Subtitles:fools18/en

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Subtitles logo These are the English subtitles for The Next April Fools Thing. watch this toon
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<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<transcript xml:lang="en-us" file="fools18.swf" width="550" height="400">

<line start="38" end="82" speaker="folly">For the next April Fools' thing, why doesn't it do, like...</line>
<line start="83" end="91" speaker="folly">There's a picnic, and...</line>
<line start="92" end="93">
  <folly>There's a picnic, and...</folly>
  <sfx>pop!</sfx>
</line>
<line start="94" end="98">
  <folly>...and there's like... and there's a bunch of food in it...</folly>
  <sfx>pop!</sfx>
</line>
<line start="99" end="118" speaker="folly">...and there's like... and there's a bunch of food in it...</line>
<line start="119" end="128">
  <folly>...and there's like... and there's a bunch of food in it...</folly>
  <sfx>pop pop pop pop pop!</sfx>
</line>
<line start="129" end="130">
  <folly>...and a picnic basket...</folly>
  <sfx>pop pop pop pop pop!</sfx>
</line>
<line start="131" end="139" speaker="folly">...and a picnic basket...</line>
<line start="140" end="149">
  <folly>...and a picnic basket...</folly>
  <sfx>vrrrup</sfx>
</line>
<line start="150" end="181" speaker="folly">...and... then Bubs is like...</line>
<line start="182" end="205">
  <folly>Picnic! Picnic! Picnic!</folly>
  <bubs>Picnic! Picnic! Picnic!</bubs>
</line>
<line start="206" end="234" speaker="folly">And then Homestar shows up and says "blah"!</line>
<line start="235" end="239" speaker="homestar"><br />Blah.</line>
<line start="240" end="243">
  <folly>And then Strong Bad shows up and says "blah"!</folly>
  <homestar>Blah.</homestar>
</line>
<line start="244" end="268" speaker="folly">And then Strong Bad shows up and says "blah"!</line>
<line start="269" end="273" speaker="strongbad"><br />Blah.</line>
<line start="274" end="275">
  <folly>And then everybody shows up and says "blah"!</folly>
  <strongbad>Blah.</strongbad>
</line>
<line start="276" end="298" speaker="folly">And then everybody shows up and says "blah"!</line>
<line start="299" end="307" volume="1.2" speaker="all">BLAH!</line>
<line start="308" end="348" speaker="folly">And then Bubs is like "I'm closing the shop! Nobody's buying this picnic!"</line>
<line start="349" end="349">
  <folly>And then Bubs is like "I'm closing the shop! Nobody's buying this picnic!"</folly>
  <sfx>pop!</sfx>
</line>
<line start="350" end="354">
  <folly>And then, and then, and then there's a loading sign...</folly>
  <sfx>pop!</sfx>
</line>
<line start="355" end="386" speaker="folly">And then, and then, and then there's a loading sign...</line>
<line start="387" end="444" speaker="folly" voiceover="true">...and it loads for, like, one hundred seconds, and then, and then... and...</line>
<line start="448" end="494" speaker="folly" voiceover="true">...and it loads for one hundred seconds...</line>
<line start="497" end="538" speaker="folly" voiceover="true">...and... and then it's like...</line>
<line start="549" end="614" speaker="folly" voiceover="true">...and... and then it's... and then it's like...</line>
<line start="615" end="659" speaker="folly" voiceover="true">And it loads for one hundred seconds...</line>
<line start="663" end="703" speaker="folly" voiceover="true">And then... and then it's like...</line>
<line start="716" end="767" speaker="strongbad">If I can't check my email, then how I'm s'posed to live my life?</line>
<line start="777" end="804" speaker="strongbad">Dingle dongle dear Stringle Bongle,</line>
<line start="805" end="855" speaker="strongbad">"What do you do to keep up your personal motivation and inspiration?"</line>
<line start="856" end="879" speaker="strongbad">"Sincerely, Mollie B."</line>
