Subtitles:sbemail205/en

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<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<transcript xml:lang="en-us" file="sbemail205.swf" width="550" height="400">
  <line start="14" end="74" speaker="strongbad">Checkin' e-mails with boxing gloves. The sweet computer science.</line>
  <line start="75" end="108" speaker="strongbad">"To Whom It May Concern; (aka Strong Bad),"</line>
  <line start="109" end="180" speaker="strongbad">"I'm getting married in August. I'm looking to hire a 'videographer' to videotape our wedding."</line>
  <line start="181" end="245" speaker="strongbad">"Could you use all your skills and powers to <!-- It's actually "and", but it is misread here. -->take on such a task? I want it to look real nice."</line>
  <line start="246" end="284" speaker="strongbad">"Robert McSwain, Video Media Technologist <span style="visibility:hidden">IIIIITS Department"</span></line>
  <line start="285" end="286" speaker="strongbad">"Robert McSwain, Video Media Technologist I<span style="visibility:hidden">IIIITS Department"</span></line>
  <line start="287" end="288" speaker="strongbad">"Robert McSwain, Video Media Technologist II<span style="visibility:hidden">IIITS Department"</span></line>
  <line start="289" end="290" speaker="strongbad">"Robert McSwain, Video Media Technologist III<span style="visibility:hidden">IITS Department"</span></line>
  <line start="291" end="292" speaker="strongbad">"Robert McSwain, Video Media Technologist IIII<span style="visibility:hidden">ITS Department"</span></line>
  <line start="293" end="294" speaker="strongbad">"Robert McSwain, Video Media Technologist IIIII<span style="visibility:hidden">TS Department"</span></line>
  <line start="295" end="296" speaker="strongbad">"Robert McSwain, Video Media Technologist IIIIIT<span style="visibility:hidden">S Department"</span></line>
  <line start="297" end="308" speaker="strongbad">"Robert McSwain, Video Media Technologist IIIIITS Department"</line>
  <line start="309" end="341" speaker="strongbad">Well McSwobert, that works out perfectly,</line>
  <line start="342" end="405" speaker="strongbad">because "videographer" is just one of my many professions that have quotes around them.</line>
  <line start="406" end="435" speaker="strongbad">I'm also a "heart surgeon," <span style="visibility:hidden">a "licensed technician," a "poultry farmer," and a "fireman."</span></line>
  <line start="436" end="470" speaker="strongbad">I'm also a "heart surgeon," a "licensed technician," <span style="visibility:hidden">a "poultry farmer," and a "fireman."</span></line>
  <line start="471" end="496" speaker="strongbad">I'm also a "heart surgeon," a "licensed technician," a "poultry farmer," <span style="visibility:hidden">and a "fireman."</span></line>
  <line start="497" end="524" speaker="strongbad">I'm also a "heart surgeon," a "licensed technician," a "poultry farmer," and a "fireman."</line>
  <line start="525" end="553" speaker="strongbad">And you say you're getting married in August?</line>
  <line start="554" end="574" speaker="strongbad">So like, 2 months ago?</line>
  <line start="575" end="648" speaker="strongbad">Also, not a problem. My videograph will have so many fancy wipes, fades, and transitions,</line>
  <line start="649" end="702" speaker="strongbad">your wife will never even know you guys aren't in it! Take a look at my demo reel.</line>
  <line start="703" end="704"><sfx volume="1.5">Static</sfx></line>
  <line start="735" end="789" speaker="strongbad">Hello there. I'm famed quotation marked videographer Strong Bad.</line>
  <line start="790" end="833" speaker="strongbad">Do you like quick zooms and solarizing effects?</line>
  <line start="834" end="905" speaker="strongbad">What about diamondy transitions, pixelated wipes, or slow fade-outs?</line>
  <line start="906" end="974" speaker="strongbad">All these effects and more will make your cherished event that happened last month be cherished forever.</line>
  <line start="975" end="1010" speaker="strongbad">Jimmy's lacrosse debacle never looked so good.</line>
  <line start="1012" end="1014"><sfx volume="1.5">Static</sfx></line>
  <line start="1015" end="1070">
    <sfx>mumbling</sfx>
    <strongbad>Little Jimmy is playing lacrosse!</strongbad></line>
  <line start="1071" end="1075">
    <sfx>mumbling</sfx>
    <sfx>whistle blowing</sfx></line>
  <line start="1076" end="1125">
    <sfx>mumbling</sfx>
    <strongbad>Oh, he scores the winning lacrosse point!</strongbad></line>
  <line start="1126" end="1182">
    <sfx>mumbling</sfx>
    <strongbad>Oh, and his dad was totally there and not at Applebee's!</strongbad></line>
  <line start="1183" end="1208">
    <sfx>mumbling</sfx>
    <strongbad>Good shot, John-Jimmy!</strongbad></line>
