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His cereal keeps me alive!


[edit] About Me

Little is known about this bizzare individual.


Naw, just kidding. My name is Jeff. I was born on Groundhog Day, February 2nd, in 1986. I am a high school graduate and I don't plan on attending college. Living as I do in Boise, ID, affords me hours upon countless hours of mind-numbing boredom, but the internet, video games, movies, and Homestar Runner help me through the hard times. To earn funds, I work in a Toys "R" Us, selling to retarded parents for over 30 years. "Oh, Grand Theft Auto isn't appropriate for my seven year old?" Dumb people.

Also, I am a geek, to the core. For my definition of Geeks, Nerds, Dorks, and others, read further.

[edit] My Hobbies

Video Games! Movies! Books?

Video Games are my favorite past time. I cannot think of an age in my life when I didn't play them, but I probably started when I was about four. During that time, my family had an Atari 2600 and a Nintendo Entertainment System (or NES). I learned the ways of the colored dots and Mario quickly, and later progressed to Tetris and Super Mario 3. The Super NES and the N64 furthered my video game tastes, but I also played Playstations and Dreamcasts at my friends houses. I personally own all three current generation consoles (Xbox, PS2, and Gamecube) and I'm going to sit out the next-gen war until I see which one will be more worth my time. Though I do play Halo 2, Soul Calibur II, Battlefront II, and Smash Bros. Melee (Lot of sequels huh?) I still love the older, more classic games of my youth. Tetris, The Legend of Zelda, Pac-Man, and Rampage still find their way into my playlists every now and then.

In terms of films, I'd say I'm fairly stingy and picky. I don't like a lot of modern comedies because they feel like hour and a half sitcoms; why pay eight bucks for that when I don't even watch it for free at home? I don't like a lot of horror because they (A) scare me and (B) they don't have too much to say. Drama, Action, and the occasional video game or book adaption are what I go to theatres for. That being said, here is a partial list of my favorite movies:

  • Star Wars, Episodes 3 and 5 in particular, but I love them all.
  • The Matrix Trilogy
  • The Lord of the Rings
  • Rounders
  • Interview with a Vampire
  • Pirates of the Cariibean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
  • The Blues Brothers (It's 106 miles to Chicago. We got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses.)
  • Kevin Smith's movies, particularly Clerks and Dogma
  • Monty Python's Life of Brian and The Holy Grail
  • Quentin Tarintino's work that I've seen (Pulp Fiction, Jackie Brown, and Kill Bill)
  • King Kong, both the 1933 version and Peter Jackson's, but not Jeff Bridges 1970s version.
  • The Princess Bride, by S. Morgan Stern, Chapter 1.
  • Any Martial Arts or Hong Kong Kung Fu movies
  • Godzilla Movies made prior to the crappy Matthew Broderick version
  • The Big Lebowski, possibly the greatest comedy/mystery/bowling movie of all time.

(More to come)

Yeah you read that right. I enjoy reading. Books offer much more depth than a movie or even a good video game can provide. In fact, certain video games and movies can be enhanced by reading the books that are either based on them or that were based on them after they were released (Most confusing sentence ever...). Here are some reccomendations:

  • The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and all subsequent sequels
  • The Halo novels, there are three
  • The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings
  • Anything by Micheal Crichton (especially Sphere and State of Fear)
  • The Da Vinci Code
  • America, the book by Jon Stewart and the writers of the Daily Show
  • The Star Wars X-Wing series (9 books)

(Still more to come)

[edit] Notable Contributions

At time of writing, I've made several worthwhile contributions to the Wiki, a lot of little fixes and remarks, as well as a couple hundred others that have either been improved or DELETED! Here is some of my best work:

