying to burn this place down, candle?

{After being extinguished}

DANGERESQUE: I thwarted your plan to commit Grand Theft Arsony!

Get/Use

{While lit}

DANGERESQUE: Ow! It's too hot to handle while it's lit.

{After being extinguished}

DANGERESQUE: The candle's stuck pretty good. Might have to cut it off.

Anything → Candle

DANGERESQUE: I'm not usin that with the candle, see?!

Dagger → Candle

DANGERESQUE: Slicey times!

{Dangeresque slices off the tip of the candle and puts it in his inventory.}

DANGERESQUE: I lopped the top candle-y part clean off.

{Dangeresque walks over to Killingyouguy.}

DANGERESQUE: Here you go, big guy. Like I promised.

{Dangeresque sticks the dagger in Killingyouguy's bleeding wound.}

KILLINGYOUGUY: WE APPRECIATE YOUR BUSINESS!

{A bip. When the scene returns, the dagger is replaced with a sticky note with a dagger drawn on it.}

Glass → Candle

{First time only}

DANGERESQUE: I'm puttin you on ice, candle!

{Dangeresque pours the water from the glass, extinguishing the flame.}

DANGERESQUE: I already put it out.

Napkin → Candle

DANGERESQUE: I don't wanna singe that.

Check

Look

DANGERESQUE: It's the guest check from whoever ate here last. There's a buncha tiny writing on it that's too small to read.

Talk To

DANGERESQUE: Your alibi CHECKS out. All CHARGES have been dropped!

KILLINGYOUGUY: THE CRIME PUNS MUST STOP!!

Get/Use

DANGERESQUE: I don't wanna pay for someone else's meal!

Glass → Check

{Dangeresque puts the glass on the check.}

DANGERESQUE: Whoa! this cup of water works just like a magnifying glass.

{Cut to the check on the table under the glass.}

DANGERESQUE: That tiny text says "WaiterID: ILKO418". I'll add that to my brainventory.

Cleaner

Look

DANGERESQUE: Non-toxic Cleaning Solusche. "Works Great On Moida!"

Talk To

DANGERESQUE: I'm gonna clean the floor with you!! Oh wait, that's literally what he's doing.

Get/Use

DANGERESQUE: Non-toxic cleaner.

{He swipes it.}

WAITRE D: {The Cheat noises}

DANGERESQUE: Uh. Hi. What cleaner? There was never any cleaner. The cleaner was the stains you made along the way.

WAITRE D: {The Cheat noises} {He returns to the kitchen}

Cocktail Glass

Look

Talk To

Get/Use

{When empty}

PERDUCCI: You don't need to take it. Just mix it right here!

{When something is in it}

PERDUCCI: If it's ready to drink, just lemme know.

Cleaner → Cocktail Glass

{Dangeresque fills the glass with purple liquid}

DANGERESQUE: Brightly colored!

Glass → Cocktail Glass

PERDUCCI: Don't water it down! I wants potency!

Poison Dart → Cocktail Glass

{Dangeresque puts the dart in the glass}

DANGERESQUE: Swizzle stick!

KILLINGYOUGUY: SO FESTIVE!!

DANGERESQUE: I just hope there's enough poison left on that dart to do the trick!

Satellite Piece → Cocktail Glass

DANGERESQUE: Uh, some fruit!

Cork

Look

DANGERESQUE: I got it all candlecorked now.

{If the poison dart is stuck in it}

DANGERESQUE: Something toxic's drippin out of it.

Talk To

DANGERESQUE: Your cask is grask!

Get/Use

DANGERESQUE: {taking the cork} We now return to "Taking Back The Cork!"

{If the second assassination attempt has been thwarted, dialogue continues below}

DANGERESQUE: {holding up dart} Still got the poison dart stuck in it. I'ma keep it.

{Dangeresque takes the dart and restores the cork.}

Dagger

Look

DANGERESQUE: Does that, like, hurt at all?

KILLINGYOUGUY: NO! IT'S LIKE MY ACUPUNCTURE!! THEY USUALLY USE MEAT CLEAVERS!

DANGERESQUE: Now that is something I'd like to never see!

PERDUCCI: You got that right!

Talk To

DANGERESQUE: Hey Arm Dagger...

KILLINGYOUGUY: YOU DON'T GET TO TALK TO IT! I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOUR OBSESSION WITH TALKING TO INANIMATE OBJECTS! AND I NEVER WILL!!

Get/Use

DANGERESQUE: Mind if I borrow this?

{Dangeresque leaps up and knocks the dagger out. It falls blade-down into his inventory.}

KILLINGYOUGUY: OKAY BUT YOU GOTTA PUT IT BACK WHEN YOU'RE DONE!!

Dangeresque

Look

Talk To

DANGERESQUE: Stupid assassins. Why couldn't they have tried to murder Perducci last night instead?

PERDUCCI: Cause last night was BINGO night, they said.

Get/Use

DANGERESQUE: PER-DUE-CHEE!!

Banana → Dangeresque

DANGERESQUE: BRRING BRRING! {answering banana} Hello? What's that you say? You say you decided not to assassinate Perducci and I can go home now? Great! Thanks, bye! {puts banana away}

PERDUCCI: Nice try, Dangeresque! Now get back to work!

Glass → Dangeresque

DANGERESQUE: The only drink Dangeresque needs is a cold one after he's figured a way out of this mess.

Phone → Dangeresque

DANGERESQUE: {answering phone} Who is this and why are you trying to murder Perducci through the phone?!

{In outer space, an orbiting satellite that says "Experimento" receives a signal and drops straight down. Dangeresque moves out of the way.}

DANGERESQUE: Do you hear that?

