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Subtitles logo These are the English subtitles for looking old. watch this toon
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<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<transcript xml:lang="en-us" file="sbemail164.swf" width="550" height="400">
<line start="18" end="100" speaker="strongbad">Boom, tick. Tick-a-tick-a-tick, email. Boom, tick. Tick-a-tick-a-tick.</line>
<line start="101" end="133" speaker="strongbad">What? Didgeri-"Dear Strong Bad."</line>
<line start="133" end="174" speaker="strongbad">"You really do look old. How old are you anyways?"</line>
<line start="174" end="258" speaker="strongbad">"Your faithful fan, Andy", H-S-I-A-O, and sometimes Y, "from Taiwan."</line>
<line start="258" end="302" speaker="strongbad">Look Andyman, my age is a closely guarded secret,</line>
<line start="302" end="367" speaker="strongbad">protected by a sect of closely guarded monks high atop the Coches Mountains.</line>
<line start="367" end="416" speaker="strongbad">They would no sooner dance with a goat than divulge my age.</line>
<line start="416" end="455" speaker="strongbad">But they will bake you some crustly guarded bread!</line>
<line start="455" end="486" speaker="strongbad">Anyways, whattaya mean I look old?</line>
<line start="486" end="538" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Are you telling me the nightly nacho cheese masks aren't working?</line>
<line start="538" end="568" speaker="strongbad">I can't have the young peoples thinking I'm old!</line>
<line start="568" end="596" speaker="strongbad">Am I really losing the youth vote?</line>
<line start="596" end="640" speaker="strongbad">This calls for an <span style="font-size:1.1em">EMERGENCY MARKETING MEETING!!!</span></line>
<line start="640" end="685" speaker="strongbad">Whaaa-donk. Click-click-click-click-click-click-click.</line>
<line start="685" end="710" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">This is not a drill.</line>
<line start="710" end="770" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Whaaa-donk. Click-click-click-click-click-click-click. This is not a drill.</line>
<line start="775" end="812" speaker="strongbad">Thank you all for coming on short <em>such</em> notice.</line>
<line start="815" end="867" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">You represent the best, the brightest, the people I hate the least.</line>
<line start="867" end="915" speaker="strongbad">Except you, Marzipan. You're here because of legal reasons.</line>
<line start="915" end="930" speaker="marzipan">Word booty!</line>
<line start="930" end="965" speaker="strongbad">Now what I need is an image overhaul.</line>
<line start="965" end="1002" speaker="strongbad">Something to reconnect me with the youth of today.</line>
<line start="1002" end="1090" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Something that says, "Sup my young parsons, I too am so on the go that I drink my yogurt from a tube."</line>
<line start="1090" end="1108" speaker="strongbad">Now what have you got?</line>
<line start="1108" end="1128" speaker="thecheat">The Cheat noises</line>
<line start="1128" end="1154" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Youth through editing, huh?</line>
<line start="1155" end="1195" speaker="strongbad">I'm on board, I'm not bored. So, how would it work?</line>
<line start="1195" end="1208" speaker="thecheat">exclamatory The Cheat noises</line>
<line start="1208" end="1212" sfx="sfx">static</line>
<line start="1212" end="1228"><sfx>music begins</sfx><thecheat>humming The Cheat noises to a beat</thecheat></line>
<line start="1228" end="1239" speaker="strongbad">Didgeri-dear, <span style="visibility:hidden">Didgeri-dear, Didgeri-"Dear Strong Bad."</span><thecheat>humming The Cheat noises to a beat</thecheat></line>
<line start="1239" end="1250" speaker="strongbad">Didgeri-dear, Didgeri-dear, <span style="visibility:hidden">Didgeri-"Dear Strong Bad."</span><thecheat>humming The Cheat noises to a beat</thecheat></line>
<line start="1250" end="1270" speaker="strongbad">Didgeri-dear, Didgeri-dear, Didgeri-"Dear Strong Bad."<thecheat>humming The Cheat noises to a beat</thecheat></line>
<line start="1270" end="1285"><strongbad>"You really do look old."</strongbad><thecheat>humming The Cheat noises to a beat</thecheat></line>
<line start="1285" end="1312"><strongbad>"Your faithful fan, from Taiwan."</strongbad><thecheat>humming The Cheat noises to a beat</thecheat></line>
<line start="1312" end="1353"><strongbad>Look Andyman, my age is a closely guarded secret,</strongbad><thecheat>humming The Cheat noises to a beat</thecheat></line>
<line start="1353" end="1372"><strongbad sfx="sfx">backwards speech</strongbad><thecheat>humming The Cheat noises to a beat</thecheat></line>
<line start="1372" end="1400"><strongbad>Anyways, whattaya mean I look old?</strongbad><thecheat>humming The Cheat noises to a beat</thecheat></line>
