Teen Girl Squad Issue 8

From Homestar Runner Wiki

The girls join the Battle of the Bands.

Cast (in order of appearance): Cheerleader, So and So, What's Her Face, The Ugly One, Tompkins, Pom Pom, Mrs. So-and-so-erson, Strong Bad (easter egg)

Page Title: Snoopa Groop

Date: January 17, 2005

Transcript

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: Teen Girl Squad! Cheerleader! {top 40 hits!} So and So! {hooked on classics!} What's Her Face! {college radio!} The Ugly One! {listens to pine bark!}

{the girls are sitting at their desks in class. What's Her Face's desk has no legs.}

INTERCOM: And lunch today will be a breadtangle of pizza. Don't forget the battle of the bands this Friday. Thompkins, point your rear end in the direction of the principal's office.

THOMPKINS: {offscreen} Awww, peas!

'CHEERLEADER: Y'hear that girls??

WHAT'S HER FACE: Pizza belongs in a triangle!

SO AND SO: That Thompkins is SUCH a renegade!

CHEERLEADER: {strongly edited to have a derby, sunglasses, a moustache, a tie, and a cigar} No yous guys! The battle of the bands! {back to normal} We can form a band and become...

ALL: WORLDWIDE STARLETS!!

THE UGLY ONE: Worldwide starlets get much boys!

CHEERLEADER: Or so I have read. Obviously, I'll sing and pretend to play guitar.

WHAT'S HER FACE: Can I not get stuck playing bass?

CHEERLEADER, SO AND SO and THE UGLY ONE: NO WAY!!

SO AND SO: We'll be called "Smartly Pretty".

{we are shown a CD case with Smartly Pretty in a math-like style on it}

CHEERLEADER: {shown vomiting} Augh! Bleh! Ewww! Grugh! No. We're called "Kissy Boots"!

{we are now shown a CD case with Kissy Boots on it, and a huge pair of lips with cowboy boots}

SO AND SO: We can practice after school in my step-mom's walk-in closet!

{we are shown an image of a man carrying a rock that reads "after school"}

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: After school!

{the girls are in So And So's step-mom's closet, as evidenced by a rack of clothes off to the side}

CHEERLEADER: Your stepmom has questionable taste.

WHAT'S HER FACE: And like a million jogging suits.

{Mrs. So-and-so-erson suddenly appears. "She" is The Man with the Huge Mouth in drag.}

MRS. SO-AND-SO-ERSON: YOU LITTLE BRATS BEST SHUT YER YAPS!!!

CHEERLEADER: Yes Mrs. So-and-so... -erson.

{Mrs. So-and-so-erson vanishes. The girls' instruments appear.}

SO AND SO: Count us off, The Ugly One.

THE UGLY ONE: One, two, three and a four.

CHEERLEADER: {singing as the other girls play} Ooncha ooncha! One, two, three-cha! We're Kissy Boots and it's nice to meetcha! Ooncha ooncha! One, two, three-cha! Gonna get a breadtangle of pizza!

THE UGLY ONE: 16 hour drum solo!

{she starts playing the drums and scatting along, until a huge drum with teeth eats her}

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: FLOOR TOMMED!!!! {Mrs. So-and-so-erson returns and pours "Ranch Dress" over The Ugly One} STEP-MOMMED!!! {The Ugly One - with the drum still on her head - is put next to a table with a bad drawing of Pom Pom} POM-POMMED??

{The scene switches to a huge mouth with "BATTLE OF THE BANDS!!!" drawn on them.}

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: BATTLE OF THE BANDS!!!

{Now we move to the school's auditorium}

ROBOT TEACHER: Alright, give it up for "Fatty's Big Chance."

{A man that can only be Fatty appears with a saxophone.}

FATTY: Pick it up! Pick it up! Hup! Hup! Pick it up! Pick it up!

{Fatty vanishes}

ROBOT TEACHER: Next up is "Kissyboots".

{cut to Cheerleader and What's Her Face}

CHEERLEADER: Where is So and So? We can't play the hits without her!

{cut to So and So with dyed black hair and an all-black outfit with Strong Sad's face on it}

SO AND SO: I'm going with that gloomy keyboardist look I keep hearing about!

{some trolls appear}

TROLL: KRA'AGH! KLEET'OH BRANGH CHE'EKOH TAGHQ?

SO AND SO:' My autograph? Why sure!

{a huge twelve-sided die lands on her}

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: TWELVE SIDED DIED!! {not in speech bubble} Whoa, that's a lot.

{back in the auditorium, Cheerleader and What's Her Face are the only ones on stage}

CHEERLEADER: I'm Kissyboots and she plays bass. One, two, three, and a four!

{they start playing. What's Her Face's guitar suddenly turns into a shark}

WHAT'S HER FACE: My bass feels seaworthy.

{the shark eats the entire upper half of What's Her Face in one chomp}

WHAT'S HER FACE: OW! My most of me!!

CHEERLEADER: {indicating the shark} Dis my new backup band... a shark. One, two, three, and a four!

{cut to the IT'S OVER! screen}

CHEERLEADER:' It's over! It's over! Strong Bad says it's over! It's over! It's over! Everybody died 'cept me!! {a chomping sound is heard. Not in a speech bubble:} Aw, crap!