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<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<transcript xml:lang="en-us" file="sbemail195.swf" width="550" height="400">
  <line start="16" end="97" speaker="strongbad"><i>(singing)</i> Girl, where's my money that you owe me from all those emails that you wrote me?</line>
  <line start="98" end="126" speaker="strongbad">"Dear Mr. Strong...Bad</line>
  <line start="127" end="204" speaker="strongbad">"I am in love. Unfortunately, I am absotively blunderous with my words which I speak.</line>
  <line start="205" end="232" speaker="strongbad">"Will you help me write a love poem?</line>
  <line start="233" end="276" speaker="strongbad">"Sincerely, Just Another Homeless Romantic"</line>
  <line start="277" end="353" speaker="strongbad">Well, put on your patchy-stained jacket and gather 'round the fire in the trashcan, Homeless Romantic,</line>
  <line start="354" end="401" speaker="strongbad">cause the Rub...Doctor is here to help!</line>
  <line start="402" end="436" speaker="strongbad">Hi. I'm Doctor Marvin Rubdown.</line>
  <line start="437" end="530" speaker="strongbad">Did you know that writing love poems is as easy as telling a girl she's hot with the fance-pantsiest words you can think of?</line>
  <line start="531" end="601" speaker="strongbad">For poetic inspiration, I like to swipe the names of scented candle fragrances!</line>
  <line start="609" end="677"><strongbad>Your eyes, they flicker like a Sandalwood Sage Sunset.</strongbad><sfx>Romantic music</sfx></line>
  <line start="678" end="743"><strongbad>Your hair flows like Fresh Cotton Linens hung to dry on the deck.</strongbad><sfx>Romantic music</sfx></line>
  <line start="744" end="813"><strongbad>Grandma's Apple Cinnamon Spice is the scented candle I would use to describe your mouth.</strongbad><sfx>Romantic music</sfx></line>
  <line start="814" end="904"><strongbad>And your nose. Like an unscented emergency candle for when the power goes out.</strongbad><sfx>Romantic music</sfx></line>
  <line start="905" end="998" speaker="strongbad">Another way of fancying up a love poem is to replace random letters in the middle of words with apostrophes.</line>
  <line start="999" end="1051" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">"It is never ever over, my lover of clover"</line>
  <line start="1052" end="1066" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">becomes</line>
  <line start="1067" end="1105" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">"'Tis ne'er e'er o'er, m'lo'er o' clo'er".</line>
  <line start="1106" end="1126" speaker="coachz">Now you're sporkin' my language!</line>
  <line start="1127" end="1133" speaker="strongbad">Get out!</line>
  <line start="1134" end="1168" speaker="strongbad">Women love it when you talk all Elizabethan.</line>
  <line start="1169" end="1243" speaker="strongbad">But you shouldn't be afraid to get Kimberlian or Meredithian if the need arises. </line>
  <line start="1244" end="1279" speaker="cheerleader">I can't stand the way Meredith talks!</line>
  <line start="1280" end="1325" speaker="other">I'th hath a cruth on ethry boyth!</line>
  <line start="1326" end="1352" speaker="other">I herly berly on gerly werly!</line>
  <line start="1353" end="1376" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Shakespeared!</line>
  <line start="1377" end="1433" speaker="strongbad">But if that frilly collar stuff is too oldé schoolé for you,</line>
  <line start="1434" end="1494" speaker="strongbad">...then why not try a more contemporary approach with an overweight R'n'B make-out jam?</line>
  <line start="1495" end="1514"><strongbad>...then why not try a more contemporary approach with an overweight R'n'B make-out jam?</strongbad><sfx volume="0.4">Music</sfx></line>
  <line start="1515" end="1525"><strongbad>As long as your tone is well-dressed and sweaty enough, it doesn't matter what you say!</strongbad><sfx volume="0.5">Music</sfx></line>
  <line start="1526" end="1541"><strongbad>As long as your tone is well-dressed and sweaty enough, it doesn't matter what you say!</strongbad><sfx volume="0.6">Music</sfx></line>
  <line start="1542" end="1558"><strongbad>As long as your tone is well-dressed and sweaty enough, it doesn't matter what you say!</strongbad><sfx volume="0.7">Music</sfx></line>
  <line start="1559" end="1573"><strongbad>As long as your tone is well-dressed and sweaty enough, it doesn't matter what you say!</strongbad><sfx volume="0.8">Music</sfx></line>
  <line start="1574" end="1589"><strongbad>As long as your tone is well-dressed and sweaty enough, it doesn't matter what you say!</strongbad><sfx volume="0.9">Music</sfx></line>
