User:Guard Duck
From Homestar Runner Wiki
| Guard Duck Email #76 |
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- This article is about the HRWiki user. For the Pearls Before Swine character, see Guard Duck.
Guard Duck tells the people a little bit about himself.
Cast (in order of appearance): Guard Duck, Various Tourists, Street Urchin
Places: Guard Duck's bedroom, The Space Needle, The International Fountain
Computer: Guard Duck's iMac
Date: Sunday, February 22, 2009
Running Time: 2:07
Page Title: Information you've ALWAYS needed to know!
Contents |
[edit] Transcript
GUARD DUCK: {singing} Hum dee dum, time to check the email... {opens email, stops singing} Wow, Hotmail is taking forever... ah, there we go.
{reading email}
Dear Guard Duck,
You've done everything on your email show, from blowing up
the Empire State Building to instructing us how
to prune a hydrangea, but you've never told us anything
about yourself.
Sincerely, Reginald.
P.S. Have you ever heard of this "Homestar Runner" thing
that people are always talking about? What about the Homestar
Runner Wiki?
GUARD DUCK: {typing} You know what Reginald? You're absolutely correct. I think you all deserve to know a little bit about me. Well, for starters, I'm a 14-year-old dude in his first year of High School. I'm a geek, and I pretty much spend my time just hanging out here in my bedroom. But enough about me.
{Guard Duck gets up and walks off screen. Cut to Guard Duck wearing a light jacket, standing in front of the entrance to the Seattle Space Needle. People walk by him, some looking at him curiously. It is raining, as is wont in Seattle.}
GUARD DUCK: So, I live here, in Seattle. It's a pretty cool city, even if we only get 50 clear days a year. I've lived here for a very long time, and I've never gotten tired of it.
{Guard Duck begins taking a stroll down to the International Fountain; Due to his dashingly good looks, many of the tourists around gaze at him in awe as he walks. The tourists around him look at him in disgust, noting his shoddy clothes and odd behavior. He is oblivious to their disapproval.}
GUARD DUCK: I enjoy reading, several of my favorite authors are Scott Westerfeld and Anthony Horowitz, and I maintain a blog that I update... occasionally. I've been playing the piano for 9 years, which, of course, you all saw in Email #36 when I saved the world from nuclear annihilation by playing a wonderful rendition of Brahms' "Intermezzo in A Minor."
{Pauses to buy some caramel corn from a street vendor.}
GUARD DUCK: I consider myself to be a very kind, compassionate, and caring towards others, and have done everything I can to help my fellow human beings.
{A street urchin, clearly freezing, starved, and miserable, crawls up to Guard Duck}
STREET URCHIN: Please Sir, won't you spare some change for a kind soul?
GUARD DUCK: Shut up kid! Get a stupid job! {Resumes walking} Anyway, onto your next question. Yes, I've been a big fan of Homestar Runner, ever since 5th grade, when Homestar mania briefly swept my elementary school class. Most of the other kids abandoned it after a couple weeks, but something about it stuck with me. As for the wiki, I was introduced to it a couple years ago by a friend with the peculiar name of "Bubsty," who showed me the article on the toon called "Date Nite." To use a common wiki cliché, I was hooked.
{Cut back to Guard Duck at the computer}
GUARD DUCK: {Typing} Most of my edits around the wiki include gnome work, adding Fun Facts, and answering questions when I can. I also enjoy writing extremely long user pages that no one reads. Don't ask me why. Well, that's the end of our show. Join us next week, when I wrestle a 400 pound Siberian Snow Leopard... and win!
{The Paper comes down.}
[edit] Easter Eggs
- Click on the caramel corn while Guard Duck buys it to see the sheet music for Brahms' "Intermezzo in A Minor".
- At the end, click on "Siberian" to see a map of Siberia with Guard Duck's big fat head taped in the middle. A scrawled message at the bottom says "Just 7 days!"
[edit] Fun Facts
[edit] Explanations
- Bubsty is a user who frequented the Homestar Runner Wiki around 2005.
- Guard Duck's statement that Seattle only receiving 50 clear days a year is a well-known urban legend; Seattle averages 51 clear days a year.
[edit] Trivia
- Guard Duck's bedroom has a "Visit Nicaragua!" poster on the wall.
[edit] Goofs
- When he's buying the caramel corn, Guard Duck temporarily loses three of his fingers and his left ear.
[edit] Inside References
- Guard Duck's treatment of the street urchin is another example of blatant cruelty.
- Reginald's question references the emails saving New York City and gardening tips.
- Guard Duck previously played "Intermezzo in A Minor" in the email saving the world (again).
[edit] Fast Foward
- Guard Duck would again visit the Space Needle in the email destroying buildings, this time to blow it up and save mankind.
[edit] External Links
- Watch "User:Guard Duck"
- View the flash file for "User:Guard Duck"
- View Guard Duck's blog
- Visit some of Guard Duck's favorite blogs. (WARNING: May be inappropriate.)