<line start="881" end="925" speaker="strongbad">Oh, that is a waste of a perfectly good middle "B" initial, Mollie.</line>
<line start="926" end="941" speaker="strongbad">Lemme fix that for ya.</line>
<line start="944" end="972" speaker="strongbad">Sincerely, Mollie B. <span style="visibility:hidden">Chowderworth Gruelmanger.</span></line>
<line start="973" end="988" speaker="strongbad">Sincerely, Mollie B. Chowderworth <span style="visibility:hidden">Gruelmanger.</span></line>
<line start="989" end="1005" speaker="strongbad">Sincerely, Mollie B. Chowderworth Gruelmanger.</line>
<line start="1009" end="1039" speaker="strongbad">You know, of the Puntington Farms Gruelmangers.</line>
<line start="1045" end="1057" speaker="strongbad">There we go!</line>
<line start="1061" end="1103" speaker="strongbad">For motivation, I do what any great coach does,</line>
<line start="1104" end="1157" speaker="strongbad">and berate myself until I get results or until I quit the team and press charges!</line>
<line start="1163" end="1232" speaker="strongbad">Chowderworth Gruelmanger?! You call that an overly-complicated old-timey last name?!</line>
<line start="1233" end="1258" speaker="strongbad">That is bush-league, son!</line>
<line start="1259" end="1286" speaker="strongbad">I am sick and tired of this crap!</line>
<line start="1290" end="1314" speaker="strongbad">And I'm sick of losing to Purdue!</line>
<line start="1321" end="1362" speaker="coachz">Now that fella really knows how to mortavort a porson.</line>
<line start="1365" end="1373" speaker="sfx">drip</line>
<line start="1376" end="1432" speaker="strongbad">There's also that weird jocked-up thing of punching yourself in the face to get motivated.</line>
<line start="1433" end="1480" speaker="strongbad">But unless you happen to have boxing gloves for hands, I wouldn't recommend it.</line>
<line start="1484" end="1515" speaker="strongmad">YOU CAN DO IT, STRONG MAD.</line>
<line start="1517" end="1558" speaker="strongmad">YOU CAN TALK TO ORANGE JUICE!</line>
<line start="1564" end="1575" speaker="strongmad">AHH...</line>
<line start="1576" end="1585" speaker="strongbad">No, Strong Mad, wait—</line>
<line start="1586" end="1605">
  <strongmad>WAAH!</strongmad>
  <sfx>smash</sfx>
</line>
<line start="1611" end="1668" speaker="strongbad">But if you can afford it, no force is more motivational than...</line>
<line start="1669" end="1710" speaker="strongbad">Spiky ceiling that closes in on you!</line>
<line start="1711" end="1747">
  <strongbad>You better beat this end boss or we're all gonna die! We're all gonna die!</strongbad>
  <sfx>ominous music</sfx>
</line>
<line start="1748" end="1787">
  <strongsad>Aah! It keeps making me jump when I'm not pressing juuuuuuump!!</strongsad>
  <sfx>ominous music</sfx>
</line>
<line start="1787" end="1812">
  <strongbad>Or we're all gonna diiiiiii—</strongbad>
  <sfx>ominous music</sfx>
</line>
<line start="1815" end="1889" speaker="strongbad">As for the inspirasche, you know how people always say, "inspiration sneaks up on you."</line>
<line start="1892" end="1922" speaker="strongbad">Well, I like-a to turn the tables!</line>
<line start="1924" end="1972" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="true">I sneak up on people and force <em>them</em> to inspire <em>me!</em></line>
<line start="1974" end="2017" speaker="bubs">Well, I'll just continue doing what I was just doing, and...</line>
<line start="2018" end="2027" speaker="strongbad">INSPIRE ME!</line>
<line start="2028" end="2056" speaker="bubs">Aaah! Mlg— leg boats!</line>
<line start="2065" end="2082" speaker="strongbad">Leg boats?</line>
<line start="2083" end="2094" speaker="strongbad">Is that all ya got?</line>
<line start="2095" end="2148" speaker="bubs">Er, yeah! It's like a little boat that your legs go inside of!</line>
<line start="2152" end="2167" speaker="strongbad">So it's a kayak.</line>