{The phone in Dangeresque's pocket lets out a signal. A bip sounds, and The Stunt Double gets his neck broken by a falling Experimento satellite.}

THE STUNT DOUBLE: Ow.

PERDUCCI: Huh. I guess that was the 4th attempt? Oh well, let's eat!

{Game over}

Glass

Look

DANGERESQUE: This glass looks innocent enough. But it could be {fake French accent} poisoned! Or as the French say, FISH!

Talk To

DANGERESQUE: Why are you sweatin' so much, glass?! Nervous about MURDERING PERDUCCI?!

PERDUCCI: Pretty sure that's just condensation.

DANGERESQUE: Lemme do my job!

Get/Use

DANGERESQUE: WATER you think you're doing? Get in my pants! {takes the glass} {shivering} WHOA THAT'S COLD!

Killingyouguy

Look

DANGERESQUE: That guy is tall. {to no one} You take the big guy. Oh, wait.

Talk To

DANGERESQUE: Say, Killingyouguy...

KILLINGYOUGUY: Bluh?

DANGERESQUE: I know you're probably gonna kill me and everything, but how are you gonna do it?

{A menu appears}

{"Slash me up?"}

DANGERESQUE: Think you'll slash my throat?

KILLINGYOUGUY: TOO MUCH CLEAN UP!! WHITE TABLECLOTHS!

{"Twist me round?"}

DANGERESQUE: Will you twist my neck like a piece of celery?

KILLINGYOUGUY: I HATE CELERY! THE LITTLE STRINGIES GET CAUGHT IN MY TEETH!

{"Craunch me twice?"}

DANGERESQUE: You gonna craunch my bones?

KILLINGYOUGUY: I LOVE CRAUNCHING BONES!! THE SNAP IS SO SATISFYING!! IT'S LIKE BUBBLE WRAP!!

{"Fizzle me down?"}

DANGERESQUE: Might you fizzle me down?

KILLINGYOUGUY: NEVER SAY THAT OUT LOUD AGAIN!!

DANGERESQUE: Yeah yeah, I'm feelin' the same way.

{This option disappears from the menu.}

Get/Use

Anything → Killingyouguy

DANGERESQUE: Hey, are you wantingthisguy?

KILLINGYOUGUY: {crying} AWWW. *SNIFF* WANTINGTHISGUY IS MY DEAD COUSIN!

PERDUCCI: Now look what you did! Definitely don't mention Tapingthislad!

{After doing Anything → Phone}

DANGERESQUE: Hey, are you wantingthisguy?

KILLINGYOUGUY: LOOPTO RODOOPTO!

PERDUCCI: See what I'm sayin'?

Poison Dart → Killingyouguy

KILLINGYOUGUY: I DON'T NEED A FRILLY TOOTHPICK!!

TV Remote → Killingyouguy

DANGERESQUE: Whatta you wanna watch, KY-G?

KILLINGYOUGUY: DOUG THE DINO!! DOUG THE DINO!!

{Dangeresque clicks the TV to show Doug the Dino.}

PERDUCCI: Ah-ah! Remember? Your TV privileges are restricted! SOMEONE hasn't killed me enough guys this week.

{Dangeresque clicks it back.}

Kitchen Door

Look

DANGERESQUE: What's that in the kitchen?

PERDUCCI: Just my Waitre D and I trust him with my life. And Mama Perducci's sauce recipe.

Talk To

DANGERESQUE: Waffle on 2! Quarter cheese plate scattered smothered and covered.

{If Dangeresque figured out the WaiterID}

DANGERESQUE: I figured out your WaiterID, Ilko!

WAITRE D: {The Cheat noises}

Get/Use

{During the first assassination attempt, Sultry Buttons will come out.}

{After first assassination attempt has been thwarted}

{Dangeresque opens the door. The Waitre D is holding a towel and a turkey.}

DANGERESQUE: Oh, excuse me Waitre D.

{After Dangeresque has checked the terminal}

DANGERESQUE: Hey, Waitre D, what's your WaiterID?

WAITRE D: {The Cheat noises}

DANGERESQUE: Check the check? He's givin me the double talk!

{Dangeresque closes the door.}

{After getting the cleaner}

DANGERESQUE: I think I've gotten all I need outta the li'l guy.

Anything rarr; Kitchen Door

DANGERESQUE: The kitchen doesn't need this nor does this need the kitchen.

Laser Sight

{If Dangeresque walks in front of the laser, the laser will aim at his blue diamond in the scope.}

DANGERESQUE: Laser dang!

{Dangeresque hits the deck. The sniper shoots off Perducci's hat. Perducci slumps over. Dangeresque gets up. The sniper walks away. There is a bullethole in the window.}

KILLINGYOUGUY: YOU LET HIM GET SHOT ALL DEAD!!

{Dangeresque's response changes each time he fails this attempt.}

DANGERESQUE: Oh stamps.

DANGERESQUE: Oh coins.

DANGERESQUE: Oh trading cards.

{Killingyouguy approaches menacingly. Game over.}

Napkin

Look

DANGERESQUE: It's an olive oily doily. Or... napkin.

Talk To

DANGERESQUE: I'm here to clean up your act-pkin, napkin!

Get/Use

DANGERESQUE: You're comin with me, oily napkin!

{Takes napkin into inventory}

Perducci

Look

DANGERESQUE: It's that morbid mound of monarch mobster, Perducci.

Talk To

{A menu appears}

{"Say Perdooch..."}

{First assassination attempt}

DANGERESQUE: Say, P. Duc, who's tryin to kill ya?

PERDUCCI: Could be any of my rivals! And it could happen at any second! The anonymous tipster just said "Watch ya back". Now start securing my res'rant!

