User:TMBGLOVER

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Revision as of 14:08, 2 April 2023

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This user uses Windows.

This user contributes using Google Chrome, or the Google Chrome OS.

200X	This user discovered the HR Wiki in 2022*.

This user is a member of The Church Of The Flying Spaghetti Monster.

This user is a Canadian.

This user's favorite email is too cool.

This user enjoys Compy-era emails the best.

This user's favorite Chapman is Matt.

This user loves Powered by The Cheat Toons.

This user got Maximum Awesomeness in Strong Badia the Free (counting/not counting Uber-Pope).

This user owns the Everything Else DVDs Three Disc Set.

This user owns the Strong Bad Emails 1-200 Six Disc Set.

This user owns Strong Bad Sings and Other Type Hits.

This user owns a Strong Bad T-shirt.

This user owns a Black Trogdor T-shirt.

This user owns the retail edition of Trogdor!! The Board Game.

This user plays SBCG4AP on a PC/MAC.

This user wants to be the guy too.

This user mourns the loss of the old paper.

THIS USER IS BEHIND THE FREAKIN’ BOX!

This user's favorite toon is Fish Eye Lens.

The first toon this user ever saw was Experimental Film.

This user could use a dollar, they could use a couple bucks.

This user's favorite SBCG4AP episode is Strong Badia The Free.

This user watched ALL 6 FREAKING DISCS of his Strong Bad Emails 1-200 Six Disc Set when he was bored at his grandparents house, and he does not regret wasting 9 hours on that.

hi! i got into H*R 2 days before easter 2022. I had seen a toon before then, which was the Experimental Film video, because i was and still am a huge They Might Be Giants fan.

anyways, i like to draw in Microsoft Paint, I've drawn Strong Bad a coupla times.

my fav SBCG4AP episode is Strong Badia The Free, I can play it in 20 minutes.

My first big contrabution was helping with the page for Disk 4 Of 12 - Vampire's Castle

I often help with links to other pages and that crap.

I also make music (https://hudsonmakesstuff.bandcamp.com/).

Fav Sbemails

(In order of how I thought of them)

1. virus

2. caffeine

3. slumber party

4. homsar

5. flashback

4. date

5. dragon

6. videography

7. parenting

8. replacement

9. different town

10. too cool

I wrote a sbemail.

For purposes of this, I'm going to say this email is called "zoo", and was released as the 28th email. (the Tandy era would thus have 41 emails)

STRONG BAD: Alternate universes sure are weird, do emails exist in one?

Dear Strong Bad,
Have you ever went to the zoo?
I'd sure like to know.
Crapfully yours,
[MY NAME]
, Canada

STRONG BAD: Oh yeah, I went once. Two words. NEVER. AGAIN.

STRONG BAD: Alright The Cheat. Let's go see- HOMESTAR!?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh hey Strong Bad!

STRONG BAD: But- but- WHAT THE CRAP!? Homestar Runners are a species?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Well, the people who put me in here said I was one!

THE CHEAT: Meh meh meh!

STRONG BAD: I agree, The Cheat.

STRONG BAD: And that's why I hate the zoo. Wait... was that the email? Ok. So, { The Paper comes down} send me a question, and I hope they're not as dumb as that zoo visit.

User:TMBGLOVER

From Homestar Runner Wiki

Revision as of 14:08, 2 April 2023

Fav Sbemails

I wrote a sbemail.

