Subtitles:sbemail105/en
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<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<transcript xml:lang="en-us" file="sbemail105.swf" width="550" height="400">
<line start="15" end="77" speaker="strongbad">Our next show is a family show. It...is...the email.</line>
<line start="86" end="137" speaker="strongbad">"Dear Strong Bad, Have you ever thought who will take your place when you retire?"</line>
<line start="139" end="167" speaker="strongbad">"Your friend, Jeffrey Desterhoft"</line>
<line start="173" end="194" speaker="strongbad">You've got a good point there, Jeffy.</line>
<line start="198" end="228" speaker="strongbad">I suppose I can't keep checking these e-mails forever.</line>
<line start="234" end="267" speaker="strongbad">I never really thought about finding an heir to my throne before.</line>
<line start="275" end="301" speaker="strongbad">Come to think of it, what ever happened to my throne?</line>
<line start="310" end="375" speaker="strongbad">Attention The Cheat. Customer needs assistance in e-mail. Customer needs assistance in e-mail.</line>
<line start="381" end="410" speaker="strongbad">The Cheat, didn't I use to have a throne of some kind?</line>
<line start="414" end="422" speaker="thecheat">The Cheat noises</line>
<line start="423" end="457" speaker="strongbad">No, no, no, this is my stool. I'm talking about a throne.</line>
<line start="460" end="570" speaker="strongbad">You know, it had, like... gold nuggets on it, and... a hundred cup holders... some of them velvety cushions... you know, a throne.</line>
<line start="575" end="615" speaker="strongbad">And I think I had a motorcycle, too. See if you can find those.</line>
<line start="621" end="628" speaker="thecheat">The Cheat noises</line>
<line start="633" end="664" speaker="strongbad">I guess the best way to find a replacement is to</line>
<line start="670" end="714" speaker="strongbad">subject a bunch of applicants to the same rigorous screening process</line>
<line start="715" end="777" speaker="strongbad">that I subjected myself to when I started checking these emails?</line>
<line start="786" end="819" speaker="strongbad">I'm gonna hold up a last name, and you make fun of it.</line>
<line start="825" end="831" speaker="strongbad">Gargleman.</line>
<line start="833" end="840" speaker="homestar">Crapface.</line>
<line start="845" end="852" speaker="strongbad">Dumweiner.</line>
<line start="855" end="869" speaker="homestar">Uhhhh, crapface.</line>
<line start="871" end="878" speaker="strongbad">Butkus.</line>
<line start="880" end="887" speaker="homestar">Crapface.</line>
<line start="894" end="900" speaker="strongbad">Crambert.</line>
<line start="905" end="913" speaker="homestar">Crapface?</line>
<line start="916" end="926" speaker="strongbad">Desterhoft.</line>
<line start="927" end="942" speaker="homestar">Let me think about it; Crapface.</line>
<line start="948" end="966" speaker="strongbad">Whoa! Perfect score!</line>
<line start="967" end="984" speaker="strongbad">Let's hear your best "deleted."</line>
<line start="985" end="993" speaker="sfx">buzzer</line>
<line start="995" end="1003" speaker="coachz">DELORTED!</line>
<line start="1004" end="1020" speaker="sfx">distorted buzzer</line>
<line start="1024" end="1053" speaker="strongbad">Strong Sad's on the couch, watching TV. What do you do?</line>
<line start="1054" end="1066" speaker="bubs">Kick him in the teeth!</line>
<line start="1067" end="1103" speaker="strongbad">That's good, that's good, even though he might not have any teeth. What else?</line>
<line start="1104" end="1118" speaker="bubs">Kick him in the grill!</line>
<line start="1119" end="1131" speaker="strongbad">Yeah, yeah! Keep going!</line>
<line start="1132" end="1145" speaker="bubs">Kick you in the grill!</line>
<line start="1147" end="1171" speaker="strongbad">No, no, Bubs, calm down, this is only a drill!</line>
<line start="1172" end="1195" speaker="strongbad">Let's hear your best "scroll buttons" song.</line>
<line start="1197" end="1253" speaker="marzipan">And that's why I like to scroll, with scroll buttons!</line>
<line start="1255" end="1290" speaker="strongbad">Oh, right, right, the worst song I ever heard.</line>
<line start="1297" end="1307" speaker="strongbad">Play another one!</line>
<line start="1313" end="1356" speaker="marzipan">Scroll buttons are good, they move you up and down,</line>
<line start="1357" end="1380">
<marzipan>they take you to...</marzipan>
<strongbad sfx="sfx">groans</strongbad>
</line>
<line start="1381" end="1421" speaker="strongbad">Okay, Strong Sad, Strong Sad's on the couch, watching TV. What do you do?</line>
<line start="1422" end="1435" speaker="strongsad">Go make him some hummus!</line>
<line start="1436" end="1456" speaker="strongbad">Hummus?! No, try something else.</line>
<line start="1457" end="1474" speaker="strongsad">Uh... Give him a foot massage!</line>
<line start="1483" end="1500" speaker="strongbad">Those are not feet!</line>
<line start="1502" end="1526" speaker="strongbad">Now I want you to pretend this is The Cheat,</line>
<line start="1527" end="1553" speaker="strongbad">and give him a good, swift, kick in The Cheat!</line>
<line start="1562" end="1579" speaker="homestar">Umm... crapface.</line>
<line start="1583" end="1639" speaker="strongbad">Ugh. This screening process is neither processing nor screening very well.</line>
<line start="1644" end="1686" speaker="strongbad">I suppose I should cut to the chase and haul out the big guns...</line>
<line start="1694" end="1714" speaker="strongbad">DANCE CONTEST!</line>
<line start="1850" end="1910" speaker="strongmad">I'M STRONG MAD! I'M STRONG MAD!</line>
<line start="1945" end="2004" speaker="homestar">And then I put it on my faaaaace...</line>
<line start="2010" end="2065" speaker="strongbad">Uh, this dance contest is neither contesting nor dancing very well.</line>
<line start="2070" end="2123" speaker="strongbad">Looks like I'm gonna be checking e-mails and kicking Cheats 'til the day I die.</line>
<line start="2131" end="2160" speaker="strongbad">Whoa, that'd make an awesome tattoo!</line>
<line start="2167" end="2185" speaker="strongbad">Or an even better epitaph!</line>
<line start="2188" end="2209" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Here lies Strong Bad</line>
<line start="2215" end="2251" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">"Checking e-mails and kicking Cheats in the hereafter"</line>
<line start="2261" end="2286" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Buried with his hundred girlfriends</line>
<line start="2295" end="2313" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">And like, a jillion dollars</line>
<line start="2325" end="2342" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Please don't dig up the grave.</line>
<line start="2438" end="2450" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">A-ttention The Cheat!</line>
<line start="2451" end="2456" speaker="thecheat">The Cheat noises</line>
<line start="2457" end="2514" speaker="strongbad">Have you found that motorcycle yet? Maybe check in our... stock room.</line>
<line start="2517" end="2523" speaker="thecheat">The Cheat noises</line>
<line start="2527" end="2559" speaker="strongbad">And Dana needs more quarters on register three.</line>
</transcript>