{Second assassination attempt}

DANGERESQUE: Any known holes in your security plan?

KILLINGYOUGUY: I'M THE SECURITY PLAN!!

PERDUCCI: When I asked the tipster about the next assassination attempt they just said "quit whinin or you'll end up in a casket!"

DANGERESQUE: Crypticals.

{Third assassination attempt}

DANGERESQUE: Shouldn't we be worried about the obvious sniper right outside your door?

PERDUCCI: Nope. I have a natural threat radar. Right now it's hovering between EZ Breezy and Honk Shoo.

{Fourth assassination attempt}

DANGERESQUE: Don't you want me to answer that phone for you?

KILLINGYOUGUY: THAT'S MY JOB!! I'M HIS OFFICE ASSISSTANT!

PERDUCCI: I wouldn't push it. He's serious about his administrative work.

KILLINGYOUGUY: COLLATE AND STAPLE!!

DANGERESQUE: Did the tipster say anything about the final attempt?

PERDUCCI: Oh yeah, they just said "ya gotta hand it to her". But I dunno who they were talking about. Maybe Molly McButter.

{"All clear!"}

DANGERESQUE: I've secured the place, Perducci. I'm givin you the ALL CLEAR.

DANGERESQUE: ALL CLEAR, Perducci. This place is saferesque. Than it was a minute ago.

DANGERESQUE: My security sweep is complete. You're ALL CLEAR, Pre-ducci.

DANGERESQUE: BwAH! BWAH! Threat neutralized. ALL CLEAR. Repeat, ALL CLEAR.

{First assassination attempt}

{Sultry Buttons is visible in the window. She opens the door, twirling a dagger. She throws it and quickly dashes away.}

{Back in the restaurant, Dangeresque ducks while Perducci is stabbed in the back and collapses.}

DANGERESQUE: Oh wow. That is just- he just got- He is DEAD. Now.

KILLINGYOUGUY: NOW I'M GONNA KILL YOU GUY!!

{Killingyouguy approaches menacingly. Game over.}

{If Perducci is wearing a shield, but the second shield was not adjusted}

{Sultry Buttons is visible in the window. She opens the door, twirling a dagger. She throws it and quickly dashes away.}

{Back in the restaurant, the dagger bounces off Perducci's shield, ricochets on the second shield, and then stabs Perducci in the back.}

DANGERESQUE: Oops. Forgot to cackalate for the ricochet.

KILLINGYOUGUY: NOW I'M GONNA KILL YOU GUY!!

{Killingyouguy approaches menacingly. Game over.}

{After placing the shield on Perducci's back and adjusting the second shield.}

{Sultry Buttons is visible in the window. She opens the door, twirling a dagger. She throws it and quickly dashes away.}

{Back in the restaurant, Dangeresque ducks while the knife ricochets against the Statue Guy's second shield. The knife gets embedded in Killingyouguy's arm.}

KILLINGYOUGUY: OWW!

DANGERESQUE: Phew! That was a close one!

PERDUCCI: That's one attempt down. Three more to go.

{Second assassination attempt}

{Homestar Runner's eye peeks through the cork hole in the center wine casket. A blowpipe sticks out and shoots out a poison dart that sticks Perducci in the neck.}

PERDUCCI: GAAAAAH!!

KILLINGYOUGUY: POISONED??!!!

DANGERESQUE: The ol' poison tipped blow dart through the fake wine cask on the wall trick. I should have known!

KILLINGYOUGUY: NOW I'M GONNA KILL YOU GUY!!

{Killingyouguy approaches menacingly. Game over.}

{When the second attempt has been blocked}

{The wine cask is stopped up with a candle cork. It bursts inside.}

DANGERESQUE: I know that sound. Someone just tried to shoot a poison tipped dart through that fake wine cask. Good thing I blocked it up.

PERDUCCI: That's two attempts thwarted.

DANGERESQUE: One knifed and one darted.

PERDUCCI: And two more to go! Who knows what form the next assassination attempt might take!

{Cut to the front door. A silhouette resembling Bubs pulls a gun off his back and points a laser-scope rifle through the window. The laser is pointed directly at Perducci's hat.}

DANGERESQUE: Uh, you think it's got anything to do with that laser scope pointed right between your eyes?

KILLINGYOUGUY: PROLLY JUST A CAT TOY!!

PERDUCCI: Yeah, I'm sure it's unrelated. Waitre D! Get ready to start takin orders!

{The Waitre D, who is The Cheat with a mustache, comes out from the kitchen and turns on the terminal. He returns to the kitchen when the terminal is on.}

{Third assassination attempt}

{The Waitre D enters and serves the tables. The sniper has a clear line of fire and shoots Perducci. The Waitre D leaves in fright.}

KILLINGYOUGUY: YOU LET HIM GET SHOT ALL DEAD!!

DANGERESQUE: Oh stamps.

{Killingyouguy approaches menacingly. Game over.}

{Fourth assassination attempt}

PERDUCCI: Alright, KYG. Answer the phone.

{Killingyouguy picks up the phone.}

PERDUCCI: Hello hello? Gimme the sign!

{In space, the Experimento satellite drops from orbit.}

DANGERESQUE: Do you hear that?

{Perducci is crushed by the falling satellite}

DANGERESQUE: Crap! Someone musta triungulated the signal when he answered that phonecall.

KILLINGYOUGUY: A GIANT ROBOT BIRD FELL ON PERDUCCI!

{Killingyouguy approaches menacingly. Game over.}

{If the banana is placed and the phone is in the statue}

{Killingyouguy picks up the banana.}

PERDUCCI: Hello hello? Gimme the sign!

{In space, the Experimento satellite drops from orbit.}

DANGERESQUE: Do you hear that?