<line start="2169" end="2197" speaker="bubs">No, no. For while you're standing up!</line>
<line start="2198" end="2218" speaker="strongbad">So it's water skis.</line>
<line start="2220" end="2253" speaker="bubs">Yeah, yeah. 'Cept it's called "leg boats"!</line>
<line start="2256" end="2299" speaker="strongbad">That's not inspiring! Guess I'll just walk away and <span style="visibility:hidden">no I'm not just kidding INSPIRE ME!</span></line>
<line start="2300" end="2319" speaker="strongbad">That's not inspiring! Guess I'll just walk away and no I'm not just kidding INSPIRE ME!</line>
<line start="2320" end="2338" speaker="bubs">Aaah! File!</line>
<line start="2340" end="2350" speaker="strongbad">Yeah?</line>
<line start="2351" end="2375" speaker="bubs">Um... folder...</line>
<line start="2376" end="2392" speaker="strongbad">Yeeeeah?</line>
<line start="2395" end="2416" speaker="bubs">...shaped vitamins?</line>
<line start="2418" end="2442" speaker="strongbad">Now <em>that's</em> inspiring!</line>
<line start="2444" end="2473" speaker="strongbad">Yes, File Folder Shaped Vitamins.</line>
<line start="2476" end="2528" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="true">Because office workers lead hollow lives, and this is the kind of thing they'd be into.</line>
<line start="2533" end="2575" speaker="strongbad">You see Madam Chowdygruel, if you know the right techniques,</line>
<line start="2576" end="2663" speaker="strongbad">you too can motivate and inspire gimmicky white-collar products that they sell in the checkout line at the office supply store.</line>
<line start="2667" end="2696" speaker="strongbad">Ooh! Which just inspired me to think of...</line>
<line start="2698" end="2733" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="true">File Folder Shaped Vitamin Shaped Thumbdrives!</line>
<line start="2735" end="2800" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="true">Available in never show up on your desktop and some-the-times show up on your desktop varieties!</line>
<line start="2801" end="2822" speaker="homestar" voiceover="true">Always be'sing and do'sing...</line>
<line start="2823" end="2845" speaker="homestar">...Never cheesing or choosing!</line>
<line start="2846" end="2864" speaker="homestar">Always be'sing and do'sing—</line>
<line start="2865" end="2880" speaker="strongbad">Uh... Homestar—</line>
<line start="2881" end="2902" speaker="homestar">—Never cheesing or choosing!</line>
<line start="2903" end="2909" speaker="strongbad">Homestar!</line>
<line start="2910" end="2918" speaker="homestar">Yeah what?</line>
<line start="2920" end="2933" speaker="strongbad">You're in my house.</line>
<line start="2935" end="2940" speaker="homestar">Yup.</line>
<line start="2942" end="2950" speaker="strongbad">Again.</line>
<line start="2952" end="2960" speaker="homestar">Yeppers.</line>
<line start="2962" end="2984" speaker="strongbad">Aaand you brought a boulder.</line>
<line start="2986" end="3007" speaker="homestar">Not me. Plate tectonics.</line>
<line start="3009" end="3031" speaker="strongbad">What are you doin' in here, man?!</line>
<line start="3035" end="3038" speaker="homestar">Oh.</line>
<line start="3039" end="3052" speaker="sfx">scooch</line>
<line start="3055" end="3094" speaker="homestar">Well, I heard you talking about motivation and inspiration,</line>
<line start="3095" end="3134" speaker="homestar">and I decided to brush off my old ABD's!</line>
<line start="3139" end="3170" speaker="strongbad">Umm... Aloud But Deadly?</line>
<line start="3172" end="3206" speaker="homestar">You don't know about the ABD's, Strong Bad?</line>
<line start="3207" end="3241" speaker="sfx">white noise</line>
<line start="3242" end="3291">
  <sfx>white noise</sfx>
  <strongbad>I'm just gonna stay silent in the hope that you won't tell me what it means.</strongbad>
</line>
