Pistols for Pandas
From Homestar Runner Wiki
| Toon Category: Shorts |
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- This article is about the short. For the organization, see Pistols for Pandas (organization).
Crack Stuntman outlines the goals of Pistols for Pandas.
Cast (in order of appearance): Crack Stuntman, Gunhaver (Easter egg), Silent Rip (Easter egg)
Places: Set, Bamboo Forest
Date: Monday, April 27, 2009
Running Time: 2:02
Page Title: They Need All The Firepower They Can Get!
Contents |
Transcript
{Open on Crack Stuntman standing against a bluish-gray background.}
CRACK STUNTMAN: Blah-hi, kids, BLAH'm Crack Stuntman. {he holds up one finger} I used to do the voice of Cheat Commander on the cartoon man show until contractual mumbo-jumbo screwed me out of the sweetest gig I ever had! {pleading} Please take me back!
{Cut}
CRACK STUNTMAN: {smiling} But I'm also the voice of a much more important non-profit organization called— {shocked and mad} Non-profit?! What the bluh-what?! But I'm still get paid, right?
{Cut}
{Crack is now in expensive, jewel-encrusted sunglasses, and his shirt pocket is stuffed with dollar bills}
CRACK STUNTMAN: But I'm also the voice of a non-profit organisation called Pistols for Pandas, {Pistols for Pandas logo appears to his left} that I hold very near and dear to my new sunglasses.
{Crack turns, and scene changes}
CRACK STUNTMAN: In light of the recent made-up holiday {a card for "ERF DAY" appears} designed to make your parents feel guilty about their car, I thought I'd tell you just how P-for-P gets small firearms into the paws of our planet's most adorable, and most unarmed, creatures.
{Scene changes to stick-figure drawings - one has a baseball cap on, the other's head is Crack's}
CRACK STUNTMAN: For every dollar you give to Pistols For Pandas, we laugh at, cause', like, what good's a dollar gonna do? But for every five dollars you give, we buy one box of cereal with the best prize in it. I eat said cereal, play with the prize, and save the box top. Once we have enough box tops, I dress up like a fifth grader and take them to a local school. That buys the school a computer, which I sneak out with after charming the horn-rimmed glasses off the media centre ladies. I take these computers to a local pawn shop, and exchange them for the weapons pandas need. And finally, when nobody's looking, I dump these pistols into the panda habitat down at the local zoo. {zoom on Crack's face} Did you hear that? I used the word "local" like three times. That means this good cause is even upittier than most! {buzzer sound is heard, and a box displaying "Buzzword Rated", along three leaves each containing the word "local", appear on the right side of the screen}
{Cut back to real Crack Stuntman}
CRACK STUNTMAN: We're destroying these poor creatures faster than ever before. If we don't give them the means to protect themselves when we come clear-cut their bamboo forests and build a five-star resort, who will?
{A tray with a two-layered cocktail on it slides into view}
CRACK STUNTMAN: I said several limes! This is two limes!
{While this is said, the bamboo behind Crack is sawed down. Cut to the Pistols for Pandas logo}
CRACK STUNTMAN: {voiceover; as he speaks, the words appear above the logo} Pistols For Pandas: This good cause is good...'cause!
Easter Eggs
- Click on the panda nose at the end of the toon to see this exchange between Silent Rip and Gunhaver.
- SILENT RIP: Uh, Cheat Commander, are we supposed to be fighting the pandas or helping them?
- GUNHAVER: Who cares? I'm just psyched I got my old job back! I love voice acting! {babbles} Look at that sweet, sweet lip synch.
Fun Facts
Explanations
- This toon was released around Earth Day, which usually involves caring for the planet and its wildlife.
- "Local" is described as a buzzword due to the increasing popularity of localism, such as the local food movement.
Inside References
- Pistols for Pandas was first referenced in Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 14.2.
- Crack Stuntman mentions losing his contract to do Gunhaver's voice, which references the disappearance of his character because of his uncooperativeness in The Next Epi-Snowed.
- The phrase "cartoon man show" is a reference to Fan Costumes '07.
- Crack Stuntman's line "But I'm still get paid, right?" is similar to the Temporarios slogan in strong badathlon, "Cuz I'm don't get paid!"
- The internet slang spelling of "p4wn" also appeared in Teen Girl Squad Issue 10.
- The stickman drawing version of Crack Stuntman makes Homsar's walking noise when sneaking.
- The man who donated several dollars is wearing a hat similar to Coach Zs.
Real-World References
- The cereal prize is the Wacky WallWalker.
