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Subtitles logo These are the English subtitles for mini-golf. watch this toon
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<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<transcript xml:lang="en-us" file="sbemail174.swf" width="550" height="400">
<line start="16" end="89" speaker="strongbad">E-mail! I'm so in love with you! It's kind of inappropriate!</line>
<line start="90" end="122" speaker="strongbad">"Hell-la-la-la-la-looooo Strong Bad,"</line>
<line start="123" end="159" speaker="strongbad">"I was wondering if Strong Badia had a miniature golf course..."</line>
<line start="160" end="199" speaker="strongbad">"because I think it would be cool if Strong Badia had a miniature golf course."</line>
<line start="200" end="242" speaker="strongbad">"Hoping to play the Strong Badia miniature golf course soon,"</line>
<line start="243" end="317" speaker="strongbad">"Somebody no one cares about in Iowa." Also known as, Everyone in Iowa.</line>
<line start="318" end="360" speaker="strongbad">What, are you getting paid every time you say the words "miniature golf course?"</line>
<line start="361" end="430" speaker="strongbad">Because I'd, miniature golf course, like to get in on that ac-miniature golf course-tion.</line>
<line start="431" end="474" speaker="strongbad">Of, miniature golf course, course, I don't sell out for cheap.</line>
<line start="475" end="489" speaker="strongbad">I usually get <span style="visibility:hidden"><em>(Kozmik Bowling)</em> 50 bucks every time I <em>(That Paintball Place Down the Street)</em> mention some kind of <em>(Waterslide Dan's MoistWorld)</em> fun-time emporium.</span></line>
<line start="490" end="497" speaker="strongbad">I usually get <em>(Kozmik Bowling)</em> <span style="visibility:hidden">50 bucks every time I <em>(That Paintball Place Down the Street)</em> mention some kind of <em>(Waterslide Dan's MoistWorld)</em> fun-time emporium.</span></line>
<line start="498" end="515" speaker="strongbad">I usually get <em>(Kozmik Bowling)</em> 50 bucks every time I <span style="visibility:hidden"><em>(That Paintball Place Down the Street)</em> mention some kind of <em>(Waterslide Dan's MoistWorld)</em> fun-time emporium.</span></line>
<line start="516" end="532" speaker="strongbad">I usually get <em>(Kozmik Bowling)</em> 50 bucks every time I <em>(That Paintball Place Down the Street)</em> <span style="visibility:hidden">mention some kind of <em>(Waterslide Dan's MoistWorld)</em> fun-time emporium.</span></line>
<line start="533" end="545" speaker="strongbad">I usually get <em>(Kozmik Bowling)</em> 50 bucks every time I <em>(That Paintball Place Down the Street)</em> mention some kind of <span style="visibility:hidden"><em>(Waterslide Dan's MoistWorld)</em> fun-time emporium.</span></line>
<line start="546" end="561" speaker="strongbad">I usually get <em>(Kozmik Bowling)</em> 50 bucks every time I <em>(That Paintball Place Down the Street)</em> mention some kind of <em>(Waterslide Dan's MoistWorld)</em> <span style="visibility:hidden">fun-time emporium.</span></line>
<line start="562" end="578" speaker="strongbad">I usually get <em>(Kozmik Bowling)</em> 50 bucks every time I <em>(That Paintball Place Down the Street)</em> mention some kind of <em>(Waterslide Dan's MoistWorld)</em> fun-time emporium.</line>
<line start="579" end="593" speaker="newpaper" sfx="sfx">shuffling noises</line>
<line start="594" end="669" speaker="strongbad">No, no, no! Not now! Did that sound like I was done? Get back up there!</line>
<line start="670" end="710" speaker="strongbad">Anyways, what were we talking about? Oh yeah, mini-golf.</line>
<line start="711" end="807" speaker="strongbad">Strong Badia doesn't have a place of its own, so when we need to get our tiny golf on, we usually head over to Sweet Puttin' Cakes.</line>
<line start="808" end="871" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">And yes, it's every bit as messed up as the cartoon on which it's based.</line>
<line start="871" end="904" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">In fact, we don't even know how to get there.</line>
<line start="905" end="949" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">It's just like, one minute you're thinking about miniature golf...</line>
<line start="950" end="1003" speaker="strongbad">You know what I love? The smell of that rubber handle on the putters...</line>
<line start="1003" end="1028" speaker="strongbad">...that you know like a thousand other people have touched.</line>
<line start="1028" end="1056"><strongbad>...that you know like a thousand other people have touched.</strongbad>
<sfx>speech slows down</sfx></line>
<line start="1057" end="1094" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">...and the next minute, you're there.</line>
<line start="1095" end="1109">
<thecheat>impressed The Cheat noises</thecheat>
<line start="1110" end="1174" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Your descent into madness begins on the first hole: The Wormhole.</line>
<line start="1200" end="1231" speaker="worm">Get your own!</line>
<line start="1232" end="1240" speaker="worm" sfx="sfx">chomp</line>
<line start="1260" end="1267" speaker="worm">Chomp!</line>
<line start="1290" end="1330" speaker="homestar">Umm, I'm gonna say that's a birdie.</line>