<line start="3292" end="3309" speaker="homestar">Always be'sing and do'sing!</line>
<line start="3310" end="3321">
  <homestar>Always be'sing and do'sing!</homestar>
  <sfx>music</sfx>
</line>
<line start="3322" end="3350">
  <strongbad>You say that like it clarified anything.</strongbad>
  <sfx>music</sfx>
</line>
<line start="3351" end="3379">
  <homestar>Rules for an inspired life, Strong Bad.</homestar>
  <sfx>music</sfx>
</line>
<line start="3380" end="3407">
  <homestar>No matter what you do, or where you are,</homestar>
  <sfx>music</sfx>
</line>
<line start="3408" end="3439">
  <homestar>always be's be'sing and do'sing.</homestar>
  <sfx>music</sfx>
</line>
<line start="3440" end="3443">
  <br />
  <sfx>music</sfx>
</line>
<line start="3444" end="3460">
  <strongbad>So you started a cult.</strongbad>
  <sfx>music</sfx>
</line>
<line start="3462" end="3472" speaker="homestar">Yeah, kinda.</line>
<line start="3473" end="3515" speaker="homestar">For instance, I am currently be'sing on this boulder—</line>
<line start="3516" end="3533" speaker="sfx">scooch, scooch</line>
<line start="3534" end="3569" speaker="homestar">—and I am do'sing an ABD workshop with you.</line>
<line start="3570" end="3585" speaker="strongbad">Oh, okay.</line>
<line start="3586" end="3651">
  <strongbad>Then I am be'sing full of rage, and do'sing a roundhouse kick to your face!</strongbad>
  <sfx>music</sfx>
</line>
<line start="3652" end="3653">
  <br />
  <sfx>music</sfx>
</line>
<line start="3654" end="3657">
  <strongbad>Hraah—</strongbad>
  <sfx>music</sfx>
</line>
<line start="3658" end="3668" speaker="homestar">Nooope, nope nope.</line>
<line start="3669" end="3703" speaker="homestar">That was some prime choosing you committed right there. Did you see it?</line>
<line start="3705" end="3727" speaker="strongbad">Wait, what's wrong with choosing?</line>
<line start="3728" end="3742" speaker="homestar">Cheesing and choosing. The antithesis of be'sing and do'sing!</line>
<line start="3743" end="3768">
  <homestar>Cheesing and choosing. The antithesis of be'sing and do'sing!</homestar>
  <sfx>music</sfx>
</line>
<line start="3769" end="3790">
  <homestar>If you're choosin', you're losin'.</homestar>
  <sfx>music</sfx>
</line>
<line start="3791" end="3792">
  <br />
  <sfx>music</sfx>
</line>
<line start="3792" end="3828">
  <strongbad>Just because something rhymes doesn't mean it's good life advice!</strongbad>
  <sfx>music</sfx>
</line>
<line start="3829" end="3862">
  <homestar>Ah! And <em>that's</em> a perfect example of cheesing.</homestar>
  <sfx>music</sfx>
</line>
<line start="3863" end="3895">
  <homestar>You're a textbook case, Strong Bad. Textbook!</homestar>
  <sfx>music</sfx>
</line>
<line start="3898" end="3924" speaker="homestar">Aaand speaking of textbooks...</line>
<line start="3925" end="3965" speaker="homestar">Don't forget to purchase <em>my</em> new book at the upcoming...</line>
<line start="3968" end="3999" voiceover="true">
  <announcer>Always Be's Do'sing 3 Day Life Cleanse Seminar,</announcer>
  <sfx>music</sfx>
</line>
<line start="4000" end="4036" voiceover="true">
  <announcer>at Bubsmfort Inn & Suites Conference Center!</announcer>
  <sfx>music</sfx>
</line>
<line start="4037" end="4085" voiceover="true">
  <announcer>Rid yourself of damaging cheesing and choosing with guest speakers including...</announcer>
  <sfx>music</sfx>
</line>
<line start="4086" end="4100" voiceover="true">
  <announcer>Homestar Runner!</announcer>
  <sfx>music</sfx>
</line>
<line start="4101" end="4135" voiceover="true">
  <announcer>Founder of the totally-not-cult-like ABD movement!</announcer>
  <sfx>music</sfx>
</line>
<line start="4136" end="4174">
  <homestar>Changin' attitudes with rhymin' platitudes!</homestar>
  <sfx>music</sfx>
</line>
<line start="4175" end="4176">
  <br />
  <sfx>music</sfx>
</line>