  <line start="1590" end="1591"><strongbad><span style="visibility:hidden;">I bet you'll never find this easter egg.</span></strongbad><sfx volume="1">Music</sfx></line>
  <line start="1592" end="1643"><tenerence><i>(singing)</i> This is Tenerence Love with a sweaty overweight jam!</tenerence><sfx>Music</sfx></line>
  <line start="1644" end="1701"><tenerence><i>(singing)</i> My name is Tenerence Love with a sweaty overweight ham!</tenerence><sfx>Music</sfx></line>
  <line start="1702" end="1754"><tenerence><i>(singing)</i> It may be five pounds, ten pounds, twenty pounds,</tenerence><sfx>Music</sfx></line>
  <line start="1755" end="1827"><tenerence><i>(singing)</i> just a little bit overweight, now welcome, girl, to sweaty town!</tenerence><sfx>Music</sfx></line>
  <line start="1828" end="1875" speaker="strongbad">And when that gets you slapped and escorted from her building by security,</line>
  <line start="1876" end="1922" speaker="strongbad">you can always buy a fourteen-pound bag of extra-long—</line>
  <line start="1923" end="1944" speaker="homestar">Ah, ha ha, ha ha!</line>
  <line start="1945" end="1995" speaker="homestar">Oh, Strong Bad. It's funny to me when you try to play grown-up!</line>
  <line start="1996" end="2026" speaker="strongbad">What are you talking about, Mary Ann?</line>
  <line start="2027" end="2104" speaker="homestar">Everybody knows I'm the only one around here with any real no-arms-on experience with the lady-makes!</line>
  <line start="2105" end="2160" speaker="homestar">Just listen to this little make-out inducing number I threw together this mo'nin'!</line>
  <line start="2161" end="2210" speaker="homestar">This mo'nin'! This mo, re-mo, re-mo-mo'nin'!</line>
  <line start="2211" end="2256" speaker="strongbad">All right, but only 'cause that little song was kind of cool!</line>
  <line start="2257" end="2270" speaker="homestar">Ahem!</line>
  <line start="2275" end="2326"><homestar>M is for milk. The real stuff! Not soy.</homestar><sfx>Romantic music</sfx></line>
  <line start="2327" end="2381"><homestar>A is for not-organic apples. Pesticides ahoy!</homestar><sfx>Romantic music</sfx></line>
  <line start="2382" end="2422"><homestar>R is for raisins, they give me bad gas!</homestar><sfx>Romantic music</sfx></line>
  <line start="2423" end="2464"><homestar>Z is too hard, so at this one, I'll pass.</homestar><sfx>Romantic music</sfx></line>
  <line start="2465" end="2496"><homestar>I is for inchiladas! And—</homestar><sfx>Romantic music</sfx></line>
  <line start="2497" end="2509" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Homestar!</line>
  <line start="2510" end="2522" speaker="homestar">Yeah, what's up?</line>
  <line start="2523" end="2584" speaker="strongbad">That's not a love poem! That is a lavishly produced grocery list!</line>
  <line start="2585" end="2612" speaker="homestar">No, <i>here</i> is my grocery list!</line>
  <line start="2613" end="2660" speaker="homestar">Amazing thing, amazing thing, amazing thing, amazing thing.</line>
  <line start="2661" end="2682" speaker="strongbad">Whoa, where you been shopping?</line>
  <line start="2683" end="2694" speaker="homestar">SkyMall.</line>
  <line start="2695" end="2733" speaker="strongbad">Homestar, are you and Marzipan even dating right now?</line>
  <line start="2734" end="2792" speaker="homestar"><i>(Chuckles)</i> Are we even dating right now? <span style="font-size:125%;">Are</span> we even d— <span style="font-size:125%;">Are</span> we even da—</line>
  <line start="2793" end="2818" speaker="homestar">No, she broke up with me again this morning.</line>
  <line start="2819" end="2834" speaker="strongbad">This <i>morning?</i></line>
  <line start="2835" end="2858" speaker="homestar">Oh, I mean a-this mo'nin'!</line>
  <line start="2859" end="2893"><homestar>This mo'nin'! This mo, re-mo, re-mo—</homestar><strongbad>This mo'nin'! This mo, re-mo, re-mo—</strongbad></line>
  <line start="2894" end="2932" speaker="strongbad">So there you ha' it, My Homeless Roma'ic.</line>
  <line start="2933" end="2959" speaker="strongbad">Love Poems 101</line>
  <line start="2960" end="2980" speaker="strongbad">Oh the hearts you will win.</line>
  <line start="2981" end="3008" speaker="strongbad">Like this lavender scented plug-in</line>
  <line start="3009" end="3041" speaker="strongbad">New paper, come on and get some!</line>
  <line start="3042" end="3073" speaker="newpaper">Shuffling noises</line>
  <line start="3075" end="3170" speaker="strongsad">Why isn't he calling me yet on the Strong Badphone? This email was practically tailor made for me!</line>
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