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Subtitles logo These are the English subtitles for your funeral. watch this toon
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<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<transcript xml:lang="en-us" file="sbemail168.swf" width="550" height="400">
<line start="18" end="87" speaker="strongbad">Strong Bad, how you gonna check that email? With my boxing gloves, with my boxing gloves!</line>
<line start="87" end="114" speaker="strongbad">"Dear Screaming Yellow Strong Bad,</line>
<line start="114" end="142" speaker="strongbad">"What do you think your funeral would be like?</line>
<line start="142" end="172" speaker="strongbad">"Sincerely Yours, Bibendum."</line>
<line start="172" end="224" speaker="strongbad">Oh man, Addendum. My funeral is going to be off all of the following:</line>
<line start="224" end="307" speaker="strongbad">The hook, the chain, the charts, the grid, and most importantly, the wagon.</line>
<line start="307" end="367" speaker="strongbad">First, I'll have to deal with the most difficult decision a newlydead faces:</line>
<line start="367" end="411" speaker="strongbad">What to do with my stinking, rotten remains.</line>
<line start="411" end="460" speaker="strongbad">I don't wanna just be lying there surrounded by sweet-smelling flowers...</line>
<line start="460" end="496" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="notwhatiwanted">...and sweat-smelling followers.</line>
<line start="496" end="520" speaker="lady" voiceover="yes">Oh, he looks so peaceful.</line>
<line start="520" end="566" speaker="strongbad">Shut up, lady! Peaceful is not how I roll!</line>
<line start="566" end="598" speaker="strongbad">That's why I'm gonna be taxidoimied!</line>
<line start="598" end="649" speaker="strongbad">Nothing sums up my life's achievements quite like my stuffed corpse...</line>
<line start="649" end="665" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">...suplexing a cougar.</line>
<line start="665" end="680" speaker="strongbad" sfx="sfx">roars like a cougar</line>
<line start="680" end="725" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">It'll be kept in a place of honor for all the world to want to make out with.</line>
<line start="725" end="759" speaker="homestar">Marzipan! I'm home!</line>
<line start="759" end="782" speaker="marzipan">Did you find the DNA evidence?</line>
<line start="782" end="816" speaker="homestar">Not yet, but I'm getting close!</line>
<line start="816" end="902" speaker="strongbad">Well, maybe I'll just preserve myself fetal pig-style in a mason jar filled with the salty tears...</line>
<line start="902" end="968" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="yes">...of all the heart-broken private school girls that will pine-uh for me-uh.<!-- He types it in the shot afterward so don't change it--></line>
<line start="968" end="1021" speaker="strongbad">That way, there'll be something left to re-animate once the zombie uprising cometh.</line>
<line start="1021" end="1050" speaker="strongbad">In 2046. <span style="visibility:hidden">On March 31st. At 2:03 pm.</span></line>
<line start="1050" end="1068" speaker="strongbad">In 2046. On March 31st. <span style="visibility:hidden">At 2:03 pm.</span></line>
<line start="1068" end="1088" speaker="strongbad">In 2046. On March 31st. At 2:03 pm.</line>
<line start="1088" end="1119" speaker="strongbad">And while I'm a big fan of the classic...</line>
<line start="1119" end="1184" speaker="strongbad"><i>(singing)</i> "dunh-dunh-da-dunh-Dunh-da-dunh-da-dunh-da-dunh,"</line>
<line start="1184" end="1222" speaker="strongbad">my funeral dirge would be written and performed by <span style="visibility:hidden">Taranchula!!</span></line>
<line start="1222" end="1243" speaker="strongbad">my funeral dirge would be written and performed by Taranchula!!</line>
<line start="1243" end="1490" sfx="music">heavy metal music</line>
<line start="1290" end="1320"><sfx>heavy metal music</sfx>
<taranchula sfx="evillaughter">evil laughter</taranchula></line>
<line start="1320" end="1340" sfx="music">heavy metal music</line>
<line start="1340" end="1400"><sfx>heavy metal music</sfx><taranchula voiceover="deathmetal">Brother in a jar! Brother in a jar!</taranchula></line>
<line start="1400" end="1422" sfx="music">heavy metal music</line>
<line start="1422" end="1448" speaker="taranchula" voiceover="deathmetal">Brotherinajar!</line>
