Subtitles:sbemail206/en

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<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<transcript xml:lang="en-us" file="sbemail206.swf" width="550" height="400">
  <line start="21" end="45" speaker="strongbad">Emails are like Hot Pockets,</line>
  <line start="45" end="77" speaker="strongbad">They're full of garbage and cheese.</line>
  <line start="86" end="90" speaker="strongbad">"Dear <span style="visibility:hidden">Strong Bad, when are you gonna dust off the Compé and answer an email? Matt Massapequa"</span></line>
  <line start="90" end="98" speaker="strongbad">"Dear Strong <span style="visibility:hidden">Bad, when are you gonna dust off the Compé and answer an email? Matt Massapequa"</span></line>
  <line start="98" end="105" speaker="strongbad">"Dear Strong Bad, <span style="visibility:hidden">when are you gonna dust off the Compé and answer an email? Matt Massapequa"</span></line>
  <line start="105" end="110" speaker="strongbad">"Dear Strong Bad, when <span style="visibility:hidden">are you gonna dust off the Compé and answer an email? Matt Massapequa"</span></line>
  <line start="110" end="114" speaker="strongbad">"Dear Strong Bad, when are <span style="visibility:hidden">you gonna dust off the Compé and answer an email? Matt Massapequa"</span></line>
  <line start="114" end="120" speaker="strongbad">"Dear Strong Bad, when are you <span style="visibility:hidden">gonna dust off the Compé and answer an email? Matt Massapequa"</span></line>
  <line start="120" end="125" speaker="strongbad">"Dear Strong Bad, when are you gonna <span style="visibility:hidden">dust off the Compé and answer an email? Matt Massapequa"</span></line>
  <line start="125" end="130" speaker="strongbad">"Dear Strong Bad, when are you gonna dust <span style="visibility:hidden">off the Compé and answer an email? Matt Massapequa"</span></line>
  <line start="130" end="136" speaker="strongbad">"Dear Strong Bad, when are you gonna dust off <span style="visibility:hidden">the Compé and answer an email? Matt Massapequa"</span></line>
  <line start="136" end="140" speaker="strongbad">"Dear Strong Bad, when are you gonna dust off the <span style="visibility:hidden">Compé and answer an email? Matt Massapequa"</span></line>
  <line start="140" end="148" speaker="strongbad">"Dear Strong Bad, when are you gonna dust off the Compé <span style="visibility:hidden">and answer an email? Matt Massapequa"</span></line>
  <line start="148" end="153" speaker="strongbad">"Dear Strong Bad, when are you gonna dust off the Compé and <span style="visibility:hidden">answer an email? Matt Massapequa"</span></line>
  <line start="153" end="160" speaker="strongbad">"Dear Strong Bad, when are you gonna dust off the Compé and answer <span style="visibility:hidden">an email? Matt Massapequa"</span></line>
  <line start="160" end="166" speaker="strongbad">"Dear Strong Bad, when are you gonna dust off the Compé and answer an <span style="visibility:hidden">email? Matt Massapequa"</span></line>
  <line start="166" end="176" speaker="strongbad">"Dear Strong Bad, when are you gonna dust off the Compé and answer an email? <span style="visibility:hidden">Matt Massapequa"</span></line>
  <line start="176" end="200" speaker="strongbad">"Dear Strong Bad, when are you gonna dust off the Compé and answer an email? Matt Massapequa"</line>
  <line start="200" end="252" speaker="strongbad">Wait a minute, have I not always checked my email on kitchen appliances?!</line>
  <line start="257" end="281"><strongbad>"Dear Strong Bad…"</strongbad></line>
  <line start="281" end="296"><strongbad>"Dear Strong Bad…"</strongbad><strongbad>"Dear Strong Bad…"</strongbad></line>
  <line start="296" end="313"><strongbad>"Dear Strong Bad…"</strongbad><strongbad>"Dear Strong Bad…"</strongbad><strongbad>"Dear crushed ice…"</strongbad></line>
  <line start="313" end="328"><strongbad>"Dear Strong Bad…"</strongbad><strongbad>"Dear Strong Bad…"</strongbad><strongbad>"Dear crushed ice…"</strongbad><strongbad>"Dear Strong Bad…"</strongbad></line>
  <line start="328" end="367" speaker="strongbad">Oh, yeah! Computers!</line>
  <line start="367" end="398" speaker="strongbad">Let's go see how that old Compé is doing!</line>
  <line start="405" end="457" speaker="strongbad">…Ooh. That is… that is some dust.</line>
  <line start="457" end="486" speaker="strongbad">Well, I'd best get to blowin'!</line>
  <line start="486" end="540" speaker="strongbad">I said a-FWWWWWWWWWWWW…</line>
  <line start="550" end="560" speaker="strongbad">Whoa!</line>
  <line start="560" end="620" speaker="strongbad">All that dust compressed my old computer into a newer, even better computer!</line>
  <line start="620" end="644" speaker="strongbad">Like coal to a diamond!</line>
