Subtitles:sbemail143/en
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<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<transcript xml:lang="en-us" file="sbemail143.swf" width="550" height="400">
<line start="15" end="80" speaker="strongbad">Don't you wanna email, don't you need a email, don't you turn your life around!</line>
<line start="86" end="127" speaker="strongbad">"Dear Strong Bad; I'm a middle school technology teacher."</line>
<line start="132" end="189" speaker="strongbad">"I would really appreciate it if you could come up with an introduction I could use for my new classes."</line>
<line start="194" end="242" speaker="strongbad">"Thanks. Jay, Os-we-go to New York"</line>
<line start="248" end="282" speaker="strongbad">You would really appreciate it? That's it?</line>
<line start="287" end="355" speaker="strongbad">Man, back in the ol-dèn days, I could get upwards of 3 chickens, a sack of barley,</line>
<line start="359" end="419" speaker="strongbad">and a half-dead goat all for doing one of my technology intromercials.</line>
<line start="429" end="480" speaker="strongbad">Well, I sure hope JCPenney's accepts really appreciate it's,</line>
<line start="483" end="538" speaker="strongbad">'cause I know for a fact they stopped taking I'll be your best friend's a while ago.</line>
<line start="546" end="618" speaker="strongbad">Either way, middle school kids are all idiots and they need as much of my help and guidance as they can get.</line>
<line start="636" end="720" speaker="strongbad">One, zero zero, one one, zero, one, one zero, one one zero, zero one.</line>
<line start="725" end="771" speaker="strongbad">You may not have understood me, but I was speaking technology.</line>
<line start="778" end="815" speaker="strongbad">The word "technology"... means... "magic".</line>
<line start="819" end="868" speaker="strongbad">It's basically anything that's really cool that you don't know how it works.</line>
<line start="872" end="904" speaker="strongbad">And if it breaks, you have to buy a new one.</line>
<line start="909" end="957" speaker="strongbad">Why, I've got some technology beneath my pants right now! Whoo-ya!</line>
<line start="959" end="1043" speaker="strongbad">This is a diskette. Diskettes were invented by computers to help us. Like how cows invented milk.</line>
<line start="1052" end="1115" speaker="strongbad">The two warring factions of diskettes are floppy disks and hard disks.</line>
<line start="1120" end="1158" speaker="strongbad">I prefer these big ones because they hold more memory,</line>
<line start="1162" end="1206" speaker="strongbad">although you have to fold them up to fit them into these new computers.</line>
<line start="1211" end="1255" speaker="strongbad">Another thing you'll need is your very own email address.</line>
<line start="1261" end="1279" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Just take your favorite hobby,</line>
<line start="1285" end="1326" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">add kid, grrl, pie or izzle,</line>
<line start="1330" end="1361" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">and put a bunch of numbers at the end!</line>
<line start="1377" end="1429" speaker="strongbad">Robots are technology shaped like square people.</line>
<line start="1436" end="1492" speaker="strongbad">They are primarily used for destroying Japan and serving hors d'œuvres.</line>
<line start="1493" end="1521" speaker="thecheat">robotic The Cheat noises</line>
<line start="1522" end="1563" speaker="strongbad">Ah, The Cheatbot! I would love a stuffed grape leaf!</line>
<line start="1579" end="1648" speaker="strongbad">Originally, tellular cellaphones were for sending misspelled messages to your friends,</line>
<line start="1651" end="1678" speaker="strongbad">telling them where you are in the food court.</line>
<line start="1683" end="1691" speaker="pompom">bubbles</line>
<line start="1696" end="1729" speaker="strongbad">Pom Pom just bought movie tickets with his cell phone!</line>
<line start="1731" end="1740" speaker="pompom">bubbles</line>
<line start="1741" end="1774" speaker="strongbad">Oh, he just watched a movie on his cell phone!</line>
<line start="1775" end="1784" speaker="pompom">bubbles</line>
<line start="1785" end="1849" speaker="strongbad">Oh oh oh! Pom Pom just wrote, directed, produced, and distributed a movie with his cell phone!</line>
<line start="1866" end="1879" speaker="pompom">bubbles</line>
<line start="1881" end="1919" speaker="strongbad">and he just got into Sundance! High-five, brother!</line>
<line start="1934" end="1973" speaker="strongbad">Uh, cool, right. I'll, uh... see-you later.</line>
<line start="1995" end="2020" speaker="strongbad">What are you still doing here, The Cheatbot?</line>
<line start="2026" end="2100" speaker="strongbad">The future of technology, or at least what people won't shut up about, is wireless.</line>
<line start="2106" end="2119" speaker="strongbad">You know, things like</line>
<line start="2124" end="2178" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">walkmans, flashlights, and solar calculators.</line>
<line start="2184" end="2230" speaker="strongbad">Look, I can make mine say "oboe shoes"!</line>
<line start="2244" end="2340" speaker="strongbad">And then there's the Lappy, which rules over technology with a 42 pound, allegedly portable fist.</line>
<line start="2347" end="2391" speaker="strongbad">Watch as it magically saves this screen.</line>
<line start="2418" end="2493" speaker="strongbad">The screen is saved, man. This thing's gonna last like 50 years!</line>
<line start="2500" end="2566" speaker="strongbad">All right, awkward children, I'm all done kickin' my tech-knowledge. Now leave me alone!</line>
<line start="2572" end="2624" speaker="strongbad">Got to find my way out of these catacombs...</line>
<line start="2642" end="2740" speaker="strongbad">Left... left... no, right... no, left... OK... just keep goin'... Strong Bad... style...</line>
<line start="2809" end="2829" speaker="strongbad">Where are you taking me, Lappy?</line>
<line start="2884" end="2916" speaker="strongbad">Man... I throwed up all over this maze.</line>
<line start="2930" end="2973" speaker="strongsad">I keep telling you they're both floppy disks!</line>
<line start="2974" end="3006" speaker="strongbad">You think this is a floppy disk?</line>
<line start="3007" end="3024" speaker="strongsad">Yes, it is!</line>
<line start="3028" end="3038" speaker="strongbad">It's not a hard disk?</line>
<line start="3043" end="3052" speaker="strongsad">No.</line>
<line start="3058" end="3071" speaker="strongbad">And you're sure about this?</line>
<line start="3077" end="3087" speaker="strongsad">Absolu-</line>
<line start="3088" end="3096" speaker="strongsad">Ow!</line>
<line start="3108" end="3198" speaker="bubs">Get your wireless extension cords. Three for three hundred! Lightweight, existent, and shockproof!</line>
<line start="3201" end="3229" speaker="homestar">Umm... I'll take fooour!</line>
</transcript>