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@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
-==the first 50 Sbemail transcripts==
+{{userboxtop}}
-STRONG BAD: {singing, types 'run "strongbad's__email"'} Oh, who is the guy that checks all his emails? That's me, Strong Baaad.
+{{userbox | border=#000000 | mainbkgd=#CCCCCC | codebkgd=#15317E | codecolor=#000000 | code=[[Image:sbemail55.PNG|53px]] | msg=This user uses '''[[Wikipedia:Microsoft Windows|Windows]]'''.}}
+{{userbox | border=#008000 | mainbkgd=#E0FFFF|codebkgd=#FFFFFF | codecolor=#FFFFFF | code=[[Image:GoogleChromeLogo.png|53px]] | msg=This user contributes using '''[[Wikipedia:Google Chrome|Google Chrome]]''', or the '''[[Wikipedia:Google Chrome OS|Google Chrome OS]]'''.}}
+{{userbox | border=#FC3 | mainbkgd=#FFF | codebkgd=#39F | codecolor=#F00 | code=200X | msg=This user discovered the H*R Wiki in '''2022'''.}}
+{{userbox | border=#000000 | mainbkgd=#FFE600 | codebkgd=#FFFFFF | codecolor=#FFFFFF | code=[[Image:spaghettimonster.jpg|40px]] | msg=This user is a member of The Church Of The '''[[Wikipedia:Flying Spaghetti Monster|Flying Spaghetti Monster]]'''.}}
+{{userbox | border=#F00 | mainbkgd=#FFF | codebkgd=#EEE | codecolor=#FFF | code=[[Image:Canadian flag.PNG|43px]] | msg=This user is a '''[[Wikipedia:Canada|Canadian]]'''.}}
+{{userbox | border=#000000 | mainbkgd=#C9C9C9 | codebkgd=#000000 | codecolor=#00FF00 | code=[[Image:too cool.png|43px]] | msg=This user's favorite email is '''[[too cool]]'''.}}
+{{userbox | border=#000000 | mainbkgd=#C9C9C9 | codebkgd=#000000 | codecolor=#00FF00 | code=[[Image:sbemail159b.png|43px]] | msg=This user enjoys '''[[:Category:Compy 386 Emails|Compy-era]]''' emails the best.}}
+{{userbox | border=#000000 | mainbkgd=#FF3030 | codebkgd=#99AAFF | codecolor=#000000 | code=[[Image:Matt closeup.png|40px]] | msg=This user's favorite Chapman is '''[[Matt Chapman|Matt]]'''.}}
+{{userbox | border=#00FF00 | border=#00FF00 | mainbkgd=#000000 | codebkgd=#000000 | codecolor=#FFFFFF | code=[[Image:PBTC.png|43px]] | msg=<span style="color:lime">This user loves '''[[Powered by The Cheat|<span style="color:lime">Powered by The Cheat</span>]] Toons'''.</span>}}
+{{userbox | border=black | mainbkgd=red | codebkgd=white | code=[[Image:StrongBadiaTheFreeIcon.png|45px]] | msg= This user got '''Maximum Awesomeness''' in [[Strong Badia the Free]] ''(counting/not counting Uber-Pope)''.}}
+{{userbox | border=#000000 | border=#000000 | mainbkgd=#99CCFF | codebkgd=#FFFFFF | codecolor=#FFFFFF | code=[[Image:EverythingElseSet.png|43px]] | msg=This user owns the '''[[Everything Else DVDs Three Disc Set]]'''.}}
+{{userbox | border=#000000 | border=#000000 | mainbkgd=#99CCFF | codebkgd=#FFFFFF | codecolor=#FFFFFF | code=[[Image:6discSetPhoto.jpg|43px]] | msg=This user owns the '''[[Strong Bad Emails 1-200 Six Disc Set]]'''.}}
+{{userbox | border=#000000 | border=#000000 | mainbkgd=#99CCFF | codebkgd=#FFFFFF | codecolor=#FFFFFF | code=[[Image:Strong Bad Sings CD.png|35px]] | msg=This user owns '''[[Strong Bad Sings and Other Type Hits]]'''.}}
+{{userbox | border=#000000 | mainbkgd=#CCFFCC | codebkgd=#FFFFFF | codecolor=#FFFFFF | code=[[Image:Strong Bad T-Shirt.PNG|43px]] | msg=This user owns a '''[[Store T-Shirts#tshirt sb strongbadia ruler|Strong Bad T-shirt]]'''.}}
+{{userbox | border=#000000 | mainbkgd=#CCFFCC | codebkgd=#FFFFFF | codecolor=#FFFFFF | code=[[Image:Trogdor! Black T-Shirt.PNG|43px]] | msg=This user owns a '''[[Store T-Shirts#tshirt trogdor black|Black Trogdor T-shirt]]'''.}}
+{{userbox | border=#000000 | border=#000000 | mainbkgd=#99CCFF | codebkgd=#FFFFFF | codecolor=#FFFFFF | code=[[Image:TrogdorTheBoardGame.png|35px]] | msg=This user owns the retail edition of '''[[Trogdor!! The Board Game]]'''.}}
+{{userbox | border=black | mainbkgd=red | codebkgd=white | code=[[File:Total Wad Lappy.png|45px]] | msg= This user plays '''[[Strong Bad's Cool Game For Attractive People|SBCG4AP]]''' on a PC/MAC.}}
+{{userbox | border=#333366 | mainbkgd=#9999CC | codebkgd=#666699 | codecolor=#FFFFFF | code=[[Image:Better-1-Up.png|34px]] | msg=This user wants to '''[[japanese cartoon|be the guy too]]'''.}}
+{{userbox | border=#00FF00 | mainbkgd=#000000 | codebkgd=#000000 | codecolor=#FFFFFF | code=[[Image:Broken Paper.png|53px]] | msg=<span style="color:white">This user mourns the loss of the old '''[[The Paper|paper]]'''.</span>}}
+{{userbox | border=orange | mainbkgd=yellow | codebkgd=orange | codecolor=green | code=[[File:sbemail110.png|50px]] | msg=<span style="color:orange">THIS USER IS [[for kids|<span style="color:orange">'''BEHIND THE FREAKIN’ BOX!'''</span>]] </span>}}
+{{userbox | border=#008000 | mainbkgd=#E0FFFF | codebkgd=#20B2AA | codecolor=#FFFFFF | code=[[Image:Fish Eye Lens.png|43px]] | msg=This user's favorite toon is '''[[Fish Eye Lens]]'''.}}
+{{userbox | border=#008000 | mainbkgd=#E0FFFF | codebkgd=#20B2AA | codecolor=#FFFFFF | code=[[Image:gracious.png|43px]] | msg=The first toon this user ever saw was '''[[Experimental Film]]'''.}}
+{{userbox | border=#000000 | mainbkgd=#32CD32 | codebkgd=#7CFC00 | codecolor=#FFFFFF | code=[[Image:Coach Z With Food Sign.PNG|43px]] | msg=This user '''[[These Peoples Try To Fade Me|could use a dollar, they could use a couple bucks]]'''.}}
+{{userbox | border=black | mainbkgd=red | codebkgd=white | code=[[Image: StrongBadiaTheFreeIcon.png|45px]] | msg=This user's favorite SBCG4AP episode is '''[[Strong Badia The Free]]'''.}}
+{{userbox | border=#000000 | border=#000000 | mainbkgd=#99CCFF | codebkgd=#FFFFFF | codecolor=#FFFFFF | code=[[Image:6discSetPhoto.jpg|43px]] | msg=This user watched ALL 6 FREAKING DISCS of his '''[[Strong Bad Emails 1-200 Six Disc Set]]''' when he was bored at his grandparents house, and he does not regret wasting 9 hours on that.}}
+|}
-Dear Strong Bad,
+hi! i got into H*R 2 days before easter 2022. I had seen a toon before then, which was the [[Experimental Film|Experimental Film]] video, because i was and still am a huge They Might Be Giants fan.
-Do you take your wrestling mask and boxing
-gloves off before you go to bed?
-Sincerely,
-Abdi LaRue
-San Diego, CA
-STRONG BAD: {clears screen, typing} Well, that's a stupid question, Abdi. Do you take off your face and hands before you go to bed? And if so, are you some kind of robot? And if so, what kind of powers do you have? Do you use them for good, or for awesome? Would you like to join forces? I just happen to be the greatest criminal mind of our time. {types "—Strong Bad" and then stops typing} Okay, until next time. Keep sending me your questions, and I will make fun of you... I mean, answer them.
-{The Paper comes down.}
+anyways, i like to draw in Microsoft Paint, I've drawn Strong Bad a coupla times.
-STRONG BAD: {singing, types "run Strongbad's__email"} I'm gonna check my email all of the time, doo doo doo...
+my fav SBCG4AP episode is Strong Badia The Free, I can play it in 20 minutes.
-Hi Strong Bad,
+My first big contrabution was helping with the page for [[Disk 4 Of 12 - Vampire's Castle]]
-If you hate Homsar so much,
-why don't you kill him?
--Vinnie C.
-{Strong Bad says the last line as "From Vinnie C."}
-STRONG BAD: You know what, Vinnie? You're right. I'll be right back. {gets up}
+I often help with links to other pages and that crap.
-{Cut to Homsar standing in the Field. Strong Bad enters the frame in the foreground.}
+I also make music (https://hudsonmakesstuff.bandcamp.com/).
-STRONG BAD: Hey, Homsar!
+== Fav Sbemails ==
-HOMSAR: {faces Strong Bad} Uhdyeah, what ees eht, Stwong Baaaaayaad?
+(In order of how I thought of them)
-{Strong Bad leaves the frame and the Heavy Lourde falls on Homsar, completely crushing him. Cut back to the Tandy 400.}
+. virus
-STRONG BAD: {sits down, typing} Oh man, Vinnie. That feels so much better. Thanks a lot! {stops typing} Okay, so until next time, keep sending me your questions, and I will keep making fun of your punctuation and spelling. I mean, answer them.
+. caffeine
-{The Paper comes down}
+. slumber party
-STRONG BAD: {singing, types "run Strongbad's__email"} Checkin' my email, checkin' my email, checkin'-checkin'-checkin'-checkin' my email.
-Dear Mr Bad,
+. homsar
-How do you know if someone's butt is stupid?
-I mean, is there like some kind of IQ test?
-Crapfully yours,
-Tyler
-STRONG BAD: Oh, come on Tyler! Don't you remember your algebra, man? It's called the {typing} Transitive Butt Property. {stops typing} And it clearly states that the stupidity of somebody's butt is greater than or equal to the stupidity of that person's head.
-{He types "stupid (butt) ≥ stupid (head)," then clears the screen to bring up Bad Graphics Homestar.}
+. flashback
-STRONG BAD: So, take our friend Homestar Runner for instance. {laughing} Look at his stupid head! {labels Homestar's head "stupid (head)"} Look at how stupid his head is. {stops laughing} Okay, so you can easily infer from this that because he has such a stupid head, that easily his butt is going to be at least as stupid {labels Homestar's butt as "stupid (butt)"} if not stupider. {relabels butt as "stupid/stupider (butt)"} So there you have it. Okay, so until next time, on a scale from one to awesome, I'm super great.
+. date
-{The Paper comes down}
+. dragon
-STRONG BAD: {singing, types "run Strongbad's__email"} I check the email once, I check the email twice, doo doo doo, doo doo doo... {stops singing} Okay, let's see what we got here...
-Homestar Hair
+. videography
-downloading...
-STRONG BAD: Home...star...Hair...? What the...
-{A graphic from Hairstyle Runner appears, with oddly shaped hair, sideburns and an outline of a beard.}
+. parenting
-STRONG BAD: Oh man! I swear if I get another one of these {types "delete that crap"} freakin' "Hairstyle Runners" from one of you guys,—
+. replacement
-{The image shrinks until it disappears, and a message reading "crap deleted." appears onscreen.}
+. different town
-STRONG BAD: —I'm gonna have to start busting some heads, okay? I mean, how come you people never play my game, man? I never get any Strong Libs in my email. I mean, there's this whole game out there that's all for me that you guys can fill out, you know, and like, send me some hilarious crap or something. Now you got me all cheesed off! I'm gonna play some "Temple of Apshai". {types "run"temple__of__apshai""} Forget you guys. {brings up Temple of Apshai}
+. too cool
-{Temple of Apshai features a little white warrior walking back and forth in a pink-walled 8-bit dungeon with a blue monster and a green box. To the right are a bunch of statistics. The Paper comes down.}
+== I wrote a sbemail. ==
-STRONG BAD: Oh, my hit points are, like, inexcusable in this dungeon, man. I need to find some elixir or something.
+For purposes of this, I'm going to say this email is called "zoo", and was released as the 28th email. (the Tandy era would thus have 41 emails)
-STRONG BAD: {singing, types "run Strongbad's__email"} Checkin' emails is like the best thing I do.
-Dear Strong Bad..,
+''' STRONG BAD''': Alternate universes sure are weird, do emails exist in one?
-Do you like making out? Because my boyfriend
-won't... mostly because he's jealous of you.
-I've tried the whole Peter Frampton thang,
-but nothing seems to work out. Please help
-me Strong Bad...
-Kissless in Santa Rosa
-{Pronounces "thang" as "thing"}
-STRONG BAD: {clears screen} Well, Kissless, you're going about it all wrong. Frampton's not going to loosen anybody's lips. If you really want to make out with this guy, you need to go straight to the master of make out rock himself... ME! {clears screen} So here's what you do: {says but doesn't type} You {types} wait til he comes home, then light a few candles and maybe have a glass of wine. And then put on my hit single "You're Really Ugly (But There's Nobody Cute Around)." {stops typing} I'll tell you what, {resumes} he'll be all over you like the King of Town on a Chinese buffet, man. {stops typing} All right, so until next time send me more questions. SEND ME MORE QUESTIONS!!!
+<blockquote class="tandy email">Dear Strong Bad,<br />
+Have you ever went to the zoo?<br />
+I'd sure like to know.<br />
+Crapfully yours,<br />
+ [MY NAME]<br />
+, Canada</blockquote>
-{The Paper comes down.}
+'''STRONG BAD''': Oh yeah, I went once. Two words. NEVER. AGAIN.
-STRONG BAD: {singing, types "run Strongbad's__email"} I check, you check, we all check for e... mail check... an email...
-Dear Strong Bad,
+'''STRONG BAD''': Alright The Cheat. Let's go see- HOMESTAR!?
-Tell Strong Sad he is dumb and a crappy guy ,
-Your fan,
-Anthony
-from South Gate CA
-{Strong Bad pronounces "CA" as "Cah". He then gets up.}
-{Cut to Strong Sad's room. Strong Sad is working on a desk with a card, scissors and "SCHOOL PASTE." There are paper shards lying around.}
+'''HOMESTAR RUNNER''': Oh hey Strong Bad!
-STRONG BAD: {sticks hands and head through door} Hey, stupid! Do you know some guy named Anthony from South Gate?
+'''STRONG BAD''': But- but- WHAT THE CRAP!? Homestar Runners are a species?
-STRONG SAD: Oh yeah. I was just making him this card—
+'''HOMESTAR RUNNER''': Well, the people who put me in here said I was one!
-{He picks up the card. Its front is white and has "TO: ANTHONY" written on it with a picture of Strong Sad.}
+''' THE CHEAT''': Meh meh meh!
-STRONG SAD: —and gonna send him a hundred dolla—
+''' STRONG BAD''': I agree, The Cheat.
-STRONG BAD: Yeah, well he says you're dumb and a crappy guy. {leaves}
+''' STRONG BAD''': And that's why I hate the zoo. Wait... was that the email? Ok. So, ''{ The Paper comes down}'' send me a question, and I hope they're not as dumb as that zoo visit.
-STRONG SAD: {disappointed} Ohh... {starts to rip card in half}
-{Cut back to the Tandy 400.}
-STRONG BAD: {sits back down, clears the screen and starts typing} Look Anthony, as much as I like insulting my stupid kid brother, I'm not your freaking message service, alright? Next time, you email him yourself. {stops typing} His email address is: {typing} depressio@homestarrunner.com {stops typing} Okay, so until next time, {singing} "Everybody email that guy!" "What guy?" "ME!" "Everybody email that guy!"
-{The Paper comes down.}
-STRONG BAD: {types "run strongbad's__email"} I am going to check my email.
-Dear Strongbad,
-I want to have the bestest halloween
