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| - | <blockquote class="lappy email">
| + | '''Man!''' It's been like, over a freaking year, and there's still no re-imaginin' going on for this user page! No graphics, no funny statements, no funny questions! Not even a miserable italicized word! |
| - | <div>subject: Let's Trace! Let's Trace Some Drawings!</div>
| + | [[image:homestar.jpg|thumb|500px|right|<small>The cause of the disappearance of the T-Zone?</small>]] |
| - | Dear Two-Bit Wrestleman,<br>
| + | ''That's better.'' |
| - | <br> | + | |
| - | Whatever happened to the King of Town's servants?<br>
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| - | And for that matter, where can I get me some Grumblecakes?<br>
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| - | And why is your mouth pink? That's not normal.<br>
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| - | With much crap,<br>
| + | ==The Failure of Imagination (Or, Why No One Should Ever Compose Streams of Consciousness)== |
| - | Dave (yeah, that's my real name), DC<br>
| + | <small>'''DISCLAIMER: None of the following is true, nor is it endorsed by the Homestar Runner Wiki, employees of SOGLO, Ltd., or any sandals, anywhere. Maybe Teva sandals, but that would be the exception.'''</small> |
| - | </blockquote> | + | |
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| | + | The Smoking Monkey thinks that [[Strong Sad|when angels cry]], this means Vlad Guerrero has a season-ending MCL injury. When someone says, "I Can't!" he replies ,"not ''the'' Immanuel Kant, philosopher extrordinaire?" He believes firmly that everything Homestar says is really a coded message somehow linked to that piece of tire he once saw on Route 95. He feels it's not always right to hold the door open for little old ladies - what is he, a professional doorman? No, no, no. He is, was, and shall be a proponent for getting manatees put on restaurant menus, expunging the word "crotchless" from the English language, and tapioca. Lots of thick, rich, tapioca. |
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| - | =='''''<font color=darkgreen>The Smoking Monkey</font>'''''==
| + | Dee-lish. |
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| - | [[Image:thesmokingmonkey.jpg|thumb|right|150px|'''''<small>Not Actually The Smoking Monkey</small>''''']]
| + | — {{User:Thesmokingmonkey/sig}} 03:57, 25 July 2007 (UTC) |
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| - | For one reason or another, you have come to the user page of the person calling himself '''The Smoking Monkey'''. Previously, this page was devoted more to the concept of the Monkey, because the Monkey wasn't fully comfortable "being himself" in a strange, possibly hostile environment. However, as the weeks have passed, the Monkey has relaxed and decided to drop the chimp-front and reveal a small bit about himself and what it is he's doing here.
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| - | =='''''<font color=darkgreen>The Real Monkey</font>'''''==
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| - | Hello, fellow HRWikiers! My name is '''Dave'''. I'm 28, an [[Wikipedia:United States Army|Army]] [[Wikipedia:veteran|combat veteran]] of Operation Iraqi Freedom, and I've been a huge H*R fan since stumbling across it surfing the "web" after I got back from Iraq in late 2003. I liked it immediately, but it wasn't until [[crazy cartoon]] (when I laughed so hard I nearly killed myself when the lemonade I was drinking almost went into my lungs) that I knew I had fallen in love with the quirky web cartoon. When not working, I dabble in fiction and non-fiction writing, making music, video gamin', and yes, the occasional beer or two or three. For those that would care, I quit smoking months ago, although I still slip up every now and again.
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| - | =='''''<font color=darkgreen>Monkey the Enforcer</font>'''''==
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| - | Here at the Wiki, I've become a law-and-order type, maybe like the Mel Gibson character in ''Lethal Weapon'', though not I'm not suicidal, or teamed with a cagey old veteran cop nearing retirement, or short, or Australian. Come to think of it, I'm nothing at all like the Mel Gibson character in ''Lethal Weapon''. I'm a member of the '''Recent Changes Patrol''', and focus most of my energy making sure every edit is a good edit. To date, I've caught three trolls and hope to catch many more; perhaps one day I can live up to the wiki-defending standard set by [[User:BazookaJoe|BazookaJoe]]!
