Donut Unto Others

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(Transcript)
(Transcript)
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'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' Yes sir! Like I said, it's a boyhood dream of mine. Could you pass me that recipe?
'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' Yes sir! Like I said, it's a boyhood dream of mine. Could you pass me that recipe?
-
'''MARZIPAN:''' ''{Picks up a small note from the table}'' There's just this square of TP that says "dog-nut" on it.
+
'''MARZIPAN:''' ''{Picks up a small note from the table}'' There's just this square of TP that says... ''{close-up of the note}'' "dog-nut" on it.
'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' Yeah, yeah. That's it. My secret recipe.  
'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' Yeah, yeah. That's it. My secret recipe.  
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'''BUBS:''' ''{slightly calmer}'' What do you think, man?!  You opened up a competing donut place right across the street from me!
'''BUBS:''' ''{slightly calmer}'' What do you think, man?!  You opened up a competing donut place right across the street from me!
-
''{zooms out to the gap between the stores. Note that there is no street, but a feild}''
+
''{zooms out to the gap between the stores. Note that there is no street, but a field}''
'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' ''{examining the grass between the two stands}'' The street?
'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' ''{examining the grass between the two stands}'' The street?

Revision as of 23:48, 7 April 2009

Toon Category: Shorts
watch 4 Gregs Strong Bad Sings
"Do you dough-not want one?"

Homestar Runner opens his own donut stand, sparking a fierce marketing war between himself and Bubs.

Cast (in order of appearance): Homestar Runner, Marzipan, Bubs, The King of Town, Strong Bad

Places: Marzipan's House, Do-Nots, Bubs' Concession Stand

Date: Monday, April 6, 2009

Running Time: 3:56

Page Title: Hey There, Doughnut Rush!

Contents

Transcript

{Homestar is seen cutting out dough rings in Marzipan's Kitchen. Marzipan enters}

MARZIPAN: Oh, that's sweet! Are you making me homemade donuts for the 16th anniversary of our 17th breakup?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Um, no. No way. Um, no way. You know how I've always dreamed of being my own boss at the donut factory!

MARZIPAN: {looking annoyed} No, since when?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Why, just last night! {Clouds fill the screen, then recede to the edges. A scene depicting Homestar's dream is shown. He is seen wearing a shirt with the Mexican flag on it, standing next to a high-jumping pit. He has only one leg} I dreamt that I was a French long-jump champion with eight wooden legs!

MARZIPAN: Aaand that made you want to start a donut shop?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yes sir! Like I said, it's a boyhood dream of mine. Could you pass me that recipe?

MARZIPAN: {Picks up a small note from the table} There's just this square of TP that says... {close-up of the note} "dog-nut" on it.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah, yeah. That's it. My secret recipe.

MARZIPAN: {Sighs} I'm gonna go talk to anyone else but you.

{Cut to The Field. Homestar is in a makeshift donut stand formed from a large cardboard box marked "Do-Nots" with a window cut out of it. Homestar's legs are outlined under the window. Fat can be seen bubbling in the back.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I honestly wonder how many million donuts I'll sell on my first day. Three? Four? Eight? I've gotta be ready for the 3:09 p.m. donut rush, you know? Ooh, here it comes.

{Bubs, with a red face and an exceptionally furious expression, enters from the right. As he speaks, cartoon smoke clouds emit from his head.}

BUBS: {with forced restraint} Well, hello, Hooomestar!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey there, donut rush. What can I get for you?

BUBS: It's really great to very see you, Homestar!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {nervous} Uhhm... it's good to see you, too, I guess.

{As Bubs says the following, we cut to a shot revealing that Homestar's stand is right next to Bubs', facing it}

BUBS: I'm delighted you've decided to set up shop about ten feet away from me!

{cut back to Homestar and Bubs}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah, we could be a conglomerate, like KFC-Taco Bell-Radisson-Texas Instruments-NASA!

BUBS: Yes. That is a really outstanding ideeeaaaa!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Um, Bubs? Are we in a fight?

{as Bubs speaks, his face slowly returns to its normal blue color}

BUBS: {slightly calmer} What do you think, man?! You opened up a competing donut place right across the street from me!

{zooms out to the gap between the stores. Note that there is no street, but a field}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {examining the grass between the two stands} The street?

BUBS: Right across the way from me!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: But I thought you sold questionable medical coverage.

{Cut to a close-up of Bubs, with his Concession Stand visable in the background with a sign "Why not Donuts?" on the original sign.}

BUBS: That was two hours ago. {changes to his normal expression, now speaking normally} Now I'm in the donut bidness. How's that coverage working out for you, by the way?

{Cut back to the two and the box.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {holds up a big stack of paperwork} Great so far!

BUBS: I gotta get ready for the big 3:09 p.m. donut rush. When next we meet, 'twill be on the donut field of battle! {Cut to a silhouette of the scene. Bubs marches to his stand singing a military drum cadence} Dubba dup dup dup dubba dup dup dup.

