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Subtitles logo These are the English subtitles for being mean. watch this toon
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<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<transcript xml:lang="en-us" file="sbemail199.swf" width="550" height="400">
  <line start="16" end="72" speaker="strongbad">I had to pay the doctor just to have this email removed. A-so smooth.</line>
  <line start="72" end="88" speaker="strongbad">"Dear Strong Bad,</line>
  <line start="88" end="152" speaker="strongbad">"I know you think being mean is fun, but I'm trying to teach my kids that that isn't right.</line>
  <line start="152" end="220" speaker="strongbad">"Can you say something about being nice and point out why being mean isn't always the best choice.</line>
  <line start="220" end="240" speaker="strongbad">"Thanks! Nice Dad."</line>
  <line start="240" end="274" speaker="strongbad">You're coming to <em>me</em> for nice lessons?</line>
  <line start="274" end="328" speaker="strongbad">You expect <em>me</em> to tell your wussy kids that being mean isn't the best choice?</line>
  <line start="328" end="392" speaker="strongbad">I wonder what other gems are in your sent mail outbox.</line> 
  <line start="392" end="401" speaker="sfx">ding</line>
  <line start="401" end="420" speaker="strongbad">"Dear Hungry Shark,</line>
  <line start="420" end="495" speaker="strongbad">"I'm trying to teach my wounded, bleeding sea lions that tearing other creatures apart is not the answer,</line>
  <line start="495" end="522" speaker="strongbad">"and I immediately thought of you!!</line>
  <line start="522" end="552" speaker="strongbad">"Your Pal, Nice Dad."</line>
  <line start="552" end="570" speaker="strongbad">And there's probably one like...</line>
  <line start="570" end="639" speaker="strongbad">"Hey 42 year-old online game playing man-child that still lives with his ex-wife's parents,</line>
  <line start="639" end="660" speaker="strongbad">"It's me, Nice Dad!</line>
  <line start="660" end="709" speaker="strongbad">"The boys need a lesson about responsibility and personal hygiene.</line>
  <line start="709" end="768" speaker="strongbad">"Got time to stop by tonight between Goblin Keep Sieges?  -N.D."</line>
  <line start="768" end="815" speaker="strongbad">The only time I know of when being mean isn't the best choice</line>
  <line start="815" end="868" speaker="strongbad">is when someone nearby is holding a <em>really</em> tall ice cream cone.</line> 
  <line start="868" end="925" speaker="strongbad">Hey wow, Homestar. That's a great same-shirt-you-always-wear you have on today.</line>
  <line start="925" end="956" speaker="homestar">Thanks, Strong Bad. Did you want some of my...</line>
  <line start="956" end="960"><homestar>OW!</homestar><strongbad>Wah!</strongbad></line>
  <line start="961" end="964" speaker="sfx">splat</line>
  <line start="965" end="983" speaker="strongbad">Wahahahaha!</line>
  <line start="983" end="1017" speaker="strongbad">Oh, wait. Being mean is the best choice there too.</line>
  <line start="1017" end="1058" speaker="strongbad">Look, this is clearly not a job for me Nice Dad.</line>
  <line start="1058" end="1083" speaker="strongbad">(translation: Uncool Dad)</line>
  <line start="1083" end="1162" speaker="strongbad">When it comes to teaching kids about behavior and choices and various other words from parenting books,</line>
  <line start="1162" end="1196" speaker="strongbad">there's only one place to look for answers,</line>  
  <line start="1196" end="1222" speaker="strongbad">the Drama Club!</line>
  <line start="1222" end="1237" speaker="kingoftown">Listen up, class.</line>
  <line start="1237" end="1295" speaker="kingoftown">Instead of watching me doze off for the last ten minutes like we usually do,</line>
  <line start="1295" end="1330" speaker="kingoftown">I've got a special treat for you all today.</line>