-costume ever this year. How can I make
-a strongbad costume?
-With crap,
-Ben from Ohio University
-STRONG BAD: {typing} Well Ben, I couldn't agree with you more. You dress up like me this year and the ladies will flock to you like the Poopsmith to an overflowing toilet. {stops typing} But I digress. Onto the costume... {gets up}
-{Cut to the Field.}
-STRONG BAD: {offscreen} We'll demonstrate on stupid over here.
-{Homestar drops from the sky and lands in the middle of the Field.}
-HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hello!
-STRONG BAD: {offscreen} First, paint your head red.
-{Homestar's head is slapped and becomes red.}
-STRONG BAD: {offscreen} Then, take your shirt off... to expose your manly chest.
-{Homestar's shirt peels off and a digital blur appears over his white, naked body.}
-HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh!
-STRONG BAD: {offscreen} Next, get some boxing gloves,—
-{Giant boxing gloves appear on Homestar's feet.}
-STRONG BAD: {offscreen} —or if you don't have boxing gloves, oven mitts will do.
-{A huge pink oven mitt appears on Homestar's head.}
-STRONG BAD: {offscreen} Next, duct tape some aluminum foil—
-{Aluminum foil appears to Homestar's right in a blue box labeled "ALUMINUM FOIL" on two sides.}
-STRONG BAD: {offscreen} —to some twine.
-{A ball of twine appears to Homestar's left. Duct tape appears, attaches to the aluminum foil, wraps around Homestar's legs and then wraps around the twine.}
-STRONG BAD: {offscreen} And finally, get your mom to make you a Strong Bad costume. You'll be the belle of the ball.
-HOMESTAR RUNNER: I'm a belle!
-{Cut back to the Tandy 400.}
-STRONG BAD: {sits down, doesn't type} Okay, so until next time, who put the "ween" in "Halloween"? I don't know. Probably you. ...you freakin' weirdo!
-{The Paper comes down.}
-STRONG BAD: {types "run Strongbad's__email"} I remember the time when I checked my email.
-Dear Strong Bad,
-Every time I watch a cartoon with you in it,
-I can't help but realize how incredibly gorgeous
-you are. I love the way you walk around without
-your shirt on so confidently. Anyways, I
-was wondering if you would like to go
-out sometime. Give me a call, Pom-
-Pom has my number.
-Hopefully yours,
-Brian
-STRONG BAD: {clears screen} Oh, {typing, speaking suavely} well, Brian, maybe you and I could— {stops typing} uh— {becomes shocked and angry} hey... BRIAN!? What the crap? {typing} Look, man. Unless Brian is short for... Brianrietta or Brian-Sue or something like that it's just not gonna work out between you and me, okay? {skips down some space} Sorry to crush your hopes and dreams, - Strong Bad {stops typing} Okay, so until next week... 1, 2, 3, email me! 1, 2, 4, email me more!
-{The Paper comes down.}
-STRONG BAD: I've carefully set aside this time for checking my email.
-i love u
--fhqwhgadshgnsdhjsdbkhsdabkfabkveybvf
-{Strong Bad squints and pronounces the entire line of gibberish. It approximately sounds like "fuh-qwah-gadshh-ginsnith-jith-dib-kuh-stahd-abfk-fab-kv...vey-gbf".}
-STRONG BAD: {clears screen, typing} Look, fhqwgadshg...{pronounced fuh-hoo-qwah-gahds, as it is pronounced through the rest of the email} can i just call you fhqwhgads {misspelled "fhqwgads"}? Look fhqwhgads, I'm sorry to say, but the feeling's not mutual. Mainly because of your long freakin' name. I mean in the time it took me to say your name, I coulda done all kinds of stuff. Like paint a picture {brief pause to think} of a guy {another pause} with a big knife. Whoa, in fact, I'm gonna get started on that right now. {gets up}
-{Fade to Strong Bad standing in front of an easel in the Field, painting it with a brush. On the easel is a partially completed painting of a Rambo-like guy with a big knife.}
-STRONG BAD: Oh yeah! This is looking great. I mean, I think I could probably sell this at like the arts and crafts fair, you know... to maybe some POWs, or, like, somebody's dad...
-{The Paper comes down. Strong Bad continues to repeat his painting animation.}
-STRONG BAD: I'm totally checking my email. Total, man.
-Hi strong bad. This is Trevor from Hampden
-Maine and I was wondering if you could teach
-me how to be as awesome as you. I am a
-vampire and
-STRONG BAD: {typing} And what? That's it? I'm a vampire and here's a million dollars...or I'm a vampire and here's your own spaceship... I mean what the f {stops typing} Oh no, I get it. {sadly} THEY GOT HIM!!! Somebody stuck him with a stake through the heart! Oh, this is so sad! Oh Trevor, I pine for you.
-{Fade to black. Strong Bad walks in.}
-STRONG BAD: Hi, everybody. In memoriam of poor Trevor, let's go back and revisit a few of my favorite Trevor memories.
-{He turns around and presses a button on a remote control. Static cut to the Tandy showing Trevor's email.}
-STRONG BAD: {reading} This is Trevor from Hampden Maine and I was wondering if you could teach me how to be as awesome as you.
-{Static cut back to Strong Bad in the black scene.}
-STRONG BAD: Oh, that was great. And who could forget this one?
-{He turns around and clicks the remote again. Static cut back to the Tandy, email still on screen.}
-STRONG BAD: {reading} I am a vampire and... {typing} And what? That's it?
-{Static cut back to Strong Bad in the black scene.}
-STRONG BAD: Ah, we sure had some great times Trevor. {leaves quickly}
-{Fade to the Tandy, which displays the following message:}
-In Memoriam
--Trevor-
-STRONG BAD: {voiceover} I'm gonna miss you, bro.
-{The Paper comes down.}
-STRONG BAD: {muttering} Email, grumble grumble, email, grumble... {stops muttering}
-If you are so evil, how come you don't rule
-the world or at least some kind of field?
-Mike, UK
-{Strong Bad pronounces UK as "uck"}
-STRONG BAD: What are you talking about, Mike, UK? {pronounces UK as "uck" again} I mean I've totally ruled that field out behind the—
-{Cut to Strong Badia. It is windy and has a gray sky. A blue can rolls past.}
-STRONG BAD: {offscreen} —dumpsters since like diaper school, man.
-{Strong Bad appears and holds his arm up proudly.}
-STRONG BAD: Aaaah, my kingdom continues to flourish. Uh, carry on, everyone.
-{The Cheat appears from behind the white fence and approaches the tire.}
-STRONG BAD: Hey! The Cheat! What, you wanna get banished? Don't touch that!
-{The Paper comes down.}
-STRONG BAD: What're you standing around for, man? Don't you have, like, some of my bidding to do?
-STRONG BAD: Initiate email check in five, four, three, two, one.
-Dear Mr. Bad
-We regret to inform you that your credit card
-has expired. To keep your account, we will need
-you to send your old credit card number and
-expiration date, as well as a new one so we can
-make the change. We promise we are real and
-not just trying to steal your money.
-John, and some other people
-who aren't scam artists
-STRONG BAD: Whoa, this sounds pretty serious. I know just what to do. {brings the cursor up to the first line} Just a little of this...
-{He deletes "Mr. Bad," and inserts "Homestar Runner," then brings the cursor down to the bottom row.}
-STRONG BAD: Ooh, maybe a dash of that...
-{He deletes the signature and inserts "Superfied Credit Union". He then types "forward message", which clears the screen. Fade to black. The text "5 minutes later" is typed in, then after a pause, backspaced out. Fade back in.}
-STRONG BAD: Okay, let's see what we got here...
-{Strong Bad begins reading, and almost immediately, the audio fades from Strong Bad's voice into a voice-over by Homestar.}
-Dear Superfied Credit Union,
-You've got the same e-mail address as my
-friend Strong Bad! Anyway, here's my
-credit card information:
-116 116 1352
-Exp. 13/02
-{The number and date are not read aloud.}
-STRONG BAD: {laughing} That was too easy, man. Well, it looks like Homestar is about to make a little contribution to the Lots of Awesome Stuff for Strong Bad Fund.
-{He types in "run 'internet'" and goes to "the_coolest_stuff_ever.com." He clicks on the "purchase" button for "spaceship".}
-STRONG BAD: Gimme one of these... {clicks on "Spaceship"} A couple of these... {clicks "killer robot" twice} Oh, everybody needs one of these... {clicks "rocket launcher"} Oh, this thing, I gotta have that... {clicks "robotic dog/shark"}
-{The Paper comes down.}
-STRONG BAD: {singing} Email, dud-duh-doo-duh-dud-duh, dud-duh-doo-duh-dud-duh...
-hey my name is great looking girl strong bad!
-i she be your girlfriend.
-{Strong Bad squints as he reads the last sentence.}
-STRONG BAD: Uh... {typing} Hey! My name is Strong Bad, great looking girl! I he be your boyfriend. {clears screen} Okay, seriously. All i gotta say about this is... {yells angrily} GET IN LINE SISTER!!! I mean, do you know how many freakin emails I get like this a DAY? From ladies with proper grammar? I mean come on! A guy's gotta have some standards right? But, I do feel kinda sorry for you, so I won't let your email go to waste.
-{He types "forward to 'the cheat'".}
-STRONG BAD: {clears screen, doesn't type the following} Okay, so tune in next time: Same Strong Bad time, same Strong Bad channel.
-{The Paper comes down. After a few seconds, the scene changes to The Cheat sitting at his computer. An online messaging program is open. The conversation runs as follows:}
-instant messenge
-gr8lookinggrrl:are you around,
-clown?
-cheatachu72:sure am, sam.
-gr8lookinggrrl:LOL!!! :-*
-cheatachu72:i want us to meet
-in person
-gr8lookinggrrl:OMG! where?
-gr8lookinggrrl:the food court?
-cheatachu72: sbarro. 8pm
-gr8lookinggrrl:whatta you look
-like?
-cheatachu72: 6ft tall. buff. big
-red 'M' on my chest. no neck.
-gr8lookinggrrl:can't wait. L8r
-gr8lookinggrrl signed off.
-STRONG BAD: {feigning struggling} Must... check... email...!
-dear strong bad,
-do you ever feed the ducks? personally i think feeding
-the ducks is the greatest thing in the world. what are
-your thoughts on this subject?
-your friend,
-ron kiwi
-STRONG BAD: {clears screen, typing} Unfortunatley, Mr. Kiwi, there are no ducks by my house. But I do have a pretty sweet duck pond simulator for my computer. Check it out, man.
-{Strong Bad types "run "duckpond"", which loads up a game of Duck Pond. It features two ducks swimming around the screen with a hand on the left side of the screen. Strong Bad presses a button and the hand throws a piece of food at the ducks.}
-STRONG BAD: {trancelike} Wow, you're right, Ron. {throws another piece of food} This is the {throws food} greatest thing in the world. I mean it's like I'm right there at the pond. Come here, ducky.
-{The Paper comes down, reading:}
-> Click here to e-mail strong bad
-> Click here to play duck pond
-STRONG BAD: {singing to the tune of the intro song} Everybody... check your email...
-Dear strong bad,
-how do you do it . teach me some of your trick's.
-With crap,
-T.J.
-{After Strong Bad reads "how do you do it", he says "no question mark".}
-STRONG BAD: {clears screen, typing} Well, I mean I can't tell you all of them TJ, But, you know, there's the basics. I mean, like if somebody's like, "Hey! Are you listening to me?" You say, " Yes," but {stops typing} you know {resumes typing} you're not really listening. Um, then there's the one where you say, "Hey! Look over there." And when they turn their head, {stops typing} you know {resumes typing} there's nothing there and you pour some Coke down their shirt. And this one is a little amateur, but it has worked for me in the past. {clears screen, stops typing} You know, {resumes typing} you bet somebody a hundred "bucks", and if they win, {stops typing} you know, you'll... {resumes typing} you give them like a hundred kicks in the butt and {stops typing} you say, {resumes typing} you call that a buck. I mean, I don't know, somebody invented that...and...it works pretty good. You get to kick somebody. {clears screen} But everyone has a different taste, you know? Develop your own style, TJ. Reach down inside yourself and pull out something... {stops typing} y'know, {resumes typing} not like...organs. You know what I mean. Anyways, {stops typing} email... Oh, there'll be another one next week...
-{The Paper comes down.}
-STRONG BAD: {singing to the tune of The Cheat Theme Song} Who's that giving Strong Bad a hand? Email... Email... {stops singing}
-hey strong bad,
-help us come up with a name for our band. i was
-thinking about 'invisible robot fish' or 'for good or
-for awesome.' hurry up please, we have our first
-show tomorrow.
-you rule
-- dan
-STRONG BAD: {clears screen, typing} Well, Dan, the easiest way is to, you know, {actually types "to ,you know,"} just have a really cool last name and use that. You know like Van Halen, or Dokken, or to a lesser extent,... Z'Nuff. {clears screen} And then the other way is to take a really cool word but then spell it all wrong. You know like... {stops typing} "LAZOR",—
-{An index card with "LAZOR" written on it with red, jagged text appears onscreen. The L's bottom line goes beneath the other letters and connects to the R. All the other letters are connected as well. There's a red light flash after the word. High-pitched music plays.}
-STRONG BAD: —or "BIGG NIFE",—
-{The previous image disappears and another logo comes up. It uses blue text and has "BIGG" written on top in an metallic font, and then has "NIFE" written below it in a rounded font and an upward pointing knife replacing the letter I. A guitar strums.}
-SINGER: {offscreen} Well, all right!
-STRONG BAD: —or something like "TARANCHULA"—
-{"BIGG NIFE" disappears and "TARANCHULA" comes up with red text. All the letters except for the C, U and L have long fangs hanging downward, and the first A, the N, and the last A are dripping something. Spooky-ish music plays.}
-STRONG BAD: —or maybe like "LIMOZEEN".
-{"TARANCHULA" disappears and the Limozeen logo comes up with the diamond-style blue text for everything but the red lightning-shaped "Z" in the middle. Gentle guitar music plays.}
-STRONG BAD: You know, {starts typing} these are all—
-{The index card crinkles up and disappears.}
-STRONG BAD: —great names. {stops typing} And you know, {resumes typing} go ahead and take them. I'm not going to charge you or nothing. Just, uh, put me on the guest list plus one for that show huh? I'll probably take Pom Pom. {stops typing} You know, {resumes typing} He's been pretty cool lately. {stops typing} Okay, so tune in next week, when my guests will be Lemmy from Motörhead and the guys from Krokus!
