User:The Chort

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[[Image:The Cheat Character Video.PNG|thumb|Yeah, he's The Chort.]]
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{{User:The Chort/toolbox}}
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== Biography ==
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[[Image:thecheat physiology.png|thumb|[[Physiology of The Cheat|Yet another biological mystery]]]]
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[[Image:Cheatdrums.jpg|thumb|Break it down]]
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[[Image:FleaPrisonRiot.png|thumb|[[retirement|Flea Prison Riot!]]]]
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==Introduction==
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Hey, there! I'm <span style="color: orange;">'''''The Chort'''''</span>! No, I don't look anything like [[The Cheat]], nor can I speak [[Coach Z]] <small>(although I still try)</small>. I'm just another [[Homestar Runner (body of work)|Homestar Runner]] Fan. I was bitten by the H*R bug on Saturday, 30 April, 2005, <small>(I think)</small> when I was rather bored. I had already discovered [[TROGDOR!]] and [[Peasant's Quest]] but couldn't be bothered to explore the rest of the site. I decided to use a certain obscenely popular search engine to do a quick search for more information about this [[Trogdor]] guy I had heard of. <small>(And for the "Secret Code" for TROGDOR!.)</small> It was a search that would change my life forever. A few clicks later, <font color=red>'''BAM!'''</font color=red> I was watching [[dragon|SBEmail #58, dragon!]] My first thoughts of the site were something along the lines of <font color=red>'''"What the crap is going on here?!"'''</font color=red> So I searched the [[FAQ]] to find out what the point of the site was. Instead, I learnt that there was this secret game that was apparently impossible to beat. Yep, it was [[Super Kingio Bros]]. Interested, I did another search using the same obscenely popular serach engine and <font color=red>'''KAPOW!'''</font color=red> I was addicted to the [[Main Page|HRWiki!]] Three months later, I had watched <font color=red>'''EVERY'''</font color=red> toon on the site at least once and on Monday, 25 July, 2005 at nearly 7PM, I finally decided to sign up with a unique and imaginative Username. As you can see, I didn't succeed.
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'''The Chort''', whose name includes the [[Integral Article|integral article]], is at knee-height (1' 2" ''et'' 18lb.), and covered with yellow fuzz. In [[secret recipes]] and [[retirement]], it is shown that The Chort's skin is a pinkish flesh color under his fur. The Chort presents an adorable figure that is marred only by his large [[The Cheat's Gold Tooth|gold tooth]], which he is hesitant to show, as seen in his character video. According to his [[Yearbook Character Page]], his motto is "No rule is solid". He is what you could call [[Strong Bad|Strong Bad's]] "sidekick" and [[Strong Mad|Strong Mad's]] best friend. [[Coach Z]] calls him "The Chort". He also reminds [[Strong Bad]] of a duck (email [[lunch special]]). [[Strong Bad]] celebrates his birthday on the only day he knows it isn't: [[cheatday|April 18]].  
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==About Me==
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I'm male and I'm 16 years old <small>(that's just a little less than 17!)</small>. I live in England, which makes '''[[sb_email 22|this]]''' certain SBEmail very relevant to me. Unfortunately, I don't have as much spare time as I used to, but whenever I get to <s>waste</s> spend time on the Wiki, I like to hang around the Recent Changes page, checking out all the edits and, if necessary, <font color=red>'''REVERTING'''</font color=red> the crap ones. In addition, whenever anything new is released, I'll eventually get round to comparing the transcript with the actual toon so I can add any little details left out. I also like voting on STUFF and enjoy going through the unused images, marking any duplicates or those in the wrong format for <font color=red>'''DELETION'''</font color=red>. And...yeah...that's about it...Good day.
