Subtitles:sbemail207/en
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<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?> <transcript xml:lang="en-us" file="sbemail207.swf" width="550" height="400"> <line start="18" end="50" speaker="strongbad">Let's not make a big deal outta this,</line> <line start="51" end="79" speaker="strongbad">It's just a little Strong Bad Email.</line> <line start="82" end="94"><strongbad>Boo-ding.</strongbad><sfx>Ding</sfx></line> <line start="96" end="121" speaker="strongbad">"Dear SB-b-splurb,"</line> <line start="124" end="164" speaker="strongbad">"Why doesn't Senor Cardgage have a video in the Characters section?"</line> <line start="165" end="192" speaker="strongbad">"Is he too cool to be on camera?"</line> <line start="195" end="231" speaker="strongbad">"Woefully yours, Krist-ian WithaK"</line> <line start="233" end="286" speaker="strongbad">Come now young Withak. While Cardgage is too cool for lots of things:</line> <line start="288" end="314" speaker="strongbad">Wiping honey mustard off his goatee...</line> <line start="316" end="347"><sfx>Dripping</sfx><sfx>Traffic noises</sfx></line> <line start="349" end="380" speaker="strongbad">Knowing dead animals don't make good kneepads...</line> <line start="382" end="394" speaker="sfx">Crowd noises</line> <line start="395" end="422"><cardgage>Prude me in, Couch Z!</cardgage><sfx>Crowd noises</sfx></line> <line start="423" end="444"><cardgage>I'm Reggie Toupée!</cardgage><sfx>Crowd noises</sfx></line> <line start="445" end="448" speaker="sfx">Crowd noises</line> <line start="449" end="525"><announcer>Now entering the game for Team Kneepads, number 34, Reggie Toupée!</announcer><sfx>Crowd noises</sfx></line> <line start="526" end="542" speaker="sfx">Lackluster cheering</line> <line start="543" end="572" speaker="strongbad">And being out of the way...</line> <line start="587" end="591" speaker="homestar">'Scuse me.</line> <line start="592" end="599"><homestar>'Scuse me.</homestar><cardgage><i>(grumbles)</i></cardgage></line> <line start="600" end="606" speaker="homestar">Pardon me.</line> <line start="607" end="614"><homestar>Pardon me.</homestar><cardgage><i>(grumbles)</i></cardgage></line> <line start="615" end="631" speaker="homestar">Ladder. Got a ladder.</line> <line start="632" end="635"><homestar>Ladder. Got a ladder.</homestar><cardgage><i>(grumbles)</i></cardgage></line> <line start="637" end="652" speaker="homestar">'Scuse me. Have a ladder.</line> <line start="658" end="660" speaker="homestar">Trying.</line> <line start="661" end="666"><homestar>Trying.</homestar><cardgage><i>(grumbles)</i></cardgage></line> <line start="668" end="688" speaker="homestar">Walk by. With a ladder.</line> <line start="689" end="693" speaker="homestar">'Scuse me.</line> <line start="700" end="741" speaker="strongbad">Being in a character video is not something he's too cool for.</line> <line start="742" end="773" speaker="strongbad">I should know. I filmed the thang ding.</line> <line start="777" end="791" speaker="strongbad">Dang. I— I mean— <span style="visibility:hidden">dang thing.</span></line> <line start="792" end="804" speaker="strongbad">Dang. I— I mean— dang thing.</line> <line start="806" end="844" speaker="strongbad">Okay, Senor. I got my camera all set up, and—</line> <line start="845" end="877" speaker="cardgage">No, I bronk my own.</line> <line start="879" end="941" speaker="strongbad">Oh, uh, you want me to use... this to record your character video?</line> <line start="943" end="975" speaker="cardgage">It's clearly state-of-the-arp.</line> <line start="976" end="1003" speaker="strongbad">Yeah, yeah, I agree, don't get me wrong.</line> <line start="1007" end="1091" speaker="strongbad">But... er, hear me out: it might also just be a crusty key-lime-pie-scented air freshener?</line> <line start="1095" end="1149" speaker="strongbad">Which, I mean, is very visionary of you, and nobody shoots on air freshener no more.</line> <line start="1151" end="1179" speaker="cardgage">Mash play, Polenta.</line> <line start="1187" end="1204" speaker="strongbad">Um... <span style="visibility:hidden">okay. Boop.</span></line> <line start="1205" end="1223" speaker="strongbad">Um... okay. <span style="visibility:hidden">Boop.</span></line> <line start="1224" end="1234" speaker="strongbad">Um... okay. Boop.</line> <line start="1239" end="1283" speaker="cardgage">Protuberances abound, Regalith!</line> <line start="1286" end="1318" speaker="strongbad">He went on like that for 2 or 3 hours.</line> <line start="1319" end="1359" speaker="strongbad">Until he informed me that we had "run out of film."</line> <line start="1360" end="1403" speaker="strongbad">So I'm thinking Cardgage just isn't gonna have a character video, right?