-{The Paper comes down.}
-STRONG BAD: Ohh! Electronic mail!
-Dear Strong Bad,
-My girlfriend is really annoying because she calls
-me when I'm trying to study. What should I do?
-Crapfully yours,
-Roy
-STRONG BAD: {typing} Oh, well! I think I might have a little piece of advice for you, Roy. {yelling} Close the book and quit being such a dork-on!!!!!!! {clears screen} {no longer yelling} I mean, this girl obviously has the hots for you man. Why do you think she's calling you? I mean, you've got the potential here, {does not type the word "here"} to get 1st, 2nd, and quite possibly even 3rd base. So unless you're studying a book called {font changes to orange} "This Book is Better than 1st, 2nd, and Quite Possibly Even 3rd Base" {font changes back to green}, I suggest you hightail it over to your girlfriend's house ASAP, man! {clears screen} And also, send me a copy of that book. Because this sounds {types "It sounds..."} pretty good. You know what...scratch that. You keep studying Roy, I'm going over to your girlfriend's house.
-{He runs away from the computer and a few seconds later he returns.}
-STRONG BAD: {not typing} Um, I forgot. I don't know her name or where she lives, but your girlfriend still loves me, Roy.
-{The Paper comes down.}
-STRONG BAD: Something has compelled me to check my email.
-dear strong bad,
-ur a real, funy guy. have you ever done any
-stand up comidic stuff?
-crapfully crappy,
-joe p.
-{He pronounces the first sentence as it's spelled: "Urr a real fewney guy." He also pronounces "comidic" as spelled and "joe p." as "Jopy".}
-STRONG BAD: {typing} What? No. No. No. I mean, no. Never. No. What? No. {leaves computer}
-{Strong Sad sticks his head in the scene. Computer blurs out of focus.}
-STRONG SAD: Psst. Come with me. {leaves computer}
-{Cut to Strong Sad's room, now with a Telebision. He walks in, carrying a video tape marked "S.B. Talent Show" and inserts it into his old-fashioned wood-paneled VCR. The video shows a younger-looking Coach Z with a huge afro and mustache on-stage talking into a microphone.}
-COACH Z: {while the video stutters} Once again, thank you to little Marzipan and her wonderful clogging. {the video stops stuttering, and the "PLAY" and the running time disappear from the screen} Okay, so up next we got the comedy stylings of little Strong Bad.
-{Coach Z walks off-stage as Lil' Strong Bad walks on from the left to general applause. He lowers the microphone.}
-LIL' STRONG BAD: Thank you, Coach Z, {pause} for not patting my butt. {audience laughs} Good evening, ladies and germs. Um... How about this cafeteria food? Is it cardboard or is it pizza? {more audience laughs, though less pronounced; Lil' Strong Bad looks uneasy} You know, 'cause it... tastes bad. Um... What about that one... that joke... Coach Z's hair is funny looking. Don't you guys think? 'Cause it's big... He has really big hair...
-{Lil' Strong Bad's pants fall down. He looks down at them as the audience laughs.}
-LIL' STRONG BAD: Oh no!
-{Lil' Strong Bad starts running offstage, but falls down just as he reaches the edge of the screen. The screen goes blank. The Paper comes down.}
-STRONG BAD: {muttering} Ow-mnow, mnow, mnow... {louder} Mow-mnow, mnow, mnow... {stops muttering}
-Dear strong bad,
-my brothers are always telling me that your
-legs are made of tape, is that true?
--Nicolas
-STRONG BAD: Nee-co-las. {typing} They said my legs were made of tape?! WHAT?? I mean, do I look like some kinda tape-leg? I can guarantee you, man, I am not a tape-leg.
-{Strong Bad stops typing and lifts up his leg, where a piece of masking tape is stuck on the bottom of his shoe.}
-STRONG BAD: I mean, look at this leg. Look... look at it there... Oh wait a minute, what's that on- OH, there's a little piece of tape on my shoe!
-{Strong Bad removes the tape, and lowers his leg.}
-STRONG BAD: {typing} That's what they were probably talking about. Yeah. You probably misunderstood them, man. No, they probably said I had tape on my leg or my shoe and you thought they said that my leg was made of tape. My leg is not made of tape. Pfffph! I must've just stepped on an innocent piece of tape...tape. {stops typing} All right, so until next week, send me some good ones. You know, some good ones.
-{The Paper comes down.}
-STRONG BAD: Hello, everybody! This week it's time for some spring cleaning. Ready? Go!
-Dear Strong Bad,
-Why do you hate Homestar so much? He seems
-like a nice guy to me.
-Caitlyn
-STRONG BAD: Oh, what a good question! Let me think about how I should answer that...
-DELETED!!
-STRONG BAD: {simultaneously} DELETED! Ah ha ha, that felt great. What's next?
-Do you have a secret crush with marzipan?
-steve
-sterling, VA
-{Strong Bad pronounces VA as "Vah"}
-STRONG BAD: Ah, now this question is definitely worth my time and consideration—
-DELETED!!
-STRONG BAD: {simultaneously} DELETED! Uh ho ho, this is getting good!
-Dear Strong Bad,
-How do you type with boxing gloves on?
-Mike,
-Bend Oregon
-{Strong Bad pronounces Oregon as "Ora-gawn"}
-STRONG BAD: Oh, that's a new one. No way do I get this freaking question all the time. I suppose I'll probably answer it right now—
-DELETED!!
-STRONG BAD: {simultaneously} DELETED! {laughing} Oh, who's next man?
-Dear Strong Bad,
-Are you made of crap? Did you invent the word crap?
-Where did the word crap come from?
-Crapfully crapfully,
-Chad
-STRONG BAD: Oh, I'll totally answer this one because apparently the only thing I'm concerned with is the word crap—
-DELETED!!
-STRONG BAD: {simultaneously} DELETED!! Oh, I'm on a roll!
-Strong Bad,
-Your last email was pathetic. I was disappointed.
-Come on, you can do better than that! This is like
-the highlight of my week.
-Suprised at your lack of humor,
-Sue
-{Instead of saying "Sue", he says and types "DELETED!".}
-DELETED!!
-STRONG BAD: Ahhh! I feel so cleansed. So fresh and so clean, clean. Okay, so until next time, ain't nobody dope as me.
-{The Paper comes down.}
-STRONG BAD: This episode, Strong Bad checks his email.
-{reading}
-dear mr bad
-make a cartoon with only u in it and then
-just u do the commentary
-crapful
-geroge
-{Strong Bad pronounces "geroge" literally, as in "gee-roje" with a hard G}
-STRONG BAD: {typing} Oh, no way, Geroge {same as before}. We tried that once. Trust me, man. Bad idea.
-{The scene changes and we see Strong Bad standing in The Field. He hears a bird singing and he looks up and around.}
-STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Umm... So this is another part where it's just me. And I'm kinda standing around. You know, just standing. I guess I don't do very much. {Strong Bad scratches his head} No wait, I just scratched my head. Yeah, I remember that part. I totally had to scratch my head then, man. I can't remember exactly what I was looking at there. Er, I think it was like a bird, or maybe a cloud that looked like a bird. You know, like a bird cloud.
-{The scene changes back to Strong Bad sitting in front of the computer.}
-STRONG BAD: {typing} I dunno. That wasn't so bad actually. You know it's {types "its"} like, All Strong Bad, All the Time! But you know what they say, "Too much of a good thing is an awesome thing. But too much of an awesome thing is...umm...really, really dumb and bad." {stops typing} All right, so until next time send me a little email and I'll give you a little crap.
-{The Paper comes down.}
-STRONG BAD: {voiceover} So, this is where I just finished checking my email and I'm just kinda sitting there. You know, I... I think I was probably staring at my computer screen. You know, watching those green lines go by. I'd be like "Whoa, check out these green lines!" You know, they just keep going. {His eyes turn to green hypnotic circles and his head sways a little.} Those things could hypnotize you, man. If you watch them long enough. {His head drops to the keyboard.} Oh, see! There I go.
-STRONG BAD: {singing} Do, du, dadada do, du, dadada do... {stops singing}
-Hi Strong Bad,
-I'm from England. What do you think of
-the English?
-Thank you,
-Mark
-STRONG BAD: Uh, gee, Mark, if you're really from England, shouldn't you have some kinda unnecessary vowel at the end of your name? {adds an "e" to the end of Mark's name} And what is this "Thank you"? Whatever happened to "Cheers" or "Cheerio" or "Nevermind the Bullocks"? {changes "Thank you" into these words as he says them} Call yourself "English". But, anyways, what do I think of the English, huh? Oh, I'll tell you what I think of the English!
-{A big red sign with white letters appears across the screen saying "BANNED IN THE UK." Cut to an issue of The Guardian, which contains pictures of a cricketer, The King of Town and a policeman, and the following article about Strong Bad on the front page.}
-Strong Bad Offends
-The Royals!
-In this Monday's edition of U.S. based "Strong Bad
-Email," the title character, Strong Bad, an odd little
-bloke with a Mexican wrestling mask for a head and
-boxing gloves for hands made such comments that
-warranted the Queen to ban the edition from UK
-shores. Strong Bad has been charged with "verbal
-crimes against the crown" and the Strong Bad Email,
-now simply being called the infamous "sbemail22,"
-has been removed from broadcast in both the UK and
-the States. At a press conference held on Tuesday,
-{Cut to a press conference room, where The Cheat, wearing a suit and tie, and Strong Bad are behind a desk. Multiple cameras flash.}
-THE ANNOUNCER: Strong Bad, how do you respond to claims that your comment brought the entire royal family to tears?
-{The Cheat whispers a response to Strong Bad. Strong Bad clears his throat and speaks into the microphone.}
-STRONG BAD: Screw all y'all.
-{Gasps are heard from the crowd.}
-THE ANNOUNCER: Cor blimey!
-{A black-and-white photograph snaps Strong Bad and The Cheat.}
-MAN: {off screen, in a Scouse accent} I can't believe he said that.
-{The Paper comes down.}
-STRONG BAD: Oh! What's this? An email? For me?!
-What would you do if a little animal came
-up to you.
-crapfully yours,
-Ashley and Anthony
-STRONG BAD: {typing} Um, I don't really know. Let's find out. {He turns left and calls for The Cheat.} Oh, The Cheat! Come here for a moment!
-{The Cheat comes to Strong Bad.}
-THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises}
-STRONG BAD: Ummmm...
-{Strong Bad kicks The Cheat hard, causing him to fly offscreen. Strong Bad turns back to the computer and resumes typing.}
-STRONG BAD: So, there's your answer. A little animal comes up to me... I'd kick it. {stops typing} Okay so until next week, everything is awesome an—
-{Suddenly, Strong Mad appears next to Strong Bad looking very angry. He is gnashing his teeth at Strong Bad.}
-STRONG BAD: Oh, er, hey big guy. Er, you know, I's just kicking The Cheat.
-{The Cheat appears beside Strong Mad, also looking angry. Strong Mad leans in menacingly.}
-STRONG BAD: Er, it's a little joke. You know we got the people watching at home. Just trying to be kind of funny for 'em, with the joke. A joke-kick... {rapidly} I'ma kick you, too!! {kicks Strong Mad's knee}
-STRONG MAD: RAAAAH!!
-{Music starts playing as Strong Bad runs away across the room with Strong Mad chasing behind him. The Paper comes down. The chase scene loops continuously and the music eventually fades.}
-{Pom Pom and Strong Bad are standing next to The Stick.}
-STRONG BAD: So I was like, {begins to "shake it" mockingly} "Well, you think you're so hot, but me hot, me hot!"
-POM POM: {bubbles, as if laughing}
-STRONG BAD: Yeah, that's a pretty good one, huh? Oh crap, I should probably check my email. Hey, let me see your Pom Pilot!
-{Pom Pom tosses his Pom Pilot to Strong Bad, with four buttons, Internet, Email, Solitaire, and The Ladies.}
-STRONG BAD: {singing as he uses the stylus to bring up the email} Checkin' my email... Here at the stick... That's pretty cool... {clicks Email}
-DEAR STRONG BAD,
-IS IT HARD TO FLIP SOMEONE
-OFF WiTH BOXING GLOVES ON?
-VERY CRAPFULLY:
-PHYLO D
-STRONG BAD: Uh, not really, man.
-{He holds his hand straight to the front.}
-STRONG BAD: I'm flippin' you off right now. Of course there's other ways to give somebody the finger.
-{He puts his hand behind him.}
-STRONG BAD: Oh, check it out: behind the back.
-{He waves his hand in circles.}
-STRONG BAD: Oh, around the world. And my personal favorite.
-{He holds both of his arms up to the side.}
-STRONG BAD: Psssshhh! The Double Deuce! What's your favorite, Pom Pom?
-{Pom Pom holds one of his hands up.}
-STRONG BAD: Ah, Pom Pom likes the Single Deuce.
-{Pom Pom nods. Homestar walks on screen.}
-STRONG BAD: Hey, Homestar!
-{He flips his hand to Homestar.}
-HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey, right back atcha, Strong Bad!
-{Homestar walks away.}
-STRONG BAD: He just gave me the bird!
-POM POM: {bubbles, as if laughing}
-STRONG BAD: That wasn't funny, man! That'll hurt a guy's feelings. {Brooding} Okay, so until next week, send me your email. I will more than likely flip you off.
-{The Paper comes down. After a few seconds, Pom Pom briefly peeks his head out from under it and then straightens back up.}
-STRONG BAD: Strong Bad Email is filmed before a live studio audience.
-Is that blue diamond kinda thing on your
-forehead the source of all your super
-powers? Or is it merely decorative?
-Aaron C.
-STRONG BAD: {typing} Well, sorta, Aaron. But see, there's only one power. Though I guess it is pretty super. Check it out.
-{He turns to his left and picks up a Cold One. He tenses up in concentration, and his blue diamond starts glowing, making a beamy sound, first faintly, then finally reaching a powerful peak, causing the bottle cap to pop off. A little foam comes out of the bottle.}
-STRONG BAD: {typing} So, there you go. It's not much, but as you can imagine it's a big hit with the ladies. {spoken} And {typed} So far I've only found it works with cold ones. {thoughtfully} But come to think of it...
-{Strong Bad gets up. Cut to the locker room. Coach Z and Homestar are talking to each other.}
-COACH Z: Oh, I'd definitely say it's just a result of tight pants.
-{Strong Bad peeks out from behind a locker.}
-HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oooohh, tight paaants!