{The satellite drops in and crushes the Armzipan statue.}

DANGERESQUE: Sorry, Armzi.

{Cut to Perducci}

PERDUCCI: Very good, Dangeresque! I'm still alive. Let's celebrate with a cocktail! {pulls out a wineglass}

DANGERESQUE: Y'know what? I'm good. In fact, I should probably be gonna have to jumping...

KILLINGYOUGUY: YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE!

PERDUCCI: YOU'RE gonna make us that cocktail Dangeresque. And if we don't like it, well then... It looks like you're gonna have to DIE!!

KILLINGYOUGUY: SOMETHING FRUITY!!

PERDUCCI: Yes, something bright colored with fruit floatin in it... And a catchy name that me AND Killingyouguy will LOVE.

DANGERESQUE: Hmm, maybe Dangeresque can still turn the tables. I'll never get this close to Perducci again. If I could double cross him somehow, I could kill two Perds with one Ucci! Alright, I'll do it. One brightly colored, fruity cocktail with a name you'll both love comin right up!

{When crafting the cocktail, a different menu appears}

{"What am I doin?"}

{"Drink's ready!"}

DANGERESQUE: Your cocktail's all ready, Perducci!

{If the cleaner wasn't added}

PERDUCCI: That's not brightly colored! Keep mixologizin!

{If the button wasn't added}

PERDUCCI: I don't see any fruit in there!

{If all parts are in place}

PERDUCCI: Hmm. Looks pretty good. Whattaya call this thing?

DANGERESQUE: I like to call it the...

{A menu appears with "Lobasho", "Saint Pod", "Coches", and "Balustenich".}

{A menu appears with "Slash", "Twist", "Craunch", and "Fizzle".}

{If the wrong name is chosen}

PERDUCCI: That's a terrible name! I hate it! Killingyouguy! Do your thinging you guy!

KILLINGYOUGUY: YOU MADE A BAD DRINK! NOW I PUT YOU IN THE DRINK!

{Cut to the bottom of the ocean. Dangeresque sinks to the bottom in a barrel. Game over.}

{If "Saint Pod Craunch" is chosen}

PERDUCCI: A Saint Pod Craunch?! I love that name!

KILLINGYOUGUY: ME TOO!!

PERDUCCI: Welp, down the hatch! {Perducci drains the glass. He spits all over the tablecloth} HACK! CHOKE! COUGH! I'M DYING!

KILLINGYOUGUY: PERDUCCI!! NOOOOO!!

{Killingyouguy pushes Perducci on the back.}

ANNOUNCER: Roomisode complete!

DANGERESQUE: Sorry bout the double cross, Perducci. Never trust a Dangeresque when the stakes are chipped!

KILLINGYOUGUY: THAT DIDN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!!

DANGERESQUE: Time to go. But the KGB has infiltrated this doorknob with espionage sauce. So you know what that means I'm gonna have to do!

{Dangeresque jumps out the front window to the restraurant, shattering the glass. He runs into the street as the End Credits Roll.}

Get/Use

KILLINGYOUGUY: DON'T TUCC THE DUCC!!

Anything → Perducci

PERDUCCI: Don't bother me with that! Save my life why don'tcha!

Banana → Perducci

DANGERESQUE: {holding banana like a gun} Nana freeze, Perducci!

PERDUCCI: Ooh! I'd love a Nana freeze! With jimmies and hot fudge!

Glass → Perducci

DANGERESQUE: Wan' some watta?

PERDUCCI: Never touch the stuff! It's like the anti-butter.

Napkin → Perducci

DANGERESQUE: Is this your oily napkin, Perducci?

PERDUCCI: {sounding guilty} I wan't cryin' into it earlier! My tears aren't made of olive oil!

DANGERESQUE: Just gonna leave that one alone.

Shield → Perducci

DANGERESQUE: I don't like how your back's to that kitchen door, Der Pucci. Wear this shield on your back to protect you.

PERDUCCI: But I already got a flatbread pizza stuffed in there.

DANGERESQUE: I don't think that's gonna stop a bullet.

PERDUCCI: Fine. Shields up!

{Dangeresque places the shield on Perducci's back.}

TV Remote → Perducci

PERDUCCI: I don't wanna change the channel. I like this opera. It's called the Tragedy of Mrs. Dash.

Phone

Look

DANGERESQUE: It's one of them fancy cordless phones.

KILLINGYOUGUY: IT'S LIKE LIVING IN THE FUTURE!!

Talk To

DANGERESQUE: You phony! You're not a real crooked cop! HANG UP your badge!

Get/Use

{Before fourth assassination attempt}

PERDUCCI: Don't take it off the hook! I'm expecting an important call later.

{When ringing}

DANGERESQUE: I should screen your calls for security reasons. And possible free weekend getaways. {He picks up the phone} Who is this and why are you trying to murder Perducci through the phone?

{In outer space, an orbiting satellite that says "Experimento" receives a signal and drops straight down. Dangeresque moves out of the way.}

DANGERESQUE: Do you hear that?

{The phone in Dangeresque's pocket lets out a signal. A bip sounds, and The Stunt Double gets his neck broken by a falling Experimento satellite.}

THE STUNT DOUBLE: Ow.

PERDUCCI: Huh. I guess that was the 4th attempt? Oh well, let's eat!

{Game over}

Anything → Phone

DANGERESQUE: Loopto rodoopto!

PERDUCCI: What the crap was that?

DANGERESQUE: I dunno. Thought it sounded better than another "you can't use that with this".

Banana → Phone

DANGERESQUE: Maybe if I swap em real quick, I can get the phone without answering it. {swaps phone with banana} It worked!