</line> <line start="1405" end="1458" speaker="strongbad">Then, the next day, this mysterious package shows up!</line> <line start="1459" end="1465" speaker="sfx">"Blah!"</line> <line start="1465" end="1481"><sfx>"Blah!"</sfx><sfx>music sting</sfx></line> <line start="1482" end="1508"><strongbad voiceover="true">It was some kind of video tape cassette.</strongbad><sfx>eerie music</sfx></line> <line start="1509" end="1552"><strongbad voiceover="true">A short-lived format called "Betaflop-D".</strongbad><sfx>eerie music</sfx></line> <line start="1553" end="1575"><strongbad voiceover="true">Apparently made for use only inside Tom Brokaw's house.</strongbad><sfx>eerie music</sfx></line> <line start="1575" end="1601"><strongbad voiceover="true">Apparently made for use only inside Tom Brokaw's house.</strongbad></line> <line start="1604" end="1656" speaker="strongbad">Unfortunately, we never found a beige enough device on which to play the dang thing.</line> <line start="1657" end="1676" speaker="strongbad">Er— thang ding.</line> <line start="1678" end="1702" speaker="strongbad"><i>Until now!</i></line> <line start="1706" end="1711" speaker="sfx">music</line> <line start="1712" end="1743"><sfx>music</sfx><strongsad>So where's this beige-enough device?</strongsad></line> <line start="1744" end="1746" speaker="sfx">music</line> <line start="1747" end="1797"><sfx>music</sfx><strongsad>This doesn't look anything like the inside of Tom Brokaw's house!</strongsad></line> <line start="1798" end="1798"><sfx>music</sfx></line> <line start="1799" end="1816"><sfx>music</sfx><strongbad>Oh, it's a few blocks away.</strongbad></line> <line start="1817" end="1818"><sfx>music</sfx></line> <line start="1819" end="1872"><sfx>music</sfx><strongbad voiceover="true">It took over four hundred different adapters to get that thing to plug into our TV.</strongbad></line> <line start="1874" end="1878"><sfx>music</sfx><strongbad voiceover="true" sfx="also true">static noise</strongbad></line> <line start="1879" end="1891"><sfx>music</sfx><strongbad voiceover="true">Come in, Bubs!</strongbad></line> <line start="1892" end="1896" speaker="sfx">music</line> <line start="1897" end="1914"><sfx>music</sfx><strongbad>Insoit the tape!</strongbad></line> <line start="1915" end="1915" speaker="sfx">music</line> <line start="1916" end="1920"><sfx>music</sfx><strongbad sfx="true">static noise</strongbad></line> <line start="1921" end="1944"><sfx>music</sfx><bubs>Static. Roger that!</bubs></line> <line start="1945" end="1948" speaker="sfx">music</line> <line start="1949" end="1971"><sfx>music</sfx><bubs>Cathunk! Static.</bubs></line> <line start="1976" end="1982" speaker="sfx">static</line> <line start="1984" end="2055" speaker="cardgage">I'm Seron Cardgage, the lead star from Characters Website!</line> <line start="2057" end="2107" speaker="cardgage">I'd like to pintroduce you to the family might/could!</line> <line start="2116" end="2146" speaker="cardgage">Hedge, Packaged Sirloin.</line> <line start="2147" end="2165"><strongbad>AAAH!</strongbad><strongsad>AAAH!</strongsad><homestar>AAAH!</homestar><strongmad>AAAH!</strongmad></line> <line start="2166" end="2207"><cardgage voiceover="yes" sfx="probably">grumbling incoherently</cardgage><strongsad>What part of his person are we even looking at?!</strongsad></line> <line start="2208" end="2208" speaker="cardgage" sfx="yes">grumbling incoherently</line> <line start="2209" end="2269"><cardgage voiceover="yes" sfx="probably">grumbling incoherently</cardgage><strongmad>TOO MANY FOLDS! TOO MANY FOLDS!!</strongmad></line> <line start="2270" end="2270" speaker="cardgage" voiceover="yes" sfx="probably">grumbling incoherently</line> <line start="2271" end="2311"><cardgage voiceover="yes" sfx="probably">grumbling incoherently</cardgage><strongbad>Trust me, you guys! This is <i>not</i> what we shot that day!</strongbad></line> <line start="2321" end="2336" speaker="strongbad">On an old air freshener.</line> <line start="2340" end="2380"><cardgage voiceover="yes" sfx="probably">grumbling incoherently</cardgage><homestar>This is so exciting. My first rated-R movie!</homestar></line> <line start="2381" end="2385" speaker="cardgage" voiceover="yes" sfx="probably">grumbling incoherently</line> <line start="2386" end="2413"><cardgage voiceover="yes" sfx="probably">grumbling incoherently</cardgage><homestar>Today, I am become a man!</homestar></line> <line start="2414" end="2418" speaker="cardgage" voiceover="yes" sfx="probably">grumbling incoherently</line> <line start="2419" end="2432"><cardgage voiceover="yes" sfx="probably">grumbling incoherently</cardgage><homestar>Poof! Peff! Puff!