-{Strong Bad uses the blue diamond on his forehead, forcing Homestar's cap to pop off.}
-HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh!
-{Strong Bad snickers. Homestar picks up his cap and looks back at Coach Z.}
-HOMESTAR RUNNER: Sorry about that. What were we talking about?
-COACH Z: The tightest of pants.
-HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, right, right. Tight pants.
-{Strong Bad uses his blue diamond to force Homestar's cap to pop off again.}
-HOMESTAR RUNNER: What the -?
-{Strong Bad snickers again as Homestar picks up his cap again.}
-COACH Z: Are you okay there, Homestar?
-HOMESTAR RUNNER: I don't know. Is my head getting bigger?
-{The Paper comes down. Strong Bad uses his blue diamond to force Homestar's cap to pop off for the third time, making Homestar pick up his cap once more.}
-COACH Z: Once again, I point the blame squarely at tight pants.
-STRONG BAD: {singing} Check that email, check it down, check that email, smack it around.
-dear strong bad,
-i want to be a graduate of Crazy Go Nuts
-University, just like you. Please let me know
-how i can accomplish this goal.
-thank you.
-Margo
-STRONG BAD: {typing} I'm glad you asked me, Margo.
-{Strong Bad gets up from his seat and enters an office, as if he's doing a commercial. Some flute music starts playing.}
-STRONG BAD: Do you want to be more awesome? Sure! We all do. Here in Crazy Go Nuts University, you can get the experience you'll need to be almost half as awesome as I am. Get your certificate in:
-{A list starts to scroll from the bottom of the screen, and Strong Bad reads off each entry as it goes by.}
-STRONG BAD: Cheesing People Off, Indian-Giving, Cutting Ones, Doing Some Other Things, Home Invasion, Cracking Wise, World Domination, Sending Me a Dollar, Total Spaceship Guy, TV / VCR Repair, or GET YOUR DEGREE!
-{The list disappears. Cut to a close-up on Strong Bad's face}
-STRONG BAD: Applying is easy, just take this free art test.
-{Strong Bad holds up the art test, which the camera then focuses on. At the top are blanks for Name and Age. There is also a drawing of the guy with a big knife, captioned with "Draw me!" on top and "Guy w/ big knife" on the bottom. At the bottom of the test is the box for drawing him.}
-STRONG BAD: Fill out the test and send it back to us. And you will be well on your way to a better, awesomer you.
-{Cut from the paper back to Strong Bad}
-STRONG BAD: Remember, at Crazy Go Nuts University, the future is. . . you. Probably.
-{The CGNU logo appears on-screen}
-ANNOUNCER: {voiceover} Actual applicants not accepted. Art test is only so we can make fun of you.
-{The Paper comes down.}
-{About every 4 seconds, the medallion of the CGNU Logo shines.}
-STRONG BAD: {singing} I got an email. I got an awesome email. {stops singing}
-Dear Strong Bad,
-If you had three wishes, what would the second
-one be?
-Much Crap,
-Brandon Hofer
-Judson College
-Elgin, IL
-STRONG BAD: Geez, I didn't need your freaking life story, man. Ohh. {typing} That's an easy one Brandon. Horns. No question. I'd wish for a pair of horns. Here, check it out.
-{Strong Bad bends to the desk and starts drawing. He draws a picture of himself with horns and holds the paper up to show it}
-STRONG BAD: Look at how great I would look, man. So majestic, yet so wicked awesome. Like I could maybe go on tour with some heavy metal band and like be their mascot you know and come out on stage, and have some type of laser fight with the lead singer and all the fans will go nuts. Oh man, that would be great.
-{He puts away the picture of himself with horns.}
-STRONG BAD: Okay you guys, so until next week, it's not required that you sign your email, "Crapfully yours," or, "With a bunch of crap," or, "Crap in the times," or, "Crap is so great," "Everything is crap," "My middle name is Crapperson." You know, you could just put, "Sincerely"... or, "Yours truly," is another good one. Come on, guys. I'll still read 'em.
-{The Paper comes down.}
-{He picks up the picture of himself with horns again.}
-STRONG BAD: You know these horns kinda look like croissants the way I drew 'em. Maybe my third wish will be for a couple of croissants. Yeah, like, heated up with some butter melted on the top.
-{He puts away the picture and clears his throat.}
-STRONG BAD: I gotta get The Cheat to get me some of those... Some of those... {with a heavy French accent} croissants.
-STRONG BAD: This one better be good, man. I got a lot of money riding on this one.
-hello strong bad,
-don't you think it would be funny if you glued
-strong sad's hands to his face? I think it would be...
-alex
-medford, nj
-STRONG BAD: {typing} I'm one step ahead of you, Alex.
-{A book appears on-screen with a black-and-white picture of Strong Bad exploring a cave with a flashlight. The text reads:}
-    CHOOSE YOUR OWN STRONG
-      BAD EMAIL ADVENTURE
-Should Strong Bad really glue Strong Sad's hands to his face?!
-    If you choose YES turn to page 93
-    If you choose MAYBE turn to page 121
-    If you choose to TAKE IT IN A BIT OF A
-    DIFFERENT DIRECTION turn to page 146
-Yes
-{Cut to Strong Sad standing on the Athletic Field with his hands glued to his face and a target labeled "Peg Me" painted on his chest.}
-STRONG SAD: Guys?! {Strong Sad is pelted with dodgeballs.} Owww! Oh! Ohw! Augh! Okay, you guys! {Another ball is tossed at him.} Augh! It's not funny. {Another ball is tossed at him.} Augh! I'm kinda... {Another ball is tossed at him.} Augh! ...unable to defend myself. {Another 2 balls are tossed at him} Oww! Oh! More so than usual. {Balls continue to pelt him.} Oh! O-Ohw! Augh!
-{The Paper comes down.}
-Maybe
-{Cut to Strong Sad lying down on his bed, his hands glued to his face.}
-STRONG SAD: Augh! I'm blind! My prayers have finally been answered.
-{Strong Sad tries to move his hands.}
-STRONG SAD: Oh wait, my hands are just glued to my face. Oh well, I'll take that.
-{Cut to Strong Bad and The Cheat standing outside Strong Sad's room.}
-STRONG BAD: Oh man, he likes it! Okay, go to plan B!
-{The Cheat salutes him and rummages offscreen. He pulls out a bucket of red ants and takes it into Strong Sad's room.}
-{The Paper comes down. One red ant crawls out of Strong Sad's room.}
-Take it in a bit of a different direction
-STRONG BAD: {typing} Though I decided to take it in a bit of a different direction.
-{Cut to Strong Sad standing in the Field with his hands glued to his butt. Homestar walks up to him.}
-STRONG SAD: Oh, hohoh... Oh, hey, Homestar!
-HOMESTAR RUNNER: Er, Strong Sad. Why are you touching your buttocks? That's pretty weird.
-STRONG SAD: I can't help it!
-HOMESTAR RUNNER: Okay, that's really weird.
-{Homestar walks away and Bubs walks up.}
-STRONG SAD: No, wait, you don't understand!
-BUBS: Grabbing your butt? That's not very ladylike.
-STRONG SAD: I'm not a lady.
-BUBS: Oh! Whatever.
-{Bubs walks away and Strong Bad walks up}
-STRONG SAD: Augh, this is getting frustrating!
-STRONG BAD: Oh, Strong Sad. Fancy seeing you here! And uncontrollably grabbing your own butt, I see. Oh, don't let me get in the way. Carry on!
-{Strong Bad snickers and walks away. Coach Z walks past.}
-STRONG SAD: Please, come back!
-COACH Z: 'Attaboy, Strong Sad.
-{Coach Z walks away}
-STRONG SAD: Hey, where are you going? You have any solvent? Or Goof Off? Or Didi Seven? Somebody get my hands off my butt!
-{The Paper comes down.}
-STRONG BAD: All these... emails... I don't understand.
-Dear Strong bad:
-Why is it that your superhero name does not end
-in "man" just like Superman, Spiderman. etc, etc...
-Your friend
-Stiny
-{Strong Bad reads the name as "Stiny?!"}
-STRONG BAD: Umm... {typing} I don't think you're in a very good position to be criticizing people's names, STINY!! I mean, what kind of a name is Stiny anyways? It sounds like some supervillain's little sidekick, that he's always ordering around you know. {stops typing} Like, "STINY! GET ME A DANISH!!"
-{An image with Strong Bad drawn as Strong Badman accompanies this.}
-STRONG BAD: Or "STINY! WHO SPILLED COFFEE ALL OVER THE PLANS FOR MY DEATH RAY?!"
-{Another image of Strong Badman accompanies this.}
-STRONG BAD: Stiny... {clears screen, resumes typing} Naw, you know what? I'll change my name to Strong Badman if you agree to be my sidekick: Li'l Stiny. And you can wear a little mask and a little cape...
-{The camera zooms back and we see The Cheat appear wearing a mask covering his eyes and a little cape.}
-STRONG BAD: Hey The Cheat... Er, just doing an email.
-THE CHEAT: {The Cheat sounds}
-STRONG BAD: What? No! Of course you're still my sidekick!
-THE CHEAT: {more The Cheat sounds, slightly annoyed}
-STRONG BAD: Yeah, that cape looks great on you. Look, I was speaking hypothetically.
-THE CHEAT: {irritated The Cheat sounds}
-STRONG BAD: Oh come on, don't give me that!
-THE CHEAT: {loud, angry, The Cheat sounds}
-{The Cheat walks away angrily.}
-STRONG BAD: Ah, The Cheat!
-{A "Strong Badman" comic book appears on the screen with a picture of Strong Badman drawn on it (see above). On the bottom of the page, there's a blurb that reads "CLICK HERE TO EMAIL STRONG BAD!!"}
-STRONG BAD: I'll take Strong Bad Emails for a thousand, please.
-Strong Bad,
-My vcr keeps blinking 12:00 over and over. Do you
-have any suggestions on how to fix it?
-Thankyou,
-Cory Dewey-Smith
-STRONG BAD: {typing} I had the same problem, Dewey-Smith. So I called in a professional to get the job done. Let's go see how he's dewing...um...doing.
-{Strong Bad leaves his seat. Cut to Bubs working in the garage. Strong Bad enters into the foreground.}
-STRONG BAD: So, Bubs, how is it coming?
-BUBS: Oh, hey, Strong Bad. I think I'm almost finished. It took me a little while to figure out what I was going to do. {He steps aside to reveal what he's done.} Then I duct-taped an alarm clock to your VCR.
-STRONG BAD: Duct-taped an alarm clock to the VCR... See, I never would have thought of that! Okay, there's some hairs that seem to be stuck in the duct-tape here. Was that on purpose?
-BUBS: Oh... No! That's just left over from my first idea, which was to duct-tape The Cheat to your VCR. He wasn't into that.
-STRONG BAD: Oh, I could have told you that, man. Well, anyways, thanks for your help, Bubs. And thank you, Cory... Dewey-Smith! So... Join us next week when we'll be duct-taping clocks to all kinds of different stuff.
-{The Paper comes down.}
-STRONG BAD: Umm... I don't know... I'm gonna check my email.
-DEAR STRONGBAD
-MY GIRLFRIEND WON'T TALK TO ME ANYMORE
-BECAUSE SHE IS IN LOVE WITH YOU. I DON'T
-KNOW WHAT TO DO, MAYBE YOU COULD TELL
-HER THAT I AM COOL AND YOU ARE TAKEN.
-SINCERELY
-YOUR JEALOUS FAN,
-DANIEL
-{Strong Bad reads in a loud monotone to reflect that the email was written entirely in capital letters.}
-STRONG BAD: {typing} Number A, you don't have to shout. Do you know how many Internet etiquette laws you're breaking by typing in all caps like that? Well, you're breaking one: Don't type in all caps. Anyway, sure Daniel, I'll tell her. Put her on.
-{Strong Bad clears the screen.}
-STRONG BAD: Dear Daniel's girlfriend, maybe I should tell you that Daniel is cool. And that I am taken. Yeah... Yeah... Taken by a whole buncha girls that are way hotter than you, baby. So sorry sweetie, tootsie-pie, sugarbob, funky bunch. Anyways, they're all right here. Uh... They're climbing all over me. Um, say hello, ladies.
-{Strong Bad clears the screen again, then types different messages from different "ladies" on the screen.}
-Hi!!!! g2g!! ;)
-What's up?? Strong Bad roxors!! lmao! _^.^_
-I'm way prettier than you.:P
-ThuggaChik48031 in tha hizzy. SB is the shizzle. p's
-STRONG BAD: {typing} So as you can see, they're all really nice, and hot and very web savvy. So you don't have a chance with me, sugarbob. You might as well just stick with Daniel over here. I can't see you doing any better. Okay, put Daniel back on. Okay, Daniel, it's all taken care of. Though I'd probably buy her some stuff and start working out just in case. I am quite a catch. {stops typing} Okay, everybody. Bye.
-{Strong Bad gets up and leaves. The Paper comes down.}
-STRONG BAD: {singing} Riballa diballa check email. {stops singing}
-Hey Strong Bad,
-Happy Flag Day! I bet you have a totally awesome
-flag for Strong Badia. You should share it with us.
-Your pal,
-Pablo
-Phoenix
-{Strong Bad reads the last two lines as "Pablo Phoenix".}
-STRONG BAD: Oh, you sound like some kind of popstar, man. Look Out Ladies Production presents: Pablo Phoenix, this Friday at the civic center. {typing} Anyways, Pablo. Happy Flag Day to you too, man. It just so happens Strong Badia has about the coolest flag you ever saw. {His voice starts echoing a lot, like he's speaking in front of a really large crowd} Would everyone please rise for the presentation of our national colors.
-{The Cheat is standing beside the flag pole and pulls up the flag of Strong Badia. The flag has three horizontal stripes, one red, one white, and one brown. In the middle, there's a picture of a green snake with the word "Snake" handwritten over its body, holding a knife in its tail and crawling through a tire. The Cheat starts playing on his keyboard.}
-Strong Badian National Anthem
-{spoken} (Oh... Oh, I like that! Oh yeah!)
-{singing} Come to the place where tropical breezes blow.
-Come to the coolest place I know.
-The people are so great,
-But really there's only me,
-And that means I'm so great,
-And also there's The Cheat.
-Oh there's The Cheat...
-in the place where the tropical breezes blow.
-The Cheat in the coolest place I know.
-The ones are always cold,
-And the parties last all night,
-And there's probably lots of chocolate,
-And population tire.
-{falsetto} Population...
-Ti-i-i-ire...
-{The Paper comes down.}
-STRONG BAD: Super great, super great... Check your email! Diggity...
-Dear Strong Bad,
-Do you remember when you would answer emails and
-be funny without some sort of gimmick? I do, I miss
-those days.
-With a lot of crap,
-Mike W
-Everett, MA
-{Strong Bad pronounces MA as "ma".}
-STRONG BAD: {typing} Yep. I remember those days, Mike. Those were good days... {sniffs} good days. {The email shrinks to the center of the screen with a powering-down noise.}
-STRONG BAD: {mutters} What the... crap? {the monitor sparks sharply} Whoa! Whgjht?
-{silence}