TV Remote → Phone

DANGERESQUE: {thinking} Swappin out the phone is a good idea, but this remote's the wrong shape.

Photos

Look

{Dangeresque looks at a billboard with four postcards on it.}

DANGERESQUE: These must be the places around the world where Perducci has his evil lair timeshares.

{Coches Mountains}

PERDUCCI: I've got some flex weeks left in the Coches if you're interested. I hate that place.

{Eastern Balustenich}

PERDUCCI: That's where I keep the Perducci jet in a super secret bunker. So secret, that last time I went there I couldn't find it. Had to borrow a jetpack from that creep Stingy Relenque just to get home.

{Lobasho}

PERDUCCI: Lobasho used to be my favorite. But the lake's gotten so full of "former associates" that it's starting to stank.

{St. Pod}

PERDUCCI: Ah, St. Pod. The place I was made a made man, man. And then double crossed my partners and had them all wiped out. Good times. Good times.

Talk To

DANGERESQUE: Hey photos! Where were YOU the night Perducci was attempted murdered?!

PERDUCCI: Um. They were right there. On m'wall.

DANGERESQUE: Pretty convenient alibi if you ask me.

Get/Use

DANGERESQUE: I can't reach em. Not much to do 'cept give em a good LOOK.

Anything → Photos

DANGERESQUE: Nah. I'm good.

Rusty Shield

Look

DANGERESQUE: Thing looks legit.

Talk To

DANGERESQUE: That thing won't shield you from the law OR the crime, statue!

Get/Use

{Before being oiled}}

DANGERESQUE: Seems like it could swivel, but it's rusted in place.

{After being oiled}

{Dangeresque rotates the shield.}

DANGERESQUE: I turned the shield a li'l bit.

{Dangeresque rotates the shield.}

DANGERESQUE: I turned it back.

Anything → Rusty Shield

DANGERESQUE: That doesn't need to get shielded.

Glass → Rusty Shield

DANGERESQUE: That'll prolly just make it MORE rusted in place.

Napkin → Rusty Shield

DANGERESQUE: This is an appropriate fate for an oily rag. That has been in my pants.

{Dangeresque rubs the rusty shield with the oily napkin.}

DANGERESQUE: I think that loosened it. And the napkin all fell apart.

Satellite

Look

DANGERESQUE: Its got a little blinky clown nose thing.

Talk To

DANGERESQUE: Who are you working for, satellite with a picture of Professor Experimento on it?! WHO?!

Get/Use

DANGERESQUE: Looks like a little cherry. {He takes it}

Shield

Look

DANGERESQUE: Thing looks legit.

Talk To

DANGERESQUE: That thing won't shield you from the law OR the crime, statue!

Get/Use

{Dangeresque takes the shield into his inventory.}

DANGERESQUE: Huh, it came right off.

PERDUCCI: I use it for sleddin in the wintertime!

Spaghetti

Look

DANGERESQUE: It's a heap of pasta with meatballs for the nice invisible couple sitting here.

Talk To

DANGERESQUE: Hey, 'Ghetti.

Get/Use

DANGERESQUE: Oops.

{Dangeresque drops a meatball on the floor. The Waitre D rushes in to clean it up. He brings a bottle of cleaner with him.}

{After the cleaner is obtained}

DANGERESQUE: No need for more meatballery.

Anything → Spaghetti

DANGERESQUE: I postulate that I don't need to PASTAlate this item.

KILLINGYOUGUY: I'LL GIVE YOU THAT ONE!! GAVE ME A LI'L CHUCKLE!

Glass → Spaghetti

DANGERESQUE: I don't need to make any sloppy spaghetti.

Statue

Look

{First time only}

DANGERESQUE: Who's this lady?

PERDUCCI: That's the Venus de Armzipan. Goddess of cheap wine and plastic fruit.

Dangeresque: She's got a cornucopia fulla plastic fruit.

Talk To

DANGERESQUE: Don't even think about coming to life and murdering Perducci, ya got that?

HOMESTARMERO DUPLICISHIELD: Don't worry, she won't.

Get/Use

DANGERESQUE: You hidin a .22 in that cornucopia? {Takes a plastic banana} No, but you were packin this plastic banana!

{After banana is taken}

DANGERESQUE: Her horn of plenty has already plentified me. I shouldn't ask the goddess for more.

Statue Hand

Look

DANGERESQUE: Her hand's got like a holdy-hole in it now.

KILLINGYOUGUY: DON'T EVER SAY HOLDY-HOLE AGAIN!

DANGERESQUE: {to Killingyouguy} It's a scientific term!

Talk To

=Get/Use

DANGERESQUE: I don't wanna shake the goddess's hand.

Anything → Statue Hand

{While holding the phone}

DANGERESQUE: She's already holdin that phone!

Banana → Statue Hand

{Dangeresque puts the banana back in.}

DANGERESQUE: Oh wait. I just took this from you. Give it back!

{Dangeresque takes the banana back.}

Cellphone → Statue Hand

DANGERESQUE: Here, hold this, Armzipan. It's for you.

{Dangeresque puts the phone in the statue.}

Cleaner → Statue Hand

{Dangeresque puts the cleaner in the statue.}

DANGERESQUE: All hail the Goddess of lavender scented freshness! Smote those stains!

{Dangeresque takes the cleaner back.}

Dagger → Statue Hand

{Dangeresque puts the dagger in the statue}

DANGERESQUE: Why don'tcha cut you and your statue boyfriend's arms off so you'll be all ancient n' priceless?

HOMESTARMERO DUPLICISHIELD: But I love having armpits!

{Dangeresque takes the dagger back.}

Glass → Statue Hand

{Dangeresque puts the glass of water in the statue}

DANGERESQUE: She doesn't want water. She's high-falootin!