<line start="1404" end="1408" sfx="sfx">static</line>
<line start="1408" end="1433" speaker="strongbad">Oh, The Cheat!</line>
<line start="1433" end="1479" speaker="strongbad">I don't know whether to puke or have a seizure.</line>
<line start="1479" end="1553" speaker="bubs">Well, I've been noticing how kids love anything with a lowercase "i" in front of it.</line>
<line start="1553" end="1600" speaker="bubs" voiceover="voiceover">It's working great for me down at the Concession Stand!</line>
<line start="1600" end="1648" speaker="homestar">Hey, Homestar. What color iTem are you gonna get?</line>
<line start="1648" end="1690" speaker="bubs">We could try "iStrong", or "iBad"--</line>
<line start="1690" end="1744" speaker="strongbad">We already tried that with lowercase "e"s back in the late '90s.</line>
<line start="1744" end="1770" speaker="strongbad">We all know where that got us.</line>
<line start="1810" end="1825" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Next.</line>
<line start="1825" end="1855" speaker="marzipan">I came up with a few ways to spruce up your look,</line>
<line start="1855" end="1886" speaker="marzipan">and add hundreds to your resell value.</line>
<line start="1886" end="1932" speaker="strongbad"><em>(monotone)</em> I am legally obligated to ask you to proceed.</line>
<line start="1932" end="1968" speaker="marzipan">Thanks. First we're gonna start with a flagstone path...</line>
<line start="1968" end="1993" speaker="marzipan" voiceover="voiceover">...leading up to your chin, right here.</line>
<line start="1993" end="2038" speaker="marzipan" voiceover="voiceover">Then we'll fill the negative space around your head with Forsythia...</line>
<line start="2038" end="2066" speaker="marzipan" voiceover="voiceover">...and maybe some Alberta spruce.</line>
<line start="2066" end="2096" speaker="marzipan" voiceover="voiceover">And last, we install a water feature right here...</line>
<line start="2096" end="2143" speaker="marzipan" voiceover="voiceover">...which I think will create a great focal point for entertaining summer guests.</line>
<line start="2154" end="2179" speaker="strongbad">Oh, this will work great, Marzipan...</line>
<line start="2180" end="2220" speaker="strongbad" volume="1.2">IF I WAS A <em>BACKYARD</em>!!!</line>
<line start="2230" end="2240" speaker="strongbad">Next.</line>
<line start="2246" end="2276" speaker="strongmad">WEAR A DIAPER!</line>
<line start="2276" end="2304" speaker="strongbad">Uh, nice try, bo-hwee-moth...</line>
<line start="2304" end="2342" speaker="strongbad">But... that's a little younger than I was looking to go.</line>
<line start="2342" end="2372" speaker="strongbad">These are all terrible ideas!</line>
<line start="2372" end="2400" speaker="strongbad">What am I not paying you people for, anyway?</line>
<line start="2400" end="2450" speaker="strongbad">It's time to resort to extreme measures. With Gene Hackman.</line>
<line start="2450" end="2482" speaker="strongbad">It's time... for a lace lift!</line>
<line start="2482" end="2517" speaker="strongbad">The Cheat! Strong Mad! Prep for surgery!</line>
<line start="2532" end="2558" speaker="strongbad">All right. On three.</line>
<line start="2558" end="2579" speaker="strongbad">One, two...</line>
<line start="2579" end="2595" speaker="strongbad">Aaahhhhh!</line>
<line start="2595" end="2643" speaker="strongbad"><em>(mumbling)</em> Oh, yeah. I feel at least 10 years younger.</line>
<line start="2643" end="2700" speaker="strongbad"><em>(mumbling)</em> Time to go relate to some eighteen to twenty-four year olds!</line>
<line start="2718" end="2751" speaker="strongbad"><em>(mumbling)</em> What's up, my fellow young parson!</line>
<line start="2751" end="2791" speaker="strongsad">Oh, hey Great Grandma. When did you get here?</line>
<line start="2791" end="2872" speaker="strongbad"><em>(mumbling)</em> I'm not Great Grandma. I'm a young person, like you. I eat my yogurt from a tube.</line>
<line start="2872" end="2918" speaker="strongsad">That's right! You eat <em>everything</em> through a tube!</line>
<line start="2918" end="2945" speaker="strongsad">Well, let's get you back to the home.</line>
<line start="2945" end="2983" speaker="strongbad"><em>(mumbling)</em> Wait! I'm a hip young person!</line>
<line start="2983" end="3025" speaker="strongsad">Yes, I saw your new hip! It looks great!</line>
<line start="3025" end="3035" speaker="strongbad"><em>(mumbling)</em> Aaahhhh!</line>
<line start="3035" end="3105" speaker="strongsad">Why don't you tell me again about the time the Depression fought Abraham Lincoln naked in your front yard?</line>
<line start="3105" end="3113" speaker="thepaper">Preeeeow!</line>
<line start="3168" end="3198" speaker="homestar">I'll take it! I'll take twelve!</line>
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