  <line start="1209" end="1211"><sfx volume="1.5">Static</sfx></line>
  <line start="1212" end="1307" speaker="strongbad">Add panache, pizzaz, and pep with a Seedy Rom work of unanimated clip art and copyright-free classical music.</line>
  <line start="1308" end="1334"><br /><sfx>classical music</sfx></line>
  <line start="1335" end="1366"><homestar>Are you sure this will work, aka Strong Bad?</homestar><sfx>classical music</sfx></line>
  <line start="1367" end="1396"><strongbad>Definitely! Just act like you're celebrating!</strongbad><sfx>classical music</sfx></line>
  <line start="1397" end="1443" speaker="homestar">Oh, twice! I'm a lavish gift-giver!</line>
  <line start="1444" end="1456" speaker="strongbad">Weddings? <span style="visibility:hidden">Bar-mitzfvfahs? Bar-Fvfights? First steps? Droopy (snicker) drawers? You name it! I'll videographafize it!</span></line>
  <line start="1457" end="1477" speaker="strongbad">Weddings? Bar-mitzfvfahs? <span style="visibility:hidden">Bar-Fvfights? First steps? Droopy (snicker) drawers? You name it! I'll videographafize it!</span></line>
  <line start="1478" end="1492" speaker="strongbad">Weddings? Bar-mitzfvfahs? Bar-Fvfights? <span style="visibility:hidden">First steps? Droopy (snicker) drawers? You name it! I'll videographafize it!</span></line>
  <line start="1493" end="1503" speaker="strongbad">Weddings? Bar-mitzfvfahs? Bar-Fvfights? First steps? <span style="visibility:hidden">Droopy (snicker) drawers? You name it! I'll videographafize it!</span></line>
  <line start="1504" end="1524" speaker="strongbad">Weddings? Bar-mitzfvfahs? Bar-Fvfights? First steps? Droopy (snicker) drawers? <span style="visibility:hidden">You name it! I'll videographafize it!</span></line>
  <line start="1525" end="1566" speaker="strongbad">Weddings? Bar-mitzfvfahs? Bar-Fvfights? First steps? Droopy (snicker) drawers? You name it! I'll videographafize it!</line>
  <line start="1567" end="1619" speaker="strongbad">Take family meat loaf night back to the ooold west!</line>
  <line start="1620" end="1673" speaker="strongbad">Did somebody say... <i>sepia</i> tones?</line>
  <line start="1674" end="1684" speaker="other">Uh, no.</line>
  <line start="1685" end="1694">
    <other>Uh, no.</other>
    <other>I don't... think so.</other></line>
  <line start="1695" end="1707">
    <other>Uh, no.</other>
    <other>I don't... think so.</other>
    <other>I definitely didn't.</other></line>
  <line start="1708" end="1748" speaker="strongbad">And with our new sweet sweet suite of video toasters,</line>
  <line start="1762" end="1817" speaker="strongbad">your precious memories will have titles that defy the very laws of reason.</line>
  <line start="1818" end="1880" speaker="sfx">music and mumbling</line>
  <line start="1881" end="1903">
    <sfx>music and mumbling</sfx>
    <other>Oooooh!</other></line>
  <line start="1904" end="2049" speaker="strongbad">Hopefully that will be enough to keep your wife from wondering why her video media technologist husband wasn't smart enough<br /> to think of putting a video camera on a tripod across the room and press record.</line>
  <line start="2050" end="2094" speaker="strongbad">But you could probably also get away with just putting a label that says,</line>
  <line start="2095" end="2177" speaker="strongbad">"WEDDIN TAPE" on a VHS cassette since none-out-of-none couples actually ever watch their wedding video.</line>
  <line start="2178" end="2210" speaker="strongbad">Unless of course a baby drops an f-bomb,</line>
  <line start="2211" end="2233" speaker="strongbad">Somebody pukes in their toupee,</line>
  <line start="2234" end="2279" speaker="strongbad">Or Grandmaw Auntpaw rolls down the stairs in her wheelchair.</line>
  <line start="2280" end="2332" speaker="strongbad">In which case you simply post it online and turn it into internet gold!</line>
  <line start="2333" end="2434" speaker="strongbad">And I can definitely arrange for some of that stuff to happen at your wedding, if you enlist my services as an "event coordinator."</line>
  <line start="2435" end="2486" speaker="strongbad">A-heh heh heh, heh heh heh-HEM.</line>
  <line start="2487" end="2502" speaker="compe-per">Preeeow!</line>
  <line start="2514" end="2591" speaker="strongbad">My state-of-the-art camera has a state-of-the-art microphone mounted right next to the giant videotape motor.</line>
  <line start="2592" end="2685" speaker="strongbad">So you're guaranteed to hear mostly that, and not what Grandmaw Auntpaw just said on her hundred-and-ninth birthday.</line>
  <line start="2686" end="2728">
    <sfx>camcorder motor</sfx>
    <grandmawauntpaw volume="0.5">I never loved any of you.</grandmawauntpaw></line>
  <line start="2729" end="2733"><sfx volume="1.5">Static</sfx></line>
</transcript>
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