Halloween Potion-ma-jig
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==External Links== | ==External Links== |
Revision as of 09:12, 4 November 2005
Homestar screws up Marzipan's potion. Choose-your-own-adventure action ensues!
Cast (in order of appearance): Homestar Runner, Marzipan, Coach Z, Pom Pom, The King of Town, The Poopsmith, Homsar (Easter egg), The Hornblower (Easter egg), Strong Bad, The Cheat, Strong Mad, Bubs, Strong Sad, The Goblin, Tofu Homestar
See Halloween Costumes for more information on what everyone was wearing.
Places: Homestar's House, Spooky Forest, Creepy Cliff
Page Title: Choose it or Lose it!
Date: November 1, 2005
Running Time: 6:00 (Site Approximation)
Contents |
Transcript
{Spooky sounds play against a darkened wall. Homestar Runner's shadow appears from the left, and Homestar himself then appears suddenly.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Wah! You scared me! So, here's the deal: I'm lost inside this haunted mansion, and I need your help to find my costume and get outta here! So, what should we do first?
{The screen displays: 'WHAT SHOULD WE DO?? 1. PET A GOAT 2. MAKE A STEW 3. "I'M SELLING THESE FINE LEATHER JACKETS..."' A "COSTUME LOCATOR" is in the lower left and a "HEALTH & BEAUTY" indicator, showing 100%, is in the lower right. Then, after a moment, the lights suddenly come on and the camera pans back, revealing the interior of Homestar's house, including pictures of Homestar's past costumes framed on the wall. Marzipan walks up with a wig and a pile of clothes. A sheet of paper can be seen in front of Homestar, with doodles all over it and several markers scattered around it.}
MARZIPAN: What up, Homestar? Here's your costume!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {taking the costume} Oh, thanks. You win!
MARZIPAN: {noticing the paper and markers} Homestar Michael Runner, what did you do—
{A closeup of the paper is shown. It reads:}
1. *****-Water
2. Powdered *********
3. Essence of *********
Stir ingredients with a ***********
Say this magic incantation:
*****************************
{Drawings of bugs and ducks obscure all of the important parts, asterisked. Also, Homestar has written "MEAN SEAN", "QUACK TIME", and "COOL DUCK" on various parts of the paper.}
MARZIPAN: —to my Halloween Potion recipe?
{Homestar and Marzipan appear again.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, yeah. {turns away from Marzipan} Marzipaaan! Can I draw ducks and bugs all over the recipe for your Halloween Potion?
MARZIPAN: No way, Jorge. You're gonna figure out what those ingredients were and bring 'em back here before midnight. Now march your skinny white butt into those spooky woods, mister!
{Music starts.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {humbly} Yes, Mom-zipan.
{The screen displays "HALLOWEEN POTION-MA-JIG" and "A MAKE-YOUR-OWN-DECISION-VENTURE", followed by the usual credits (with the notable addition of "Jonathan programs"), over the drawings of bugs and ducks. Then, cut to the spooky forest, where Homestar is now in costume.}
The Water
HOMESTAR RUNNER: All right! These spooky woods gotta be chock full of spooky ingredients! Let's see, the first one is {pulls out the paper} "Something Water." Hmmmmmmmm...
COACH Z: {from a distance} Really?
{cut to Coach Z and Pom Pom}
COACH Z: Then how come they'll be all nice to ya and act like they like ya to your face?
POM POM: {bubbles}
COACH Z: Guess I have a lot to learn about mailmen...
{Homestar walks up}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey, what are you guys doin' out here? Did you ruin somebody's magic potion too?
COACH Z: Uh... nope. Unless Coach Z's life is a magic potion.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Cool, cool, depressing, cool. So, um...
{A box shows up reading "CHOICE TIME!!!" and the three choices:}
1. Do either of you have any...
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Do either of you have any cash on you? I'm trying to get a me a sandwich or somethin'. Uh, my car broke down and I'm out of gas.
COACH Z: Oh, sorry man. All I gots is this bottle of, uh, ghost water?
HOMESTAR RUNNER: That's perfect! I was planning on blowin' that money on ghost water anyways.