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The Chort is loyal to Strong Bad for many reasons. In [[privileges]], The Chort earns points for doing things that amuse Strong Bad, and when he gets enough points, he earns extra privileges (e.g. use of the mute button on the remote control). Strong Bad pays The Chort for his services; in [[lackey]], he reveals that The Chort thinks that pencil shavings are legal tender, only for The Chort to trick [[Bubs]] into accepting the shavings as cash. Strong Bad coerces and bullies The Chort into being his lackey to a certain extent, and the two share a somewhat abusive relationship, particularly since Strong Bad is fond of [[Kicking The Cheat|kicking him]].  It's possible that Strong Bad's bullying has given The Chort an almost murderous hatred at times (as seen near the end of [[disconnected]]). Finally, The Chort sees Strong Bad's brother Strong Mad as a source of protection, as seen in The Chort's character video. While The Chort is more than willing to help Strong Bad in his schemes of obvious illegitimacy, it must be noted that he isn't very good at it. Whenever he and Strong Bad try to pull off a heist, prank, etc., The Chort usually screws something up and thus causes the plan to fail. A few examples of this are in [[Strong Bad is in Jail Cartoon]], [[A Jumping Jack Contest]] (he is discovered behind a Strong Bad mask), and [[caper]].
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==Favourite Quotes==
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{{User:The Chort/userbox}}
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The Chort is an amateur [[Macromedia Flash|Flash]] animator in his spare time, creating [[Powered by The Cheat|Powered by The Chort]] cartoons and music videos on his orange iMac computer, [[Tangerine Dreams]]. These animations sometimes make their way into [[Strong Bad Email]]s, often even blurring "reality" with The Chort's fantasy. The Chort often uses his animations as an outlet for his pent-up feelings of abuse and unappreciation, rewarding his fictional self with [[Trophies|trophies]], fame, and friendship. He's also a master of many instruments; he plays the piano and [[The Cheat's keyboard|keyboard]] (from [[Everybody Knows It]], [[sibbie]], [[flag day]], and [[Strong Bad Sings]], and referenced in [[guitar]]), the drums (in the toon [[Cool Things]] and [[It's Like It Was Meant to Be]]), guitar, (also in [[It's Like It Was Meant to Be]]), and his [[The Cheat's Record Player|record player]].  He also is a [[DJ Teh C.'s Equipment|music producer]], doing remixes for The Geddup Noise ([[geddup noise]]) and the King of Town's New Jam, "Not Talkin' 'bout Butter" ([[Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 13.2]]) under the name "DJ Teh Chort." Also, as evidenced by scenes in [[Seasonal Sweaters]] and [[No Hands On Deck!]], he can knit. His less admirable qualities include being [[Smoking#The Cheat's Smoking|addicted to cigarettes]], and extensive use of [[Internet Slang|Leetspeak]] on the computer. His [[Characters' Contacts|AIM screenname]] is ''Chortachu72''.
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{| border=1 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=0 style="border-collapse:collapse"
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|- bgcolor=#eeeeee
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The Chort lives in the [[The King of Town]]'s grill which, according to [[Strong Sad]], is a nice place. The Chort works at an unspecified tech company with [[Homestar Runner]] and Strong Bad, probably tech support. Strong Bad's retelling of how he met The Chort in [[flashback]] professes that he hatched from a giant [[Eggs|egg]] (possibly making him a [[Wikipedia:Monotreme|monotreme]], an egg-laying [[Wikipedia:Mammal|mammal]]) containing a lifetime supply of fishsticks, though it's not clear if it can be taken as truth or not. He also seems to have an addiction to smoking, as seen in [[montage]], [[Where's The Cheat?|Where’s The Chort?]] and [[The Cheat's Smoking Challenge| The Chort's Smoking Challenge]].
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! Screenshot!! Thing !! Title !! Obligatory Quote
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According to [[Matt Chapman]] in [[Club Aquatica Interview - 29 Oct 2003|this interview]], The Chort does all the voices in his Flash cartoons. He normally can speak only in squeaks, but can impersonate the other characters speaking English remarkably well for a The Chort.
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|[[Image:sbemail110.png|75px]] || [[Strong Bad Email]] || [[for kids]] || "'''Look, The Cheat is behind the freaking box!! HE'S BEHIND THE BOX! I'LL KILL YOU!! I'LL KILL ALL YOUR DOGS!!'''"