{Dangeresque takes the glass back.}

Napkin → Statue Hand

{Dangeresque puts the napkin in the statue}

DANGERESQUE: Gross. Looks like she just blew her nose.

{Dangeresque takes the napkin back.}

Poison Dart → Statue Hand

{Dangeresque puts the poison dart in the statue}

DANGERESQUE: Psst! Armzi! Chuck that at Perducci!

KILLINGYOUGUY: I HEARD THAT!! I HAVE EARS LIKE A... UM... LIKE A... I HAVE EARS?!

{Dangeresque takes the dart back.}

TV Remote → Statue Hand

{Dangeresque puts the remote in the statue}

DANGERESQUE: Here you go, Armzipan. You can decide what to watch.

{A Blubb-O's commerical comes on the TV. The raccoon from Roomisode 2 is eating a burger.}

DANGERESQUE: Hey! The Raccoonolith hit the big time!

{Dangeresque takes the remote back. The TV switches back to opera.}

Statue Guy

Look

DANGERESQUE: What kinda ancient soldier used two shields and no sword?

PERDUCCI: He's Homestarmero Duplicishield. The patron saint of overprotectiveness.

Talk To

DANGERESQUE: Don't try anything funny, Shieldym'n!

Get/Use

Anything → Statue Guy

DANGERESQUE: I don't need to use that with ol' Overprotecto.

Banana → Statue Guy

DANGERESQUE: {holding banana like a gun} Drop that shield, Homestarmero!

HOMESTARMERO DUPLICISHIELD: But I need it for disc golf!

DANGERESQUE: WAAAH!

Poison Dart → Statue Guy

DANGERESQUE: As much as I'd love to be able to poison a statue, I can probably find something more important to use this for.

TV Remote → Statue Guy

DANGERESQUE: Yeah, I'm all for morbid curiosity. Lemme guess what you'd want to watch, statue guy.

{Dangeresque clicks the remote. The channel changes.}

DANGERESQUE: 14 hours of stock footage of a rutabaga. Yeah... sounds about right.

{He clicks it back.}

Terminal

Look

{When turned off}

DANGERESQUE: It's the computer the waiter uses to put in orders. It's shut down right now.

{When turned on}

DANGERESQUE: It's the computer the waiter uses to put in orders. It's showing the current orders now.

Talk To

DANGERESQUE: Stop MONITORING me or I'll COMPUTE your sentence!

KILLINGYOUGUY: THAT ONE WAS A STRETCH!!

Get/Use

{Before activation}

DANGERESQUE: It's shut down and I dunno how to turn it on.

{After activation}

DANGERESQUE: It's asking me to enter my WaiterID. Dunno what that mess is.

{After WaiterID is acquired}

{First time only}

DANGERESQUE: Enter your WaiterID? Ooh! I'll put in ILKO418.

{The screen shows three tables. One table has Flatghetti and the other has Tallturkey. Dangeresque can drag and drop the orders to rearrange.}

{If the Flatghetti is at Table 1 and the Tallturkey is at Table 2, the Waitre D will come in, walking behind Perducci. The sniper has a clear line of fire over the empty plate and Perducci will get shot. The Waitre D will splatter ketchup all over Perducci's table.}

KILLINGYOUGUY: YOU LET HIM GET SHOT ALL DEAD!!

DANGERESQUE: Oh stamps.

{Killingyouguy approaches menacingly. Game over.}

{If the Flatghetti is at Table 1 and the Tallturkey is at Table 3, the Waitre D will come in, walking behind Perducci. The sniper has a clear line of fire and Perducci will get shot. The Waitre D will run back to the kitchen in fright.}

KILLINGYOUGUY: YOU LET HIM GET SHOT ALL DEAD!!

DANGERESQUE: Oh stamps.

{Killingyouguy approaches menacingly. Game over.}

{If the Flatghetti is at Table 2 and the Tallturkey is at Table 1, the Waitre D will come in placing the orders. The laser sight will pass over the empty plate and Perducci will get shot. The Waitre D will splatter ketchup all over Perducci's table.}

KILLINGYOUGUY: YOU LET HIM GET SHOT ALL DEAD!!

DANGERESQUE: Oh stamps.

{Killingyouguy approaches menacingly. Game over.}

{If the Flatghetti is at Table 2 and the Tallturkey is at Table 3, the Waitre D will pass in front of Perducci with the Tallturkey. The Tallturkey will block the sniper's line of fire, blasting the turkey. The Waitre D will run back to the kitchen in fright.}

PERDUCCI: That is now the fourteenth time turkey has saved my life.

DANGERESQUE: I don't doubt it.

PERDUCCI: All right, Dangeresque. We're down to the last attempt.

{The phone immediately begins to ring.}

Anything → Terminal

DANGERESQUE: That won't help now or quite possibly ever!

Remote → Terminal

DANGERESQUE: Guess this remote doesn't work with that screen.

TV

Look

DANGERESQUE: Oh, you watchin "Woman Silently Screaming and Waving Hand 4"?

PERDUCCI: That's called an opera you unrefined slob! It's muted cause her singing would prolly shatter all the glass in here!

Talk To

DANGERESQUE: Hey Screamy Lady, can you change yourself to the Clarks game? Or maybe the Ola Toya fight?

Get/Use

DANGERESQUE: I can't reach it. Maybe there's a remote somewhere.

Anything → TV

DANGERESQUE: I can't devise how that could be televised.

TV Remote → TV

{First time only}

DANGERESQUE: Let's crank it, opera lady!

{Dangeresque turns the volume up. The TV warbles. The glass in the room shatters.}

DANGERESQUE: Dang! Opera lady's got pipes!

