From Homestar Runner Wiki

Jump to: navigation, search
Subtitles logo These are the English subtitles for independent. watch this toon
To watch the toon with subtitles, we recommend that you install either the All-In-One Greasemonkey script for Firefox or the Homestar All-In-One extension for Chrome.
It will give you the option to automatically display subtitles when you view toons on and those mirrored locally. Alternatively, you may use our local viewer.

en  de  he  es  fr  nl  fi  pl  pt-br  tr

<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<transcript xml:lang="en-us" file="sbemail203.swf" width="550" height="400">
  <line start="12" end="33" speaker="sfx">sigh</line>
  <line start="40" end="104" speaker="strongbad"><em>Hey!</em> Who taped a full-color photo to my computer screen? It won't come off!</line>
  <line start="104" end="137" speaker="thecheat">The Cheat noises</line>
  <line start="138" end="174" speaker="strongbad"><em>What?</em> Those are actual graphics?</line>
  <line start="175" end="207" speaker="strongbad"><em>And</em> I can change it to be whatever I want??</line>
  <line start="210" end="259" speaker="strongbad"><em>(singing)</em> Oh, best thing ever, best thing ever, this is the best thing ever...</line>
  <line start="260" end="294" speaker="strongbad">To check my email, all I gotta do is click.</line>
  <line start="294" end="329" speaker="strongbad">All that old typin' made my boxing gloves sick.</line>
  <line start="333" end="349" speaker="strongbad">"Dear Strong Bad,"</line>
  <line start="350" end="393" speaker="strongbad">"Does Strong Badia ever host a hideous growth on my butt festival?"</line>
  <line start="394" end="425" speaker="strongbad">Er...wait. "...independent film festival?"</line>
  <line start="426" end="453" speaker="strongbad">Sorry about that. I get those two mixed up.</line>
  <line start="454" end="480" speaker="strongbad">Evil Moms choose Evil Gif.</line>
  <line start="481" end="498" speaker="strongbad">Phoeniz, Arixona.</line>
  <line start="500" end="533" speaker="strongbad">Well Gif, the short answer is no.</line>
  <line start="534" end="564" speaker="strongbad">The long answer is...<span style="visibility:hidden">NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!</span></line>
  <line start="565" end="623" speaker="strongbad">The long answer is...NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!</line>
  <line start="624" end="657" speaker="strongbad">Independent films are called that for a reason:</line>
  <line start="658" end="700" speaker="strongbad">They are <em>independent</em> of anything good.</line>
  <line start="704" end="784" speaker="strongbad">And these days, they seem to be locked in a civil war that will hopefully end in the extermination of both sides.</line>
  <line start="785" end="824" speaker="strongbad">I am, of course talking about independent films<span style="visibility:hidden"> vs. indie films.</span></line>
  <line start="825" end="836" speaker="strongbad">I am, of course talking about independent films vs.<span style="visibility:hidden"> indie films.</span></line>
  <line start="837" end="854" speaker="strongbad">I am, of course talking about independent films vs. indie films.</line>
  <line start="856" end="879" speaker="strongbad">"What's the diff?" you may ask.</line>
  <line start="880" end="901" speaker="strongbad"><em>(quickly)</em> Because apparently you're in a big hurry.</line>
  <line start="902" end="945" speaker="strongbad">Well, it's as plain as Strong Sad and Pom Pom!</line>
  <line start="945" end="960">
    <strongbad voiceover="voiceover">Strong Sad is on the independent film side.</strongbad>
  <line start="961" end="984" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Strong Sad is on the independent film side.</line>
  <line start="985" end="1024" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">He's the lifer artist-type who went to film school.</line>
  <line start="1025" end="1072" speaker="strongsad">I minored in holding on wide shots for too long!</line>
  <line start="1104" end="1159" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">And he's making some <em>boring</em>, very personal, no budget film.</line>
  <line start="1162" end="1217" speaker="strongsad">Actually, I've succeeded in going <em>lower</em> than no budget!</line>
  <line start="1218" end="1265" speaker="strongsad">I'm making the world's first faux-budget film!</line>