<line start="4177" end="4227" voiceover="true">
  <announcer>Entrepreneurial be's do'ser and self-made do's be'ser, Bubs!</announcer>
  <sfx>music</sfx>
</line>
<line start="4228" end="4251">
  <bubs>I'm stickin' with leg boats!</bubs>
  <sfx>music</sfx>
</line>
<line start="4252" end="4255">
  <br />
  <sfx>music</sfx>
</line>
<line start="4256" end="4323" voiceover="true">
  <announcer>And the creator of File Folder Shaped Vitamins and File Folder Shaped Vitamin Thumb Drives, Strong Bad!</announcer>
  <sfx>music</sfx>
</line>
<line start="4324" end="4367">
  <strongbad>I hope the hotel's breakfast bar can do omelettes!</strongbad>
  <sfx>music</sfx>
</line>
<line start="4368" end="4372">
  <br />
  <sfx>music</sfx>
</line>
<line start="4373" end="4419" voiceover="true">
  <announcer>All this and more at the Always Be's Do'sing 3 Day Life Cleanse Seminar!</announcer>
  <sfx>music</sfx>
</line>
<line start="4420" end="4425">
  <br />
  <sfx>music</sfx>
</line>
<line start="4426" end="4462">
  <homestar>If you're not attending, you're gonna be... <span style="visibility:hidden">lending... your neighbor... a... yard tool.</span></homestar>
  <sfx>music</sfx>
</line>
<line start="4463" end="4478">
  <homestar>If you're not attending, you're gonna be... lending.<span style="visibility:hidden">.. your neighbor... a... yard tool.</span></homestar>
  <sfx>music</sfx>
</line>
<line start="4479" end="4493">
  <homestar>If you're not attending, you're gonna be... lending... your neighbor... <span style="visibility:hidden">a... yard tool.</span></homestar>
  <sfx>music</sfx>
</line>
<line start="4494" end="4503" speaker="homestar">If you're not attending, you're gonna be... lending... your neighbor... a... <span style="visibility:hidden">yard tool.</span></line>
<line start="4504" end="4522" speaker="homestar">If you're not attending, you're gonna be... lending... your neighbor... a... yard tool.</line>
<line start="4523" end="4536" speaker="homestar">Like a shovel.</line>
<line start="4537" end="4550" speaker="homestar">Or a rake.</line>
<line start="4553" end="4561" speaker="homestar">Yeah.</line>
<line start="4567" end="4579" speaker="homestar">Yeah, that's great.</line>
<line start="4581" end="4591" speaker="homestar">See you at the conference! <span style="visibility:hidden">ABD! Not a cult! Wooo!</span></line>
<line start="4592" end="4599" speaker="homestar">See you at the conference! ABD! <span style="visibility:hidden">Not a cult! Wooo!</span></line>
<line start="4600" end="4606" speaker="homestar">See you at the conference! ABD! Not a cult! <span style="visibility:hidden">Wooo!</span></line>
<line start="4607" end="4615" speaker="homestar">See you at the conference! ABD! Not a cult! Wooo!</line>
<line start="4630" end="4652" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="true">C-G-eeow!</line>

<line start="4777" end="4838" speaker="folly" voiceover="true">...and... a... and then people might think it's gonna be loading forever...</line>
<line start="4841" end="4855" speaker="folly">...and then it's like—</line>
<line start="4864" end="4904" speaker="folly">Stinkoman comes up and punches Bubs in the face.</line>
<line start="4905" end="4913">
  <sfx>powering up</sfx>
  <stinkoman>Aaah!</stinkoman>
</line>
<line start="4914" end="4925" speaker="sfx">punch</line>
<line start="4936" end="4948" speaker="sfx">ding!</line>

<line start="4967" end="5015" speaker="strongsad">Always be'sing and do'sing and never cheesing or choosing,</line>
<line start="5016" end="5026" speaker="strongsad">and always—</line>
<line start="5030" end="5034" speaker="strongsad">Hey! I beat the end boss!</line>
<line start="5035" end="5066">
  <strongsad>Hey! I beat the end boss!</strongsad>
  <sfx>video game music</sfx>
</line>
<line start="5069" end="5084" speaker="sfx">claps</line>

</transcript>
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