  <line start="1330" end="1390" speaker="kingoftown">The drama club is going to perform a state-required skit about being nice,</line>
  <line start="1390" end="1425" speaker="kingoftown">so we can avoid losing our accreditation!</line>
  <line start="1426" end="1444" speaker="kingoftown">Now, give it up...</line>
  <line start="1444" end="1494" speaker="kingoftown">for Coach Z's Nicetown Players!</line>
  <line start="1495" end="1507"><sfx>two claps</sfx><strongbad voiceover="yes" volume="0.8">You suck.</strongbad></line>
  <line start="1508" end="1578" speaker="coachz">Oh, man. What a great pratty. I wonder what kid's house this is.</line>
  <line start="1578" end="1651" speaker="marzipan">I wonder if he likes me. Will I make the team? I wish my parents would stop fighting.</line>
  <line start="1651" end="1685" speaker="strongmad">IS THIS MY CUE?</line>
  <line start="1685" end="1732" speaker="coachz">Hey, Pants Pull-Upper! Nice pulled-up... pants!</line>
  <line start="1732" end="1772" speaker="marzipan"> I shouldn't laugh, but I want to fit in.</line>    <line start="1772" end="1795" speaker="marzipan">Good one, Head Male Cheerleader!</line>
  <line start="1795" end="1809" speaker="strongmad">BOO-HOO-HOO-HOO...</line>
  <line start="1809" end="1873" speaker="coachz">My parents' room is out of town in my car. Wanna go park out?</line>
  <line start="1873" end="1898" speaker="marzipan">But what about that poor nerd?</line>
  <line start="1898" end="1924" speaker="coachz">Ah, who cares about...</line>
  <line start="1924" end="1933" speaker="strongmad" sfx="sfx">angry grunt</line>
  <line start="1933" end="1953" speaker="marzipan" sfx="sfx">scream</line>
  <line start="1965" end="1986"><coachz volume="0.7">Ow... stop... quit it...</coachz><strongmad sfx="sfx" volume="0.7">laugh</strongmad></line>
  <line start="1986" end="2045" speaker="marzipan">This is why be'sing mean is not always the best choice.</line>
  <line start="2045" end="2057" speaker="coachz">Drap it!</line>
  <line start="2058" end="2078" speaker="sfx">rap beat</line>
  <line start="2078" end="2111"><sfx>rap beat</sfx><coachz>Now being mean ain't the greatest choice!</coachz></line>
  <line start="2111" end="2121"><sfx>rap beat</sfx><coachz>My name's Coach Z and I—</coachz></line>
  <line start="2122" end="2138"><sfx>rap beat</sfx><kingoftown>Aaaand we've run out of time.</kingoftown></line>
  <line start="2138" end="2150"><strongbad voiceover="yes" volume="0.8">You suck.</strongbad></line>
  <line start="2150" end="2178" speaker="strongbad">See how lame that was Nice Dad?</line>
  <line start="2178" end="2264" speaker="strongbad">I'm sure your kids could learn all sorts of crap-kicked-out-of-them lessons from superbly acted dramatizations like that.</line>
  <line start="2264" end="2287" speaker="strongbad">But don't take it from me,</line>
  <line start="2287" end="2344" speaker="strongbad">let's hear from our resident parenting expert, Hungry Shark.</line>
  <line start="2344" end="2403" speaker="other">Sometimes the taste of blood in the water is just so sweet, makes me wanna...</line>
  <line start="2403" end="2444" speaker="other">I just gon... uh, I'm gonna eat your kids.</line>
  <line start="2444" end="2477" speaker="newpaper">shuffling noises</line>
  <line start="2485" end="2493" speaker="coachz">Drap it!</line>
  <line start="2494" end="2520" speaker="sfx">rap beat</line>
  <line start="2520" end="2553"><sfx>rap beat</sfx><coachz>Now being mean ain't the greatest choice!</coachz></line>
  <line start="2553" end="2586"><sfx>rap beat</sfx><coachz>My name's Coach Z and I likes to get noice!</coachz></line>
  <line start="2586" end="2610"><sfx>rap beat</sfx><coachz>If you don't believe me, listen to my voice;</coachz></line>
  <line start="2610" end="2654"><sfx>rap beat</sfx><coachz>I'll tell ya why being <em>nice</em> is the greatest choice!</coachz></line>
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