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<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<transcript xml:lang="en-us" file="sbemail190.swf" width="550" height="400">
  <line start="16" end="108" speaker="strongbad"><i>(singing)</i> Save the gross stuff up at the back of your throat, and hock it at an unsuspecting email.</line>
  <line start="109" end="173" speaker="strongbad">"Ok Strong Bad, you and the Cheat are like famous now, but why haven't you licensed anything yet?</line>
  <line start="174" end="212" speaker="strongbad">"Like where's the Strong Bad novels and fluffy pillows,</line>
  <line start="213" end="255" speaker="strongbad">"I need more Strong Bad in my day, come on man help me out!</line>
  <line start="256" end="304" speaker="strongbad">"From yours truly, Pilmple-Faced Bill from receiving"</line>
  <line start="305" end="344" speaker="strongbad">Hey! I paid that pilmple-faced bill months ago!</line>
  <line start="345" end="403" speaker="strongbad">You gotta tell grody Blackhead-Flaced Janice from accounting to update her records!</line>
  <line start="404" end="448" speaker="strongbad">As for being famous and licensing stuff, you've got it all wrong.</line>
  <line start="449" end="478" speaker="strongbad">You don't need to be famous to license stuff.</line>
  <line start="479" end="508" speaker="strongbad">Just look at Biscuitdoughhandsman.</line>
  <line start="509" end="571" speaker="strongbad">He licensed his likeness to a paper towel company years ago, and no one knows who the crap he is.</line>
  <line start="572" end="613" speaker="other" voiceover="voiceover">Get this, Vera, it's exorbitantly absorbent!</line>
  <line start="614" end="631" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Shut up, lady!</line>
  <line start="632" end="709" speaker="strongbad">No, the true sign of being famous is in the <i>unlicensed</i> stuff! And we're all over that!</line>
  <line start="710" end="808" speaker="strongbad">In fact, we've got our own application process for becoming an officially licensed unlicensed seller of Strong Bad and The Cheat knock-offs.</line>
  <line start="809" end="883" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">The main requirements are that the country of manufacture has changed name five times since I was in seventh grade,</line>
  <line start="884" end="927" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">that you sell your wares from a blanket, or inside a trench coat,</line>
  <line start="928" end="984" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">that you always refer to the selling of our items as "numba one bargain!",</line>
  <line start="985" end="1014" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">and that one of us has to have a human nose.</line>
  <line start="1015" end="1028"><strongbad voiceover="voiceover">and that one of us has to have a human nose.</strongbad><sfx>splat</sfx></line>
  <line start="1029" end="1076" speaker="strongbad">One of our primary unlicensed licensees is shady daycares.</line>
  <line start="1077" end="1132" speaker="strongbad">You know, the kind that are open 24 hours and are surrounded by barbed wire.</line>
  <line start="1133" end="1187" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">They love to illegally use trademarked characters to earn desperate parents' trust.</line>
  <line start="1188" end="1273" speaker="cardgage" voiceover="voiceover"><i>(singing)</i> Where is Tompkins? Where is Cole Slaw? Here I am!</line>
  <line start="1274" end="1359" speaker="strongbad">Man, if I ever have kids, I can't wait to drop 'em off at the Puddin' Patch every morning on my way to the dog tracks!</line>
  <line start="1360" end="1390" speaker="strongbad">Another great knock-off is DVDs.</line>
  <line start="1391" end="1442" speaker="strongbad">The ones that are slight variations of slightly animated kids' movies.</line>
  <line start="1443" end="1509" speaker="strongbad">The kind they put right next to the check-out line, so Grandma might accidentally mistake it for the real thing.</line>
  <line start="1510" end="1521" speaker="strongbad">And they have titles like:</line>
  <line start="1522" end="1571" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">"The Secret Princess and Her Oppressive Authority Figure 4"</line>
  <line start="1572" end="1589" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">And the always popular,</line>
  <line start="1590" end="1645" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">"Jungle Animals in Decidedly Non-Jungle Situations".</line>
  <line start="1646" end="1718" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Novelty confections have to be my favorite growth sector of the unlicensed merchandise industry,</line>