PERDUCCI: Not again. I don't wanna lose any more glassware!

TV Remote

Look

DANGERESQUE: There's a remote control in there.

Talk To

DANGERESQUE: You don't have a remote chance of controlling me!

Get/Use

DANGERESQUE: I'm takin this remote. There's no telling what it might control.

{Takes remote into inventory}

Wine Casks

Look

DANGERESQUE: Nothing says "this restaurant is in an old strip mall" like fake wine barrels on the wall. One of em's missing a cok. That's a serious security flaw right there.

PERDUCCI: I only ate the one!

Talk To

DANGERESQUE: Your cask is grask!

Get/Use

DANGERESQUE: I should prolly plug that middle one somehow. Just a sniper hole waiting to happen, y'ask me.

Banana → Wine Casks

DANGERESQUE: Mebbe this'll block it up.

{The banana drops out. Homestar's eye is now visible.}

DANGERESQUE: It's too slippery. Might need something that'll stick better.

Candle → Wine Casks

DANGERESQUE: I better plug this hole. Who knows what the laundromat next door might be plotting.

{The hole in the cask is now plugged with the wax candle.}

Dagger → Wine Casks

DANGERESQUE: Mebbe this'll block it up.

{Homestar's eye peeks in through the corkhole. A blowpipe sticks out. Dangeresque ducks and Perducci gets shot in the neck.}

PERDUCCI: GAAAAAH!!

KILLINGYOUGUY: POISONED??!!!

DANGERESQUE: The ol' poison tipped blow dart through the fake wine cask on the wall trick. I should have known!

KILLINGYOUGUY: NOW I'M GONNA KILL YOU GUY!!

{Killingyouguy approaches menacingly. Game over.}

Glass → Wine Casks

DANGERESQUE: PSSHH! There. I filled up the glass with invisible wine from that fake barrel. That was a useful thing I just did.

Napkin → Wine Casks

DANGERESQUE: I could cram the napkin in this hole but that wouldn't stop a would-be assassin. Unless they're like an ant.

PERDUCCI: Don't write ants off entirely! They hate me on account of I never leave crumbs at picnics!

Wine Glass

Look

{Before being cracked}

DANGERESQUE: It's a real like glass glass type glass glass. Glass.

KILLINGYOUGUY: STOP SAYING GLASS!

{After being cracked}

DANGERESQUE: Looks like I CRACKED the case.

Talk To

DANGERESQUE: You're gonna be WINE-in' when I put you behind bars, pinot noirs!

Get/Use

DANGERESQUE: I can't get it. It's like all sculptured into her hand.

Epilogue

{Fade into Dangeresque's office.}

THE CHIEF: Dangeresque?! Are you still there? I'm comin in! For real this time!

{Shuffling sounds}

THE CHIEF: You?! What are you doing here? {beating up sounds} OW! OOF! KIDNEYS!!

{Dangeresque Too enters with a hovering spin kick.}

DANGERESQUE TOO: THE PIPES ARE BROKEN!!

{He turns around and closes the door.}

DANGERESQUE TOO: Dangeresque? I'm here to perform some routine post-game bonus content. {Looks at the broken window} Looks like he gonna had to jump.

Boombox

DANGERESQUE TOO: Ooh! Hidden jamz! {He starts a track and dances in place.}

RENALDO: {rapping} Hub-Bump. Bump-Hub. Hub-bump. Bump-hub. {rap continues}

Hub-Bump a-to the front, Bump-Hub to the back!

Open up the hood so we can attack

The automotive issues at hand.

Renaldo, he's the rapping man!

What's all the hub-bub about a couple hub caps?

Renaldo, he's the man who raps!

Hub-Bump to the front, Bump Hub to the back!

Open up the hood so we can take a crack

At defusing that deadly baermb,

Cause if we don't, then we bought the faerm!

That's right, we're gonna blow ourselves up tonight.

Hub-bump a-to the front, Bump-Hub to the back!

Open up the hood so we can attack

The automotive issues at hand.

Renaldo, I'm the rapping man!

DANGERESQUE TOO: Bring that beat back! Bring that beat back!

Chair

{Dangeresque Too spins in the chair. A trading card comes flying out.}

Dangeresque Too

DANGERESQUE TOO: {spin kick} The pipes are broken!

{If Dangeresque Too is next to the ENDED text, ashtray, or the phone, he will kick it away. He will also kick the chair around and kick the open desk drawer closed.}

{when the text, ashtray, phone, and chair have all been kicked}

DANGERESQUE TOO: Looks like all the pipes have been broken.

Desque

DANGERESQUE TOO: My bread is broken!

{He slams his head on it. The drawer opens}

DANGERESQUE TOO: Is that a good cop thing to say?

DANGERESQUE TOO: Misleading the witness!

DANGERESQUE TOO: I ate the last brownie!

DANGERESQUE TOO: Dial M for Rated M for Mature!

Files

DANGERESQUE TOO: Oh HEY, Filene. What's been up? {impersonating Filene} Oh, Dangeresque Deux! We cannot let Dangeresque know about our private love affair! {normal} Don't worry. I'll guard that secret with my LIFE. Or should I say, with my FILE! Get it? Cause, like, the same letters? {Filene} Oui. I get it. Here's ze files.

{drawer opens}

{Perducci's Cocktail Menu is shown with four drinks.}

DANGERESQUE TOO: A cocktail menu from Perducci's? Dangeresque Too never touches the stuff! But I do remember all their little radio jingles.

{Coches Twist}

DANGERESQUE TOO: {singing} That's why you need a twist! Twist of the Coches! That's not a wood shaving. I think it's an orange peel.