<line start="1331" end="1356" speaker="homestar">Yep. Definitely a birdie.</line>
<line start="1357" end="1430" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Things calm down a little bit for the Eh!, th, Steve! hole.</line>
<line start="1458" end="1464" speaker="strongbad">What?</line>
<line start="1465" end="1493" speaker="keyboard" sfx="sfx">music</line>
<line start="1494" end="1568"> 
<keyboard sfx="sfx">music</keyboard>
<strongbad>Okay, geez! I didn't know you were ahead of us! No need to play the whole demo, man!</strongbad>
<line start="1569" end="1645" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">And of course, if you sink the putt, you get rewarded with that heavenly sound!</line>
<line start="1646" end="1665" speaker="ehsteve">EH! STEVE!</line>
<line start="1666" end="1711" speaker="wheelchair">ROOTY ROO ROO AND A FROOTY FROOO!</line>
<line start="1712" end="1769" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">The place isn't above some of the usual mini-golf transgressions, though.</line>
<line start="1770" end="1806" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Like the infamous "statue hole".</line>
<line start="1807" end="1921" speaker="strongbad">Oh. Watch out, The Cheat. There is a statue of a wheelchair outside the field of play, several feet away.</line>
<line start="1922" end="1973" speaker="strongbad">Not moving at all. Just, statuing.</line>
<line start="1974" end="2029" speaker="strongbad">On top of that, the hole is about one foot from the tee.</line>
<line start="2030" end="2075" speaker="strongbad">Isn't the fun, almost, too much, to take?</line>
<line start="2076" end="2131" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">And yes, even in this infernal place, you can't escape</line>
<line start="2132" end="2176" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">the blue family recreation water!</line>
<line start="2177" end="2237" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">That stuff's just begging for kids to either drink it, or pee in it.</line>
<line start="2238" end="2260" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Or worse...</line>
<line start="2261" end="2277">
<sfx sfx="sfx">squishy noises</sfx>
<strongbad voiceover="voiceover"><i>(uncomfortably)</i> ...both.</strongbad>
<line start="2278" end="2285" speaker="sfx">squishy noises</line>
<line start="2286" end="2341" speaker="homestar">Whoo! I didn't find my ball, but I did see some exotic marine life!</line>
<line start="2342" end="2378" speaker="strongbad">Homestar, all that's down there is cigarette butts.</line>
<line start="2379" end="2396" speaker="homestar">And... a bra.</line>
<line start="2397" end="2415" speaker="strongbad">Sweet!</line>
<line start="2416" end="2451" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">The 18th hole puts a unique twist on the standard </line>
<line start="2452" end="2530" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">bottomless-hole-that-sucks-your-golf-ball-away-forever, hole.</line>
<line start="2531" end="2558" speaker="coachz">Oh, I guess I forgort to port.</line>
<line start="2587" end="2615" speaker="coachz">Oh! I guess I forgat to prat!</line>
<line start="2640" end="2664" speaker="coachz">OH! Gorka fa pork!</line>
<line start="2665" end="2711" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">This will go on forever if you let it.</line>
<line start="2712" end="2804" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">In fact, the only way we've found to <em>leave</em> Sweet Puttin' Cakes is to simply will yourself back into reality.</line>
<line start="2805" end="2853">
<strongbad sfx="sfx">grunting</strongbad>
<thecheat sfx="sfx">grunting</thecheat>
<line start="2879" end="2901" speaker="strongbad" sfx="sfx">talking backwards</line>
<line start="2902" end="2910" speaker="thecheat">surprised The Cheat noises</line>
<line start="2911" end="2942" speaker="strongbad">Aie-e-i-e-i-e-ah. Whoa, that was weird.</line>
<line start="2950" end="2978" speaker="strongbad">My mouth tastes like backwards.</line>
<line start="2979" end="2997" speaker="thecheat">The Cheat noises</line>
<line start="2998" end="3015" speaker="strongbad">Your mouth tastes like what?</line>
<line start="3016" end="3028" speaker="thecheat">The Cheat noise</line>
<line start="3029" end="3063" speaker="strongbad">The Cheat! You didn't!</line>
<line start="3064" end="3084" speaker="thecheat">apologetic The Cheat noises</line>
<line start="3085" end="3111" speaker="newpaper" sfx="sfx">shuffling noises</line>
<line start="3112" end="3164" speaker="strongbad">There you go! See? <i>That</i> was a punchline!</line>
<line start="3165" end="3213" speaker="strongbad">And, another thing. Are you ever <i>not</i> running out of ink?</line>
<line start="3228" end="3266" speaker="strongbad">No, the hole. Where is the hole?</line>
<line start="3267" end="3284" speaker="dtwhale">Pour gravel on your stump please, ma'am.</line>
<line start="3285" end="3322" speaker="strongbad">Did you just tell my mom to pour gravel on her stump?</line>
<line start="3323" end="3334" speaker="dtwhale">Cave your brown.</line>
<line start="3335" end="3373" speaker="strongbad">Cave my brown? Homsar, is that you?</line>
<line start="3374" end="3435" speaker="homsar">AaAaAaAaA! Don't count on it, munster man!</line>  
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