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<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<transcript xml:lang="en-us" file="sbemail163.swf" width="550" height="400">
<line start="16" end="45"><strongbad><em>(singing)</em> Ding-ding-dong, ding-ding-dong, ding-ding-</strongbad></line>
<line start="45" end="62"><strongbad>"Dear Strong Baaad."</strongbad></line>
<line start="63" end="90" speaker="strongbad">"What do you want for Decemberween?"</line>
<line start="91" end="111" speaker="strongbad">"your holiday spirit"</line>
<line start="112" end="139" speaker="strongbad">"Talon Jen-d-dro"</line>
<line start="140" end="161" speaker="strongbad">Where'd you get that name?</line>
<line start="162" end="185" speaker="strongbad">George Lucas?</line>
<line start="186" end="267" speaker="strongbad">Ta'lon J'en-dr'o from the computery generated planet of Des' Moi-nes'ia.</line>
<line start="268" end="319" speaker="strongbad">Anyways, everybody knows the kind of stuff I want, <em>Ta</em>'lon.</line>
<line start="320" end="355" speaker="strongbad">A catapult that launches balls of cobras,</line>
<line start="356" end="377" speaker="strongbad">a chainsaw car,</line>
<line start="378" end="409" speaker="strongbad">a subscription to EGM2,</line>
<line start="410" end="430" speaker="strongbad">a hot step-sister.</line>
<line start="431" end="455" speaker="strongbad">That email writes itself.</line>
<line start="456" end="514" speaker="strongbad">It's more important that I establish what I <em>don't</em> want for Decemberween.</line>
<line start="515" end="581" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">Our first item is a perennial all-star of bad awful Decemberween presents:</line>
<line start="582" end="601" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">the ornament.</line>
<line start="602" end="645" speaker="marzipan">There's no better way to say, "I have no idea what your interests are"</line>
<line start="646" end="695" speaker="marzipan">than to give someone a present that ceases to be useful the moment it's opened.</line>
<line start="696" end="775" speaker="strongbad">Yes, there's nothing like opening a gift just in time to put it in a box in the attic for a year.</line>
<line start="776" end="821" speaker="strongbad">And next Decemberween when you get it back out, guess what?</line>
<line start="822" end="868" speaker="strongbad">It's still just a cool snowman surfing the internet.</line>
<line start="869" end="899" speaker="marzipan" voiceover="yes">Internet is <strong>so</strong> hot this year.</line>
<line start="900" end="914" sfx="yes">phone ringing</line>
<line start="915" end="932" speaker="strongbad">Oh, we got a caller.</line>
<line start="933" end="1003" speaker="strongbad">Go ahead, caller. How many F-R-one-one-four-P-dash-D-C-eights should I put you down for?</line>
<line start="1004" end="1069" speaker="strongsad" volume="0.9" voiceover="yes">Strong Bad, did you put wildebeest pheromones in my laundry again?</line>
<line start="1070" end="1090"><sfx volume="0.9">wildebeest noises</sfx><strongsad volume="0.9">Auugh!</strongsad></line> 
<line start="1092" end="1105" sfx="yes">dial tone</line>
<line start="1106" end="1141" speaker="strongbad">Another satisfied customer.</line>
<line start="1142" end="1194" speaker="strongbad">Next up, we have one of those mechanical dancing musical nobots.</line>
<line start="1195" end="1242" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">The kind that you accidentally activate by getting too close.</line>
<line start="1243" end="1300"><strongbad><em>(heavily distorted music and singing)</em> I'm like come on Fhqwhgads, I said come on Fhqwhgads,</strongbad></line>
<line start="1300" end="1322"><strongbad>Everybody to the limit, The Cheat is to the limit.</strongbad></line>
<line start="1323" end="1374" speaker="marzipan">Listen to that moldy oldy in glorious drive-thru stereo.</line>
<line start="1375" end="1403" speaker="strongbad">Who can appreciate the song when all you're <em>really</em></line>
<line start="1404" end="1445"><sfx>grinding</sfx><strongbad voiceover="yes">hearing are the plastic gears and motors clacking together</strongbad></line>
<line start="1445" end="1497"><sfx>grinding</sfx><strongbad voiceover="yes">in an effort to barely bust some sort of move.</strongbad></line>
<line start="1498" end="1549" speaker="marzipan">These things just scream "I stopped at the drug store on my way over".</line>
<line start="1550" end="1587" speaker="marzipan">Now, on to our next item.</line>
<line start="1588" end="1610" speaker="marzipan">Uhh, Strong Bad?</line>
<line start="1611" end="1670"><strongbad>Sorry, I'm completely entrangled by those hypnotically swaying hips.</strongbad></line> 
<line start="1670" end="1694"><sfx>grinding</sfx><strongbad>Sorry, I'm completely entrangled by those hypnotically swaying hips.</strongbad></line>
<line start="1695" end="1710" speaker="strongbad" sfx="yes">aiy-aiy-aiy-aiy-aiy</line>
<line start="1711" end="1779" speaker="strongbad">Our last gift items are all about the false notion that just because you made something yourself,</line>
<line start="1780" end="1803" speaker="strongbad">it's not a worthless piece of crap.</line>
<line start="1804" end="1863" speaker="marzipan">These sea-shells have office supplies hot-glued to them for absolutely no reason.</line>
<line start="1864" end="1935" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">Yes, and the more globs of hot glue I can see, the quicker I throw it in the trash.</line>
<line start="1936" end="1985" speaker="marzipan" voiceover="yes">This clothes-pin reindeer ornament is forgettably precious.</line>
<line start="1986" end="1993"><sfx>record scratches</sfx><strongbad>Whoa!</strongbad></line> 
<line start="1993" end="2015" speaker="strongbad">home-made <em>and</em> an ornament!</line>
<line start="2020" end="2050" speaker="strongbad">That thing is an anti-gift.</line>
<line start="2050" end="2112" speaker="strongbad">If someone gives you one of <em>those</em>, you actually have to <em>pay them</em> because it's so poor.</line>
<line start="2113" end="2142" speaker="strongbad">Uh, probably because they're so poor.</line>
<line start="2143" end="2147" sfx="yes">white noise</line>
<line start="2147" end="2189" speaker="strongbad">So Ta'lon, my young apprentice, there's my</line>
<line start="2190" end="2239" speaker="strongbad">"Please Great Aunt Whoever, Don't Get Me This Stuff For Decemberween" <span style="visibility: hidden">list.</span></line>
<line start="2239" end="2250" speaker="strongbad">"Please Great Aunt Whoever, Don't Get Me This Stuff For Decemberween" list.</line>
<line start="2251" end="2275" speaker="strongbad">I highly suggest you make your own.</line>
<line start="2276" end="2294" speaker="strongbad">But if it doesn't work,</line>
<line start="2295" end="2359" speaker="strongbad">don't forget to take advantage of all the temporary help that retailers hire this time of year.</line>
<line start="2360" end="2390" speaker="strongbad">Those people will refund <em>anything</em>!</line>
<line start="2391" end="2456" speaker="strongbad">Last year, I returned an omelette to a hardware store for nigh on fifty bucks.</line>
<line start="2457" end="2497" speaker="strongbad">Well, Happy Decemberween everybloody!</line>
<line start="2498" end="2509" sfx="yes">Geddup noise</line>
<line start="2510" end="2521" speaker="thepaper">Preeeow!</line>
<line start="2534" end="2634"><singers><em>(heavily distorted music and singing)</em> Everybody! Everybody! Everybody! Everybody!</singers></line>
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