  <line start="644" end="692" speaker="strongbad">Ah, Compé, we hardly knew yé.</line>
  <line start="692" end="704" speaker="strongbad">Whup!</line>
  <line start="704" end="733" speaker="sfx">Startup music</line>
  <line start="733" end="753"><sfx>Startup music</sfx><strongbad>The Lappier.</strongbad></line>
  <line start="753" end="795" speaker="strongbad">Just like the previous model, only crappier.</line>
  <line start="795" end="817" speaker="strongbad">I mean, more expensive.</line>
  <line start="817" end="839" speaker="strongbad">I–I mean, lappier.</line>
  <line start="839" end="849" speaker="sfx">Ding!</line>
  <line start="849" end="880" speaker="strongbad">What?! April First?!</line>
  <line start="880" end="915" speaker="strongbad">Aw, man, I can't check my email today!</line>
  <line start="915" end="953" speaker="homestar" voiceover="yes">Here it comes, here it comes! Brace myself!</line>
  <line start="953" end="981" speaker="strongbad">Homestar, what are you doing here?</line>
  <line start="981" end="1032" speaker="homestar">Just waiting for you to drop that Apro Foo'Day bomb, Strong Bad!</line>
  <line start="1032" end="1066" speaker="homestar">Our website always has the best pranks!</line>
  <line start="1066" end="1120" speaker="strongbad">Homestar, everybody knows the Internet already ruined April Fools' Day.</line>
  <line start="1120" end="1155" speaker="strongbad">On February 7, 2008, ironically enough.</line>
  <line start="1155" end="1216" speaker="homestar">But it's the day the Internet gets on the Internet to make inside jokes about the Internet!</line>
  <line start="1216" end="1317" speaker="strongbad">Exactly. And I can't wait to be <em>soooo</em> fooled when my favorite website looks like it's from another <em>time</em> period!</line>
  <line start="1317" end="1388" speaker="homestar" voiceover="yes">Oh. Man. This looks just like one of them Flash-y cartoon websites from 2002!</line>
  <line start="1388" end="1414" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">No! Shut up! I haven't done it yet!</line>
  <line start="1414" end="1440"><strongbad voiceover="yes">Boo-da-ling…</strongbad><sfx>Mechanical clunking</sfx></line>
  <line start="1440" end="1483" speaker="homestar" voiceover="yes">What happened to my wedsize? It's gone Old Time Jones!</line>
  <line start="1483" end="1513" speaker="thehomestar">E'erybody, e'erybody.</line>
  <line start="1513" end="1555" speaker="oldstrongbad">Insert one pence for tomfoolery!</line>
  <line start="1555" end="1581" speaker="thehomestar">Insert a baby.</line>
  <line start="1581" end="1615" speaker="homestar" voiceover="yes">Oh, no, I'm not falling for <em>that</em> prank again.</line>
  <line start="1615" end="1656" speaker="homestar" voiceover="yes">Strong Bad, let's move on to the next thing you're gonna make fun of.</line>
  <line start="1656" end="1704" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">And don't forget all the great fake movie trailers we get to suffer through.</line>
  <line start="1712" end="1817" speaker="announcer" voiceover="yes">Sometimes, a cruel, cruel world needs a man with cool, cool glasses.</line>
  <line start="1817" end="1868" speaker="sfx">Dangeresque theme</line>
  <line start="1868" end="1898"><strongbad>Two Dangeresques?!</strongbad><strongbad>Two Dangeresques?!</strongbad></line>
  <line start="1898" end="1935"><homestar>And two Dangeresque Toos?!</homestar><homestar>And two Dangeresque Toos?!</homestar></line>
  <line start="1935" end="1955" speaker="coachz">But that equals…!</line>
  <line start="1965" end="1995" speaker="announcer" voiceover="yes">Dangeresque Four <span style="visibility:hidden">Divided by Two Equals Six!</span></line>
  <line start="1995" end="2027" speaker="announcer" voiceover="yes">Dangeresque Four Divided by Two <span style="visibility:hidden">Equals Six!</span></line>
  <line start="2027" end="2060" speaker="announcer" voiceover="yes">Dangeresque Four Divided by Two Equals Six!</line>
  <line start="2067" end="2092" speaker="strongbad">Or did I? <span style="visibility:hidden">…I, I, I, I, I?</span></line>
  <line start="2092" end="2099" speaker="strongbad">Or did I? …I, <span style="visibility:hidden">I, I, I, I?</span></line>
  <line start="2099" end="2104" speaker="strongbad">Or did I? …I, I, <span style="visibility:hidden">I, I, I?</span></line>
  <line start="2104" end="2109" speaker="strongbad">Or did I? …I, I, I, <span style="visibility:hidden">I, I?</span></line>
  <line start="2109" end="2113" speaker="strongbad">Or did I? …I, I, I, I, <span style="visibility:hidden">I?</span></line>
  <line start="2113" end="2122" speaker="strongbad">Or did I? …I, I, I, I, I?</line>