  <line start="1719" end="1750" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">like these sugar-crusted marshmallow The Cheats,</line>
  <line start="1751" end="1784" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">or this gummi gel-ular pop,</line>
  <line start="1785" end="1809" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">from <i>Strong Badge: the Movie</i></line>
  <line start="1810" end="1870" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">And who wouldn't want to rot the teeth right out of their kid's head with this spinning Strong Bad sugar toothbrush?</line>
  <line start="1871" end="1894"><strongbad voiceover="voiceover">And who wouldn't want to rot the teeth right out of their kid's head with this spinning Strong Bad sugar toothbrush?</strongbad><sfx>shaking and rattling</sfx></line>
  <line start="1895" end="1922" speaker="coachz" voiceover="voiceover">Hey, Strong Bad, look! You're twice!</line>
  <line start="1923" end="1957" speaker="strongbad">A Strong Bad piñata!? Where'd you get that?</line>
  <line start="1958" end="1967" speaker="coachz">Bubs.</line>
  <line start="1968" end="1979" speaker="strongbad">Bubs?</line>
  <line start="1980" end="2013" speaker="coachz">Yeah, he's the fellow that runs the concession stand—</line>
  <line start="2014" end="2061" speaker="strongbad">I know who he is! He's an unlicensed unlicensed seller!</line>
  <line start="2062" end="2088" speaker="strongbad">I've been trying to shut him down for years.</line>
  <line start="2089" end="2100" speaker="strongbad">Come on, The Cheat!</line>
  <line start="2101" end="2133"><sfx>The Geddup Noise</sfx><thecheat>anxious The Cheat noises</thecheat></line>
  <line start="2134" end="2167" speaker="coachz">Ahhhh, what else?</line>
  <line start="2168" end="2216" speaker="bubs">—and I just got in this shipment of Strong Bad brand ferret ointment.</line>
  <line start="2217" end="2227" speaker="pompom">bubbles</line>
  <line start="2228" end="2243" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">There he is, The Cheat!</line>
  <line start="2244" end="2261" speaker="bubs">Uh-oh, store's closed.</line>
  <line start="2262" end="2293" speaker="sfx">bounces</line>
  <line start="2294" end="2325" speaker="strongbad">What's up with that trench coat, Bubs?</line>
  <line start="2326" end="2361" speaker="bubs">Oh. Uh... I'm a public flasher!</line>
  <line start="2362" end="2405" speaker="strongbad">Yeah, right. You ain't got no nudity under there! Open 'er up!</line>
  <line start="2406" end="2429" speaker="bubs">Okay, okay, you got me.</line>
  <line start="2430" end="2479" speaker="strongbad">Just as I suspected! Totally legit looking stuff!</line>
  <line start="2480" end="2533" speaker="strongbad">Where are the human noses? The misspellings? The choking hazards?</line>
  <line start="2534" end="2572" speaker="bubs">That's the kind of stuff I usually sell at the concession stand.</line>
  <line start="2573" end="2598" speaker="bubs">This is the black market, man!</line>
  <line start="2599" end="2652" speaker="strongbad">So, wait a minute. Your shady bootleg operation peddles quality goods,</line>
  <line start="2653" end="2691" speaker="strongbad">while your legal store front sells dangerous crap?</line>
  <line start="2692" end="2731" speaker="bubs">Exactly. I got a repatation to uphold!</line>
  <line start="2732" end="2794" speaker="strongbad">Well, in that case... Will The Cheat have an adverse reaction to that ferret ointment?</line>
  <line start="2795" end="2816" speaker="bubs">He'll swell up like a balloon.</line>
  <line start="2817" end="2834" speaker="strongbad">Then give me two cases!</line>
  <line start="2835" end="2845" speaker="thecheat">annoyed The Cheat noises</line>
  <line start="2846" end="2883" speaker="strongbad">So, we finally shut down Bubs' operation.</line>
  <line start="2884" end="2926" speaker="strongbad">And not just because he was an unlicensed unlicensed seller either.</line>
  <line start="2927" end="2965" speaker="strongbad">Guess what all those piñatas were stuffed full of....</line>
  <line start="2966" end="2982" speaker="strongbad">Homestar?</line>
  <line start="2983" end="3038" speaker="homestar"><i>(singing)</i> Broken glass, broken glass, broken glass, broken glass!</line>
  <line start="3039" end="3067" speaker="newpaper" sfx="sfx">shuffling noises</line>
  <line start="3085" end="3122" speaker="homestar">That junk was still my best birthdays ever!</line>
  <line start="3148" end="3205" speaker="homestar"><i>(singing)</i> Ugly bird, ugly bird, ugly bird, ugly bird!</line>
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