-{The Tandy spontaneously explodes, covering Strong Bad's head and face in soot and ash. The force of the explosion propels him from his stool and sends him flying across the room, screaming the whole way until he breaks through the wall into Strong Sad's bedroom. He groans and opens his eyes and sees Strong Sad standing above him, upside-down.}
-STRONG SAD: Oh, geez! Are you okay?
-{Strong Bad stands up.}
-STRONG BAD: What, yeah, no, I'm fine! {brushes burnt wrestling mask parts backwards} Nothing happened; I'm fine!
-STRONG SAD: Did your terrible computer explode?
-STRONG BAD: No, shut up! Look, I'm gonna need to borrow, like, nine hundred dollars.
-STRONG SAD: Well, I hope that's for a new computer. You could get one like yours at a garage sale for, like... {chuckling} fifteen dollars.
-STRONG BAD: I said shut up! {sulkily} I liked that computer.
-{Strong Bad crawls through the hole in the wall back to his room.}
-STRONG SAD: I hope some of that money's for buying me a new poster. You don't seem too broken up about that.
-{Cut to what's left of the Tandy 400. The back button is still on the screen, but shakes and fluctuates constantly. The Paper comes down.}
-{The Cheat is typing away at his computer. Strong Bad shoves him away.}
-STRONG BAD: Out of the way, The Cheat! I gotta use your computer.
-{He sits in front of the computer and types, but nothing appears on the screen.}
-STRONG BAD: Time to check the email... Time to check the email... {cut to a view from behind the computer, Strong Bad’s face visible} {banging on the keyboard} TIME... TO... CHECK...THE... EMAIL! Uh, The Cheat, I'm having some problems.
-{The Cheat comes and stands beside Strong Bad.}
-THE CHEAT: {annoyed The Cheat noises}
-STRONG BAD: Your computer has too much computer in it {cut back to in front of the computer, screen visible} and not enough typewriter.
-{The Cheat clicks the "SB Email" icon and the email window appears on the screen.}
-STRONG BAD: Okay, here we go.
-what is the weirdest dream
-you've ever had?
--marie
-{The Cheat clicks the Compose button in the toolbar.}
-STRONG BAD: {typing} Okay, Marie, I'll tell you, but you gotta understand... The day before, all i had to eat was like...13 pudding pops, okay? So the whole dream was just a picture of... Well, lemme show you.
-{Strong Bad pulls up on screen a handy picture of a map of the United States in a pair of white briefs.}
-THE CHEAT: {surprised The Cheat noise}
-STRONG BAD: The United States in tight, White Brand underdrawers. Briefly, let's discuss what this dream means. {chuckling} No, really, you guys can interpret this one how you want. Me, I blame the pudding pops. Okay, so... Maybe I shouldn't have shared that with you guys. Uh... See you next week.
-{The Paper comes down.}
-STRONG BAD: How's it going, Texas?
-STRONG BAD: Ah, the old girl's working again. What do you got for me?
-Strong Bad,
-My sister and me think you are so cool.
-Do you have a girlfriend? There is two of us.
-Yours,
-Ali
-{He says "There is two of us" in a sing-song voice.}
-STRONG BAD: {after half a second stunned silence...} Ohh, there's two of them! {typing; speaking seductively} Well, Ali. There's one of me...
-DELETED!!
-STRONG BAD: {seductively; no break in tone of voice} A-deleted... {Tandy buzzes as "DELETED!!" flashes on the screen.} {shocked} DELETED?! What?! Oy, what happened? No! Undeleted! Undeleted!
-{Strong Bad repeatedly hits the keyboard, resulting in "undeleted" 3 times, then "do something" and "anything!"}
-STRONG BAD: I didn't mean to do that! Awwww, man! {wailing} Come back, Ali! Come back, Ali's sister! You two meant everything to me!
-{Strong Bad hits his head on the keyboard 3 times during the last sentence, resulting in "head", "hit" and "keyboard"}
-STRONG BAD: Okay, calm down. Maybe she'll email me again. {clears screen} I'll just... hang out here for a while and try to picture which one of them is hotter. Ali or Ali's sister.
-{"Thought bubbles" appear, showing Ali as a blonde and her sister as brunette}
-STRONG BAD: Ali... Ali's sister... Ali... Ali's sister...
-{The Tandy dings and displays "You have 1 new e-mail"}
-STRONG BAD: Oh, there she is! Okay, here we go.
-{reading slowly}
-hello,
-I am write single to salute and wait
-for answer again
-STRONG BAD: What? {typing} You're not Ali. You're not even literate. Oh! Though, I have just the thing for you... DELETED!
-SAVED!!
-{The Tandy buzzes again and displays "message saved. forever."}
-STRONG BAD: Oh, that's great. Great, thank you. Yeah, go ahead and save that one, why don't you, yeah. So I can treasure it for years and years, and show it to my kids. The ones I should be having with Ali and Ali's sister! {hangs his head} I hate this computer.
-{The Paper comes down}
-STRONG BAD: {singing} Oh, tap your toes and check your email, oh a-tap your toes tonight... {stops singing}
-Hey Strong Bad whats up?
-Can you play the Guitar?
-Derek Highet
-Northern California
-{Strong Bad has some trouble pronouncing the surname "Highet," saying, "Hig-het. Uh, hey, hi, hi-het {with the second "h" said with a Spanish accent}, hiyet—hi-yet."}
-{Throughout the email, Strong Bad types every syllable he sings.}
-STRONG BAD: Hey, Derek. Not much, man. Yeah I can play the guitar. I know all about virtuosos {pause} and trembalos {pause} and arpeggios. {pause} I can do it all. {clears screen} I can play your basic rhythm guitar, like... {singing} jug jigga jug jigga jug jigga jug jigga jug jigga JAH JAH, jiggidy jug jigga jug jigga jug jigga jug jigga jug jigga JAH JAAH! {stops singing} You know, something like that. I can also play some pretty hott lixx, too. You know the kind that are just way up high on the tiny strings and you mash your fingers on 'em. {screen clears. Strong Bad starts singing} meedley meedley meedley meedley meedley meedley meedley meedley meedley meedley meedley meedley MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. {stops singing, starts typing faster} Yeah, yeah and then Strong Mad comes in on his bass and he's like, {singing} dou dow da dou da da DOU da dou da dou dou dou {screen clears. Strong Bad stops singing} and The Cheat comes in on his keyboards and he's like boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boo and then I'm like "And the dragon comes in the NIIIiiiiIIIiiiiIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiiiiIIIIIIIIiiiIIGGHH—
-{Strong Bad falls out of his chair.}
-STRONG BAD: Augh... Oh yeah!
-{Strong Bad sticks up his arm up from the bottom of the screen and lights the BMW lighter as people do at rock concerts. The Paper comes down. After a short time, the lighter singes The Paper.}
-STRONG BAD: Mmmmm... fresh emails...
-Strong Bad,
-How do I deal with the office dullard?
-Jason
-STRONG BAD: {typing} I'm glad you came to me, Jason. The office dullard is a clever foe. But there are ways you can beat him. Here are a few of my tried and true methods.
-{The words "Method 1" appear on the screen, as per following methods}
-Method 1
-{Strong Bad is sitting and typing in an office. Homestar Runner comes and stands behind him.}
-HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey man, what's up? Good time, bad time...?
-{Strong Bad quickly reaches out and grabs his phone. He fumbles with it for a second and pretends to have been speaking into it.}
-STRONG BAD: Oh! Oh, oh! Yes, yes, yes... Uh, so no, I'm still here, yes. Working hard. I've been synergizing all morning... {He covers the phone with his glove, turns his head toward Homestar, and whispers} I'm not going to be able to talk right now, man. {Homestar mouths "Ohhhh..." in his usual Homestarlike fashion, and walks away, leaving Strong Bad to resume his "phone call"} Right... Yes... Multi-tasking...
-Method 2
-HOMESTAR RUNNER: Once I finish my second run, you know, I'll have a smoothie or something, and then I head to the gym, and do, I've been doing about three sets of reps a piece, and then one...
-STRONG BAD: Psssh! {Strong Bad gives Homestar the "Single Deuce," complete with sound effect. Homestar looks surprised, only for a moment.}
-HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah... So, how much can you bench?
-Method 3
-HOMESTAR RUNNER: So, did you catch last night's episode of Popular Reality Show? Yeah? No? You missed a good one, man, you missed a good one! They were kickin' people off left and right, and, like, some people got kicked on, and um, I mean, it was... you shoulda watched it. You definitely shoulda watched it. {enunciates each syllable for emphasis} Should-a watched it. I mean, they'll be talkin' about this one for a while. I mean, I'm going ta be talkin' about this one for a while... {Strong Bad leaves his seat and walks away. Homestar Runner turns his head toward Strong Bad's direction.} Oh, cool, I guess you're going to go watch it now...oh, all right, man...later... {pauses} Cool...
-Method 4
-{Homestar is talking. Strong Bad is ignoring him, adding "yeah" occasionally under Homestar's dialogue}
-HOMESTAR RUNNER: So the next thing I know...
-STRONG BAD: Yeah.
-HOMESTAR RUNNER: ...Fredrickson from accounting comes up to me, puts this...
-STRONG BAD: Yeaah.
-HOMESTAR RUNNER: ...thing on my desk, I'm like, "Hey man, the mailroom is...
-STRONG BAD: Oh yeah.
-HOMESTAR RUNNER: ..."that-a-way," you know, so I sent out a memo, like...
-STRONG BAD: Oh yeaaah.
-HOMESTAR RUNNER: ...to everybody.
-STRONG BAD: Yeah... yeah... oh yeah... {Homestar Runner stops talking and glares at Strong Bad. Strong Bad keeps on saying "Yeah". Homestar Runner walks away.} yeah... mmhmm...
-{Cut to Strong Bad sitting in front of his computer.}
-STRONG BAD: {typing} So there you go, Jason. One of those ways should work. Though it couldn't hurt to steal his lunch from the break room fridge everyday. {stops typing} Mmmmm... Hot Pockets.
-{The Paper comes down.}
-STRONG BAD: {Bounces his head slowly up and down, right and then left while he sings, imitating a car going through its gear shifts.} Emaillll eeeemailll eeemmailll...
-Dear Strong Bad,
-What do you sound like when you breathe helium?
-Shack
-Whittier
-STRONG BAD: {typing} Oh I dunno, Shack. {types "Shaq" and then quickly replaces "q" with "ck"} I haven't done that in a while. Though I think we have some leftover balloons from a party we threw last night. Lemme see.
-{Strong Bad leaves his seat. Cut to him, Strong Mad, and The Cheat standing in their living room. Strong Bad takes a yellow helium balloon and breathes it in.}
-STRONG BAD: {in a high-pitched voice} Hey guys! How do you like my sounds?
-{Strong Mad laughs.}
-STRONG BAD: Pretty great, huh? I sound like...one of the Golden Girls. Or, like, some type o' guy who might... sing a song. You know like {singing} "Welcome to the High Voice Crew! {Strong Mad starts to tap his foot to the beat} I hope you have a high voice, too! When you've got a high voice, you don't have a choice, {gradually descends to his regular tone, Strong Mad's face descends to a confused frown} your voice is high all the time. Welcome to the High Vo..." {stops singing} Oh, I guess... I got kicked out of the High Voice Crew.
-STRONG MAD: MEEEE. {takes a blue helium balloon angrily} MEEEEEEEE! {breathes it in but his voice doesn't change} THIS IS MY FUNNY VOICE! {more emphatically} THIS IS MY FUNNY VOICE!!!
-STRONG BAD: Yeah, that's a pretty funny one, big guy.
-{He rubs his head, while The Cheat inhales nearly all of the helium from a blue balloon. The balloon suddenly gets stuck inside The Cheat, who becomes large and round and begins floating. He flies smoothly across the room as Strong Mad looks on in shock, but Strong Bad doesn't seem to notice.}
-STRONG BAD: Aagghh... I've got a wicked head rush.
-{Homestar Runner and Marzipan are talking to each other in The Field.}
-HOMESTAR RUNNER: So from then on, it was pork and beans.
-MARZIPAN: I don't know if that's entirely healthy.
-{Homestar Runner looks above behind him and sees the large, round, floating The Cheat soaring across The Field.}
-HOMESTAR RUNNER: Whoa, Marzipan. Check out that ugly bird.
-{The Cheat floats offscreen.}
-MARZIPAN: Homestar, I think that bird is The Cheat.
-HOMESTAR RUNNER: No way! The Cheat is one fine-looking young man. That is an ugly bird.
-{The Paper comes down. The Cheat reappears, floating through the sky further in the background and in the opposite direction.}
-STRONG BAD: {singing} Gimme some of this and gimme some of thiiiiis... Gimme some of this. {stops singing}
-Hey Strong Bad,
-How's it hanging? Last weekend I almost drank a one
-that was not cold. Has this ever happened to you?
-Dan Waters
-Dallas, TX
-{Strong Bad pronounces TX as "Tejas"}
-STRONG BAD: {clears screen, typing} Aw, Dan, you dodged a bullet, man. Because lemme tell you... a One that is not cold, is scarcely a One at all. Allow me to demonstrate with one of my bogus mathematical theorems. {stops typing} I call it {resumes typing} "The Property of Ones". {stops typing} It goes like this: {resumes typing} The ONEitude is directly proportional to the Colditude of the ONE. So you got that, Dan? The colder it is, the more of a one it is. Because you don't want to end up with a Cold None. I wouldn't wish that on anybody. But now in foreign lands, they've been known to drink {stops typing} Not So Cold Ones {a bottle of "Not So Cold One" appears}, Room Temperature Ones {a bottle of "Room Temp-A-Ture One" appears}, and even Warm Ones {a bottle of "Wärm Öne" appears}. Whoa! {clears screen, resumes typing} But where I come from, it's CUH-HOLD ONES. Though I have to admit, on certain evenings in late spring, a Cool One can be very refreshing. {stops typing} Ooh... That's a good One.
-{A needlepoint picture of three "Cold One" bottles with the caption "A One That Isn't Cold, Is Scarcely A One At All" appears on the screen. The Paper comes down.}STRONG BAD: {singing} Oooh, duh doo doo doo, my email left me, duh doo doo... {stops singing}
-Dear Strong Bad,
-You must be a very busy man. You should think
-about a vacation.
-Filled with crap,
-BrothaCheese
-{He hangs his head disappointedly and sighs after reading "filled with crap" and rolls the "r" in "BrothaCheese"}