  <line start="2144" end="2165" speaker="strongbad" volume="0.8" voiceover="yes">Is that— is that six?</line>
  <line start="2169" end="2175" speaker="strongsad">Ugh!</line>
  <line start="2177" end="2201" speaker="homestar">When's it coming out?! When's it coming out?!</line>
  <line start="2201" end="2235" speaker="homestar">I gotta forward this to all my peeps on Google Buzz!</line>
  <line start="2235" end="2303" speaker="strongbad">Now, hang on, we don't want to forget about the fake ads for nerd culture products that don't really exist.</line>
  <line start="2303" end="2335" speaker="strongsad">Did someone say, "nerd cultures"?</line>
  <line start="2335" end="2354" speaker="strongsad" sfx="sfx">Choking</line>
  <line start="2354" end="2363"><strongbad voiceover="yes">No!</strongbad><homestar voiceover="yes">No!</homestar></line>
  <line start="2368" end="2422" speaker="announcer" voiceover="yes">Burninate back-to-school with the Trogdor Beefy Arm Backpack.</line>
  <line start="2422" end="2459" speaker="announcer" voiceover="yes">Two straps! One beefy arm!</line>
  <line start="2459" end="2508" speaker="announcer" voiceover="yes">Secret com-pockt-ments for all your consummate V's.</line>
  <line start="2508" end="2575" speaker="announcer" voiceover="yes">And you'll look "rather dashing" in this Burninated Peasant Zip-up Trench Hoodie.</line>
  <line start="2575" end="2604" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">It's only fake, unless enough of you say you'll buy one,</line>
  <line start="2604" end="2636" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">in which case, support my crowdfunding campaign!</line>
  <line start="2636" end="2676" speaker="homestar">I want one! Imagine me with three arms!</line>
  <line start="2676" end="2728" speaker="homestar">Oooooooh! I gotta send this to all my Google Wavebirds!</line>
  <line start="2728" end="2750" speaker="strongbad">Forget all that mess!</line>
  <line start="2750" end="2804" speaker="strongbad">I'm yanking April Fools' off the Internet and back into the real world!</line>
  <line start="2804" end="2833" speaker="strongbad">Where it can physically hurt people!</line>
  <line start="2833" end="2869" speaker="homestar">Nobody falls for that stuff no more, Strong Bad!</line>
  <line start="2869" end="2925" speaker="strongbad">Hey, Homestar! I'd like you to meet your long-lost twin brother!</line>
  <line start="2925" end="2960" speaker="homestar">Chauncey! Give us a three-armed hug!</line>
  <line start="2973" end="3000" speaker="strongbad">Ha! April Fools'!</line>
  <line start="3009" end="3047" speaker="marzipan">Are you sure this is gluten-free?</line>
  <line start="3047" end="3067" speaker="strongbad">April Fools'!</line>
  <line start="3067" end="3100" speaker="strongbad">Hey, King of Town, I'd like you to eat… <span style="visibility:hidden">your long lost twin brother.</span></line>
  <line start="3100" end="3127" speaker="strongbad">Hey, King of Town, I'd like you to eat… your long lost twin brother.</line>
  <line start="3127" end="3141" speaker="kingoftown">Okay!</line>
  <line start="3153" end="3173" speaker="strongmad">GET ME DOWN!</line>
  <line start="3173" end="3187" speaker="strongbad">A-tee hee.</line>
  <line start="3187" end="3217" speaker="strongmad">I'M SCARED OF HEIGHTS!</line>
  <line start="3217" end="3230" speaker="strongbad">And a-tee hee hee.</line>
  <line start="3235" end="3241" speaker="strongsad">Ugh!</line>
  <line start="3246" end="3284" speaker="bubs">How am I supposed to get inside my car?</line>
  <line start="3284" end="3324" speaker="coachz">How am I supposed to get outside my apratment?</line>
  <line start="3348" end="3381" speaker="strongbad">Now, that's how you April Fools' a body.</line>
  <line start="3381" end="3440" speaker="strongbad">Pain and suffering. Not… inconvenient web browsing.</line>
  <line start="3440" end="3446" speaker="sfx">Ding!</line>
  <line start="3446" end="3495" speaker="strongbad">Hey! Look at that! Now I can check my email.</line>
  <line start="3495" end="3555" speaker="strongbad">Alright boxing gloves, get ready to work your inexplicable magic.</line>
  <line start="3555" end="3596" speaker="strongbad">I check my email on computers, huh-HA! Uh, no toast!</line>
  <line start="3675" end="3694" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">C-G-eowwww!</line>
  <line start="3701" end="3750" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes" sfx="sfx">Music</line>
  <line start="3919" end="3956" speaker="oldstrongbad">Old Time Jones Drug-filled Tonic!</line>
  <line start="3956" end="3977" speaker="oldstrongbad">"It's for children, you!"</line>
</transcript>
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