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The Chort also seems to possess [[The Cheat's Head Exploding|explosive properties]], which can cause his head to explode with no lasting effects. It is debated exactly what triggers it, since The Chort's anatomy provides no information about the subject. It could be triggered chemically (ie [[The House That Gave Sucky Treats|carbonated drinks and Pop Rocks]] or [[Happy Fireworks|when agitated]]), when the brain is being overworked, such as in [[pizzaz|states of confusion]], or even for [[couch patch|no apparent reason]]. The most spectacular display was in [[Happy Fireworks]], when he was shaken by Strong Mad and thrown into the air. This provided a huge explosion resembling fireworks.
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|[[Image:thnikkafied-machine.png|75px]] || [[Marzipan's Answering Machine]] || [[Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 12.2|Version 12.2]] || "''You said you'd bake us a cake!'' You said you'd bake us a cake! ''You said you'd bake us a cake!'' You said you'd bake us a cake..."
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The Chort also had a recent battle with insomnia, as Strong Bad recounted in [[bedtime story]], due to watching a shockumentary about gingivitis. To go to sleep, he needs [[The Denzel]], a glass of [[Suudsu|suudsu]] and a story about him and [[Moses Malone]], followed by a chainsaw lullaby. Failing that, two or three [[Roach Killa!|roach foggers]] are used.
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|[[Image:ilsg.PNG|75px]] || [[Teen Girl Squad]] || [[Teen Girl Squad Issue 9|Issue 9]] || "BFF carved in a tree, That stands for '''BAOW! FOM! FROOSH!'''"
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[[Image:TheCheatAsTheCheat.png|thumb|Now pretend this is The Chort...]]
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|[[Image:Saddy Dumpington 2.PNG|75px]] || [[Toons|Big Toon]] || [[A Folky Tale]] || "That kind of thing might work on Coach X, or Coach Y, '''but you're dealing with Coach dang Z!!'''"
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As a side note, no one knows when The Chort's birthday (or chortday) actually is, so it is celebrated on April 18, the date on his [[cheatday|Scandinavian fake ID]], since it's the most likely day that his birthday isn't. This is strange, because if the events in [[flashback]] are true, then The Chort would have been "born" on the day he came out of the egg.
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|[[Image:poweredbubs.png|75px]] || [[Powered By The Cheat]] || [[mile]] || "Hey, Strong Bad, you jumped over some of my buses!"
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The Chort also attracts fleas, as seen in [[retirement]]. As explained in [[bottom 10]], The Chort has a foul stench when he is wet.
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|[[Image:post-it-notes.jpg|75px]] || [[Puppet Stuff]] || [[Biz Cas Fri 2]] ||"'''Millions, I tell ya! Millions!! I'm gonna save the company millions!! I'm savin' bunches of money...'''"
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The Chort also seems to have a crush on [[Marzipan]], as seen in [[do over]], in which The Chort (in Homestar-esque makeup and covered in lip-shaped lipstick marks) is seen with Marzipan.
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|[[Image:dween.png|75px]] || [[Holiday Toons|Holiday Toon(s)]] || [[Decemberween In July]] || "Greta is <s>making cookies.</s> ''feeding the mouse bug spray.'' When will <s>t</s>he<s>y</s> be done<s>?</s> ''for?''"  
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*'''Domicile:''' [[The King of Town's Grill]]
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|[[Image:underconstruction02.png|75px]] || [[20X6]] || [[Under Construction]] || "Hey, Stickly Man. '''WHAAAAAAT''' are you doing?"
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*'''Debut:''' [[Original Book|"The Homestar Runner Enters the Strongest Man in the World Contest"]]
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*[[:Category:The Cheat Filmography|Complete Filmography]]
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|[[Image:Weather.PNG|75px]] || [[Main Pages|Main Page]] || [[Main Page 11]] || "Today's forecast is total crap!"
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*[[:Category:Powered by The Cheat|Powered by The Chort toons]]
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|[[Image:King Brothers Game.PNG|75px]] || [[Games|"Game"]] || [[Super Kingio Brothers]] || "My life is a joke."