{A "scorecard" comes up with spaces for all the items you get. The first blank is filled with "Ghost Water". A victory sound plays.}
2. I need something that would be...
HOMESTAR RUNNER: I need something that would be good in a Halloween Potion.
POM POM: {bubbles and pulls a severed toe out of his pocket}
COACH Z: Pom Pom can getcha a toe. With nail polish!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Um... do you have anything waterier? Or... more waterish? Or waterian?
COACH Z: Please, Homestar, stop! Just take this bottle of questionable water that I keep on my person at all times for questionable reasons!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: I won't question that!
{A "scorecard" comes up with spaces for all the items you get. The first blank is filled with "Questionable Water". A victory sound plays.}
3. Taco-Man came by...
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Taco-Man came by, he gave me some water—he gave me some water. What are you guys gonna do for me?
COACH Z: Pom Pom, give the man some stank water. I will not be upstaged by Taco-Man two years in a row!
{A "scorecard" comes up with spaces for all the items you get. The first blank is filled with "Stank Water". A victory sound plays.}
The Powder
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Well, I gotta keep searchin'. {starts to walk offscreen to the right} Too bad I probably won't run into anybody else mysteriously hanging out in the woods.
{Cut to The King of Town and The Poopsmith. Holes are dug all over the place. Homestar walks up.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh! Whaddaya know! How ya diggin'?
THE KING OF TOWN: Oh! We're certainly not trying to unearth the ham sandwich that I buried here when I was nine!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Good. 'Cause I found that thing like two months ago. It wasn't that good. Too much mayo.
THE KING OF TOWN: Too much mayo?! I love too much mayo!
{The choice dialogue comes up again.}
1. Hey! I've got it...
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey, I've got it! I'll give you a detailed account of the consumption of your ham sammie if you give me a powdered item for this Potion-ma-jig!
THE KING OF TOWN: Sweet deal! Take some of this powdered Thanksgiving! Now let's hear it!
{The screen starts to fade out.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Okay, so first I washed all the dirt off with some Windex. That made it all blue and soggy...
{It fades back in. The King of Town has his head lowered in emotion. His Chicken Basket is empty.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: ...and that last bite nearly made me puke it right back on my plate!
{Homestar walks off and takes the powder as he goes.}
THE KING OF TOWN: Oh, I wish you had. I surely wish you had!
{The scorecard returns. The second blank is filled with "Powdered Thanksgiving".}
2. I say, is that a powdered...
HOMESTAR RUNNER: I say, is that a powdered wig you're wearing, your Kentucky Fried-ness? 'Cause I'm in the market for some powdery dealings!
THE KING OF TOWN: {pulls out a pouch} Well, I've got my secret blend of eleven herbs and spices. But, of course, you can't have that!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Aw, that's too bad, I guess I'll just go on home and— {starts popping in and out of the holes, snatching the powder while he hops around} Pyong-pyong-pyong-pyong-pyong! {appears from one of the holes, holding the powder} So long, suckers!
{Homestar drops back into the hole.}
THE KING OF TOWN: Ha! That blend was just a decoy! It only has ten herbs and spices!
{The scorecard appears with "Powdered Herbs & Spices".}
3. Poopsmith, do I dare ask...
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Poopsmith, do I dare ask what powdered delights you've unearthed?
{The Poopsmith digs in the dirt and a pouch pops out, which Homestar catches.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ooh, ground ground. Thanks thanks, guys guys.
{The scorecard appears with "Powdered Ground Ground"}
Homsar
{This scene only happens if you click on the upper half of The Poopsmith as Homestar walks away (an Easter egg). Homsar is floating on a balloon, as per his costume (Tingle from The Legend of Zelda Series.) Homestar walks up, and looks at him, annoyed.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, great, the secret guy!
HOMSAR: AaAaA—
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Just gimme my choices!
{Homsar throws confetti, and the bottom of the screen reads:}
HOISIN SAUCE!
2TH: HORSE IT ON IN THERE!
THAT'S A LOT! A LOT! A LOT! A LOT!
> What wouldst thou deau?
{With The Hornblower's head and some circus peanuts over it.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: What I'm supposed to do with that mess?! I'm outta here!
{The "ding" sound effect plays backwards as the box of text vanishes. Homestar walks away.}
HOMSAR: Location, location, location!