  • Homestar Runner Intro - The much sought after transcript. Twenty second transcript. Woot. {It's gone through several revisions and standardization since then, but I wrote out the bones of it first.}
  • Halloween Potion-ma-jig Costumes - Improved much of the info on Toad, Gossamer, and Tingle. {I'm a gamer and a Loony Tunes fan, so how could I resist?}
  • portrait - Accidentally started and fueled the "Optimus Prime head" debate of December ought five ('05). Oops. {My bad.}
  • video games - Added the real world references about Galaga and Space Invaders. {Once again, I'm a gamer.}
  • Homestar Runner - Added the "Homestar & Marzipan" section on Homestar's character page. {I thought it was necessary to acknowledge their relationship somewhere.}
  • Preeow - Gave the sound effect it's own page. Let the linking begin! {Where else can you use the word onomatopoeia? Preeeeow...}
  • Strong Bad's Spelling - Created a list of Strong Bad's misspellings and made up words over the course of three days. Up to time of writing. {aligrt u.ln reay tui gi! Burninate the Fangorious morones!}
  • Houdin654jeff User Page - Wrote the whole thing. Duh. {There used to be a rockin' cool quote here about the guestbook, but no more...}

[edit] Why Am I Here?

Your life is the sum of the remainder of an unbalanced equation inherent to the... oh, sorry.

For a long time, I've been searching for a way to express my creative writing in a way that would be beneficial to society. Or at least, to geeks like me. I love to write and I love reading what others have written, but getting anything published is a challenge. Hence the internet, a place where you can write without someone checking your credentials. Also, the HRWiki protects us from the occasional (sic) loony you'll find elsewhere in the world, and for that, I am eternally grateful.

[edit] Homestar Runner

The greatest athlete/moron of all time. Take that Mike Tyson!

Oh, Right. Homestar, it's DOT COM!

Homestar Runner and, to a much greater extent, The Brother Chaps, produce some of the funniest stuff I've seen in quite a while. It's clean, it's easy to laugh at, and it's great to obsess over here at HRWiki. It was introduced to my by a friend a couple of years ago, I think the newest e-mail at the time was video games, or maybe the bet. I kind of lost track of it for a while but rediscovered it later on. After watching most of the Strong Bad E-mails I'd missed, I wondered if anyone had made a complete list of the Easter Eggs and lo and behold! The HRWiki pops up in my Google search, and now here I be.

Homestar himself has many oddities about him, most notably his lack of visible arms. My opinion is that he is midly tele-kinetic, which makes up for his complete idiocy. Kinda.

Favorite Homestar Moments

  • "OH CRAP! It's Decembereween already! OH CRAP! I ran into the door! Oh crap, I fell down the stairs." -After waking up late, running into the door, and falling down the stairs in Homestar Presents: Presents.
  • "Best five bucks I ever spent!" -Refering to his time spent standing in line at Bubs' during local news.
  • "I have a sock on my head? Get it off, get it off, get it off, get it off, get it off, get it off, get it off, get it off!" -After Coach Z reveals that there is a sock tape to his head in impression.
  • "I'm the best around! Dubadubadubaduh take me down! I'm the best around! Dubadubadubaduh take me down." -Following his defeat in the Champeenship to the Wagon Fulla Pancakes in montage.
  • "You're not a broom?!" -Said to Marzipan in long pants
  • "The pipes are broken!" -Homestar's attempt to say Tatsu Maki Sen Pu┬» Kyaku, or Ken and Ryu's hurricane kick from Street Fighter II, in dangeresque 3.
  • "We got a Homestar Runner for sale! Slightly used and mostly confused! We can't give these things away! I'll take it! I'll take twelve! Drive one home today!" -Homestar describing himself at a garage sale. He had a sign on him that says "SOLD," so he may have purchased himself, uh, himself.
  • "Doot! Doo doo doot! Doo doo doot! Deedoodadeedoo! Boop! Boo doo doot! Boo doo doot! Ding dong, ding dong, ding dong! Well I'm back in black, and I'm hittin' the sack and everybody does something and all, uh, back in the black {stops singing, pauses} I don't know the words. I just like that guy's little schoolboy outfit." -Homestar's rendition of AC/DC's legendary Back in Black on Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 7.0.
Strong Bad and the Lappy.

[edit] Strong Bad E-mails

Strong Bad E-mails are a part of this balanced breakfast.

As mentioned previously, I was introduced to this site by watching sbemails. As such, they have become one of my favorite parts of the site. Strong Bad's hypocrisy concerning good grammar still cracks me up. Despite his spellcheck-like abilities, he still uses made up words (i.e. Fangoriously, Burninate, etc) and makes the occasional spelling error. I also enjoy pushing random.bat until he does the LAKA LAKA LAKA LAKA sound effect.