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==The Chort's Language==
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|[[Image:Strumstar Hammer pg17.jpg|75px]] || [[Strumstar Hammer|Easter Egg]] || [[kids' book]], [[HR:sb_book/sb_book1.html|"book"]] || "<strike>Knowing that he could not have done it without</strike> The Homestar Runner<strike>'s help,</strike> ''and'' Pom-Pom <strike>shared the trophy.</strike> ''lifted a comode.''"
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The Chort speaks entirely in a language of [[Deliberately Poor English#A Lack of Intelligible Speech|high-pitched squeaks and growls]], which is actually called "The Chort", that other characters apparently understand just fine. It's hinted that he knows some English, as he frequently says things that sound like fitting sentences not only in tone, but in how the words sound. At other times, however, it seems to be just gibberish, considering how he says two different things for "Douglas".
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However, he does all the voices for his Flash cartoon, and can apparently talk in completely understandable English; why he never does so in conversation is a mystery.
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== Character Video Transcript ==
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''{'''Page Title:''' Incredible Chorting Action!}'' ''{'''Place:''' [[The Field]]}''
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'''THE CHORT''': ''{speaking in The Chort with English subtitles}'' (Yeah, I'm The Chort. What are you gonna do about it? ...That's what I thought. Now let me finish. I help Strong Bad cheat at stuff. Hence, the name. Duh. I also DJ down at Bubs' on Friday nights. I'll put you on the guest list if you give me twenty bucks. I make cartoon animations with my computer. Don't ask me to make a video for your band. You guys suck. My main man Strong Mad protects me from larger predators, like being sat on by Strong Sad or Pom Pom. I've got a gold tooth. Wanna see it? Tough!
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...Okay, fine. ''{bares a toothy smile at the camera showing his gold tooth and there is a "shing" noise}'' (Now turn that camera off before I throw this bust of Van Buren at it.) ''{throws [[Van Buren|the bust]] at the camera}''
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Meh!
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== Variations ==
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[[Image:The Cheat doll.jpg|thumb|Kick The Chort!]]
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*[[The Sneak]] ([[Old-Timey]])
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*[[Cheatball|Chortball]] ([[20X6]])
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*[[:Image:sbemail107.PNG|Ilko Skevüld]] ([[cheatday|chortday]])
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*[[Cheat Commandos| Chort Commandos]]
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*[[Striped Green Rabbit|Stripéd Green Rabbit]]
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*[[Wilbur]]
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*[[Powered by The Cheat Character Variations|The Chortfish]]
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*[[Powered by The Cheat Character Variations|The Chortsauraus]]
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*[[Store_Toys#Kick The Cheat|Kick The Chort The Chort]]
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=== [[Halloween Costumes]] ===
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*[[Wikipedia:Garfield|Garfield]] in [[Homestarloween Party]].
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*[http://www.galleryc.net/images/a403.jpg Punchy] in [[The House That Gave Sucky Treats]].
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*[http://www.fantasykat.com/shows/Images/fat-albert/Russell-2.jpg Russell] (from [[Wikipedia:Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids|Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids]]) in [[Pumpkin Carve-nival]].
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*[http://www.aldaver.com/Images/Os/masc1996.gif Izzy] in [[3 Times Halloween Funjob]].
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*[http://www.albany.net/~genxtv/sig3.gif Sigmund] (from [[Wikipedia:Sid and Marty Krofft|Sid and Marty Krofft's]] [[IMDB:tt0069632|Sigmund and the Sea Monsters]]) in [[Halloween Fairstival]].
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*[[Wikipedia:Toad (Nintendo)|Toad]] in [[Halloween Potion-ma-jig]].
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*[http://membres.lycos.fr/solharis/Gizmo.jpg Gizmo] (from [[Wikipedia:Gremlins|Gremlins]]) in [[Happy Hallow-day]].
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==See Also==
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*[[The Cheat Evolution|The Chort Evolution]]
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*[[The Cheat Other Costumes|Other Costumes]]
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*[[Nicknames#The Cheat|Nicknames]]
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*[[Physiology of The Cheat|Physiology of The Chort]]
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== External Links ==
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*[[HR:vcr_cheat.html|watch The Chort's character video]]
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*[[HR:vcr_cheat.swf|view the Flash file for The Chort's character video]]
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Revision as of 17:34, 3 April 2007

Useful links
"Secret identities aren't just for superheroes and Garth Brooks anymore."