{St. Pod Craunch}

DANGERESQUE TOO: {singing} You won't develop a paunch, from a St. Pod Craunch. It's the low-calorie poisoned drink!

{Lobasho Slash}

DANGERESQUE TOO: {singing} There's just a little splash (of lake water) in a Lobasho Slash! There's also an entire steak knife!

{Balustenich Fizzle}

DANGERESQUE TOO: {singing} When the summer heat begins to sizzle, you're gonna need a fizzle. And Balustenich is best!

Game Box

{Box art for Rig Rug is shown.}

DANGERESQUE TOO: It's the home console version of Rig Rug! Help Hanyman Jorge renovate vintage homes by tearing up rugs before the evil General Contractor-Bot blands things up with beige paint and wall to wall carpeting. Now with 30% less raids by the Feds!

Lamp

DANGERESQUE TOO: I say there, Lampstrosity, do you know the times?

Mugshots

{Three mugshots are shown. Rackingyougal is Strong Mad with a wig an a sticky note over his eye showing a pirate eyepatch. She is "At Large". Wantingthisguy is Strong Mad with a sticky note that looks like a fedora on his head and a massive sticky note showing pointy teeth and a forked tongue. He is "Deceased". Tapingthislad is Strong Mad with duct tape on his head, patching his arm, and covering his mouth. He is "Missing".}

DANGERESQUE TOO: Lookit this family of felons! A real rogue's {pronounced roh-goos} gallery.

Safe

{The safe opens. A Boombox is inside.}

DANGERESQUE TOO: Open up, 73!

Trading Card

{It's a Clarks Rif Simken card. He plays seventh base.}

DANGERESQUE TOO: That Rif Simken was a real homestar runner for the Clarks.

DANGERESQUE TOO: I remember that champeenship season in '92. Riff had 16 full hitters, 12 resists, and 37 MRI's!

Exit to Title

DANGERESQUE TOO: I guess my guesswork here is done here. Where I am here. In this office. I guess.

{Dangeresque Too leaves. Fade out.}

@@ Line 850: / Line 850: @@
 ===Dangeresque Too===
 :'''DANGERESQUE TOO:''' ''{spin kick}'' The pipes are broken!
-:''{If Dangeresque Too is next to the ''ENDED'' text, ashtray or the phone, he will kick it away.}''
+:''{If Dangeresque Too is next to the ''ENDED'' text, ashtray, or the phone, he will kick it away. He will also kick the chair around and kick the open desk drawer closed.}''
+----
+:''{when the text, ashtray, phone, and chair have all been kicked}''
+:'''DANGERESQUE TOO:''' Looks like all the pipes have been broken.
 ===Desque===

Dangeresque
Movies	Major: Dangeresque 1: Dangeresque, too?, Major: Dangeresque 2: This Time, It's Not Dangeresque 1, Major: Dangeresque 3: The Criminal Projective (Mini-Site, THREE in 3D) Minor: Dangeresque: Put 'Em on Ice!, Dangeresque 4÷2=6 Puppet Squad: The Curly Fried Caper, The Hot Jones Hijack
Characters	Strong Bad: Dangeresque Homestar Runner: Dangeresque Too, Uzi Bazooka, Stingy Relenque Coach Z: Renaldo Marzipan: Cutesy Buttons, Sultry Buttons Pom Pom: Professor Experimento The King of Town: Perducci Strong Mad (Himself): Killingyouguy	Bubs: Baron Darin Diamonocle The Poopsmith: Kidnapping Victim Senor Cardgage: Dadgeresque Strong Sad (El Dumpo): Hot Tub, The Informants, The Monster, The Stunt Double The Cheat: Craig, Istanbul, Szechuan Steve, Waitre D Unknown: The Chief
Music	The Theme from Dangeresque II (karaoke), Today is Alright 4 2Nite, Hub-Bump 2 Tha Front, You're Gonna Have 2 Jump
Games	Dangeresque: The Roomisode Triungulate (Trailer, Launch Trailer, Soundtrack) Roomisode 1: Behind the Dangerdesque (Walkthrough, Responses) Roomisode 2: The Intersection of Doom & Boom (Walkthrough, Responses) Roomisode 3: Keep My Enemies, Loser (Walkthrough, Responses)
Other	Nunchuck Gun, Brainblow City, Ruby Powered Rocket, Perducci's

Dangeresque Roomisode 3: Keep My Enemies, Loser Responses

From Homestar Runner Wiki

Revision as of 17:19, 17 August 2023

Contents

Intro

The Restaurant

Cabinet

Look

Talk To

Get/Use

Candle

Look

Talk To

Get/Use

Anything → Candle

Dagger → Candle

Glass → Candle

Napkin → Candle

Check

Look

Talk To

Get/Use

Glass → Check

Cleaner

Look

Talk To

Get/Use

Cocktail Glass

Look

Talk To

Get/Use

Cleaner → Cocktail Glass

Glass → Cocktail Glass

Poison Dart → Cocktail Glass

Satellite Piece → Cocktail Glass

Cork

Look

Talk To

Get/Use

Dagger

Look

Talk To

Get/Use

Dangeresque

Look

Talk To

Get/Use

Banana → Dangeresque

Glass → Dangeresque

Phone → Dangeresque

Glass

Look

Talk To

Get/Use

Killingyouguy

Look

Talk To

Get/Use

Anything → Killingyouguy

Poison Dart → Killingyouguy

TV Remote → Killingyouguy

Kitchen Door

Look

Talk To

Get/Use

Anything rarr; Kitchen Door

Laser Sight

Napkin

Look

Talk To

Get/Use

Perducci

Look

Talk To

Get/Use

Anything → Perducci

Banana → Perducci

Glass → Perducci

Napkin → Perducci

Shield → Perducci