<line start="1448" end="1510" speaker="strongbad">Since I'm not very confident in Strong Mad or The Cheat's public speaking abilities,</line>
<line start="1510" end="1572" speaker="strongbad">I'll pre-record my own eulogy and have it played back on 5 boomboxes...</line>
<line start="1572" end="1598" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">...stacked on top of each other.</line>
<line start="1598" end="1630" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover"><i>(on tape)</i> Greetings, blubbering masses!</line>
<line start="1630" end="1699" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Pull yourselves together and turn off the snotworks. We are gathered here to--</line>
<line start="1699" end="1719" sfx="sfx">scratches</line>
<line start="1719" end="1756" speaker="coachz" voiceover="voiceover">I hope I'm not recording over anything important!</line>
<line start="1756" end="1834" speaker="coachz" voiceover="voiceover">Okay, drap it! Coach, Z, Coach Z, 1, 2, 3, 4,</line>
<line start="1834" end="1883"><coachz voiceover="ontape">I said Coach, Z, Coach, Z, 1, 2--</coachz><sfx>beat begins</sfx></line>
<line start="1883" end="1945" speaker="homestar">Thank you, Strong Bad. And now a reading from the book of phone.</line>
<line start="1945" end="1986" speaker="homestar">Chapter 16: Pizza places.</line>
<line start="1986" end="2054" speaker="homestar">Aardvark Pizza. Abraham Lincoln's Pizza Cabin.</line>
<line start="2054" end="2136" speaker="homestar">Acupuncture and Pizza. Open late. Free delivery!</line>
<line start="2136" end="2230" speaker="homestar">And now, Strong Sad will perform an interpretive dance based on his brother's life.</line>
<line start="2230" end="2281" sfx="sfx">gong, music</line>
<line start="2281" end="2306" sfx="sfx">shatter, gasps</line>
<line start="2306" end="2344" speaker="strongbad"><i>(distorted)</i> Sorry everybody. Funeral's over.</line>
<line start="2344" end="2421" speaker="strongbad">Not even death can stop me from stopping my leotarded brother prancing around in my honor.</line>
<line start="2421" end="2462" speaker="strongsad">But you never got to see my Chaup au Fan!</line>
<line start="2460" end="2501" speaker="strongbad">You keep your chappy thong to yourself, mister!</line>
<line start="2501" end="2573" speaker="strongbad">Hordes of locusts and famine got nothing on the sight of Strong Sad dancing interpretively.</line>
<line start="2573" end="2633" speaker="strongbad">So, in order to spare the world, I guess I can just never die.</line>
<line start="2633" end="2650" speaker="strongbad">Okay! <span style="visibility:hidden">Man, I hope the zombies still let me fight on their side.</span></line>
<line start="2650" end="2691" speaker="strongbad">Okay! Man, I hope the zombies still let me fight on their side.</line>
<line start="2691" end="2745" speaker="strongbad">I've got my own tattered jeans and mouthful of grape jelly.</line>
<line start="2745" end="2763" speaker="strongbad">Anyone?
<span style="visibility:hidden">
<span style="font-size:0.9em">Zombies?</span>
<span style="font-size:0.8em">Jelly?</span>
<span style="font-size:0.7em">Grapity?</span>
<line start="2763" end="2785" speaker="strongbad">Anyone?
<span style="font-size:0.9em">Zombies?</span>
<span style="visibility:hidden">
<span style="font-size:0.8em">Jelly?</span>
<span style="font-size:0.7em">Grapity?</span>
<line start="2785" end="2808" speaker="strongbad">Anyone?
<span style="font-size:0.9em">Zombies?</span>
<span style="font-size:0.8em">Jelly?</span>
<span style="visibility:hidden">
<span style="font-size:0.7em">Grapity?</span>
<line start="2808" end="2827" speaker="strongbad">Anyone?
<span style="font-size:0.9em">Zombies?</span>
<span style="font-size:0.8em">Jelly?</span>
<span style="font-size:0.7em">Grapity?</span>
<line start="2827" end="2842" speaker="thepaper">Preeeeow!</line>

<line start="2852" end="2909" speaker="strongsad"><i>(Deep voice)</i> Fall back. The zombies have broken through our defenses!</line>
<line start="2909" end="2940"><strongbad>Barrgh!</strongbad><sfx>glop</sfx></line>
<line start="2940" end="2978" speaker="strongsad">We need to activate the doomsday device!</line>
<line start="2978" end="3000" speaker="strongsad">Get the leotard!</line>
<line start="3000" end="3021" speaker="taranchula" voiceover="voiceover">Brotherinajar!</line>
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