Introduction

Hey, there! I'm The Chort! No, I don't look anything like The Cheat, nor can I speak Coach Z (although I still try). I'm just another Homestar Runner Fan. I was bitten by the H*R bug on Saturday, 30 April, 2005, (I think) when I was rather bored. I had already discovered TROGDOR! and Peasant's Quest but couldn't be bothered to explore the rest of the site. I decided to use a certain obscenely popular search engine to do a quick search for more information about this Trogdor guy I had heard of. (And for the "Secret Code" for TROGDOR!.) It was a search that would change my life forever. A few clicks later, BAM! I was watching SBEmail #58, dragon! My first thoughts of the site were something along the lines of "What the crap is going on here?!" So I searched the FAQ to find out what the point of the site was. Instead, I learnt that there was this secret game that was apparently impossible to beat. Yep, it was Super Kingio Bros. Interested, I did another search using the same obscenely popular serach engine and KAPOW! I was addicted to the HRWiki! Three months later, I had watched EVERY toon on the site at least once and on Monday, 25 July, 2005 at nearly 7PM, I finally decided to sign up with a unique and imaginative Username. As you can see, I didn't succeed.

About Me

I'm male and I'm 16 years old (that's just a little less than 17!). I live in England, which makes this certain SBEmail very relevant to me. Unfortunately, I don't have as much spare time as I used to, but whenever I get to waste spend time on the Wiki, I like to hang around the Recent Changes page, checking out all the edits and, if necessary, REVERTING the crap ones. In addition, whenever anything new is released, I'll eventually get round to comparing the transcript with the actual toon so I can add any little details left out. I also like voting on STUFF and enjoy going through the unused images, marking any duplicates or those in the wrong format for DELETION. And...yeah...that's about it...Good day.

Favourite Quotes

HRWiki:Userboxes
This user misses The Paper. :'-(
This user is British.
This user was recently converted to Mozilla Firefox 'cause it's fab!
RC This user likes to drop by Recent Changes every now and then.
RV This user reverts vandalism and bad edits.
This user enjoys tasering that gnome gnome work.
This user's favourite character is Crack Stuntman. Yes.
THIS USER JUST HATES THAT FWEAKIN' MARSHMALLOW SO MUCH!
This user does NOT miss Original Principal Skinner Bubs.
This user sees the goat as half-dead.
This user thinks The Chort is not a good Username. He's still going to keep it, though.
Get outta here, Nebulon! This user doesn't like your style!
Oh, this user will TELL you what he thinks of Strong Bad!
Hey! Quit bitin' this user's style!
Screenshot Thing Title Obligatory Quote
Strong Bad Email for kids "Look, The Cheat is behind the freaking box!! HE'S BEHIND THE BOX! I'LL KILL YOU!! I'LL KILL ALL YOUR DOGS!!"
Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 12.2 "You said you'd bake us a cake! You said you'd bake us a cake! You said you'd bake us a cake! You said you'd bake us a cake..."
Teen Girl Squad Issue 9 "BFF carved in a tree, That stands for BAOW! FOM! FROOSH!"
Big Toon A Folky Tale "That kind of thing might work on Coach X, or Coach Y, but you're dealing with Coach dang Z!!"
Powered By The Cheat mile "Hey, Strong Bad, you jumped over some of my buses!"
Puppet Stuff Biz Cas Fri 2 "Millions, I tell ya! Millions!! I'm gonna save the company millions!! I'm savin' bunches of money..."
Holiday Toon(s) Decemberween In July "Greta is making cookies. feeding the mouse bug spray. When will they be done? for?"
20X6 Under Construction "Hey, Stickly Man. WHAAAAAAT are you doing?"
Main Page Main Page 11 "Today's forecast is total crap!"
"Game" Super Kingio Brothers "My life is a joke."
Easter Egg kids' book, "book" "Knowing that he could not have done it without The Homestar Runner's help, and Pom-Pom shared the trophy. lifted a comode."
Retrieved from "http://www.hrwiki.org/wiki/User:The_Chort"