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| - | The other day, I had my first battle with a Willy on Wheels style vandal, eventually beating them back with the help of [[User:Venusy|Venusy]] and [[User:bkmlb|bkmlb]]. And, as part of the battle, I'm proud to say my own user and talk pages were '''vandalized'''! After the damage was repaired, the question arose: what would a smoking monkey on wheels look like? [[User:Venusy|Venusy]] came up with this [http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b354/Venusy/smokingmonkeyonwheels.png delightful image]. Motorists, be warned: '''the smoking monkey on wheels''' often makes triple lane changes without signaling and will cut you off just for the thrill of it!
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| - | =='''''<font color=darkgreen>Monkey the Creator!?!?</font>'''''==
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| - | Now and then I'll make minor contributions here and there, but this Wiki community is so sharp on the ins and outs of the H*R Universe, I just let them do their thing. I'm constantly amazed at the dedication and professionalism of the major contributors to this site, especially [[User:It's dot com|It's dot com]], who has given me some timely and sage advice during my time here.
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| - | Recently, I was shocked to see the community noticed my work on [[Free Country, USA]] and made it a featured article! It came about oddly - some anonymous user added some info, and I reverted it. Then someone re-reverted it: "it was good", they said. Then I reverted it again. Then [[User:It's dot com|It's dot com]] stepped in and reminded me just because an edit is anonymous, it's not automatically bad. Then, I started looking closely at the article, and before long, I got a wee bit obsessive adding things, sorting other things out, and generally trying to flesh out what Free Country was.
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| - | I was so pleased with how that page turned out, I've decided to try my hand at other pages that could use a little freshening up. I just gave the character pages for the [[Teen Girl Squad]] an overhaul and have worked in the past on such illustrious pages as [[Balding Man]] and [[User:Thesmokingmonkey|this user page]]. Who knows what obscure, out of the way page will get the Smoking Monkey treatment next? Sadly, only time can tell for sure.
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| - | =='''''<font color=darkgreen>What's the Deal With the Monkey Name, Anyway?</font>'''''==
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| - | I know [[Wikipedia:Emo Phillips|someone]] out there has wondered, "why is this yahoo calling himself 'the smoking monkey'? Is he obsessed with [[Wikipedia:monkey|monkeys]]? Does he think he's being ever-so-clever by hinting at some kind of laissez-faire slacker lifestyle? The answer to these important questions are: I'm not exactly sure, not really, and no. Some months ago, [[Wikipedia:CNN|mass media]] was running this human interest story - er, a [[Wikipedia:bonobo|chimpanzee]] interest story - about a chimp in the Johannesburg Zoo that had picked up smoking. Much like the [[Wikipedia:Tom Green|idiots]] one sees at the zoo throwing junk food to endangered species*, [[Wikipedia:South Africa|South African]] idiots had been throwing lit cigarettes at the chimps. And, wouldn't you know it, one chimp aped his distant genetic relatives and started smoking them on a regular basis. Now, if there couldn't possibly be any more idiocy crammed into this story, the [[Wikipedia:newscaster|talking heads]] relating the story said marvelously insightful things after rolling the clips like, "I don't think that's setting a very good [[Wikipedia:Pee Wee Herman|example]] for children!" and "Monkey see, monkey do, right? Ha, ha, ha." In short, the story was such a mixture of the [[Wikipedia:Friends|mundane]], the [[Wikipedia:Stella (television show)|ridiculous]], and even the [[Wikipedia:King Lear|tragic]], I identified with that [[Wikipedia:cigarette|chain-smoking]] chimp, and felt he needed to be honored somehow. And so a name, such as it is, was born.
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| - | =='''''<font color=darkgreen>The Smoking Monkey Pledge</font>'''''==
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| - | ''<big><font color=darkred>If I revert your edit and you feel slighted, feel free to bring it to my talk page. I do make mistakes, like the time I let a looter go and then arrested him again an hour later for trying to steal the same fish he was trying to steal when I arrested him in the first place. Also, I don't claim any special authority here at the Wiki - I simply try to enforce established rules and make sure that this Wiki stays the outstanding Homestar Runner resource that it is!</font></big>'' - {{User:Thesmokingmonkey/sig}}
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| - | (*) <small> Seriously, if you do this, stop. Gorillas do not need Twinkees to survive any more than a chimp needs a Marlboro. </small> | + | |
