Comic Book Movie

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Revision as of 05:05, 4 December 2008

"Are you crazy?"

strongbad_email.exe Bonus Email #6

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, Strong Badman, Crack Stuntman, The Cheat

Places: Computer Room

Computer: Lappy 486

Running Time: 3:39

DVD Exclusive: strongbad_email.exe Disc Six

Transcript

STRONG BAD: {typing} We love emails and we love girls! Now let me check my email 'cause it's gatherin' dust! {Pulls up the email}

subject: comic book movie

Greetings from a kindred soul.
Now that all these comic books are being made into movies,
will we see a Strong Badman movie? How will it be different
from the comic?
Peace out.
Clan

{Pauses at "Kindred soul" and says: "Kindred soul? You sound like a religious metal band. You know, the kind that try and offset their religiousness with evil fonts and drippy graphics! A death metal band sings: 'Alive as ooone!' "}

STRONG BAD: {Typing} No way, Clan. I've seen what they do to comic books in these movies and it is not pretty. {Clears the Screen} What you should be asking is, "In what ways will it be the same as the comic?" They shouldn't even call them "comic book movies." They should call them 'the name of a comic book movies,' 'cuz that's usually what they get right. Watch as I throw canon to the wind and butcher our favorite muscled-up Strong Bad in that ol' fashioned Hollywood way!

{Cut to a white screen. Strong Badman slides onto the screen.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} First, let's go straight to the costume.

{The following text appears on the top-left side of the screen:}

STRONG BADMAN
Wrestleman
Boxing gloves
No tan lines (rreow!)

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} A move I'd like to call...

{The following text appears on the screen as Strong Bad says it.}

STRONG BAD {voiceover} LEATHERQUEST 200!

{The text fades away}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} People may buy that our character has radioactive powers...

{The outline of Strong Badman begins to glow. Cut to a scene that looks like the moon.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} ...or is from another planet, but a colorful spandex costume?!

{Cut back to the white screen with Strong Badman and pans from bottom to top.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Are you crazy?!

{Question marks pop up all over the screen.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} No audience will accept that!

{A red X is painted over the screen.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Nope, it's one color, head-to-toe leather for our hero!

{A gob of blackness flows from Strong Badman's neck down to his shoes.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} It just makes practical sense for someone who's going to be jumping off rooftops...

{Cut to the black Strong Badman jumping off a rooftop with the frame frozen and a speech bubble saying "Stiff!"}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} ...and doing a bunch of martial arts all the time.

{Cut to Strong Badman kicking a mysterious character in a white and green costume. He has a speech bubble that says "Take this?"}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Oh, and then the mask. No actor is gonna let you pull a mask over their beautiful face the entire movie.

{A small part of the mask is revealed.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Nope. Not enough.

{A bit more is revealed. The man wearing the mask now only has the eyepiece covering his face.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} A little more...

{The eyepiece is removed and the character is wearing a Strong Bad hat.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} There!

{Cut to a blue binder on a table with the following on the cover.}

Strong Badman
The comic book movie!
Production notebook

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Now comes the important part of making a comic book movie called...

{The binder opens. The top of the clipped-in page reads}

Mondo-PrePro.
for today:
Screw up casting!

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Screwing up the casting. Instead of casting someone appropriate for the role, like, Lan Handermannic...

{Cut to the back view of the Lappy.}

STRONG BAD: Uh, that's not a real actor or anything, I just like the sound of... Lan Handermannic is Strong Badman!

{Cut back to Strong Badman.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} No, they need to cast someone inappropriate like...

{Crack Stuntman's head pops in place of Strong Badman's.}

CRACK STUNTMAN: BLAAAH I'm Strong Badm'n!

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Shut up, you! Let's hear your best "Stiny, get me a danish."

CRACK STUNTMAN: Shiny, throw me that donut!

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Perfect! You're hired!

{Cut to the Lappy.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Once the main character is totally ruined, it's time to move onto the supporting cast. Pick one character to be entirely CG-rendered when make-up, puppets, or models would be clearly more convincing. In this case, Let's pick The Cheat!

{Cut back to the white screen. A monster-like The Cheat slides onto the screen.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Why make a really good costume that we can shoot and light well when we can spend way more money making a...

{The Cheat monster turns CGI-animated and its limbs are moving back in forth in a disturbing manner.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} ...boneless, constantly wiggling CG monstrosity! That's what's gonna make me believe in your silver-screen pie when it's floatin' all over the screen!

{Cut back to the computer room. Strong Bad has a handful of note cards.}

STRONG BAD: Then you just write down a lot of the best story elements from the comics on these note cards.

{He throws the cards into the air.}

STRONG BAD: Throw them up in the air...

{Cut to the scattered cards on the floor.}

STRONG BAD: ...and randomly pick ten of them to paste willy-nilly into a paper-thin plot with more holes in it then Halle Berry's Catwoman costume!

{Cut back to the Lappy.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Now quick, RUSH IT TO DVD before people realize that it sucks! And don't forget the HORRIBLE video game version that tries to undo some of the damage done to the source material. HURRY! Phew. Dodged a bullet there. We almost made a good comic book movie.

{Cut to a poster with the black Crack Stuntman on a yellow poster with a word bubble saying "This summer, preeeow!"}

CRACK STUNTMAN: This summer, preeeow!

{The Paper comes down.}

Fun Facts

Remarks

• The Paper comes down in this email instead of The New Paper.

Real-World References

• The comment about leather outfits likely refers to the X-Men films.
• The comment about CGI characters probably refers to the 2003 film adaptation of the Hulk.
• Towards the end, Strong Bad makes reference to the critically-panned Catwoman movie starring Halle Berry.