The Essence
{Strong Bad, Strong Mad, and The Cheat are standing around a cliff, with broken TVs littering the area. Strong Bad's face is obscured by the cabinet doors on his costume. Strong Mad grunts and tosses a broken TV. Homestar walks up.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Whoa. This is a cool new background!
{The TV Strong Mad tossed falls in the background.}
STRONG BAD: {opening his costume's doors} Yeah! We were just burying our problems here in the spooky woods when we found this creepy cliff! It's perfect for the chucking off of busted old TVs.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Essence of busted old TVs? 'Cuz I got a serious jones!
STRONG BAD: Uh, I think these TVs lost their essence in the seventies. What are you doing here, anyways?
{The choice box returns:}
1. I've always felt that...
HOMESTAR RUNNER: I've always felt that essence of rose petals is my very most favorite essence.
THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises}
STRONG BAD: Oh, I agree, The Cheat. Essence of doo doo meringue has always been my favorite. In fact, there's a whole bunch of it down at the bottom of this cliff you can have.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {jumping off the cliff} Cannonball!
{The scorecard appears with "Essence of Doo doo meringue"}
2. I'm trying to ruin Marzipan's...
HOMESTAR RUNNER: I'm trying to ruin Marzipan's Halloween Potion. Got any leads?
STRONG BAD: That's a worthy cause if ever there was one! How about this essence of putting Strong Mad's hand in warm water while he's asleep?
STRONG MAD: MY SECRET SHAME!
{The Cheat tosses a bottle off the cliff. Homestar jumps after it.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Thanks a lot you guuuuuuuuuys!
{The scorecard returns with "Essence of Putting Strong Mad's hand in warm water while he's asleep".}
3. I'm in the mood for a...
HOMESTAR RUNNER: I'm in the mood for a Hovan roll!
STRONG BAD: Yeah, me too. Let's have a race to the food court. Here's the starting line. Ready, go!
{The Cheat draws a line in dirt next to the cliff's edge.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {running over cliff} Eat my duuuuuuuust!
{The scorecard returns with "Essence of Gullibility".}
The stirring utensil
{Cut back to Strong Bad's posse}
STRONG BAD: Meka-leka-hi-meka-The Cheat throw a TV on 'im...
{The Cheat drops a TV over the cliff.}
STRONG BAD: ... ho.
{The doors on Strong Bad's costume close once more. Cut to Bubs, standing by a canister labeled "BUBS' MO'BILE CAN o' STIRRING UTENSILS". ("Bile" is in green.) Homestar bounces once on the ground and then lands on his feet next to Bubs. The TV crashes behind Homestar at the same spot where he had bounced off, narrowly missing him.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Whoa, Bubs. Fancy runnin' into you in the middle of the spooky woods sellin' stirring utensils.
BUBS: It's a niche market!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: So, what kind of concoctions might one stir with your wares?
BUBS: Well, a little eye of newt, some toe of frog, baby, you got a witches' brew goin'!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey, that's my line! So, how do I score one of those jobbies?
BUBS: Oh, they're free. But you gotta earn 'em!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Uh, that doesn't sound free at all.
BUBS: Well then, you just gotta earn 'em!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: How should I do that?
{The choice box returns:}
1. Do a dance
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {dances} A little to the left, come on, come on, back to the right, shake it around. {he repeats it over Bubs's next line}
BUBS: Oh, yeah! Stick and move, stick and move! You're pretty good, shorty. {pulls a red spoon from his canister} That's worth at least a Jurassic Park III collector's spoon.
{The scorecard returns with "Stirring utensil: JP3 Collector Spoon".}
2. Sing a song
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Okay, here goes. Two and three and four. {singing, and Bubs covers his ears} Backyard peaches! Treats come true! Karate Summer, what wouldja do? The world is the egg, and diapers come true...
BUBS: Oh! Heard enough of that one! You... you get a chewed-up pen.
{The scorecard returns with "Stirring utensil: Chewed Up Pen".}
3. Reagan impression
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {leaning over, in a low voice} Well... well... Nancy and I... economics... well... rap music... jellybeans... well... we... probably had a... pet...