  <line start="1266" end="1311" speaker="strongsad">The entire thing's being financed with Monopoly money!</line>
  <line start="1313" end="1333" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">And, best of luck to you.</line>
  <line start="1336" end="1378" speaker="strongbad">Pom Pom on the other hand, represents <em>indie</em> films.</line>
  <line start="1379" end="1449" speaker="strongbad">The slicker, catchier name they came up with that seems to perform better in the 18 to 24 demo.</line>
  <line start="1451" end="1493">
    <strongbad voiceover="voiceover">He's a tech-savvy hipster whose dad owns his own studio,</strongbad>
  <line start="1494" end="1570">
    <strongbad voiceover="voiceover">and relies on using middle names and/or initials to somehow solidify his indie cred.</strongbad>
  <line start="1571" end="1659" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">He'll spend his 30 million dollar budget trying as hard as he can to make it <em>look</em> like he only spent a few hundred thousand.</line>
  <line start="1660" end="1770" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">The first step is to spend millions on a hand-drawn title sequence that looks like it was made by some Junior High kid during Pre-Algebra.</line>
  <line start="1771" end="1830" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Oh, and don't forget the indie soundtrack by unknown bands,</line>
  <line start="1831" end="1869" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">whose songs are already in every car commercial ever.</line>
  <line start="1870" end="1930" speaker="singer">Gets really great gas mileage!</line>
  <line start="1930" end="2017" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">The title of the movie is either two of the cleverly named main characters, or the city and state in which it takes place.</line>
  <line start="2018" end="2036" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Ooh, in fact, just call it <span style="visibility:hidden">city comma state.</span></line>
  <line start="2037" end="2057" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Ooh, in fact, just call it city comma state.</line>
  <line start="2073" end="2141" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Meanwhile, Strong Sad names his movie by picking a few boring words from the middle of a boring sentence,</line>
  <line start="2142" end="2162" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">and makes his own soundtrack <span style="visibility:hidden">by weeping softly into the wrong end of a saxophone.</span></line>
  <line start="2163" end="2179" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">and makes his own soundtrack by weeping softly<span style="visibility:hidden"> into the wrong end of a saxophone.</span></line>
  <line start="2180" end="2203" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">and makes his own soundtrack by weeping softly into the wrong end of a saxophone.</line>
  <line start="2203" end="2254">
     <strongsad sfx="sfx">sobbing</strongsad>
     <sfx>light bass noise</sfx>
  <line start="2255" end="2338">
     <strongbad voiceover="voiceover">His film will star a washed-up TV actor that hasn't worked in ten years, in a desperate attempt to reinvent himself.</strongbad>
     <strongsad sfx="sfx">sobbing</strongsad>
     <sfx>light bass noise</sfx>
  <line start="2339" end="2366">
     <homestar>Hey, whadaya lookin' at me for?</homestar>
     <sfx>record scratch</sfx>
  <line start="2367" end="2429" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Pom Pom's movie has A-list movie stars, but they're all working "for scale".</line>
  <line start="2430" end="2506" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Which I can only assume is a solid gold scale, with both sides <em>perfectly</em> balanced with gold bricks.</line>
  <line start="2507" end="2572" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">As for what it's about, an indie film's plot is pretty much the same as any summer blockbuster,</line>
  <line start="2574" end="2616" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">but just switch out any mention of the word "space" with, <span style="visibility:hidden">"small factory town,"</span></line>
  <line start="2617" end="2640" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">but just switch out any mention of the word "space" with, "small factory town,"</line>
