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<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<transcript xml:lang="en-us" file="sbemail142.swf" width="550" height="400">
    <line start="15" end="47" speaker="strongbad">Initiate sbemail-refresh daemon.</line>
    <line start="52" end="84" speaker="strongbad">"Dear Strongbad, Do you have a secret identity?"</line>
    <line start="88" end="180" speaker="strongbad">"cause you know that would be the kinda rockin' cool thing you'd have. Chris, Laramie, Why!"</line>
    <line start="185" end="262" speaker="strongbad">Chris, let me be frank. The term "rockin' cool" is so uncool it makes my face hurt.</line>
    <line start="269" end="302" speaker="strongbad">Okay, now all the "rockin' cool"s are off the screen,</line>
    <line start="303" end="310" speaker="strongbad" sfx="sfx">shrieks</line>
    <line start="326" end="352" speaker="strongbad">They're gone. Those things are vicious.</line>
    <line start="360" end="405" speaker="strongbad">Anyway Frank, I believe your question was about my secret identity.</line>
    <line start="409" end="482" speaker="strongbad">Well, let me ask you this: have you ever seen The Poopsmith and I in the same place at the same time?</line>
    <line start="487" end="558" speaker="strongbad">Dun dun DUUUNH! That's right! It is I who dons the crappy orange gloves and shovels—</line>
    <line start="560" end="607" speaker="strongbad">What the?! What are you doing here? You ruined my scam, man!</line>
    <line start="613" end="653" speaker="strongbad">I was gonna have all of everyone believing that I was you</line>
    <line start="654" end="722" speaker="strongbad">and that the steaming pile of whatsit was really a smoldering pile of money covered in whatsit.</line>
    <line start="727" end="744" speaker="strongbad">How'd you get in here anyways?</line>
    <line start="749" end="769" speaker="homestar">I let him in. Here you go.</line>
    <line start="775" end="790" speaker="homestar">Oh, and you're out of mayo.</line>
    <line start="803" end="885" speaker="strongbad">Is there like a sign on my door that says "Wanted: Everyone I hate. Inquire within"?</line>
    <line start="887" end="905" speaker="kingoftown">I didn't see one.</line>
    <line start="908" end="915" speaker="strongbad" sfx="sfx">frustrated gibberish</line>
    <line start="917" end="975" speaker="strongbad">So apparently I'm not The Poopsmith. But I got lots of secret identities.</line>
    <line start="978" end="1036" speaker="strongbad">Lately, I've been using this one: Tip Tappers: Expensive Briefcase Carrier.</line>
    <line start="1043" end="1124" speaker="strongbad">I use Mr. Tappers when I'm on tour and I want to check into a hotel and not be bothered by legions of fans.</line>
    <line start="1130" end="1158" speaker="bubs">And what name will this room be under?</line>
    <line start="1161" end="1225" speaker="strongbad">Uh, Tip Tappers, please. Unless some girl asks what room Strong Bad's in.</line>
    <line start="1232" end="1285" speaker="strongbad">And she's at least a seven out of ten. Or uh... six if she's naked.</line>
    <line start="1288" end="1335" speaker="bubs">That'll be nine hundred dollars Mr. (ahem) Tappers.</line>
    <line start="1337" end="1365" speaker="homestar">Is there an ice machine around here?</line>
    <line start="1369" end="1391" speaker="bubs">Certainly, Mr. Dee Williams.</line>
    <line start="1397" end="1425" speaker="strongbad">And then there's Vance Mudgeman.</line>
    <line start="1428" end="1486" speaker="strongbad">I use that identity when I drop in on my secret second family over in Broiter Grove.</line>
    <line start="1492" end="1525" speaker="strongbad">Ahh, those kids love Daddy Mudgeman.</line>
    <line start="1532" end="1594" speaker="strongbad">You get back here with that remote, Jeffrey Beffrey Mudgeman. I'm not afraid to smack—</line>
    <line start="1597" end="1622" speaker="strongbad">Yes, well, you gotta be firm.</line>
    <line start="1629" end="1636" speaker="strongbad" sfx="sfx">clears throat</line>
    <line start="1640" end="1716" speaker="strongbad">And then of course there's the secret identity I use to write my advice column for a popular women's magazine.</line>
    <line start="1730" end="1774" speaker="strongbad">Using the pseudoname Cara Carabowditbowdit,</line>
    <line start="1780" end="1835" speaker="strongbad">I'm slowly but surely making the girls of the world cooler for all us dudes.</line>
    <line start="1841" end="1908" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Dear Buttless in Bedstuy, Sounds like YOU need to play more video games, galpal.</line>
    <line start="1914" end="1961" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">And not those girly ones where you pretend to be a dog or a frog neither.</line>
    <line start="1965" end="2016" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">I'm talkin' about the explodey ones. The kind that make you dizzy when you play 'em.</line>
    <line start="2023" end="2101" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Then maybe your guy will stop talking about his ex. Eat a Steak, Cara Carabowditbowdit.</line>
    <line start="2119" end="2167" speaker="marzipan">This lady doesn't know what she's talking about. And I don't like her pseudoname.</line>
    <line start="2173" end="2215" speaker="homestar">Aw, you're just jealous 'cause she probably gets all the hot boys.</line>
    <line start="2231" end="2251" speaker="homestar">Marzipan, mail's here.</line>
    <line start="2253" end="2262" speaker="marzipan">What's it say?</line>
    <line start="2273" end="2343" speaker="homestar" voiceover="voiceover">No I don't. Strong Bad. I mean, Cara Carabowditbowdit.</line>
    <line start="2349" end="2363" speaker="marzipan">See, I told you.</line>
    <line start="2368" end="2426" speaker="strongbad">So you see? Secret identities aren't just for superheroes and Garth Brooks anymore.</line>
    <line start="2435" end="2486" speaker="strongbad">Now, if you'll excuse me, I have several butts to jettison from my home.</line>
    <line start="2522" end="2525" speaker="strongbad" sfx="sfx" voiceover="voiceover">grunts</line>
    <line start="2528" end="2558" speaker="homestar">Thanks for having me overrrrr!</line>
    <line start="2561" end="2565" speaker="strongbad" sfx="sfx" voiceover="voiceover">grunts</line>
    <line start="2566" end="2604" speaker="kingoftown">Worst mayonnaise party everrrr!</line>
    <line start="2609" end="2697" speaker="strongbad">Get out. Get out. Get out. Get out. Get out. Get out. Get out. Get out. Get out. Get out. Get out. Get out.</line>
    <line start="2704" end="2746" speaker="homestar">Maybe I should get me one of them pseudonames.</line>
    <line start="2748" end="2806" speaker="strongsad">It's "-nym"! It's "-nym"! It's pseudo<i>nym</i>! Not pseudo<i>name</i>! I can't take it any more!</line>
    <line start="2809" end="2852" speaker="strongsad">Nym nym nym! It's a Greek word for "name"! Pseudo<i>nym</i>! Pseudo<i>nym</i>!</line>
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