BUBS: That's the worst Ronald Reagan impression I've ever heard!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {standing upright} Ronald Reagan?! I was doing my Keanu Reagan!
BUBS: Just take this terlet brush and get outta here!
{The scorecard returns with "Stirring utensil: Terlet Brush".}
The magic words
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {walking off} Thanks, Great American Bubs!
{Cut to a closeup of Homestar}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Now to find Strong Sad. Anything that guy says will make great magic words!
{Cut to Strong Sad, half-buried and asleep. Homestar walks up.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey, Strong Sad. Nice fire hydrant costume!
STRONG SAD: Uh! Mineral water! {wakes up and looks at Homestar} What?
{The choice box returns:}
1. I just graduated...
HOMESTAR RUNNER: I just graduated. What should my epitaph say?
STRONG SAD: Homestar, do you even have half a brain?
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hot biscuits! Those are the best magic words I've ever heards!
{The scorecard appears with "Magic Words: Do you even have half a brain".}
2. If you were at a party...
HOMESTAR RUNNER: If you were at a party, what would you rap?
STRONG SAD: Each day, we die a little more, yo! Betta ax somebod-ay!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ooh! Fresh beats! My favorite!
{The scorecard appears with "Magic Words: Better Ax Somebod-ay".}
3. Taco-Man came by...
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Taco-Man came by. We played a little foosball, played a little foosball. So, what are some of your favorite words?
STRONG SAD: In no particular order: Loquentia... Imbruglia... Precipitous... Saralee...cheesecake... Denouement...
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Those are great!
{The scorecard appears with "Magic Words: Loquentia, Imbruglia, Precitpitous, Saraleecheesecake, Denouement". ("Precipitous" is misspelled.)}
The potion
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Thanks for the words, half-man! {walks off}
STRONG SAD: Go forward! Move ahead! Try to detect it! It's not too late!
{Cut to Homestar's house, where Homestar and Marzipan are standing near a bubbling cauldron.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: All right, so here's what I came up with: a bottle of {whatever water you obtained} water, {he throws the bottle into the cauldron} some {whatever powder you obtained; it's thrown into the cauldron too; he omits "powdered" for all but "Thanksgiving"}, and essence of {whatever essence you obtained; again, he throws it into the cauldron; if you got essence of gullibility, he adds "Whatever that is"}. {Pulls out the stirring utensil} And give a little stir with this {whatever stirring utensil you obtained}. And say these magic words. {He hands an index card to Marzipan.}
MARZIPAN: {whatever magic words you obtained—if you picked #3, "Taco-Man came by..." for Strong Sad, she actually says "Saraleecheesecakia" in place of "Saraleecheesecake"}
{The cauldron makes a "poof" sound and smoke emerges, and Marzipan dips a cup into it.}
MARZIPAN: Here, Homestar. {hands the cup to Homestar} Have some Melonade!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Don't mind if I do! {He drinks the contents of the cup. Depending on your choices, various things can happen:}
{See the fun facts section to see how the endings scenes are chosen. These are the different effects on Homestar:}
End 1: Tofu Homestar
{After drinking the potion, Homestar turns into the Tofu Version of himself as seen in The Luau.}
MARZIPAN: Yay, Homestar! You're back to your old self again!
{We see the tofu head slide off into the cauldron and a flame covers Tofu Homestar and back to his real old self}
MARZIPAN: {disappointed} Yay, Homestar. You're back to your old self again...
HOMESTAR: {singing} That costume makes your butt look big.
End 2: Cycloptic Homestar
{Homestar suddenly loses his wig and sprouts one enormous eye on his face.}
HOMESTAR: {yelps} Marzipan! There's only one of you!
MARZIPAN: Don't tell me you forgot how to use your eyes again.
HOMESTAR: Do you mean to tell me that I haven't been dating twins this whole time?
MARZIPAN: I don't think you have to worry about dating anyone from now on.
HOMESTAR: Hooray!
End 3: French Homestar
{Homestar takes on the appearance of a suave foreigner.}
MARZIPAN: Ooh, goody goody gumdrops!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {in a bad accent} I say, Marzipan, let us away to my romantic chateau in the Fantastic mountains!