  <line start="2641" end="2664" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">replace "aliens" with <span style="visibility:hidden">"quirky, dysfunctional family,"</span></line>
  <line start="2665" end="2692" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">replace "aliens" with "quirky, dysfunctional family,"</line>
  <line start="2693" end="2717" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">And replace "voyage" with<span style="visibility:hidden"> "journey."</span></line>
  <line start="2718" end="2733" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">And replace "voyage" with "journey."</line>
  <line start="2735" end="2836" speaker="announcer" voiceover="voiceover">In the dead of a small factory town, dealing with your quirky, dysfunctional family is the <em>easiest</em> part of the journey.</line>
  <line start="2840" end="2902" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Once finished, Strong Sad's independent film will enjoy a small, art house opening.</line>
  <line start="2903" end="2932" speaker="strongsad">You forgot the apostrophe s!</line>
  <line start="2932" end="2974" speaker="strongsad">This film is opening at this guy called <em>Art's</em> house!</line>
  <line start="2975" end="3007" speaker="strongsad">He's got like <em>three</em> couches!</line>
  <line start="3008" end="3025" speaker="strongsad">Ou-tta-sight!</line>
  <line start="3026" end="3046" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">And, best of luck to you.</line>
  <line start="3046" end="3101" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Pom Pom's little movie that could, opens on 2,000 screens the first weekend,</line>
  <line start="3102" end="3129" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">expanding to 10,000 the next.</line>
  <line start="3130" end="3173" speaker="strongbad">And wouldn'tcha know it? This movie was <em>sooo</em> cheap to make,</line>
  <line start="3174" end="3243" speaker="strongbad">that he still has money left over to take out full page ads in all the trade papers during award season!</line>
  <line start="3244" end="3276" speaker="strongbad">That movie is all heart.</line>
  <line start="3283" end="3335" speaker="strongbad">There you have it, Evil Jeff. The difference between a hideous growth on my butt,</line>
  <line start="3336" end="3368" speaker="strongbad">and a <em>profitable</em> hideous growth on my butt.</line>
  <line start="3373" end="3449" speaker="strongbad">I know you wanted us to have some film festival with all the characters, and you'd get to see little bits of everybody's movies.</line>
  <line start="3450" end="3463" speaker="strongbad">But I didn't do that.</line>
  <line start="3467" end="3486" speaker="strongbad">Because I hate you.</line>
  <line start="3487" end="3522" speaker="strongbad">OOOoooooooo!! Now who's evil?</line>
  <line start="3523" end="3560" speaker="strongbad">Forget GIFs, man. I'm an evil tif!</line>
  <line start="3561" end="3610" speaker="strongbad">Or maybe an evil 24-bit ping with alpha channel.</line>
  <line start="3610" end="3654" speaker="strongbad">Or maybe an evil...targa file?</line>
  <line start="3657" end="3677" speaker="strongbad">Whatever those are.</line>
  <line start="3680" end="3699" speaker="compe-per">Ah-ha!</line>
  <line start="3700" end="3750" speaker="strongbad">Whoa! Looks like I've gone... The Paper-less with this new computer.</line>
  <line start="3751" end="3782" speaker="strongbad">Can I at least customize that sound it makes?</line>
  <line start="3785" end="3799" speaker="compe-per">Preeeow!</line>
  <line start="3800" end="3826" speaker="strongbad"><em>That's</em> what I'm talking about!</line>
  <line start="3834" end="3901" speaker="homestar">I just... don't think I can handle... eating this... asparagus.</line>
  <line start="3901" end="3921" speaker="strongsad">Cut, cut!</line>
  <line start="3922" end="3977" speaker="homestar">What was wrong with that take? I mean, whaddya expect for two pinks and a green?</line>
  <line start="3978" end="4059" speaker="homestar">I'm not... Bernardo Ralshonde, you know. Sounds like he'd be some type of famous actor.</line>
  <line start="4068" end="4156" speaker="announcer">In the dead of space... dealing with aliens is the easiest part of the voyage.</line>
Personal tools