{Cut to a shot of a clock that strikes 3:09. Cut back to a shot of the two stands. The King Of Town appears in a puff of smoke.}

THE KING OF TOWN: Oof! All right gentlemen, here's how this is gonna go down. I need fried dough so bad it hurts! According to the data I got back from Taco Bell-NASA {places a hefty stack of paperwork on the ground}, we're gonna need in the 3 to 8 million range to maintain my caloric intake. Now, commence marketing bombardment!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Mine's is homemade! {holds up a spatula with some donut batter and a few hairs on it}

BUBS: Mine's is shipped from a 3rd world country named Homemáde, so I can legally print "From Homemade" on the prepackaged package. {holds up a package that says "FROM HOMEMÁDE!"}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I've got grit, gumption, and an adorable speech impootaboot.

BUBS: My name's Bubs, I talk hard and fast.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Available in 57 different varieties!

BUBS: One flavor, over a hundred different names for it! {various names that all are varitions of "regular" appear around Bubs}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {holds up a newspaper} Marzipan raves "Hey! Get outta my kitchen, you!"

BUBS: {cut to a shot of the box; as he says each descriptions, it appears onscreen} Fights cavities! Cleans Teeth! {A cartoon Bubs appears in the bottom right corner.} The American Dental Association does not approve the preceding statements.

THE KING OF TOWN: All right, all right, all right. You both make excellent cases, but I've come to my decision.

BUBS: Health Inspector! Cheese it, everyone!

{Bubs closes his stand}

THE KING OF TOWN: Ooh! {he disappears in another puff of smoke}

{Strong Bad, in silhouette, is seen coming up and walks towards Homestar with a clipboard in his hand.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey potential customer, would you like several million donuts?

STRONG BAD: No. I don't want one.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: But do you dough-not want one? Hmmm?

STRONG BAD: I'm the health inspector, here to hopefully shut you down. Now rub this swab under your grease trap and bring it back.

{Homestar takes the swab and rubs it on the fat fryer.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yes sir, Inspector Heath! {Homestar starts humming the theme to Inspector Gadget}

STRONG BAD: {To himself} ...And we'll do a little {rolls the l} bit of this! {Strong Bad puts a note marked "F" on the side of Homestar's stand and pushes it over. Smoke begins to rise from it.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ah! My face!

STRONG BAD: {laughs and walks away}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: My delicious fried face! Bubs, is this covered by my questionable medical coverage? At least questionably so? Bubs?

{Cut to a long shot of both stands in silhouette. Bubs opens the back of his stand and is seen sneaking away.}

BUBS: {to the tune of "Mysterioso Pizzicato"} Droot droot droot droot doodloodloodloodloodloo, doot doot doot do...

{A circle of "ends" appears, the top of which is pink. A back button appears.}

Fun Facts

Explanations

  • The toon's title is a pun on the ethic of reciprocity, commonly known as the "Golden Rule," which is often expressed as "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

Trivia

The Imaginary Newspapes
MARZIPAN RAVES:
Hey, get outta my kitchen, you!

FCUSA - The Marzipan was stunned
today when she woke to find a totally
legit donut enterprise operating out
of her own dang kitchen. Mexican
high jumper Homestar Garcia Colon
was unavailable for comment but
French long jumper Chateau 'Octo'
Etoile broke out the ol' soft shoe.
  • At the end of the toon, if you remove Bubs' silhouette using a decompiler, you can see that he is wearing The Thnikkaman's "tH".

Remarks

  • In Marzipan's kitchen, the sink seen in Where's The Cheat? has disappeared.
  • The note with Homestar's "recipe" is shown to have squiggly lines except in the closeup of it (in which it clearly says "dog-nut" and Homestar's signature).
  • When Bubs warns that the health inspector is coming, he looks and points in a different direction than Strong Bad (as a health inspector) comes from.

Inside References

  • Homestar claiming he was a French long-jump champion is another instance of French. The French name in the newspaper, "Chateau Etoile" roughly means "Home Star". Though he was a French-long jump champion, he wore the Mexican flag on his shirt. (See Real-World References)
  • Trivia Time is shown in the kitchen.
  • Strong Bad smiles in this short.
  • Strong Bad pulls the F slip out of hammerspace.
  • Homestar's dream uses the music from strong badathlon.
  • In the scene where Bubs and Homestar are marketing their donuts to the King of Town, the music playing is from No Hands On Deck.
  • In Homestar's newspaper, Marzipan is once again referred to as "The Marzipan" as she was in Date Nite. This is another example of integral articles before names.
  • When the Health Inspector comes up, Bubs says, "Cheese it!", which is what Strong Bad says to Strong Mad and The Cheat when they steal Marzipan's radish in The Reddest Radish.
  • Homestar also used "Dough-not" in place of "not" in Weclome Back.

Real-World References

  • Homestar hums the theme to Inspector Gadget.
  • The flag that Homestar wears in his dream is the flag of Mexico. (See Inside References)
  • Several of the companies that Homestar lists as a conglomerate are real companies:
  • Bubs's line about being able to legally say his donuts are "from Homemade" is a reference to an urban legend in which Japan supposedly renamed one of its cities to "Usa" in order to claim that its products were "Made in USA".
  • Homestar's line about "57 different varieties" refers to American condiment company Heinz.
  • The music Bubs hums at the end is a piece called "Mysterioso Pizzicato" and is commonly used as stock music for sneaking characters or villains.

External Links

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