MARZIPAN: I'll go pack my pashmina. {walks offscreen}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {singing, in his regular voice} Oh, gettin' lucky toniiiiiiight...
End 4: Freaky Marzipan
{After drinking the potion, Homestar turns into a normally-dressed Marzipan.}
MARZIPAN: Hooray! I'm not the only girl!
{As Freaky Marzipan speaks, her horrible teeth and wobbly mouth become visible.}
FREAKY MARZIPAN: {in a low-pitched voice} I think we're gonna become fast friends!
{Marzipan shrieks and runs off; Freaky Marzipan makes a silly face.}
End 5: The Goblin
{Homestar transforms into The Goblin.}
MARZIPAN: Ooh, he's so cute! Do it, do it, do it!
{The Goblin dances as his organ chord plays.}
MARZIPAN: ...annd scene!
The finale
{The screen fades to black. After a few seconds, one of Homestar's bug drawings appears in the center of the screen with "THE END". After a few more seconds, the screen fades back to Spooky Forest. All of the characters are standing around. "BACK" and "PLAY AGAIN (SKIP INTRO)" buttons are seen.}
Easter Eggs
- Click on the upper half of The Poopsmith as Homestar is leaving to see a scene with Homsar (transcription above).
- At the end, click on Pom Pom:
- STRONG BAD: So, what, Pom Pom? You're every guy at a truck stop?
- {Pom Pom produces a gun.}
- HOMESTAR RUNNER: Uh oh, Strong Bad. You're entering a world of pain.
- STRONG MAD: DONNY! YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR ELEMENT!
- At the end, click on Bubs:
- HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, Bubs, I like your Lando Calrissian outfit!
- BUBS: What are you talking about? I'm the master of disaster!
- HOMESTAR RUNNER: Uh oh. Poopsmith, get ready...
- At the end, click on Marzipan:
- MARZIPAN: {Beaker-style meeps}
- STRONG BAD: The Cheat! Can you understand her?
- THE CHEAT: {The Cheat Noises, turns to Marzipan}
- MARZIPAN: {Beaker-style meeps}
- THE CHEAT: {The Cheat Noises}
- MARZIPAN: {Quicker Beaker-style meeps}
- THE CHEAT: {Angry Cheat Noises, Turns Away}
- MARZIPAN: {normal} Oh, I'm sorry! I thought that meant something else.
- At the end, click on Strong Bad:
- HOMESTAR RUNNER: Strong Bad, Blanche from the Golden Girls? Genius!
- STRONG BAD: I'm not Blanche from the Golden Girls!
- BUBS: No, no, he's Phyllis Diller!
- COACH Z: I thought you were supposed to be my hot mom!
- STRONG BAD: No, I'm Jambi the genie! You know, "Wish? Did somebody say wish?"
- THE KING OF TOWN: I wish you'd dress up as something I could recognize! Pop culture... mumble grumble!
- At the end, click on Homestar:
- HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey Strong Bad! {adopts "shady drifter" impression} Let me get a few dollars. I'm trying to catch a train. My wife, she's pregnant. And I have thirteen kids. I'm on hard times.
- STRONG BAD: Well, at least your shady drifter impression is better than your Ronald Reagan.
- HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ooh! I can hit you with some more of that too. {adopts Ronald Reagan impression} Well... well... Oliver Cromwell...
- At the end, click on Coach Z:
- STRONG BAD: So Coach, how come you weren't a rapper this year?
- COACH Z: But I am! Theo Huxtable is one of the greatest rappers of our time! {Hip-Hop Dances with his arms and head} Jammin' on the one! Jammin' on the one! J-J-Jammin' on the one! Jammin' on the one!
- At the end, click on The Cheat:
- THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises, which sound very similar in phrasing to Toad's catchphrase from Mario Kart 64, "I'm the best!"}
- {There is a soft explosion, and The Cheat blasts into the air; he does several flips and then lands in place with a POOMP}
- THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises}
Bim!
External Links
- Watch "Halloween Potion-ma-jig"
- View the Flash file for "Halloween Potion-ma-jig"
- View the Flash file of an older version of "Halloween Potion-ma-jig" (mirror)
- Forum thread re: "Halloween Potion-ma-jig"