</homestar></line> <line start="2433" end="2435" speaker="cardgage" voiceover="yes" sfx="probably">grumbling incoherently</line> <line start="2436" end="2466"><cardgage voiceover="yes" sfx="probably">grumbling incoherently</cardgage><strongsad>Where did you say you got this tape again?</strongsad></line> <line start="2467" end="2470" speaker="cardgage" voiceover="yes" sfx="probably">grumbling incoherently</line> <line start="2471" end="2525"><cardgage voiceover="yes" sfx="probably">grumbling incoherently</cardgage><strongbad>I dunno! It arrived mysteriously with no return address and a spooky music sting.</strongbad></line> <line start="2526" end="2550"><cardgage voiceover="yes" sfx="probably">grumbling incoherently</cardgage><sfx>music sting</sfx></line> <line start="2551" end="2562"><cardgage voiceover="yes" sfx="probably">grumbling incoherently</cardgage><strongbad>That's the one.</strongbad></line> <line start="2563" end="2634"><cardgage voiceover="yes" sfx="probably">grumbling incoherently</cardgage><strongsad>Strong Bad, I think you just made us all watch one of those urban legend cursèd video tapes!</strongsad></line> <line start="2635" end="2635" speaker="cardgage" voiceover="yes" sfx="probably">grumbling incoherently</line> <line start="2636" end="2671"><cardgage voiceover="yes" sfx="probably">grumbling incoherently</cardgage><strongsad>I think we all may be cursed for life!</strongsad></line> <line start="2672" end="2674" speaker="cardgage" voiceover="yes" sfx="probably">grumbling incoherently</line> <line start="2675" end="2692" speaker="strongsad"><i>Finally!</i></line> <line start="2697" end="2751" speaker="strongbad">See? Cardgage is so cool his character video probably cursed us all for life!</line> <line start="2754" end="2799" speaker="strongbad">But if there were any adverse side-effects, we haven't seen anything so far.</line> <line start="2801" end="2837" speaker="strongbad">I'm sure they'll manifest someday when we least expect it.</line> <line start="2838" end="2862" speaker="strongbad">Thanks for emailing me, Kristi Ann.</line> <line start="2864" end="2927" speaker="strongbad">Now I'ma grab a sharpie and head to the bathroom. Try and make my own "family might/could."</line> <line start="2929" end="2940" speaker="sfx">chairscoot</line> <line start="2955" end="2989" speaker="sfx">eerie music</line> <line start="2991" end="3075" speaker="homestar">Well, Widow Jankroe, if we're talking about your children's future, primary and secondary investments simply won't be enough.</line> <line start="3077" end="3094" speaker="homestar">We're gonna need to start talking about</line> <line start="3096" end="3100" speaker="other" volume="1.1"><i>TERtiary</i></line> <line start="3101" end="3104" speaker="other"><i>tertiary</i></line> <line start="3105" end="3108" speaker="other" volume="1.1"><i>tertiARy</i></line> <line start="3109" end="3115" speaker="other"><i>tertiary</i></line> <line start="3116" end="3125" speaker="homestar">investments, and—</line> <line start="3126" end="3155"><homestar>WAH! WAAH! WAAAH!</homestar><sfx>eerie music</sfx></line> <line start="3156" end="3179" speaker="strongbad">Lemme guess, you just said—</line> <line start="3180" end="3184" speaker="other" volume="1.1"><i>TERtiary</i></line> <line start="3185" end="3187" speaker="other"><i>tertiary</i></line> <line start="3188" end="3192" speaker="other" volume="1.1"><i>tertiARy</i></line> <line start="3193" end="3201" speaker="other"><i>tertiary</i></line> <line start="3202" end="3254" speaker="strongbad">WAAAAAH! It's the Cardgage curse! It finally caught up with us!</line> <line start="3255" end="3266" speaker="sfx">music sting</line> <line start="3267" end="3283"><homestar voiceover="true">Rated F for folds.</homestar><sfx>eerie music</sfx></line> <line start="3284" end="3370"><homestar voiceover="true">May contain graphic images of vague skin folds, references to Family Might/Could's, and scenes of strong foldulence.</homestar><sfx>eerie music</sfx></line> <line start="3372" end="3393" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="true">C-G-eeow!</line> <line start="3454" end="3496" speaker="coachz">Hey, my name's Couch Z, a-one, two, one, three!</line> <line start="3498" end="3533" speaker="coachz">Check me out as I rock furnitularly!</line> <line start="3535" end="3568" speaker="coachz">I can't really recommend you ever sit down on me,</line> <line start="3569" end="3608" speaker="coachz">'Cause your backside might stick to my upholstery!</line> <line start="3614" end="3675" speaker="f-sack">Those are some of the worst rhymes I ever had laid ears on!</line> <line start="3681" end="3743" speaker="f-sack">But I ain't got no ears, just this nasty old mouth flap.</line> <line start="3744" end="3773" speaker="f-sack">A-he-uh-ha-ho-hoo-hee.</line> </transcript>