-STRONG BAD: {typing} Oh, vacation, eh? You know, I have been sittin at this computer for a long freakin' time. And Strong Mad says I've been lashing out at The Cheat more often than usual... Yeah, you know what? {stops typing, scribbles a note while muttering "a little bit of this... little bit of that..."} I'm outta here. {pause} DORKS! {He slaps a sticky note on the screen with a drawing of an angry face with sharp teeth and the word "DORKS!" on it and walks away humming. The screen fades to black, and comes back with a menu of postcards.}
-Postcard 1
-Postcard 2
-Postcard 3
-Postcard 4
-Postcard 5
-Just pick one.
-Postcard 1
-The Great Mound (Bigger than that one in Ohio!)
-Date: Sunday, August 11, 2002
-Hey, you guys! Just dropping you a line here from "The Great Mound". I got two words for ya: false advertising. There's nothing great about this mound, okay? And another thing- there's nothing but old ladies hanging around this mound! You know, wearing their muumuus and their tutus and all their Dainty McDainty crap... Like... I don't like old ladies. I don't even wanna see 'em. Anyways, the mound was a big disappointment. I'll write from my next destination. Later!
-Postcard 2
-Fabulous Downtown Pantsburg
-Date: Thursday, August 15, 2002
-Hey everybody. Don't be fooled. Downtown Pantsburg isn't anywhere near as fabulous as it appears in that photograph. I mean, they don't even let you ride that bike! In fact, it was, like, welded to that little house! Anyways, I met some guys here, they were pretty cool, we hung out, y'know, made fun of this one girl... pushed some guy into some mud... We traded addresses and stuff and they say they're gonna come visit, but, you know how that ends up. I'll never see 'em again. Come to think of it, I probably should have taken some of their stuff. Oh well. That old highway's a-callin' my name, so, you'll hear from me soon. Peace!
-Postcard 3
-It's that CLOCK (look at it go)
-Date: Monday, August 19, 2002
-{singing, with acoustic guitar playing in background} It's that clooooock... come on you guuuuuuys... you need to check it on ouuuuuuuut... it's that CLOCK! I can't believe it! {stops singing} Okay, the best thing about this postcard is if you look at the clock, that's the exact same time that I first laid eyes on the clock! 2:55, man. And like, iddi—oh, wait, it still says... 2:55. Okay, well, the clock is broken, but still! It's about the best thing I've ever seen {sings} in my whole liiiiiife! {stops singing} Okay, now I got to bust a wicked solo. {starts playing a sparse acoustic guitar solo, ending with very high notes} Thank you, good night!
-Postcard 4
-Two Cars Tennessee
-Date: Thursday, August 22, 2002 (approx.)
-'Sup, everybody? Here I am in Two Cars, Tennessee, and you know what? I kinda miss you guys and your emails... I can almost hear one of them now: "Dear Stong Bad, You are crap. Crap is the best. Everybody loves crap. Crap is in the mix. Crap is to the max. How does Homestar pick stuff up if he's not wearing any Marzipants? Crapfully crap, Monkey D, Seattle, Washington." Ahh... okay! I got my fix. On to the next town! Oh, and incidentally, I highly recommend Two Cars, Tennessee. It's got a real happenin' arts and crafts scene.
-Postcard 5
-Visit Historic Over There
-Date: Monday, August 26, 2002
-Hey guys, just a quick one while I'm away. So I visited Historic Over There. Don't be fooled by the old-timey photograph— the place really looks like that. Like, everything is tan and brown. The sky? Tan. And the streets are paved with a little different shade of tan. It was nothing but antique stores down there, like I couldn't find a single restaurant! I have a sneaking suspicion the people in Over There eat antiques. Yeah. Screwed up. There was one guy out there doing caricatures, though. I stopped by and got one... of myself... he made me... a caric-ter... choor... it was great. Okay. All this old Coca-Cola memorabilia is making me thirsty. I'll talk at ya soon.
-STRONG BAD: {off-screen} I'm hooome!
-{He walks to the Tandy 400 and sits in front of it.}
-STRONG BAD: Okay, let's see here. Don't need this anymore.
-{Strong Bad removes the post-it on the screen that says "DORKS!" on it with an angry face with sharp teeth below.}
-STRONG BAD: I don't need this anymore!
-{Strong Bad knocks the Tandy off the table and onto the floor.}
-STRONG BAD: For behold...
-{Strong Bad places the Compy on the desk, as a harp plays.}
-STRONG BAD: The 386. A spectacle of graphics and sound!
-{A tune is played and the "386 Version 1.5" logo appears on the screen.}
-STRONG BAD: Okay, let's get to checking! {types "strongbad_email.exe" to bring up the email, which reads:}
-strong bad,
-what would you do if you were
-invisable for one day????
-sin studly17
-{Strong Bad pronounces "invisable" as invis-ABLE, and drags out "day????" while changing his tone to reflect all the question marks.}
-STRONG BAD: {typing} Well dumb name, this is something I've often thought about myself. And I came to the conclusion that... {clears screen, continues typing} I don't really think being visible prevents me from doing whatever I want to do. So I'd probably just do the kinda stuff I normally do.
-{Cut to an invisible Strong Bad stealing boxes of Swiss Cake Rolls from Bubs' Concession Stand, while Bubs scats a groovy tune.}
-STRONG BAD: {voice-over} You know, like, steal stuff...
-{Finishing his song, Bubs turns around to find the Swiss Cake Rolls boxes floating away.}
-BUBS: {raising up his right arm} My chocolates! {raising up his left arm} Come back, chocolates! {lowering his left arm} I didn't mean what I said... {lowering his right arm, with his head dropping sadly as he faces the camera}
-{Cut to Homestar Runner standing in the field.}
-STRONG BAD: {voice-over} ...punch stuff...
-HOMESTAR RUNNER: Marzipan is late.
-{The boxes of rolls float up to Homestar.}
-HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, hey, guys!
-{A punching noise is heard and Homestar doubles over. The boxes float off.}
-HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ooh! Owww! Those things are bad for you.
-{Cut to Invisible Strong Bad eating the Swiss Cake Rolls on his couch in front of the TV. Family Feud is on.}
-STRONG BAD: {voice-over} ... eat stuff... and at the same time... watch stuff...
-{The "Family Feud" strike buzzer is heard from the TV.}
-INVISIBLE STRONG BAD: Pwa ha ha ha! Survey says, you're an idiot!
-{Strong Mad enters the room and walks in front of where Invisible Strong Bad is sitting.}
-INVISIBLE STRONG BAD: Oh, hey, man. Look, I'm sitting here, I'm just invisible, okay?
-{Strong Mad looks confused and looks around for the source of the voice, while Invisible Strong Bad waves the swiss cake roll around him}
-INVISIBLE STRONG BAD: Hey! Brain-for-brains! I'm right here! The floating Swiss Cake Roll is talking to you! Hey, no— {slurred noises of protestation}
-{Strong Mad gets angry, jumps up, and sits on the couch where Invisible Strong Bad is sitting.}
-INVISIBLE STRONG BAD: WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!
-{Cut back to the computer with Strong Bad}
-STRONG BAD: Ugh! {typing} Nevermind. Being invisible is not worth a face full of Strong Mad butt. {stops typing} Ugh. {resumes typing} I feel like I need to take a shower. I dunno when the last time he washed that singlet was. {stops typing} Anyways. Remember, kids! Take your vitamins, pretend you're hilarious, and always, always, email Strong Bad.
-{The Paper comes down. The screen eventually fades out and cuts to the Tandy 400 sitting in a trash can.}
-STRONG BAD: {singing} Doo doo do doo, doo duh doo doo!
-{reading}
-Hey Strong Bad,
-If someone made a Strong Bad
-action figure, what kind of
-awesome stuff would it be able
-to do?
-Kyle Rechsteiner
-San Mateo, CA
-{Strong Bad says "Camateos, Scamateos" instead of "San Mateo, CA".}
-STRONG BAD: {typing} Oh man, Kyle. My action figure would have it all. First of all:
-{Cut to a screen where Strong Bad's action figure appears as he details it, while the music Strong Bad was humming at the beginning of the email plays.}
-STRONG BAD: {voiceover} It'd look exactly like me...
-{The action figure pops into view. The figure has very large muscles, is quite tall, and has a head resembling Strong Bad's that is considerably smaller in proportion to the body than Strong Bad's actual head is. As Strong Bad continues describing the figure, the camera zooms in and pans across its chest, then over its head, before returning to the first shot.}
-STRONG BAD: ...you know, in terms of his physique, and the relative size of his head to his body, it'd be exactly the same. {a croissant appears in the figure's hand and folds out into a star shape} And of course I'd come armed to the teeth with my Chinese throwing croissant! {says "croissant" with a heavy French accent} Then, I'd be able to shoot sparks from my mouth, you know like {the screen darkens and sparks come out of the action figure's mouth while Strong Bad makes a grinding noise} ...it'd make a noise like that. And when you push down on my head, there'd be {the action figure's head is pushed down, and the fists go up} BOOFFF! Double Deuce action! {the action figure's fists go up and down several times} And then of course, you could take the head off, too, {the action figure's head pops off} and there'd be a hole where you could pour like, motor oil, {black liquid pours into the action figure} or grapefruit juice, {whitish-green liquid pours in} or whatever kinda junk you wanna put in there. {the action figure's head comes back on} And then, turn out the lights... {the screen darkens and the action figure's muscles glow} ...Glow-in-the-dark abs, man! Oh! Oh! And get it wet {the action figure is dunked in a glass of water} and you get SEVERE KNIFE FIGHT DAMAGE {scars appear on the action figure} like magic appears! But that's not all! {the action figure's left leg falls off} UH-OH! Battle damage! And finally, switch to the dispenser fist {the action figure lifts its fist, which has a hole in the front} to ooze radioactive goo! {green slime oozes out of the dispenser fist}
-{Cut back to the Compy 386}
-STRONG BAD: {typing} I think those things would sell like hotcakes, man. Ooh! Especially if they smelled like hotcakes! Anyways, I tried to make one of my own one time and it didn't turn out as good as my imagination.
-{Strong Bad holds up a peanut with pipe cleaners for arms and a painted face with cheap plastic googly eyes}
-STRONG BAD: Basically all it has is...smells-like-peanut action. I'm lookin' for some licensees. {starts playing with the action figure} Doo doo doooo! Hey Homestar, get away from here! Holy crap!
-STRONG BAD: {singing} All the ladies want to know, who's checkin' that email? Was it Strong Bad?
-{reading}
-Dear, Strong Bad!
-Here is some little questions:
-. Has you some time play football?
-. How did you seen out when you was a
-baby?
-. How did you think you came's to
-seen out when you are wery old?
-Viklas
-Sweden
-{Strong Bad does not read the numerals in the email.}
-STRONG BAD: Oh really? {holding back laughter} Never would have guessed you weren't from around here. Lessee here, what's the best way to answer this one...
-{begins typing, with subtitles included. Synthesized European music starts playing.}
-STRONG BAD: For Viklas. Hi? {Sup Viklas.}
-. Prehaps! I'm've was to make football often times. {I love football. It's the best.} Play? Know. {Oh, wait. Are you asking about soccer?} Best football results twice again. {I hate soccer. It's the worst.}
-. Every age I have seen out as a baby. {I was one hot baby.} I think I has the solution: {All the girl babies were like...} width times height. {"check out that hot baby."}
-. As a wery old, I can fathom the scene to be with me. {I didn't know what you were talking about here.} Looking always as I ever did. {Hey, send me some of those Swedish fish.} It was not came's. {Ooh! And Swedish meatballs!} He borrowed mine. {That would be awesome.}
-{music stops}
-STRONG BAD: Okay, Viklas, I hope that answers your questions. I think we're on the same page. Unfortunately, yours has a big F on it.
-—Stark Dålig
-{Viklas's email appears as an essay with red marks and a big F on it. The Paper comes down.}
-STRONG BAD: {singing} I check e-mail from the front to the back, I said check e-mail from the front to the back I said check... {reading, trying out different intonations} Dear Strong Bad. Dear Strong Bad? Dear Str— Hmm, I'll go with that one.
-Dear Strong Bad,
-When you go fishing, do you use any
-sort of special lure or jig to
-attract the fishs?
-David Jacobus
-Astoria, NY
-{Strong Bad says lure as "lyooer", and "fishs" as "fishes...ss..."}
-{fade out and fade back in to "Fish Show With Strong Bad and Coach Z". Strong Bad and Coach Z are in a boat on a lake. Coach Z has a pole, Strong Bad does not. Coach Z is wearing a fisherman cap, Strong Bad has a farmer's tan.}
-COACH Z: {turns his head backwards} Say, Strong Bad, what type'a lure are you usin' dere?
-STRONG BAD: Well, this morning, Coach, I've been mostly using this one: {shouting into the water} Hey fish! Hey fiish! I'm gonna, I'm gonna recommend that you guys come up here in the boat. We've got a, uh, a keg! {Coach Z shrugs} Of worms! And, uh...phytoplankton! ... Come on! Anybody who's everybody is up in here!
-COACH Z: I don't think that's gonna work with a stocked pond. You got any type of jig you could try on there?
-STRONG BAD: Oh, yeah! I got this jig! (starts singing and doing a little hip-swiveling dance) Come on and get in the boat, fish! Come on and get in the boat, fish fish! Come on and get in the boat, fish! {three fish jump into the boat} Get in the boat!
-COACH Z: Oh! They got in the boat! ... Fish fish!
-{Cut back to Compy}
-STRONG BAD: {typing} Actually, David, it may surprise you to hear this but, uh... I don't know anything about fishing, man. You're welcome to try the jig thing if you want. Though it might work better with the ladies. {stops typing} You know, like, {singing} come on and come to my house, ladies! Come on and come to my house, girls girls! {stops singing, resumes typing} Actually, {chuckles shyly} I don't really know anything about the ladies either. I mean I do! I mean—WHGT! JGTH! YES I'M AWESOME!
-{Strong Bad runs out of the room. The Paper comes down.}
-STRONG BAD: It's the email, the email, what what, the email.
-{reading}
-Hey Strong Bad, do you like techno at