Favorite Strong Bad Emails

Just a few of them...a few columns of them.

[edit] Homsar

AaAaAaA. WaAaAa think I won the Powerball.

Homsar puts an interesting spin on the website. As a former typo, he's only gotten stranger with age, turning up at the most unlikely times...

I'm a trendy tote bag.

Sure you are Homsar. Sure you are.

I'm the ghost of Christmas past.

Ummm.. Ok. Maybe you should go guard the bottom of the page then.

I do as I'm told.

Good. That's good. Anyway, Homsar's a great addition to the motley crew of Free Country, USA...

I'm not gonna lie to ya. That's a healthy piece of real estate.

Get down there quick man, or things are about to get real ugly around here. Though there are many swirling theories as to what he precisely is, I personally...

I'm just a friendly reminder.

All right that's it....(Strange fairy realated sounds eminate from da basement)

[edit] Obscure Pop Culture References

Donnie, you're out of your element!

The amount of stuff on this website that is only funny if you know what the characters are referring to is just great. Other websites try to do it, but they just can't keep it up as long Homestar and company have. This is another reason I'm thankful to the HRWiki, because I often need help figuring out what the heck they're talking about half the time.

The only complaint I have about the references they've done is that they've left out a couple of favorites entirely. Things like Star Wars, Indiana Jones, The Lord of the Rings, and of course, The Matrix. Perhaps these just aren't in the Brothers Chaps tastes, and that's cool. I understand. I guess.

[edit] Definitions

Geeks and Nerds? That doesn't sound like anything I want to be a part of!

This general sentiment surrounding Geeks, Nerds and their lesser bretheren Dorks, is something I've tried to change for the better. Being a geek isn't so bad. But I'm getting ahead of myself, lets define a few things first.

  • Geek: A geek is, first off, an intelligent person. Second, they've decided to use their intellect to harvest vast quantities of so-called "useless information" or "Trivia." Third, a geek usually has at least one TV show, Movie series, or internet comic about which they know just about everything. This form of entertainment usually determines what breed or "species" of geek a geek is. For example...
Don is a Buffy the Vampire Slayer Geek.
Laura is an X-files/Star Wars Geek.
Jeff is a Matrix/Lord of the Rings/Star Wars/ Geek, and needs help.
I hear that last one quite a bit... anyway, moving on.
  • Nerd: A nerd is an overly intelligent person. Most nerds, however, use their intellect for practical uses instead of squandering it on "Trivia." Important sidenote, it is possible to meet a Geeky Nerd, who not only uses their knowledge in a useful way, but also has a fair amount of "Trivial" nonsense floating around.
  • Dork: A dork is an idiot. Dorks often pretend to be either a geek or nerd, but they really don't know enough about any subject to qualify in either respect. A geek or nerd can be momentarily demoted to "Dork" if he/she makes a stupid or incorrect statement. For example...
Geek #1:"I really liked in Star Wars 3 where Luke saved everyone from Jabba the Hut."
Geek #2:"You dork."
  • Trekkie/Trekker: Trekkies and Trekkers are Star Trek fans of varying levels. Most are a sub-species of the Nerds. Most Star Wars fans clash with Trekkies and Trekkers and it is not recommended that you get the two together. (And for the record, lightsabers are way cooler than phasers, tricorders and Spock combined.)

Back to my original point. Some Geeks and Nerds are way, way too obsessive. They'll argue for six hours about what kind of sub-light engine the Millenium Falcon had installed in the half second it appeared in Episode 3. The obvious question here of course is, WHO CARES?! To be a successful geek or nerd, one must step back every once in a while and say the following phrase, "It's just a (Movie/TV show/Internet Comic)." Then move on to the next argument.

[edit] Da Basement

"Booring, I don't want to play that."
Tingle Tingle, Kooloo Limpah! Man...If I'd had more duct tape, he could have been a grey, sticky mummy.

Location, Location, Location!

Welcome to Da Basement! There are many activities to patake in here. Relax on the couch (don't touch the patch), watch some Caleb Rentpayer on the Telebision, or play a game or two.

Oh, and you can also see the shattered remnants of the guestbook that once was the guest book right down th...oh. Nevermind. It's totally gone...should have backed up my files...freaking Rondleman...


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