-all? If you do, what kind.
-Silent J
-STRONG BAD: Huh, that... Very clever. {typing} Well, it's {types "its"} not really my style, but I heard a techno song one time that went like...
-{Strong Bad stops typing and mimics a techno beat.}
-STRONG BAD: Doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom {resumes typing} And then this other part came in, and it was like...
-(Strong Bad stops typing again, the original beat is heard along with this new part.}
-STRONG BAD: Doodle-um-doom doodle-um-doom doodle-um-doom doodle-um-doom {resumes typing} And then there's always some kinda high pitched noise, y'know? Or like a siren that's like...
-{Strong Bad stops typing again and another part is added to the song.}
-STRONG BAD: DOO-DA-DOO-DA-DIDDLE DOO-DA-DOO-DA-DIDDLE DOO-DA-DOO-DA-DIDDLE DOO-DA-DOO-DA-DIDDLE {resumes typing} And of course they have to put in the obligatory old movie quote from some sci-fi movie. It's like...
-{Strong Bad stops typing again, all the parts are there.}
-STRONG BAD: The system is down! The system is down! The system is down! The system is down!
-{The screen starts going dark and light again. Cut to The Cheat standing beside a lightswitch, turning it on and off with twirling light circles on the wall while twirling a glowstick, raving to the techno piece. Strong Bad walks up to him.}
-STRONG BAD: The Cheat is grounded!
-{Cut to the lightswitch. There is a label above it reading "The Cheat's Lightswitch". The back of The Cheat's head is visible at the right of the screen.}
-STRONG BAD: We had that lightswitch installed for you so you could turn the lights on and off; {cut back to Strong Bad and The Cheat} not so you could throw lightswitch raves! Now let's go break open that glowstick and pour it into Homestar Runner's Mountain Dew. {They both start walking off.} I heard they have to pump your stomach when you drink that stuff.
-{The Paper comes down.}
-STRONG BAD: {Clears throat and sings at a high pitch} Emaiiiiil...
-WASSUP!
-YOU ARE AWESOME. I LIKE IT MOST WHEN
-YOU HARM YOUR FRIENDS.
-ANDREW
-{Strong Bad pronounces "wassup" as "WAH-sup". He also reads in a loud monotone to reflect the caps lock being on.}
-STRONG BAD: {types} Andrew, this is the best email I've ever received. Let's get to work! {gets up}
-{cuts to Strong Bad's basement. Strong Mad is standing and watching TV. Strong Bad walks up to him.}
-PERSON ON TV: Some type of TV show...
-STRONG BAD: Hows about this!
-{Quickly kicks Strong Mad in the shin and walks off. Strong Mad looks back at him in anger.}
-{Cuts to garage. Bubs is there.}
-BUBS: What the?
-{Strong Bad hits him over the head with a Golden Record for "Everybody To The Limit".}
-{Cut to Strong Sad's room. Strong Sad is lying in bed. Strong Bad whacks him continually with a wiffle bat.}
-STRONG SAD: {whack} OW! {whack} OW! {whack} OW! {whack} OW!
-{Cut to field-Marzipan is there. Strong Bad has a whole pile of circular saw blades and a bottle of sauce behind him.}
-STRONG BAD: {holding a saw blade behind his back} Close your eyes and hold out your hands.
-MARZIPAN: {closes eyes} I don't want to!
-{Cut to another part of the field. Homestar Runner is there with Strong Bad, with a huge tub of lava. It says "HOT LAVA" on the side.}
-STRONG BAD: Put your head in here.
-HOMESTAR RUNNER: You got it!
-{Cut to another part of the field, Strong Bad has taped The Cheat to Pom Pom. They both complain as Pom Pom tries to shake him off.}
-{Cut to Strong Badia. Homsar is buried in the ground up to his neck and Strong Bad has put down a box that says "We Are the Scorpions!" The scorpions crawl around on Homsar.}
-HOMSAR: AaAaAaAaAaAaA!!! I'm savin' the best for last!
-{One scorpion goes into his mouth on the word "last". Cut to the locker room, where Strong Bad has given a bag of hot fries to Coach Z.}
-COACH Z: Hey, thanks for the chippies, Strong Bad!
-{Cut to Field again. Strong Bad whacks the King of Town with the Golden Record.}
-{Cut to Compy}
-STRONG BAD: Ahhh, just givin' the fans what they want! {types} You may notice I didn't do anything to the Poopsmith. I figure the guy shovels crap for a living so his tolerance for pain's gotta be through the roof. I was thinking about giving him a bath or something but, just the thought of that gave me the jibblies. {stops typing} Here they come again. The jibblie jibblies...
-{The Paper comes down.}
-STRONG BAD: {makes short sounds rising in pitch} Doo doo doo doo doo... email! {descending in pitch} Doo doo doo doo doo.
-{reading}
-Hey Strong Bad,
-If you had both your hands removed at
-the wrists and could not have them
-replaced with prosthetic hands, what
-things would you have them replaced
-with?
-- Ryan
-Toronto
-STRONG BAD: {typing} Lemme think for a second, Ryan. Ooh! Ooh! I got it!
-{Cuts to The Field, with Strong Bad standing in the middle of it}
-STRONG BAD: {voice-over} One hand would have a bucket on it. {a bucket appears on his right hand} That way, I would always... have a bucket. You know, for like, dumping oatmeal on stuff—
-{A turtle appears and Strong Bad dumps some oatmeal from inside the bucket on it.}
-STRONG BAD: —for washing The Cheat—
-{Water appears in the bucket; The Cheat comes out of it with suds covering his head and makes a sad The Cheat noise}
-STRONG BAD: —and like, dropping the occasional beat...
-{Strong Bad produces a rap beat by drumming on the bottom of the bucket, and Coach Z appears with a microphone in his hand.}
-COACH Z: These peoples tried to fade me!
-{The beat ends and Coach Z disappears.}
-STRONG BAD: {voice-over} And also, I could sit on it when I get tired. {he puts his bucket-hand on the ground and sits on it} Sit right down on the bucket. And the other hand would definitely be a bullhorn. {a bullhorn appears on his left hand} That way, everyone could hear all the important stuff I gotta say.
-{Strong Bad's voice-over ends, and the Strong Bad in the field speaks through the bullhorn-hand.}
-STRONG BAD: I am still awesome. {pause} Seriously. Hey, Coach! Uh... I wasn't trying to fade you. That wasn't me. I don't know who those peoples were.
-{Strong Bad gets off the bucket-hand and stands there in The Field for a second. Cut back to Strong Bad at the computer.}
-STRONG BAD: {typing} Now I know you were all expecting me to pick things like guitars and lazor guns... {stops typing} but I— Aww, man! Why didn't I pick guitars and lazor guns? Bullhorn?! Pfft! Like having a bucket for a hand's gonna get me any chicks... What was I thinking?
-{Strong Bad hangs his head in shame}
-{The Paper comes down.}
-STRONG BAD: Boy, is it ever Monday!
-{reading}
-Yo yo, Strong Bad!
-Are there any ghosts in Strongbadia?
-Your Favorite Cowboys,
-Josh, John & Doug
-Nashville, TN
-STRONG BAD: Whoa. Took all three of ya to come up with that one, huh? You're some bright young men! {typing} You know boys, cowboys, I've never really given the ol' kingdom a thorough ghost check. {calling out} The Cheat! {The Cheat zips right up to Strong Bad} Meet me in the Strong Bad Cave!
-THE CHEAT: {quizzical The Cheat noise}
-STRONG BAD: Erm, well...meet me in the closet and, uh...we'll put on some costumes.
-{An old Batman-style transition appears, with the eye portion of Strong Bad's facemask used as a logo to designate a scene change.}
-MIKE: {imitates the music that plays during old Batman-style transitions}
-{Strong Bad and The Cheat walk out into Strong Badia at night, both dressed in Ghostbusters II T-shirts. Strong Bad has fake ears, while The Cheat has an afro.}
-STRONG BAD: Okay, The Cheat, let's just turn on my ghost-detecting equipment here...see if we can't get any readings.
-{Strong Bad turns on a flashlight and points it at the stop sign.}
-STRONG BAD: Hey Sign! You haunted? {He turns it to Tire} What about you, Tire? Any ghosts? {He turns it to a box of Chinese food} Chinese food! You a ghost?
-{The top of the box of Chinese food opens up with a green mist escaping. The Cheat makes a screaming noise in a panic.}
-STRONG BAD: {in horror} IT'S THE GHOST OF GENERAL TSO! {He shines the flashlight on the Chinese food} Oh wait. It's just grody and rotten. {He shines the flashlight on The Cheat. The Cheat raises his arms} The Cheat, will you please freaking clean up after yourself? Oh well, looks like Strong Badia is ghost-free, proud to be.
-{The ghost of the Tandy 400 appears behind him}
-STRONG BAD: Oh! Uh... My old computer! Umm... What's up, man? Sure is one... spooky sound you're making there...
-{The Bad Graphics Ghost materializes on the Tandy screen}
-STRONG BAD: Ooh, lookit that! Little...bad graphics ghost. {whimpers quietly} Hey, little guy... Look, old computer. Sorry I threw you out and everything but, uh...The Cheat, um...Chea-Chea-Cheat's got soccer practice, so uh... Did you remember your cleats, The Cheat? THROW THAT CHINESE FOOD AT HIM!
-{The Cheat does, and they run off. The ghost computer flies away in hot pursuit. Cut back to the Compy. The Paper comes down, and the Bad Graphics Ghost appears on the Compy's screen}
-STRONG BAD: Oh! Man! Email! Ugh!
-Dear Strong Bad,
-I am the president of a fraternity,
-and I was wondering if you would come
-to our next party. It's gonna be a
-theme party, so it won't happen for
-awhile, until we can think of a good
-theme. Can you think of one? Thanks.
-Matt,
-Rochester, NY
-{Strong Bad reads "would" as "could"}
-STRONG BAD: {typing} Look fratty, I'm not comin' to your party. But I do have a pretty good idea for the theme. I think you guys should throw a "FRAT PARTY." {stops typing} Yeah. {typing} And you could all come in baseball hats from the college that you go to. And khaki pants with a tucked-in t-shirt from the party that you threw last month. And at some point get the guy with kinda long hair to whip out his acoustic guitar and play everybody some white blues. {clears screen} And then you could get a couple of kegs of cheap cold ones and invite a buncha skinny blonde girls... Woah. {stops typing} This party's sounding pretty good, actually. {typing} Count me in, bra. {stops typing} So I guess I'm goin' to this frat party. That's pretty hilarious. Well, see ya next week.
-{The Paper comes down.}
-STRONG BAD: {singing} Oh, girl, I want to email you so nice. {stops singing} All right, everybody. In honor of this, my 50th email, I've decided to answer 50 of your emails! Ready? Go! {hits enter} Number one:
-{reading}
-Email #1
-Dear strong bad,
-Can you please write a book about
-come-back jokes!
-Mike
-Canada
-{read as a question despite the exclamation mark}
-STRONG BAD: {typing} More like, you write a book about come-back jokes, NERD! {hits enter} Number two:
-{reading}
-Email #2
-Dear Stong Bad,
-what are some cool ways to spell
-different words? example, fat = phat
-matt
-STRONG BAD: Oh, you mean like {types} strong = stong? {stops} You seem to like that one. Or how about this? matt = MATT!! {He types matt = DELETED!, and the following appears on the screen as the email is deleted:}
-MATT!!
-STRONG BAD: Number three:
-{reading}
-Email #3
-Strong Bad,
-What is your favorite leg?
-Jess and Tiff
-Los Angeles, CA
-{He stops at "Jess and Tiff"}
-STRONG BAD: Well, I like all kinds of legs. You know, like the Great Leg... the Leg of Hope... Tape-Leg? {the phone rings} Oh, man! I was on a roll! {to the camera} Don't nobody go nowheres, I'll be right back.
-{He walks offscreen and answers the phone}
-STRONG BAD: {offscreen} Hello? Yeah, this is me.
-HOMESTAR RUNNER: {offscreen} Strong Bad!
-STRONG BAD: {on the phone} I dunno, what kind of savings?
-{Homestar Runner walks in carrying a fondue pot}
-HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey Strong Bad, I brought back your fondue pot. Strong Bad? {He looks around, and then sees the computer} Whoa. That TV has words on it.
-{Homestar sits down at the computer and re-reads the email}
-HOMESTAR RUNNER: Strong Bad, what is your favorite leg? Jess and Tiff. {Stops reading} Um, {typing} Hey Crapface! Why dontcha blow it out your ear. Your buddy, Strong Bad. {enter} Oh, another one!
-{reading}
-Email #4
-Dear Strong Bad
-How do you type with gloves on
-your hands?
-Scott
-Surrey BC Canada
-{Homestar does not read the signature.}
-HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, even I know what to do with this one. {types} BALEETED! {hits enter, nothing happens} Wha—? Oh. Umm... {types} DELTEATED! {enter, nothing happens} No? Uhh...
-{Cut to Strong Bad talking on the phone}
-HOMESTAR RUNNER: {offscreen} Del Taco?
-STRONG BAD: No, they're more like elephant feet. Yeah. So what do you think, like, 50 bucks? Sounds good. {Whispers} I'll leave the key under the at-may.
-{Back to the Compy 386. Homestar has typed in many, many words that he believes to be "deleted", but none of them do anything.}
-HOMESTAR RUNNER: What is that stupid word?
-{He types in "da cheated" and hits enter. The Compy plays its start up noise and the blue "Flagrant System Error" screen comes up. It reads:}
-FLAGRANT SYSTEM ERROR
-The system is down. I dunno what
-you did, moron, but you sure
-screwed everything up good.
-HOMESTAR RUNNER: Uh-oh. This does not look good for Homestar Runner.
-{Cut back to Strong Bad on the phone}
-STRONG BAD: Okay. Bye!
-{He hangs up and walks off. Cut back to the computer}
-STRONG BAD: Okay. Back to the 50 emails.
-{He sits down. There's a piece of paper over the monitor with a Windows error window titled "This is real." It reads:}
-This is real.
-Image:Warning-gray.png	System report:
-Everything is fine. Nothing
-is ruined.
-ok
-STRONG BAD: {reading} "Everything is fine. Nothing is ruined." Oh, that's good to hear. Let's just—Wait a minute! {he tears off the paper and sees the blue screen} Wha... "Flagrant Error"? What the... Where did all my emails go?
-{The Paper comes down.}
-STRONG BAD: WHAT?!? The Paper?! This isn't over yet! Go back up, go back up!
-{Strong Bad swats at The Paper and then tries to hold it up off the screen}
-STRONG BAD: Wait, wait! I think I can remember some of those emails! Uh, "Dear Strong Bad, why are you so awesome? Yours truly, Dumpface." Well, Dumpface, it's a long story. It all started with The Cheat one day when he was going down the street...
-{The screen, and Strong Bad's voice, slowly fade out. A paper plate with a Swiss Cake Roll with a "50" candle on it fades in. The Paper comes down again.}